The Waiting
by: OhBrother
Disclaimer: I do not own. If I did there would be no reason for me to write such a depressing story… because Kikyo would stay dead!
I wait.
In silence.
For you.
I will always wait, until the day I die if that is what it will take.
You will make your decision in time. I can only pray that you choose the best path for you, the path that will bring you the most happiness. For it is you, of all people, who deserve to be loved the most.
I understand that you love her and that I could never replace her in your heart. Oh, but how I long to have my own place in that heart. A place where you would hold me, and love me. Me. Kagome.
But I fear that will never be. Even if you were to love me in the way that I long for you to it would never be enough. My love could not be enough to keep you with me. You are held by a promise. It is times like these that I wonder: why is the promise you made to me not enough?
We cannot compare, her and I. She is something that I am not. Dead. And I am alive, alive and breathing. Air is the substance that sustains me, keeps me in this world, while she is held here by hate, feeding off her hate just as much as the dead souls she absorbs. Why can you not see the utter loathing she now harbors for you, the misplaced resentment that you do not deserve? I have asked myself so many times, this question, over and again until the answer I know is there burns in my chest, eating at my heart. You love her. It is as simple as that and yet that simple explanation has the power to kill all hope. You love her.
I love you. Gods do I love you! But you stay silent, giving me no answer to the love I know must be visible in my eyes. I cannot say it. I know it is foolish, who else but I could ever say it. Even she could never say such a thing. You are a hanyou, a half-demon, an abomination in the eyes of many. But never mine; you will never see such a vile expression in my eyes. So I keep my mouth shut, and do not tell you what is burning on the tip of my tongue. Out of respect. She could not say it to you though I have no doubts you have said it to her. The priestess Kikyo could never say that she was in love with a hanyou. A human is a different matter.
She would ask you to be human, for her. And once you would agree. And I, I would ask you to stay as you are, exactly as you are and I would love you just the same, as always. What would you say to that? Would your eyes soften in a rare moment of happiness? Or would you turn away and scoff about the silly human wench who would dare love both parts of you. Things are never simple.
She wants to take you to hell and you are torn about what to do. I would give my soul for your happiness, InuYasha. And I am prepared to do so should you make that choice. To be with her, I would die, so that she could live. So that you could have the joy and peace you deserve. Do not go to hell. It would tear the last bit of heart in me away. For that is certainly what you do every time I see you together. Every time she stands in your embrace, in the place I long with all my being to stand. Every time I catch you sneaking off to follow her soul stealers.
The soul stealers remind me of the piece of soul I am missing, the piece that resides in her makeshift body of clay and graveyard soil. They remind me that I am nothing. I am a reincarnation, a shard detector at best and a useless human at worst.
By your side I have promised to stay, until I am no longer needed. Each day stabs at my bleeding heart, a reminder that you do not belong to me. The day you do ask me to leave will only make this pain so much worse, unbearable.
And I wait.
In silence.
For that day.
For the decision.
For you.
And my last heartbreak.
a/n: sorry!! I've been on an angst kick lately and just had to write this. I've been PMSing and I decided to take it out on the inu cast. There may be another oneshot similar to this one in InuYasha's point of view if enough people want it… so please review.