WEDNESDAY-THURSDAY-FRIDAY?!
by Carycomic.
Synopsis: The Watcher spins a tale that is almost beyond comprehension.
Characters and concepts: if you recognize them, I don't own or profit from them.
THE DOME OF UATU,
BLUE AREA OF THE MOON,
(EARTH-616)
The story I am about to relate first requires some background explanation.
On Earth-912, the Silver Surfer never made it back to outer space. Instead, he was extorted by the demon-lord Mephisto into trading his posthumous soul for the sake of the entrapped Fantastic Four. But, when the time came to collect, Mephisto found he had received more than he bargained for, as the Surfer's Power Cosmic, combined with his purity of spirit, shown the Light of Truth upon Mephisto's realm!
Thereby commencing an eternity of pain for the Lord of Lies.
As a result of this chain of events, it was Robert "The Sentry" Reynolds who transported George "Lifeform" Prufrock (an insatiably hungry superhuman mutate) into outer space. More specifically? To the planet Uranus, and the proto-Eternal ruins thereon. No sooner had they arrived, however, they were attacked by Rune! A vampire-like, extra-dimensional humanoid who had recently consumed the life force of the pugilistic Elder of the Universe known as the Champion.
But, who was now in dire need of sustenance, once again.
Taking advantage of the distraction caused by their fight with each other. Lifeform tried to consume both Rune and the Sentry. Only for the Sentry's alter-ego, the Void, to suddenly materialize and consume all three of them! It was only when the Sentry's personality reasserted dominance that he realized what he had become. And, thus, he knew he could not endanger his home world by returning to it. Instead, he used Rune's power of interdimensional teleportation to journey to Earth-80219.
There, he did battle with the local counterpart of Dredmund "Starwolf" Druid. The two of them subsequently destroying each other. Unfortunately, the energy from the ensuing explosion was absorbed by the Sentry's local counterpart who had come there to investigate the fight! Thereby contaminating him with lycanthropy while simultaneously teleporting him to Earth-7085. Soon to better known, in some universes, as...
...Marvel Werewolf Earth.
In a similar vein, when Earth-8212 was invaded by a quartet of superhuman aliens known as the Axi-Tun (masquerading as the Four Horsemen of Biblical fame), they were confronted by not only the local version of the Sentry. But, Dr. Stephen Strange and Reed Richards' Rocket Group, as well. With the combined might of the latter pair proving necessary to subdue the pseudo-Horsemen called War and Death. The Sentry's single-handed victory over the other two proved more pyrrhic, however, as Famine and Pestilence managed to combine their powers against him just micro-seconds before their own defeat!
Soon realizing that there was no cure, medical or mystical, for what he was slowly becoming, the Sentry valiantly and selflessly agreed to exile himself to the extra-dimensional Negative Zone via an experimental teleportation device recently invented by Richards. Yet, no sooner had he arrived in the Negative Zone, the Sentry was detected and attacked by that paranoid insectoid known as Annihilus.
The battle which followed was fierce-but-brief. With the latter's Cosmic Control Rod ultimately being turned against him! Unfortunately, the energy from that explosion wound up teleporting the Sentry, yet again. This time, to Earth-2149. Soon to be better known, in some universes, as...
...Marvel Zombie Earth.
Which now brings us to this time and place. A poorly lit back road on the outskirts of a small town, somewhere within the mainland United States, in the middle of the night. With the stillness of that night suddenly broken by a loud...
BOOM!
That sound is almost immediately followed by the formation of a white circle. One that proves an exit point for a most unusual trio of beings. A seemingly five-year-old Earth girl in a pink dress. A cadaverous-looking man in a khaki trench coat. And a much-taller being who resembles nothing less than a ten-foot-tall granite statue with glowing embers for eyes.
"This?!" exclaims the latter. "This is where the Anti-Life Equation is hidden?"
The zombified Axel Asher (a.k.a. "Access") nodded.
"A pocket dimension where the inhabitants never grow old and die. They just change with the times."
"I came across it while trying to give my dimension-hopping werewolf counterpart the slip. You see, the werewolves of Earth-7085 have wound up proving immune to the zombie virus. So, they've basically become glorified carrion eaters! And, in trying to avoid meeting the same fate, I briefly landed in front of this old guy named Barnaby Wade... who immediately started having a heart attack, he got so scared of this mug of mine."
To prevent any outcry, the zombified Access promptly bit into the elderly man's throat. Instead of fleeing immediately afterwards, however, something compelled him to stay and observe the necromorphosis of his latest victim. When the process was completed, the neophyte zombie actually thanked his attacker for doing what he had done!
"He showed his gratitude by telling me about this place. The one place in the entire omniverse where Werewolf Access would never be able to track me! And when I naturally displayed some disbelief on that subject, he explained why that was more than possible. It was evidently created by an ancient race from the universe of my home world; Earth-616. A real fun bunch called 'The Celestials'. One of whose number turns out to have created the Anti-Life Equation in the first place!"
"They punished that renegade by putting him in a cosmic coma, then burying him beneath what is now known as Mt. Diablo, California. As for this place? The only other being who was given knowledge of its existence was an Eternal named Ajak. But, for some reason, Ajak eventually went into some kind of suspended animation. So, he passed on the secret of this place- -as well as responsibility for its guardianship- -to the most trustworthy of his South American Indian servants. When that servant died of old age, his son inherited the same responsibility, as did the grandson, etc. etc. ad nauseam. With Wade being the last of the line on his mother's side of the family!"
"What of your lycanthropic pursuer?" demanded Darkseid of Apokolips. "Would he not be able to assimilate knowledge of this place by consuming this necromorph?"
"Nope! Because all that talk of pocket dimensions made me remember Klaramar. A pocket dimension in the Dubious Crises multiverse! Accessible (no pun intended) only through a microscopic wormhole located on an island, in an underground sea, beneath the south polar ice cap of the Saturnian moon, Enceladus. So, that's where I hid Wade!"
"Ah!" replied Darkseid. "Now, I see how my Qwardian gunrunner wound up in the merciless clutches of your universe's would-be version of me. This 'Thanos'! While en route to the Earth of my universe, with a fresh supply of weapons for Intergang, he got caught up in the wormhole generated by your arrival. Consequently, sending him to the very universe that you had just departed from!"
Darkseid's immobile facial features belied the massively annoyed tone of his voice. Prompting Zombie Access to nervously laugh.
"Heh-heh! Yeah. Sorry about that. I hope this more than makes up for everything."
"I promised you that I would not lay a finger upon you if your information proved accurate. And it has. I will, therefore, keep my end of the bargain."
Whereupon, the absolute monarch of Apokolips activated his optical "omega beams" and shrank the naive necromorph down to six inches in height!
"Finish him, child."
This statement Darkseid directed at the little girl, Malice Vunderbar, niece of General Virmin Vunderbar, Darkseid's chief military strategist and youngest of the latter's Female Furies.
No sooner had her king given his command than she sang out, "Oh, Chessure! Din-din time!"
In direct response to which, a distinctly feline shape emerged from the shadows of a nearby billboard. A feline shape that promptly opened its ebon-fanged jaws wide. So that an incongruously long and prehensile tongue could then shoot outward, wrap itself around the still-dazed zombie, and then drag him back toward it! All before closing those same jaws, upon the shrunken dimension-hopper, and munching and crunching him with sickening loudness. His muffled screams finally ending with the feline shape swallowing him in one, all-too audible gulp!
"Well done, my dear," said Darkseid. "Now, come. Let us explore this quaint urban complex."
Whereupon, the disparate trio marched past the billboard, upon which were dimly illuminated these three words.
"Welcome To RIVERDALE"
The End?
Glossary
Barnaby Wade and his over-idealized tulpa of the Riverdale, NY, of his childhood made their one-and-only appearance in THE YELLOW CLAW #4 (copyright then-Atlas Comics, Apr. 1957).
Reed Richards' Rocket Group: the super-powerless version of the Fantastic Four on Earth-8212. Imagine Doc Savage and his Fearless Five...minus two.