Dear Faramir,
Well, we were two hours out of Rivendell when we had to turn back due to Peregrin Took, one of the hobbits in our party, forgot his pipe. Gandalf was not pleased and kept grumbling about "a ruin of a good, dramatic exit" and "fool of a Took."
While Pippin ransacked Rivendell, Merry, also known as Meriadoc, began giggling suddenly. When I asked him what he was laughing about, he replied that something had occurred to him. "If we ever want to go into the hero business, our slogan could be 'The Fellowship – If You Are Ever In The Gravest Need, Just Give Us A Ring!""
Frodo and Samwise, the other hobbit, began laughing; Legolas, the Mirkwood elf prince, raised an eyebrow and said, "I beg your pardon?" Gimli the dwarf took that opportunity to make an uncomplimentary dig on the elfish lack of humor. In the ensuing fight, both Gimli and Legolas had headaches from Aragorn son of Arathorn knocking their heads together.
As the search for Pippin's pipe continued, night fell and Gandalf stomped off to the bridge to blow smoke rings grumpily. I, however, decided to ask Aragorn why he had not taken the sword of Elendil when we had first set out.
He grew thoughtful. I offered to glue the pieces of the sword together so he could use it. (You remember, of course, when we retook Osgiliath, the orcs hadn't found the warehouses with the Gondor Gooey Glue. Just before that one soldier accidentally burned the storage houses, I filched a small tube of the stuff.) Aragorn grinned mischievously.
It turned out to be so easy. Gimli got the guards drunk (it turns out elves do snore after all) and Aragorn took the sword shards; I could have sworn that as his fingers grasped the sword hilt, he muttered, "Change his mind, will he? Tell me that Arwen would be better off in the Undying Lands, will he? Let's see how he likes these mushrooms…"
It turned out that Pippin had stowed his pipe in Merry's pack and had forgotten. Gandalf finally calmed down after we took his staff away.
We left rather hurriedly after that.
I must go now. I have been writing this while Gimli was demonstrating to Sam how to cook sausage over open flames rather than in a pan. However, I think it is only a matter of time before Legolas finds out that his arrows have been used for toasting forks.
Your brother,
Boromir