I feel so stupid having to write this. The doctors say it will help but I don't see how. No one listens to what I say so how is writing it down supposed to actually change anything. If anything this makes it worse because I know my brother Alfred will read this if he finds it and I don't want him to. I don't want him to worry about me any more. He's bad enough as it is at the moment and if he finds out more of what Gil did it'll just make him even more protective. I don't expect him to keep that stupid promise about protecting me he made when we were kids. He doesn't need to be my hero. My relationship with Gil is and was my own business.
For several years I was going out with a German man a few years older than me. His name is Gilbert Beilschmidt. For the last year or so he hit me, ending when I spent a month in hospital and everything I kept hidden was exposed to the open air. Gilbert ran and went into hiding. I moved in with my brother, Alfred. I'm still hopelessly in love with Gil.
Matthew sighed and put down his pen, reading over what he'd written so far. He didn't want to keep going. He was tired and felt physically sick at the thought of telling anyone what had happened between him and Gilbert. All the young Canadian wanted to do now was sleep
I know Alfred won't listen to me about it but I know Gilbert loved me.
He wrote the final line before closing his notebook and locking it securely in the top drawer of the desk in the room he was using. Sighing softly he pulled himself awkwardly to his feet and shuffled over to the bed. His left arm was still in a sling so his movements were slightly inhibited as he pulled off his slippers and got under the covers. Carefully he placed his glasses on the table by the bed and switched off the strong lamp that had been illuminating most of the room. Closing his eyes the exhausted man snuggled down and hugged his tattered old toy bear close as he waited for sleep to take him.
Author's Notes: Okay so I was never planning on writing this, it just happened. Hope you people like and I'm sorry if updates are a bit erratic. Hetalia doesn't belong to me and I'm a bit obsessed with PruCan at the moment