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A Dean/Castiel fic.
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Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Supernatural.
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A/N: Alright, this one was number 6 on my list of Dean/Cas fics to write. Can't wait to get this all down.
Just a side-note: Thanks for all the reviews on my last couple stories, you guys are awesome! However, for the individuals who don't like the Dean/Cas pairing, and think "it's a sin, and wrong on so many levels" ... I define the pairing in my summaries, so if you don't want to read it, don't read it. And if the only reason you've clicked on my story is to bitch about the pairing, I say this: Your homophobic bullsh!t only encourages me to write more and more Dean/Cas. So thank you for the motivation!
Alrighty-roo! Basically, this story takes place right after "My Bloody Valentine", and Cas proves to Dean that he has a soul. I don't think that this one will be very long, but we'll see how it goes.
Let's get on with it, shall we?
As always, please read and review, I live for feedback!
Dean downed the rest of the beer in his hand, pushing off from the Impala and kicking at the rocks around him. The tears he had shed were now dried against his face, so she settled for whipping the beer bottle as hard as he could, hearing it smash against a junker several yards away. That was a waste of time, he thought. No one is coming to help me.
He shook his head, turning around to see Castiel standing passively behind him. "I am here to help you, Dean." Castiel told him.
Dean rolled his eyes. "Quit reading my mind." He thought about walking past him, but going back into the house and listening to Sammy detoxing from the demon blood wasn't exactly appealing either.
"If you don't want me to read your mind, perhaps you should voice your concerns," Castiel suggested.
The oldest of the Winchester brothers paced around the junk yard, looking everywhere but at the angel. "I just don't understand how your god can expect so much of me when I don't even ..." Dean trailed off, looking upwards.
"The horseman was being untruthful, Dean," Castiel told him.
Dean chuckled dryly. "I don't need a pep-talk from an angel who is slowly but surely falling from grace, Cas."
That hit a nerve, and Castiel turned away.
Dean groaned. "Dammit ... I'm sorry, Cas. I'm in a bad mood, and it's just easy to take it out on you."
Castiel stopped, but didn't turn back around. "There are only so many times that I will attempt to reach out to you, Dean. If I cannot convince you of your worth, I will not waste my breath."
Dean really had no interest in listening to the angel try and convince him how good and pure he was, but he didn't want to make him mad either, and he could really use the company, so he sighed before speaking, "Fine. What do you mean, that horseman was being "untruthful"?"
The angel turned around, making eye contact with Dean before walking forward. "He inferred that your soul wasn't hungry because it wasn't there. He made you believe that you had come back from Hell without a soul. Am I wrong?"
Dean looked away before shaking his head. "I'd say you're on the right track."
Castiel walked forwards more while Dean wasn't looking, so stealthily in fact that Dean didn't know he was there until he spoke. "You regret having to lock Sam in Bobby's 'Panic Room'. You want to save him from Lucifer. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders everyday. You sympathize for Bobby having to be in a wheelchair. These are all feelings for others, not just concern for yourself. You have a conscience, Dean."
Dean shrugged, looking around at the angel, and for once didn't comment on him invading his personal space. "Okay, so I have a conscience ... that doesn't mean -"
"You cannot have one without the other," Castiel explained. "All beings have a soul, some are simply tarnished. As you saw, even demons have a soul. But it's the part of you that strives for good, that stands up against the wicked and evil ... that's the good in your soul. You might be damaged, Dean ... but you are not broken. Not yet."
Dean turned his head away again, unable to look into the innocent eyes of Castiel's vessel. "That's just your opinion, Cas. You only think that because you know me, and you hope that it's true."
Castiel shook his head slowly, taking another step forward and bringing his hand to Dean torso, between his heart and stomach.
"What are you -?" But Dean didn't finish his sentence, as a slowly brightening light came from where Castiel's hand touched him, emanating from within Dean himself. He could feel it burning, but it wasn't painful.
"You feel that?" Castiel asked him, knowing the answer.
Dean blinked away his wet eyes, flaring his nostrils as the shock hit him in waves. "That's ... my soul?"
Castiel nodded, keeping his hand in place. "It is there, and it is as pure as it was the day you went into Hell. You were completely restored when I brought you back, Dean, despite what Famine tried to make you think."
Dean kept his eyes trained on the light coming from within him, trying to wrap his head around everything. "But then ... why would he ...?"
Castiel shrugged slowly. "His soul was not pure. It should not surprsie you that he would lie. Causing chaos and destruction is their purpose, Dean."
Dean nodded, slowly feeling better ... whole.
"I am happy that I could be of assistance ... before I have fallen from grace, that is," Castiel commented, retracting his hand.
On impulse, Dean grabbed his hand, not placing it back where it was, but simply stopping Castiel from moving. "I didn't mean ... I'm sorry, Cas."
Castiel nodded. "I know you are, but neither of us can deny the fact that I am not what I used to be. Perhaps it is inevitable."
Dean shook his head. "If I'm gonna do this ... battle Lucifer and end the apocalypse ... I gotta believe that nothing is inevitable. We make our own futures, Cas. Maybe we can't change the past, but we can still affect the future. And I'm not gonna let what Zachariah showed me come true. I have to believe that Sam won't say yes, that we can still stop the end from coming." Dean paused, filling his lungs with air. "But I also need to know that you've got my back. That you're gonna be there with us, every step of the way."
There was a long pause before Castiel nodded, locking eyes with Dean. "I will be by your side, Dean Winchester."
Dean let his body relax. "Good."
The two looked at each other for another moment before Dean realized he was still holding onto the angel's wrist. "You, uh, probably want your hand back?"
Castiel looked down at their hands and then back up again. "I do not require it right this moment."
Dean swallowed loudly, feeling his skin heating up. All he had to do was let go ... it shouldn't be that hard. Besides ... this was Cas that he was standing outside with ... holding hands almost. It should be more weird than it was.
Neither of them spoke a word as they stood hand-in-wrist in Bobby's junkyard.
Something has to give, Dean thought, knowing the angel would never make the first move ... to step back or forward. Not knowing if it was the right thing, or if he would get sent to hell all over again, he slowly moved his hand from Castiel's wrist to the palm of his hand, pressing their hands together and then slowly locking their fingers together.
For his part, Castiel didn't act bothered in the slightest, he just remained standing in front of Dean, gazing into his eyes.
Dean didn't know where any of this was going, he didn't even know what would happen tomorrow. But this felt good, and he really needed to feel good for a while.
The end ... maybe. I might add another chapter later, but I think it's done for now.
What did you guys think? Yay, nay?
Reviews are appreciated, flame if you must but constructive criticism is much more purposeful.
Until next time ...!