Notes 1: I just can't leave the fact that Ben and Audrey's break-up was so smooth? Like, that's not what happens IRL, so I made myself understand it.
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and then you
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It's not to say that it was a burden to be responsible for the whole of the United States of Auradon. But growing up as a royal, Ben has never felt like he could really be himself. The real him. Just … some parts. Mostly the prince-y one, never the beastly side, despite the fact that his father, the King, had installed that shapeshifting statue to remind everyone that anything is possible (which was the 'acceptance of being different').
He's been groomed and advised and drilled to be responsible with extra studies and extra classes, and a billion and one other things. But Ben knows that he's … idealistic for a future king. He's caring and brave and unafraid of change. He's well-liked, an obedient son and the next in line for the throne.
He's practically perfect so what's there to fuss about?
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"I trust you'll find a perfect future-Queen," The King says as he claps a strong hand on his son's shoulder.
All of this is said to him conveniently as Audrey is introduced along with a few other young princes and princesses around his age. But Ben knows his father and the rest of the Council Members are implying Sleeping Beauty's daughter because they're doing that eye thing where their glances flit to Audrey as they talk. It's nothing direct, it's not even (overly) manipulative but it was just enough for Ben to think that a young kid like him, who already has so many responsibilities, needs to pick a suitable Queen instead of a romantic partner.
"Of course," Ben says formally. Though he thinks it's funny. His own father has told him this and so has the stuffy, old Council Members and his relatives, even when distant. But the thing is …
The thing is, Ben thinks – You can't find true love, true love finds you.
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"A sweater?" Ben asks on a cold Winter evening.
He's holding up a hand knitted sweater that matches his eyes. The wrapped box that he's just opened is decorated with a pretty card and rose themed wrapping. It's three days after Christmas and Audrey has decided to drop by his home.
"My Grandmother Leah made it herself," Audrey answers, beaming. She came all the way here just to hand deliver it when she really didn't have too. She's a princess after all, Ben expects her to be busy.
"For me?"
"Yeah, just for you."
"Your grandmother must really like me." Ben says, already trying the sweater on.
Audrey replies, "Everybody likes you."
"Do you?" Ben asks almost childishly, he knows his combed hair must look a mess right now since he's struggled to get his head through the opening of the sweater. He thinks he must look like some shaggy dog with such a hairdo, though, it doesn't stop him from teasing Audrey. Maybe it's just the romantic in him? Throw in some light teasing, you know?
Audrey laughs, a girlish kind of laugh, fitting for her fourteen year old self. She reaches her tan hand over and touches his hair, already neatly parting it. "You know I do."
He looks at her at thinks he feels some fondness for her, a mutual sort of feeling in a comfortable, respected way. Ben knows he's not in love with Audrey, but he likes her, well enough that is. A part of him wishes this simple innocence is enough to be called 'love'.
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Ben thinks Audrey may be his other half ... perhaps. Possibly. He doesn't know.
Professionally, Audrey is fitting because she's a princess. She knows about law and politics and the settling of conflict; she's charismatic and punctual, she has manners and knows which spoon to use when there are seven other spoons laid out for soup eating; she's rule-abiding and no nonsense.
Personally, Ben knows Audrey's not a bad person (rude at times, yes, but only if something clashes with her beliefs, but what person doesn't get defensive when that happens?) and he knows Audrey is willing to be the 'mean cop' to his 'good cop' act when he's being too nice to say 'no'. So, technically, she is fitting to be his other half him that he so determinedly believes is out there. Soulmates, as cheesy as it sounds but …
They're just sixteen, they're practically kids. Actually, no they are kids! So to say that Ben is in an everlasting serious relationship with Audrey seems like a slippery slope to shout out to the whole world. Sure, he's going manage a whole kingdom – The United State of Auradon – but that was different. That's inevitable. That's something assigned to him before he was even born.
While Audrey is … true love is … it's a mystery he wants to solve. And right now, whatever he has between Audrey and him, it just doesn't seem as lovely as everyone made it out to be.
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"Are you sure about this, Bennyboo?" Audrey asks, squinting her brown eyes at Ben as they sit in the squad, grassy fields and all.
Ben knows she's asking about his first official proclamation as the soon-to-be King of the United States of Auradon. His hazel-green eyes skim over to Chad who's looking at Ben with the same expression Audrey is making – all furrowed eyebrows and confusion.
Audrey and Chad, these royals are … people he sits with, people he associates himself with. They're his … friends. Mostly associated through their parents but they're his friends nonetheless, even if they have (not nothing but) very little in common.
Ben sighs, looking down at their lunch. He's not all that hungry. "Give them a chance, Audrey, you haven't even met them yet. I'm to be crowned King in a month, I want my people to feel welcomed. I can't abandon the people on the Isle of the Lost just because of their parents' past mistakes."
This time, Audrey sighs while Chad continues to stay quiet. "I understand it's a heavy topic, Bennybear, but I'm just worried. It's never wrong to be too cautious."
And Ben knows she's only saying this because of her parents' upbringings. Anything dangerous, sharp or pointy scares Audrey to death; needles and rose thorns and anything that can prick her or draw blood.
"I know." Ben hums, biting into his simple peanut butter sandwich. He hopes his full mouth is enough of an excuse to stop talking about the subject matter. Even if Audrey is eager, she knows the need for manners when she sees one.
And Audrey does stop (for that, Ben is grateful. He likes that part of Audrey).
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"Welcome to Auradon Prep." Ben says, dressed in a simple yet smart shirt thrown over with a blazer, ironed slacks and polished shoes.
The four villain kids don't pay much attention to him. Not over the marching band and the chocolate and waving students with painfully forced smiles.
Ben knows he can't fool them with his politeness and manners but he also knows that they can't fool him, not with their power poses and leather clothes. They know it's easy for him to mess things up with his decision to bring them over to Auradon and he knows they can be better people.
He knows it.
He feels it in his bones, they just need to try.
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Maleficent's daughter – Mal – is the picture of a bad girl. She's practically the poster girl for rebellion and villain kids everywhere. She looks like she's capable of being cunning and sneaky and awful trickeries.
But, not cruel. No, not that. Mal looks like she can be more than rotten and cruel.
She actually looks … pretty.
'She's too bad for you,' A voice whispers into his head but he swears … Ben swears he's seen those mischievous eyes before, and that purple head. Something about Maleficent's daughter. He's met her before … yes.
Yes, once upon a dream.
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'She's too bad for you,'
(but is she really?)
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People have always had the assumption that Ben was too innocently naive. A Goody-Two-Shoes. Pure, even.
But the truth is, he's not all that. He's part beast like his dad. He knows he can do ... bad things. Destructive things. More than just slash silk curtains and roar scarily at people who make him mad. He's stronger than he looks and he isn't sure if he can take down wolves with his bare hands but he thinks he might be able too.
And that part of him scares him. It always did.
So he resorted to words to settle conflict. He's always thinking, having all these thoughts. He's thinking about the school and the kingdom and his people and himself and more. He needs words to get a grip on reality. To snap him out of anything illogical. He can't let kids hate each other for small reasons because most of these kids will get handed whole kingdoms to rule and he can't let petty fights define trade agreements and military services and other complex things. He can't allow that. Not on them and not on himself. Ben knows he looks soft but he's hard on everyone, especially himself, especially when he tells himself that he can't lose himself in beast mode.
But ...
He just … he needs someone he can vent all these thoughts too because they're running through his head faster than he can keep them. He knows he strides for logic but he always wants exceptions like true love.
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He gets this fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach and he thinks this is … love? Yes? No? Maybe? Or definitely?
Ben remembers asking his Mother and Father about their love story because not-so-secretly deep down to his toes, he's always been a romantic. He's always believed in love at first sight and love conquers all and true love's kiss and all that gooey stuff that are mostly reserved for the hopeless of the hopeless. He's read every romance novel he could get his hands on, listened to every origin fairy tale story with a happy ending, watched sappy movies with his mother and Audrey.
So if he thinks he should have a good idea of what love is. So ... right now, with Mal ... he thinks this must be love then ... right?
He can't really explain himself. He just suddenly wants to be around her to spend time with her but also not really because he's afraid he'll say the wrong thing or make a fool out of himself by doing stupid like tripping on air.
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What is he doing? What is he doing – singing and dancing his heart out to Mal, for Mal. It's a love song, it's a public declaration.
This is … this –
Ben's been quite responsible his whole life, between his beastly tendencies and the knowledge that he has to be king one day, he's never felt like he could rebel without any lasting consequence. Everything needed to be run over, everything was calculated and carefully thought of, discussed among many and –
And for him to just tell the whole school filled with future Kings and Queens about his love for Maleficent's daughter is reckless and crazy and –
"Chad and I are dating now!" Audrey proclaims and kisses Chad hard on the lips. It's definitely more passionate than any soft kisses Audrey has ever planted on Ben's cheek.
Some people gasp, and something gets a hold of Ben. A grip of reality sneaks itself back into Ben's conscience. He knows he's overpowered with a burning love for Mal at the moment but he didn't expect Audrey to just –
His head is spinning but there's still some logic to it, fighting through the cloudy haze. And to think that he and Audrey would have ended so abruptly. She just got over him so easily, so fast (a little too fast if you asked him), just like that.
Ben thinks as he turns his gaze away from Audrey kissing Chad and at Mal's embarrassed flushed face – Was he and Audrey ever in love to begin with?
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"Audrey ..."
"What, Ben?" Audrey asks, more annoyed than angry that he's talking to her.
Ben flinches at a small realization, Audrey had just called him by name. Just 'Ben', not 'Bennyboo' or 'Bennybear' or any of those other cutesy nicknames.
It was a love potion. It was so crystal clear that anyone would have noticed it. Even in this magic-less generation. Though, it was nothing dangerous. It was more flattering that Mal had gained a crush on him. He was … glad that the villain kids were just as human as him, being able to fall in love and such.
Ben had realized everything after swimming at the enchanted lake. It's not like he was going to immediately break-up with Mal or anything, he does believe that he can change Mal for the better with 'the power of love and compassion'. Because if it can happen with his father then why can't it happen to Mal too? Because deep down, Ben thinks everyone is good. But he just wanted to apologize to Audrey for the way he acted. After all, Mal's love potion did have some consequences to it and he feels incredibly responsible (but when has he never felt responsible for anything?)
"I'm sorry about breaking up with you so suddenly like that." Ben sincerely apologizes.
Audrey turns her head and says, "You embarrassed me in front of the whole school."
"I know ..." Ben answers.
Is it bad that a part of him expected her to cry and accuse him of something cliché like 'you broke my heart'? Because he is really sorry about it. He won't lie, he's a little hurt that she just brushed off their history so easily. All those nicknames, all those dates ... were they really nothing to her?
He gives her a moment to lash out at him. To say she only kissed Chad because she was hurt and wanted to hurt him back but it never came. So Ben rocks on his heels and asks though he shouldn't have, "How's ... how are you and Chad?"
Audrey's gaze snaps to his face, studying her ex. "He's taking me to Sebastian's for dinner tomorrow."
They're going on a high class date already? So soon? It's not like she's influenced under a love spell to rush things.
Ben bites the bottom of his lip, "Do you like him?"
"Yes, why wouldn't I?" Audrey says and doesn't even bat an eye. Whatever fantasy Ben had of Audrey feeling heartbroken, it all goes out the window.
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(But does it even matter now?)
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Ben knows he takes after his mother too much; he clings too hard to story books and loves adventure and believes in star-crossed lovers. He's said it once and he'll say it a million times again – he's a romantic. And a dreamer. He will never stop being those things and he …
A feeling – like a breath of fresh air – whooshes out of his lungs as two words slam into his head, he feels like shouting it out loud: fuck it! Just, fuck it!
Ben's tired. Oh-so tired of being responsible of it all. He's not going to blame Mal or any of the villain kids for the aftermath of his break-up. After all, he was the one who sung and danced in front of a huge, live audience. He did this himself, he stained his own reputation.
(And he's never felt more alive doing such a spontaneous thing)
He's not going to lie, he fell for the idea. He fell for the idea that he was dating someone like Mal who didn't let anyone hold her back with responsibility. It was so … thrilling. She didn't expect anything from him, she just accepted all the attention he was giving her and his kindness and his silliness of true love.
"I like you, Mal!" He screams out like that song the other day, so illogical, so utterly ridiculously romantic, so … like him. Very much like him. Romantic and true and believable.
Her green eyes snap to him, uncomfortable by the attention, but she doesn't look away. No, instead she smiles.
"I like you too, Ben." And just by the curve of her lips, he knows that she means it, that she's not lying. And he means it too.
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end
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Notes 2
I wouldn't know what I'd do with myself if I were ever in Mal's position. Meeting someone like Ben … I think I would have been scared out of my mind to meet a guy like him. He seems too pure and I think I would have tainted him for sure if I were to even look at his direction. I swear too much and I think the idea of drinking is fun and mean girls are just oh-so interesting like, why are you so mean? Tell me your life story.
I feel like such a fucking girl writing Ben's explanation of what love feels like. Gosh. I mean, I am a girl but I have realistic goggles on and my 'true love' will probably be someone like Li Shang. I'm not saying he's gonna have abs that can grate cheese on them (let me be a hoe about it just this one time because you know it's true) but I'm saying I'm probably gonna get someone who will awkwardly praise me "You fight good" if I were to save China.
– 23 July 2018