The sun had just come up a few hours ago and we were already packed in the van, getting a head start to New Jersey for the guys 8th show of the mini tour. The venue wasn't far from my summer house on the Jersey coast, and we we're going to stay there for a couple days of shows and days off. Eric sat reading a book a fan had brought him a few shows ago, while Nick sat up front with Britton singing along to a Taylor Swift song on the radio, I still hadn't told him I met her last spring, he'd just die. Justin lay across the back seat sleeping and Andrew was to the left of me with his iPod headphones in his ears and his eyes half closed, he wasn't much of a morning person. I hated sitting in the middle but I sort of had an okay view out the window, and Eric's shoulder was a comfortable place to rest my head. Suddenly I felt the itch to sneeze and shot up covering my mouth, "Bless you," Nick sing-songed from the front seat, "oh Jeez, thank you." I rested my head back on Eric's shoulder and sighed,

"You alright?" he asked holding his place in the book with his finger.

"I'm fine," I replied, "just tired, but excited to sleep in my own bed tonight," I smiled.

"I'm excited too, I love going back to New Jersey, you know we were in New Jersey the first time I told you I loved you." He grabbed my hand, "I still remember it like yesterday."

"Me too," I leaned over and our lips met, his kiss was more familiar to me now than probably my own reflection. Ever since the first time I kissed him, I knew he was the only person I'd ever want to kiss again. But the funny thing was I was still dating Kennedy when Eric and I had our first kiss, what a crazy night. I can still remember it as clear as yesterday…

Flashback…

It was July 11th, 8 days after my 19th birthday, I was dating Kennedy Brock and he had just gotten back from visiting his family in Arizona after some kind of emergency. The parking lot at Warped was packed and the showers wouldn't turn on until the next morning so the guys from The Maine and A Rocket To The Moon and I got hotel rooms for the night. Kennedy and I shared a room, and I thought it'd be so romantic to finally lose my virginity to him, to show him how much I loved him and missed him while he was gone. But from the moment Kennedy stepped off the plane I knew something was different, he didn't look at me the way he did before he left, and instead of kissing me on the forehead and whispering he loved me like he always did before a hug, he simply wrapped his arms around me and I felt not even a drop of passion. A part of me wanted to check the plane for my real boyfriend, because this couldn't have been the Kennedy I knew, the Kennedy I'd been in love with for almost a year.

We got to the hotel room and Kennedy quickly hopped in the shower, put on boxers and a shirt, kissed me goodnight and lay down. My perfect plan of romance had been foiled. After taking a long shower hoping to clear my head I realized I left my pajama bottoms on the bus, Kennedy lent me a pair of his boxers and I put my shirt from that day back on. Lying in bed next to him I couldn't sleep, he didn't put his arm around me, he didn't sing to me, anything that would give me any hope our relationship wasn't over in his head. I rolled over and stared at the digital alarm clock "12:30" in bright red letters blared in my face, I…I couldn't take it anymore I had to clear my head or something. I sat up and sucked in a deep breath; Kennedy stirred but didn't wake up. Heading towards the door I heard a voice behind me say "I love you" I turned around quickly, but it was only Kennedy talking in his sleep. A part of me knew he wasn't dreaming about me. Holding the key card, my car keys, and wallet I slipped out the door and started down the hallway. Each step I took I could feel the tears starting to warm my eyes and prepare to fall.

I got farther down the hallway and suddenly a door ahead of me opened, "shit" I thought to myself, "that's Eric and Nick's room." Just then Eric stepped out his door still looking half asleep, he shook awake as he looked up at me, "whoa Britta what are you doing out here?" I walked closer, "I could ask you the same thing," I whispered. "I was just going for a walk and getting a drink or something, I can't sleep, anxious for tomorrow, and just not tired." I crinkled my brow, "you're anxious?" Eric looked at me and flashed a toothy grin, a part of my spine tingled and a smile washed over my face, the first time I smiled all day. "I'm not like nervous, just like anxious, I don't know how to explain it, I'm excited but still like… I don't know women stop questioning me. Why are you out here anyway? Where's Kennedy?" I stopped smiling, "I uhh I was just going for a drive, I need to clear my head, maybe find a Wal-Mart and get some pajamas." Eric looked confused, "you're going to Wal-Mart dressed like that?" I looked down at my outfit and actually realized what I was wearing; Kennedy's boxers. I couldn't stop the tears this time, they started to flow down my cheeks and I raised my hand to my face to try and hide them from Eric, "whoa whoa, are you okay?" he asked. I nodded and sucked in a deep breath, "yeah I just need to go for a drive and clear my head." Eric shook his head, not like this you're not, come here. He pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me, my sobs muffled against his chest, and I honestly had never felt more comfort and protection before in my life than I did at that moment. Eric gently rubbed my back as I inhaled deeply, he smelled of spicy cologne and a tinge of coffee, the way he always smelled, I was almost addicted to his aroma by the time I took my next breath. "Come on, come in our room, I'll give you some clothes and we'll go for a ride, and talk." Eric took my hand and led me into room 115, it was pitch black and a sleeping Nick Santino lay in the bed facing the window. Eric whispered, "here go in the bathroom and put these on, I'll be right here." I held the clothes in my hand, not knowing what they were before I turned the light on in the bathroom. I was almost shocked at my own reflection, my eyes were bloodshot from crying, but my hair was fairly acceptable, my skin clear, and the t-shirt boxer combination didn't look that bad. I looked down at the clothes Eric gave me and quickly pulled off my shirt, my "la vie est belle…" tattoo at my waist line was now visible in the mirror and I whined as I remembered how Kennedy would trace the letters with his fingers every time we'd lay in bed together. Eric had given me a red tank top I'd seen him wear before and I threw it over my shoulders, it smelled just like him, and that feeling of comfort and protection washed over me again. I looked down at Eric's black skinny jeans, and frowned at the fact that I had to leave Kennedys boxers on, I was not about to wear Eric's jeans without any underwear. I slid the jeans on and slipped back on my vans. Giving one last glance in the mirror I turned off the light and slid out the door.

Eric sat up and gave me a once over, "you look better" he smiled, "thank you" I replied trying to feel better. We walked to the car and I got in the driver's seat, Eric got in next to me and I started the engine. I turned to Eric, "thank you for this, you know, coming with me," I said. "No problem," Eric placed his hand on top of mine on the shifter, "now do you wanna talk about what's making you so upset?" I exhaled deeply and put the car in drive, "actually I just want to enjoy the drive for now, I just don't want to think about it, we'll talk later okay." Eric nodded in agreement and we pulled out of the parking lot. Passing three McDonalds and a CVS we finally found a Wal-Mart, I pulled in the parking lot and parked near the entrance. Only a few cars were scattered throughout the lot, so I figured it wouldn't be too busy and hopefully we could slip through without being noticed, but hey maybe I needed the ego boost.

The doors slipped open as we briskly walked into Wal-Mart, a smiling middle aged greeter welcomed us and I gave a quick smile as we passed. I followed Eric's lead to the clothes area, I had no idea where I was going, and neither did Eric, but he seemed like he had a better sense of direction then me. "Here we go," Eric exclaimed grabbing my hand, I tingle went down my body and he led me to the pajama area. "What kind do you want?" he asked as we dropped hands and he held up two different pairs of pants, "Uhm I like fuzzy pants but it's July. I was thinking something lighter or shorts." Eric smiled and put the pants back on the rack, "oh right," we walked over to a rack of lighter looking pants. "I like these," I held up a pair of black cotton pants with Stewie from Family Guy on them. "I like those too," Eric replied, "oh and look, here's the shirt that goes with them." He held up the corresponding shirt and I smiled, "great, let's check out." We walked towards the front of the store hand in hand and three aisles were open, we choose one with a young girl with a pink streak in her hair at the counter, he name tag read "Bekka." I lay the pajamas on the counter and Bekka looked up from her magazine and soon did a double take, "Britta? And and Eric? Eric Halvorsen? You're in my aisle?" She closed the magazine and ran my new pj's through the scanner, "I can't believe this." I smiled, "uhm we're in town for Warped and I forgot my pajamas, so here we are." Bekka smiled as she put them in a bag, "that's awesome, I uh, I'm actually going to Warped tomorrow, I can't believe this" I looked up at Eric, he was smiling, and I suddenly realized we were still holding hands. Bekka seemed to have noticed too, "but wait, I thought you were dating Kennedy?" My face turned red, "oh I uh, I am, I am." "Okay," Bekka said suspiciously, but still I awe of us being in her aisle she seemed to let it go. "Well bye hon," I said as we walked away bag in hand. "Bye, see you tomorrow" Bekka waved.

The drive back was quiet except for Eric's shallow breathing, I watched as his chest rose and fell and wondered what was going through his head. To me Eric was always the dorky friend that Kennedy wasn't really that close too, so I didn't see him a lot. We had just become actual friends at the beginning of Warped, and Kennedy seemed okay with it, so I never really saw Eric as someone I'd be attracted to. Not saying he wasn't cute, I was just happy with my Kennedy, the first boy I'd ever loved. But that night something changed, Eric didn't seem like the dorky friend anymore, he was my protection, he was saving me from myself, and I couldn't help but find his sincerity and crocked smile extremely intoxicating. "Eric," I whispered. "Yeah Britta?" he responded shifting in his seat. "I know I already said this, but thank you." Eric cleared his throat, "no problem, you just looked really upset, I wasn't about to let you go by yourself, I care about you too much to just let you cry." "He cares about me," I thought to myself as I pulled in the hotel parking lot. "You ready?" Eric asked opening the door. "Yeah, yeah sorry," I replied taking the key out of the ignition and stepping outside of the car. Carrying the Wal-Mart bag we entered the hotel and climbed in the elevator. Eric led me again to room 115 and quickly opened the door, leaving the lights off to not wake up Nick. I sat at the edge of the bed and Eric placed the Wal-Mart bag on the desk in the corner. He took a seat next to me on the bed and brushed against my shoulder, "oh my gosh Britta, you're shaking? Are you cold? I can turn the AC down…" he exclaimed. "No, no I'm fine. Can we talk now?" I asked. Eric shook his head and motioned for me to climb up and relax on the bed; I lay down on the right side on top of the covers and pressed my back against the cool wall. Eric lay down next to me, "okay, you can tell me anything I promise. What's wrong?" he asked. I immediately started to tear up, "something's different Eric, with Kennedy. He's not the boyfriend I hugged goodbye before he got on that plane, he's not my Kennedy anymore." Eric crinkled his brow, "how is he acting differently?" "He hasn't said but two words to me this whole time he's been back," I replied between sniffles, "he's acting like, he doesn't love me anymore." Eric rubbed my arm, "I'm sure he's still in love with you, he's you're Kenny, you know that." I wiped my eyes, "no Eric he's not my Kenny anymore, I don't know who he is now. I'm just afraid something happened in Arizona," I choked. "I'm afraid that he met someone else, or he saw her…" "Gabi?" Eric whispered. Just hearing her name made the muscles in my neck tense, Gabrielle was Kennedy's ex-girlfriend and I was one of the main reasons they had broken up last year. I knew she hated me, and was still in love with Kennedy, I wouldn't put it behind her to find and seduce him the second he came back to Scottsdale.

"I don't want to expect the worst, but I do" I admitted nuzzling my head into the pillow. Eric scooted over closer to me and instead of moving away or thinking of Kennedy I let him come as close as he wanted. "Maybe everything's alright," Eric tried to comfort me. "He just doesn't look at me the same Eric," I breathed. I felt like not only was I telling Eric my problems, I was admitting them to myself; I was confirming my own worst fears unconsciously. "Look at you like what?" Eric moved closer, I could feel his warm breath on my chest now, "He doesn't look at me like he used to," I blinked through my tears and looked deep into Eric's eyes, "kinda like the way you're looking at me now," I admitted shifting in the bed so we were now face to face, "just the way you are right now." Eric brushed my hair out of my eyes and finally I gave in to the tension, I pressed my lips against his and a warm flash of passion shot down my body. I pulled away and opened my eyes, neither of us said a word, instead I kissed him again harder this time. I felt his hand crawl down my back and soon he was pulling me in closer and holding me in his arms. We kissed for what seemed forever, our bodies synchronizing and melting into each other. Eventually our hands started to wonder and as Eric was about to grip the hem of his tank top I was wearing I froze, "oh my gosh, we can't do this." I stood up fast, my head spinning, frantically waiting for Eric to respond. "I…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, I took it too far," He finally spoke. "No Eric, it's my fault, I kissed you first, I just, I have to go, I can't do this, not now." I ran over to the desk and ripped the pajamas out of the bag and tore the tags off with my teeth. Eric stayed sitting on the bed, his head in his hands, I walked over pajamas in hand and knelt down in front of him. He lifted his head and his sad hazel eyes met mine, "Eric, you didn't do anything wrong okay, it's just not right." Kissing his forehead I took off his tank top and replaced it with my Stewie shirt, followed by my new Stewie pants. I lay Eric's clothes on the table and grabbed my shirt, wallet, and keys and headed for the door, "Goodbye," I whispered. "Bye," a sad voice called behind me. As soon as I stepped into the hallway I closed the door and had to catch my breath. I couldn't believe what just happened; I almost had sex with Eric Halvorsen. This couldn't be right, I was in love with Kennedy and in the morning this would all be a dream. Kennedy was the one for me; I just had to keep telling myself that.

After crawling back into bed with a sleeping Kennedy, I woke up alone. Blinking awake I searched the room for any trace of him, nothing but a peculiar note on the table next to me. It read, "caught a ride to Warped with John and Garrett, meet you there." "Great," I huffed, so now we'd not even get a chance to talk. I quickly showered, threw on some clothes, grabbed the key card and headed for the parking lot. I didn't bother to pack everything up again; we still had another night in the hotel before we had to take off. Reaching room 115 I couldn't help but knock on the door and see if Eric was still here, "one second," a voice called. Soon a yawning Eric opened the door dressed in a grey tank top and black skinny jeans, "Britta? I thought it was the cleaning people, come in" I stepped inside and realized he was alone, "Where's Nick?" I asked. "He caught a ride to Warped early with John and Garrett." I rolled my eyes and mumbled, "Not the only one." "Huh?" Eric said as he slipped on his Vans. "Uh nothing, it's just when I woke up this morning Kennedy was gone." As soon as I said "Kennedy" Eric overtly got uncomfortable, "oh sorry," I apologized. "You don't have to apologize for anything," Eric replied, "Kennedy's you're boyfriend, and I have to respect that, no matter what happened last night." The events of the night before flashed threw my memory, "Eric what happened last night was…" "A mistake," Eric interrupted me. "No! God no," I exclaimed, "it was the farthest thing from a mistake Eric, I kissed you, I knew what I was doing. And the thing is, is I loved it, I loved being with you only if it was for a midnight drive and a kiss. It meant a lot to me." "But…" Eric interrupted again, there's always a but." I tried to think of what to say without hurting Eric, which was the last thing I wanted to do, "But Kennedy is my boyfriend, and I love him very much, and a part of my still believes he's the one for me Eric. But I'm not going to know until we talk, so I really…I just don't know what to say." Eric placed his hand on my shoulder, "I understand, you don't have to explain yourself to me, I mean it was only a kiss right?" I shook my head in agreement, "right, only a kiss." But even I knew I was lying.

The drive over to Warped wasn't as awkward as I thought it'd be, Eric hooked his iPod up to the radio and we rocked out to My Favorite Highway for most of the ride. When we pulled in the lot I had to show some guy in a red shirt with a name tag reading "Jim" our laminate passes and found a place to park. By the time I reached the guys bus it was around 9:00 the doors to Warped wouldn't even open for another two hours, that gave Kennedy and I plenty of time to talk. I climbed the stairs and entered the bus, a shirtless John Oh greeted me with a sympathetic smile, "Morning Britta" he squeaked. "Morning John, uhm do you know where I could find Kennedy?" I asked. John pointed towards the back of the bus, "he's in the bedroom," he answered."Thanks," I replied walking past him, "see you later John." John exited the bus and slowly walked to the bedroom not knowing what to expect, would Kenney want to talk to me? What would he say? Would he act like he did yesterday? I paced myself and drew in another breath before turning the handle and pushing the door open. Kennedy sat on the bed staring out the window, "Kennedy?" I whispered. He turned his head suddenly and quickly stood noticing I entered the room, "Britta, hey uhm, did you get my note?" he asked. "Yeah, I did, I thought maybe we should talk." Kennedy cleared his throat, "I...I think we should too," he walked towards me and I could see the stress in his expression. As he passed me I brushed his hand with mine, soon our pinkies intertwined, he remained facing out the door, lowered his head and sighed, leaning in closer I lightly kissed his arm. He turned and kissed my forehead, the first sign of passion I'd gotten from him since he came back, I sigh of relief washed over me. I had no idea what to expect...