Yes! I thought this was a good idea. Well I really got it because of this one line in this song. But yeah, lately me and songfics have been getting along. I think one shot fics work quite well and help us get to know characters in a deeper sense. Yeah, I'll let you read now and stop being a dork.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or it's characters. I also don't own "The Distance" by Live.
Warnings: Angst. That about sums it up.
The Distance
"Let him come into the city, let him find his lucky penny,"
All night. That's how long he had been walking. The streets of Tokyo were surprisingly quiet as the sky got lighter. Why was he walking? Words that would not go away no matter how much he tried not to think of them. The echoing footsteps were merely background music to the thoughts in his head as he walked. Searching for something. Courage?
Funny thing about courage was that while he could face down his enemies in battles, not giving it a second thought but he was a coward when he came to this. A damn coward who thought that he could keep everyone at a distance. But he couldn't. Not truly. And one woman had finally broken through it all. Walls, carefully built over the years were obliterated in her presence.
"Let him put it in his pocket and shake it all around,"
The worst of it was that she didn't seem to know what she was doing. She didn't seem to know many things. Not how beautiful she was, not how important she could become to a person who had never thought of anyone being truly important. It was odd to have to need someone. It was painful and sweet all at the same time. He closed his eyes, once more replaying the memory.
"Yaten…I…I love you!"
Why hadn't he said anything? Not word came from his lips after the words were said. There was so many situations he was prepared for but not this one. Not that beautiful woman saying that she cared for him deeply. So giving, so self-sacrificing. Maybe that's why he felt a craving for her. She was the opposite of him. He was cold hearted and cruel to those around him. She wasn't. Open, honest, caring. That arsenal of weaponry was deadly.
"I've been to pretty buildings, all in search of you."
So he fought back. He was silent. He was sullen. But did that stop this melancholy goddess? So why? Why did she fall for him? She deserved better. Far better. He hated the way he was walking through the city, trying to think of what to do next. Part of him thought that not leaving his hotel room would make everything go away. She'd move on. Would it hurt her? He didn't want to cause her pain. What was that look in her eyes the night before?
Pain, hurt, betrayal. Even he was not completely jaded to her heart breaking at the moment she had admitted her feelings. When he was silent for too long, she turned from him and ran. Tears had been springing from her eyes the moment she turned. It hurt her that he hadn't said anything or stopped her. The moment she left, disappearing around a corner he realized what he should have said.
"I love you too."
The words had died the moment they were whispered. She hadn't heard them. He hadn't been quicker. Why couldn't he have been faster? What kind of man was he?
"I have lit all the candles, sat in all the pews,"
She couldn't forgive him now. He wanted to hold on to the moment when she cared for him. It was hard to let go of something so addicting as her. The way her hair blew in front of her face and she would try to brush it away but in a few moments it was back. The way her eyes lit up at the sight of someone she thought of as a friend. The way she sat back in the middle of a park, leaning her head back, feeling the wind and murmuring about how nice of a day it was.
"It feels nice, doesn't it? The wind…the trees…when you're surrounded by life, death seems like a fairy tale."
Perhaps she always wanted to escape death, the one thing that loomed over her and ruled her more then any other being. The darkness comforted her and frightened her all at the same time. He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her not to be scared. He'd say it and she would blink her eyes slowly, the way she did when she was drinking every word you uttered, as if your voice was the sweetest instrument and your words a delicious melody. When people spoke to her, it seemed she was treasuring everything they said, no matter how mundane. And he wanted her to listen to him, to make him feel the way he needed to. He needed to feel like he belonged somewhere.
"The desert had been done before, but I didn't even care,"
The feeling had begun to creep up on him when they had returned to Kinmokusei. At first everyone seemed happy and was caught up in rebuilding cities. Then the strain between the Princess Kakyuu and Seiya began to surface. The dinner conversation was like walking on glass. Taiki, not being able to think of any way to solve the problem, locked himself away somewhere to read or simply think. Seiya and Kakyuu avoided each other more and more.
But Yaten himself avoided everyone. He drew in the long hours by himself. The sketch would be the same figure, but no face, no distinguishing features. That made him angry because he didn't understand what he was drawing. He'd throw the sketch pad to the side as if it was at fault, pretending it didn't really bother him. That none of it did. The tension, the way everyone was a stranger where they had been constant companions.
"I've got sand in both my shoes, and scorpions in my hair, I saw that,"
However, the princess desperately wanted to hang on to them. So she thought of a last resort to become closer to them. It had been a stupid idea really. What was worse then a huge reminder of what caused all the tension in the first place? But she was willing to do something drastic if it meant that one day things could be like they were before. Perhaps the evil that was Galaxia did far more damage then anyone could realize.
"We shall go on a trip. To Earth."
And so they did. He had tried to convince himself that it was because he was bored, that he had nothing else to do. Deep down, even though he might not be able to admit it to anyone else, Yaten needed to hang onto them too. He wondered if one day, he would die and no one would notice like when they appeared in the crowded airport and no one noticed the change. He needed them to remember him. He needed someone to remember him. To belong somewhere. To have a home.
"All the distance is not doable, in these bodies of clay my brother,"
They went to meet those that they had encountered before. Yaten went through the re-introductions not really paying attention. Minako had seemed overjoyed to see him again. But her joy did not really made any impressions on him. It was obvious when he brushed her off without a second thought that she was hurt. But what did she expect from him? Hadn't he made it clear that he harbored no feelings for her?
And then…and then the re-introductions stopped being a nuisance.
"I'm Tomoe Hotaru."
The young woman staring back at him was hard to describe. Her dark hair going to her shoulders, which she kept trying to tuck behind her ears but it kept escaping. Her eyes were purple. Not the dark exotic purple of Hino Rei but a soft lavender color that made him think of how innocent she looked. Deep in them was a sadness. How did she know pain? Who would make her feel anything bitter? He wondered if now the sadness was worse, now that he made her feelings insignificant.
"All the distance makes me uncomfortable, guess it's natural to feel this way,"
Afterwards, when she spoke, he paid close attention to the way her expressions would move, her body language, the way she clasped her hands tightly when she was excited about what she was talking about. Everything about her seemed to hypnotize him. What made her any different from anyone else?
"Different? I am? How so?"
"You say things that make me feel…"
"Make you feel happy? Sad?"
"You don't have to answer, I was just trying to make conversation. I'm afraid that I'm very bad at it."
"Not happy or sad. They just make me feel."
"O-oh. Sometimes…sometimes when I'm happy or when I talk to those who care about me I feel alive. Maybe that's it. It makes you feel alive."
And it was as if someone had revealed the answer to a riddle to Yaten. He had never really felt things. He had closed off feelings of sadness and pain, trying to appear without weaknesses. Alive. Had he been dead before that moment?
"Let's hold out for something sweeter, spread your wings and fly,"
The sketchbook was taken out of his suitcase, the sketch he hadn't been able to finish began to take shape. He drew with surprising detail, as if he had seen the goddess he was trying to capture. When he finished drawing, he added color, very little but still enough. Then it seemed to him that he had been asleep or in a daze while drawing. The eyes staring back at him.
Those soft lavender eyes.
But he was possessed somehow, he couldn't stop for anything and soon, sketch upon sketch was drawn of the same face, the same eyes, the same gentle demeanor. The expressions, the positions differed from one sketch to the next. Finally he stopped, realizing it was very late at night, he needed sleep. The sketch book was hidden. Yaten didn't want to share it with anyone. Not what he had seen that night. Because he didn't understand it. And he didn't want anyone else to.
"My car became a church and I, the worshipper of silence there,"
And with each day that passed, they saw each other and every day he waited until he saw her, almost counting the minutes. No one seemed to notice the slight change in his behavior. He was quieter and snide comments did not reign in the conversations as usual. He was too wrapped up in something that he could not explain. The answer was an obvious one but he could not just reach out and claim it. Or rather, there was something stopping him. It was fear.
Fear and inhibitions that floated away the moment she came into view. Sometimes she seemed eager to speak with him, to bump into him on the street. Why should she care one way or another made no sense to him. He wasn't of great importance, no not the way that he treated everyone else. Yaten decided to try and push her away. But nothing seemed to get to her.
"Hello, how are you?"
"Fine."
"Do you want to go to the park with me?"
"Not really."
"I was just asking, sorry."
Then came the clincher.
"Are you sure?"
Of course he wasn't sure! He wanted more then anything to just agree to go to the park with her. To spend time with her so he could later try to capture her in more pictures. Why did he draw her and only her? Maybe it was because he knew, he knew when they went back to Kinmokusei, it would be all that was left.
"In a moment peace came over me, and the one who was beating my heart appeared."
The pictures and the memory of her tears was all he had left to hold onto. His green eyes looked up ahead of him, wondering where he was. He almost stopped dead in his tracks for the sight that he saw.
He was standing on the edge of a park. Curled up against a tree was a familiar form, her shoulders still shaking from the upset that had been brought to her. Her face was buried in her arms which sat on top of her knees. There she was. Maybe that's why he had been walking. He was looking for her. He wanted to say anything to get her to stop crying. He had caused her all this pain. It was his fault. Why had he decided to go with everyone to that stupid nightclub?
"Come on, it'll be fun."
"Fine, stop bugging me Seiya."
She had been there and sat down with him, not joining the others who were dancing exuberantly on the dance floor. The music was loud and it was so hot inside. One man started harassing her. Anger, jealousy, and other emotions welled up in him. He had grabbed the man by the collar, tossing him aside before taking a hold of her hand, directing her outside.
"I've never seen you like that Yaten."
"It's not that big of a deal."
"Why do you do that? Make it seem like things you think and feel don't really matter? What if they did?"
"They don't."
"They matter to me!"
"Why would you care?"
"Yaten…I…I love you!"
Now maybe he'd be able to repair some of it. Or he could turn around and avoid it. He was afraid. Afraid that it was all over, that he had already lost somehow.
"All the distance is not doable, in these bodies of clay my brother."
But his feet decided for him. They made him walk, step by step towards her. When he stopped, two feet from her, she looked up suddenly, as if she had known it was him. She saw him and looked away, as if she was ashamed of herself. Ashamed of what she had said. Yaten wondered if indeed, his fears had not been unreasonable.
"What are you doing?" The question was not quite the one he wanted to use, it came out biting. He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't seem to stop himself.
"I-I'm sorry." She apologized, tears still streaming down her face. "I'm sorry! Forget what I said! It was stupid. I'm stupid."
"Why do you think you're stupid?" He was kneeling next to her now.
"I'm stupid to think that anyone could ever think of me like that." She closed her eyes, obviously in too much pain to say more. "Especially someone like you…people care about you…"
"All the distance makes me uncomfortable, guess it's natural to feel this way,"
People didn't care about him. What was she saying? Did she think that no one gave her a second thought? Did she think that no one would think of the memories and pictures and think of how for one moment, they had reached out and touched a beautiful soul?
"I care about you." He knew that was not what he had to say. It was true but he was trying to find the coward's way out of admitting his feelings. Couldn't he stop and let himself have faith for one moment? Was he really that dead inside?
"You don't have to say that! You feel sorry for me don't you? Just like everyone else! I thought that you would never feel sorry for me, not like the others." She seemed even more upset now then ever. She feared pity from others more then anything.
"Listen to me!" Yaten grabbed her hands forcefully to make her calm down. She stared at him with wide eyes.
"Are we locked into these bodies? Let's hold out for something sweeter,"
Damn you…if you don't tell her…you'll be the only fool who's ever thrown away a second chance.
He looked into those eyes. They were rimmed with redness from too many tears but she was still beautiful. All those tears were for him. Everyone of them fell because of the mere thought of him. He studied her face, trying to think of how to make his mouth work again so he could say it.
You coward! Tell her now!
"I understand if you never want to speak to me again. You probably hate me now. For feeling this way about you." She once more looked away. "It's okay if you hate me."
"Are you sure?" And for once he got to turn the question that had gotten him so many times on her. She searched his face for something. Something that could make her feel more alive then ever.
"I love you."
"Spread your wings and fly,"
Instantly she pressed her soft lips against his. He pulled her closer, not able to get enough of the sweet taste. He knew now that wherever she was, he'd be there too. He wouldn't be able to leave and go back to Kinmokusei ever. Not unless she came with him. His home planet, that he had missed so much was now insignificant as compared to the bond that he had just formed. They belonged to each other now.
Their fears of being alone and no one truly missing them if they died were gone. A fear of separation was the only thing that haunted the couple. She would never be harmed again, because he was going to be there to protect her. He didn't want to ever let her leave his warm embrace but she would have to. They broke apart and Hotaru's eyes slowly opened, she was obviously savoring the memory as if it could be gone in a moment. He held her against him, they were holding onto each other so tightly, so afraid that somehow the other would disappear if they weren't careful.
"Are we locked into these bodies? Are we anything at all?
"Yaten?" She gently lifted her head away from his chest to look up at his face.
"Yes?"
"I was scared that I wasn't ever going to see you again."
"I was scared too. But now…"
"Now?"
There were few moments as sweet as these. The moment lasts, for more then just a few seconds but ends up going for more then a day. It seemed as though the feeling was dragging itself out for a long time. In fact, the silver-haired young man never thought it could ever truly leave now.
"Let's hold out for something sweeter, spread your wings and fly."
The others grew curious of the way he was never around during the rest of the trip. Hotaru would spend the night with him, sleeping in his arms, her face looking at peace without a hint of sadness. He didn't always sleep but instead greedily watched her sleep because he knew that not many people saw this, he didn't want to share it. Other times he would sketch it.
Eventually though, his eyes would not be able to stay open and he would crawl back under the warm covers, falling asleep easily. Waking up was one of his favorite moments. Her gentle purple eyes looking at him. They no longer were etched with sadness but seem to be beaming happiness. Seeing her first, her face, her body pressed against his as he pulled her as close as he could.
No one could take this from him.
"'Cause distance is dreaming,"
But the vacation ended. Kakyuu and the others began packing up their suitcases one night when Yaten came out from his room. They told him they were leaving tomorrow afternoon. Yaten knew that he had a duty, to protect the princess and serve as Sailor Star Healer.
But without Hotaru, there was no life. Yaten didn't even answer his comrades, just turned from them silently and went back to his room.
"What's wrong?"
"I have to leave tomorrow…"
"You're leaving?"
"No."
"You have to go though."
"Not without you."
"But I have to stay here."
"Then I'll stay with you."
"What about the other Starlights? Don't you care about them? Or Kakyuu?"
In his mind the two could not be compared. He was not going to just leave her there and hope that he'd get to visit Earth soon. Didn't she realize it would be a refined torture without her to wake up next to?
"Let him come into the city, let him find his lucky penny,"
"But I love you."
"I know that but we do have a destiny…"
"Who cares about destiny? I want to be with you."
"I want to be with you too."
"Then let me stay here with you."
But they both knew it wasn't that simple. If only it could be that simple. Just staying on Earth. Or taking Hotaru to Kinmokusei. It didn't matter to him where they lived. He would talk to the Starlights and Kakyuu. He went back out into the living room where the others were. Hotaru came with him, squeezing his hand reassuringly the whole time.
"Let him put it in his pocket, and shake it all around,"
He loaded the last suitcase reluctantly. Maybe he couldn't admit it but the others met a lot to him. But it was better this way.
"Can't get you to come, can I?" Seiya tried, looking a little hopeful.
"No you can't." Yaten shook his head. "But thanks."
"Are you going to be okay?" Seiya asked wistfully.
"Yes. So will you. Go to Kakyuu and tell her everything." Yaten told him. "You can tell me how it went on your next trip to Earth."
After much debate, Kakyuu graciously said that he was relieved of his duties of protecting her. Therefore he was free to live on Earth. To live with Hotaru. They promised to visit often because they would miss him. It was funny, he hadn't noticed that they would before. He was beginning to see things in a way he hadn't before. He smiled as he realized what was so different about the world. What made the dawn, as they three people walked away from him seem so much brighter then he had ever seen it.
"'Cause distance is dreaming."
"I was scared that you'd end up going with them." Hotaru hung her head sheepishly as if the fear was silly.
"No, I couldn't. Because when I'm with you…" Yaten trailed off thoughtfully.
"Yes?" Hotaru prompted him.
"I feel alive."
* * *
Okay I'm a gigantic Hotaru/Yaten fan, so sue me! Actually please don't cause that wouldn't be very nice. I hope you enjoyed the fic! This fic is Teresa who made a wonderful Yaten/Hotaru wallpaper.
Jade: ~T~
Teresa: ~T~
(Feel the love onee-chan.)