a long way to go
Everyone in this world is born with a tiny clock on their left wrist; a timer in bright red numbers. It acted as a countdown, and the red numbers would tick its way until it reached zero—the exact moment when you encounter your soulmate. But as long as Heiji remembered, the clock on his wrist has always been a zero. Partial-AU
A/n: Me back with HeiKazu. I can't believe I took only two days to write this, but really, I was super duper motivated all thanks to my amazing friend's beautiful, damn out-of-the-world art. You know this is for you!
Everyone in this world was born with a tiny clock on their left wrist; a timer in bright red numbers. It acted as a countdown, and the red numbers would tick its way until it reached zero—the exact moment when you encountered your soulmate.
But since the day Heiji asked his mom to explain what this red-thingy on his wrist meant, it had always been a zero for as long as he remembered.
Zero. Nothing but zero. And he'd never seen anything besides that on his wrist.
It didn't really matter to him anyway, not when he was still a kid back then; he was more interested to play on a swing than finding whoever the hell his soulmate was.
.o.
Kazuha, on the other hand, talked a lot about the timer when she was a kid.
They often hung out in groups with the other children that stayed around their neighbourhood. Their favourite place was the playground, and they would often meet to play some catching games, slides and the swings.
Then sometimes when the girls got tired, they would gather at the bottom of a tree beside the playground and talk. While the boys continued to play, they would eventually join them; they were always curious about what the girls were laughing every time.
On many occasions, they would talk about their timer and how they imagined the scenario would be when they met their soulmate.
Kazuha chipped in her stories too. She imagined herself getting kidnapped and her soulmate would be the one who saved her, or maybe when she was walking down pavement and tripped, he would catch her before she falls. While the other girls squealed at the idea, only Heiji frowned when he tried to picture the images in his head.
Bleugh.
No sooner, one of the boys, who decided the conversation became boring, tapped on one of the girl's shoulder to start a new round of tag. Everyone began running around, screaming and laughing, but Heiji and Kazuha escaped away from the chaos quick enough as they slipped to the swings, leaving the world behind and keeping to themselves.
"Kazuha." Heiji began after settling on a swing.
She tilted her head towards him, her swings continuously swaying up and down. "Hmm?"
"When will you meet your soulmate?"
There was a hitch in her swings as her feet skidded across the sand. "Why did you ask?"
He shrugged. "Curious. And there's no rule that we can't tell it to others anyway."
She lowered her gaze to her wrist and bit her lips. It was taking far too long just to answer his question, so he frowned.
"Don't ya know your numbers yet?"
"I do know!" She huffed and glared at him, but her eyes turned soft—almost sad, maybe—when she looked back at her wrist again. "There's… still a long time till then."
"How long?"
"Maybe… when I'm 21 years old or something?"
Heiji squinted his eyes. "Are ya sure? Do you know how to count that far?"
"Well, you asked and I answered!" She stuck out her tongue and pointed at his wrist. "What about you? I told you mine so you should tell me yours."
He looked at his wrist.
Zero.
What was he supposed to say? Zero… wasn't normal. It couldn't be normal. It should be ticking, counting down to the moment which everyone anticipated the most in their life.
Not zero.
Chewing his inner cheeks, Heiji cast a glance at Kazuha. It was impossible for her to see his timer, but… "A long time." He said.
"How long?"
He stared at his wrist and pretended to count incoherently to himself. "Maybe like you; when I'm 21 years old."
Kazuha nodded her head before pulling her swing back for the momentum. "Dat's good. Even though you're a meanie, someone out there is gonna love you one day."
"Same for you. Even though you're a tomboy, someone out there is gonna love you one day too."
She kicked some sand into his shoes and stuck out her tongue. Of course he wasn't going to let it rest, so he tried to kick some sand into her shoes, but she got off her swing and ran. He did too, to chase after her.
At the background, their playmates started chanting the usual teasing songs, something along the line of "Heiji is Kazuha's soulmate!" or "Kazuha and Heiji forever together!". It was ridiculous, and they both knew it wasn't true, but at that moment as they chased each other across the sand, correcting them was the last thing they had in their mind.
.o.
When Heiji grew much older, (a little bit) more mature, and truly knew the importance of the timer, he started to get curious about the reason why his was zero. Why was he the only one suffering from such inconvenience? Did his timer break down? Must he get it repaired somewhere?
So, unable to handle his curiosity, he seek for an answer on the web. Much to his surprise, or rather delight, he found that he wasn't alone, but the number of people experiencing the same issue as him was barely one percent out of the entire population in the world too. It was like being in a minority group.
An outcast.
People of his kind—anonymously—shared about the possibilities of their distress, and after a few hours of research, Heiji tabulated a table and found two most common guesses.
1) Your soulmate died.
2) You don't have a soulmate.
Alas, his timer didn't break down. Just like everyone's timer, it fulfilled its purpose too. The countdown mark was scheduled a zero because there was no soulmate for you to look forward to. It would just be a reminder that for the rest of your life, there wouldn't be anyone out there for you.
Ignorance, Heiji decided, was truly a bliss.
Maybe if he chose not to care (even if he did), forced himself not to look at his wrist (though he always did), he wouldn't feel so pathetic as he already was.
.o.
"How did you and dad realize you two are soulmates at the same time?"
His mom glanced up from the dinner table, her eyes flickered from his questioning gaze before pulling up her kimono sleeve. A small smile appeared on her lips as she brushed her fingers over her clean wrist, which Heiji guessed was the position of her timer (the numbers couldn't be seen by anyone but its owner only).
"It all happened in a split second." She said, eyes growing distant at the memory. "I was working at a tea shop and serving some customers when he came in with his colleagues. At that instant when we made eye contact, our timer reached zero, and we just knew."
"Oh."
She quirked an eyebrow at his reaction, or rather because there was a lack of it. "Why the question?"
"Nothing. Just curious." It was the truth anyway. He would never be able to feel something like that, so might as well get to know how it'd feel like.
"Then… how are you and Kazuha?"
With how fast he turned his head towards his mom, his neck could have snapped. "What you mention her for?"
She flicked her eyes at his wrist, where his timer was. "Aren't you two...?"
"No way. We aren't soulmate." He spat.
His mother gasped, taken aback. "Are you sure?"
"Her timer is still running." He mumbled, peering down at his food. "And she has a long way to go."
Though he knew his mother was looking at him, he refused to look back into her eyes. What would he find in them? Pity? Sadness? Disappointment? He didn't want to see or know.
"What about you?" She finally asked, breaking the silence.
There wasn't any competition, but admitting the truth was just as good as losing. He didn't want to be a minority, or an outcast. For once he wanted to be normal, just like everyone else.
Zero wasn't normal.
"I have a long way to go too."
"Ah, I see then." She nodded, pulling the sleeve down and picked up her utensils to continue her dinner.
Heiji had lost his appetite the moment since he thought of this topic, but he still forced himself to gobble down his rice, just enough to choke him and erase those images of the day when Kazuha would meet her soulmate.
It shouldn't be any of his business; She was just his follower after all. But no matter what, he didn't like the thought that one day she'd eventually leave him behind, and every moment they shared would become nothing but a memory to her.
He was 12 years old when he started worrying about all these stupid things rather than his favourite detective police games. But it should still be fine, he thought, as a way to comfort himself. He guessed he only had to worry about it again when they were 21 years old, and that age seemed so far away, like a place they would never, ever reach.
.o.
They said other people could sense it when two soulmates met. Even Heiji (who was oblivious to such things most of the time) understood and felt it too.
Haruka, the timid girl in their clique, was sitting at the edge of the restaurant table and quietly looking through the menu on her own. After she decided what she wanted to order, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. As she stood up, preparing to leave her seat, a waiter coincidentally walked towards their table, bumping into her in the process.
Everyone, all in sync, cut their conversations to a stop and turned their heads towards Haruka and the waiter. At that moment, Heiji swore he felt the temperature in the restaurant dropped a few degrees.
All of the sudden, Haruka and the waiter looked down at their wrist the same time before breaking into loud chortles. Heiji had never seen Haruka laughed so brightly and lively before— It was as though she had finally found what she was living for.
He guessed this was what his mom meant when she said we just knew.
Amidst the excited giggles and teases coming from their table, he could hear Kazuha sighing to herself next to his seat.
"It's so cool. To meet your soulmate." She said, her lips curling up to a small smile.
He glanced at her. "You'll eventually reach that day too."
Kazuha stared at him, her mouth gaping open before she forced them to close. "Yeah. You're right." She then abruptly grabbed his hand and squinted over his wrist, trying to look at his timer, though she should know better that her efforts would be in vain. "What about you? Are ya sure you're looking at it properly? What if you didn't realize it's zero and your soulmate passed you by?"
He realized it was zero long time ago, and there was no need for her to remind him about that. He shrugged his hand away from hers, scowling. "Mine's still a long way to go."
"Hmm." Kazuha sneered.
Heiji tugged both hands deep into his pocket. "Then when is yours? Still 21 years old?"
She blinked. "What?"
"Remember when you once told me your timer will end around when you're 21 years old? Or is it a mistake? You should be better at counting now, right?"
Kazuha snarled. "Yes it is."
"Good job, my follower." He smirked before patting a hand on Kazuha's head. She retaliated by pinching his arm.
They were 15 then, still young, foolish and free. And 21 years old… he thought there was still a long way to go.
.o.
Time flew by faster than Heiji expected, but throughout it all, he had stopped thinking so much about the problem of his timer, compared to the past. But the habit started to kick in again after he solved a murder with Shinichi in Tokyo— Some man, who was involved in the case, was bold and dumb enough to confess to Kazuha on the spot after he was cleared from suspicion of being the murderer.
"I didn't have the chance to tell you because of my circumstances earlier… but I fell in love with you when I laid my eyes on you." That creep said. "My timer is a proof too, that you are my ultimate soulmate."
"I'm sorry." Kazuha responded with a smile that looked nothing like real. "There must be a mistake. My timer… is still running."
The answer should have relieved Heiji, but it didn't. Instead, it brought the fact that his timer was zero back to the painful light.
Zero. Always zero.
And zero wasn't normal.
But Shinichi's—or rather Conan's—situation was the last thing in the world to be considered normal too. He might be a shit to treat it as a comfort about his timer problem… so, to lessen that guilt, Shinichi was the first person he told this matter to.
"Yours has always been a zero?" Conan frowned, stroking his chin after hearing what Heiji had explained to him. They were sitting and chilling in a middle of a coffee shop while Kazuha and Ran were doing their last minute shopping before their train back to Osaka was due in two hours.
"Since the first time I remember looking at it. It's always been zero." Heiji said, confirming and concluding his story.
"You mentioned that two possibilities too," Conan pursed his lips before letting out a sigh. "It could be them, huh."
"Most probably."
"Hattori…" Suddenly loss for words, Conan's voice trailed off.
"Kazuha's timer is still counting down-" Heiji suddenly stopped and took off his cap to ruffle his hair. "The hell, I don't know why I dragged Kazuha into this conversation."
"You... really don't know?" Conan stared at him blankly.
"What should I know?" Heiji frowned.
Conan sighed, shaking his head and moving on "Anyway, I supposed the timer doesn't necessarily mean everything."
Heiji scoffed and raised his eyebrows as a challenge. "So you mean you don't mind having your timer zero at the very start-?"
"That's not what I meant. What I'm trying to say is that there's no point of the timer if it isn't going to be utilized properly."
"What do ya mean?" Heiji blinked, scrunching his nose.
"Take me and Ran as an example."
Heiji straightened, face full alert. It was rare for Shinichi to talk about his feelings, much less his feelings for Ran. This was something that would come once in a blue moon, and he would take all he could get to hear just a bit of what his best friend had to say. "What about you and nee-chan? You both knew the moment you two met, right?"
"Yeah, but at that point of time we were kids; We didn't know what we should do about it, until, you know, I finally talked to her in London." Conan brushed his thumb across his wrist. "But… what's the point even if we knew? Now with my situation, there was nothing we- I could do, and it's all my fault. All I did is to make Ran doubt, a few times, about the true meaning of soulmates."
Heiji pursed his lips, unsure of what to say.
Conan continued. "That's why the timer doesn't determine everything. What matters more is what you do after the timer reaches zero. Zero is where everything starts-"
"But this one is a different kind of zero, Kudo." Heiji shook his head and closed his eyes, just so he didn't have to see the red blaring number on his wrist. "My zero represents an end. An end to something I never get to see it start."
For the first time, the two brilliant detectives found no answers to the problem they faced. After a few minutes of silence, they could only shove whatever feelings they had aside and cut this conversation to an end.
Heiji was just 17 years old then, and he guessed it wasn't possible for a 17 years old to know everything after all.
.o.
"Happy 20th birthday to you, Kazuha-chan!"
"Happy Birthday, Ahou."
"How-"
"No questions." Heiji said. "Make a wish and blow the damn candles first."
Giving in, Kazuha closed her eyes, muttering a few words under her breath before she blew out the candles that were stuck on the thick and creamy chocolate cake.
Heiji sighed inwardly (while Kasumi was the only one with the chance to clap). Finally, he could put this piece of heavy cake on the bench-
"Did you two plan this together?" Kazuha asked, looking between him and Kasumi.
"Nuh-uh. Hattori-kun planned it all! I'm just following his instructions." Kasumi explained and picked up the blindfold from the bench, which she'd previously put over Kazuha's eyes before leading her here. "Anyway, I'll see you later back at our dorm!"
"Wait! You should have some cake!"
Kasumi shook her head. "The cake's too special for me to eat. Only you are entitled to it."
Kazuha blinked, glancing at the cake before looking at Heiji, her eyes wide and silently questioning him for an answer.
"Well," Heiji scratched the side of his cheek. "I made it by myself."
"H-Heiji…" Kazuha gasped, staring at the chocolate cake. "Are you serious? You… made this?"
He decided to take it as a compliment that Kazuha doubted him. He himself did doubt himself too when he saw how the cake was after he took it out from the oven; It looked too delicious and perfect, like it was store-bought. "I can give you evidence if ya need it." Heiji muttered as he fished out his phone to unlock it and show her his photo gallery.
Kazuha lightly slapped his shoulder as a tease. "I believe you, Ahou."
"So… I'll be going now!" Kasumi winked. "Goodbye! And have fun!"
Before Kazuha could say another word, Kasumi was gone in a blink, leaving Heiji, the chocolate cake and her alone.
"So, what did you wish for?" Heiji asked.
"I can't say it, idiot. The wish wouldn't be granted if I tell you."
Heiji rolled his eyes. "I bet it got to do with your soulmate."
Kazuha stuck out her tongue. "I'm not gonna say so stop asking."
"Fine."
Easily, they moved on with their conversation, from talking about the cake to school stuff and about many other random things they and only they could magically think of and share with each other. Everything was going on fine, so great and happy that the delicious cake was left forgotten and put aside, until Heiji noticed something strange about Kazuha. Like how she started to fidget more and more, and the way her eyes were shimmering even though there wasn't any flashy light around them.
Not long after Heiji noticed these weird symptoms, two big and fat tears rolled down Kazuha's cheek, and she broke down, just a little, in soft sobs, snorts and hiccups.
"What the hell?!" Heiji exclaimed and desperately began rummaging through his bag, trying to find some tissue. "Why are you suddenly crying?"
"N-Nothing." She shook her head as she wiped away her tears with the palm of her hands.
Luckily, he found some spare packets of tissue and handed it to her. She took it after muttering her thanks.
"Tell me." He began, his tone already persistent. "What happened? Is it stress from school work?"
"I'm doing fine. It's just that I wonder if…" She looked down at her left wrist, lips quivering. "I wonder if we'll continue to celebrate our birthday like this together in the future."
He knew what she was looking at. Her timer. Her countdown. Her numbered days to meet the damn soulmate of hers. Shouldn't he be the one wondering about her worries instead? Holding back himself to not grit his teeth, he spoke. "Of course we would forever, why da hell not?"
"We don't have a forever, Heiji." Kazuha said, her voice sounding brittle. "You'll be with your soulmate one day."
"I swear on my life, nothing's gonna change even if that days come." And that day would never, ever come anyway.
She showed a smile, but it wasn't the usual bright ones that would be followed with a laugh. It was small, tired and one that put more pressure to her cheeks than her lips. Her eyes showed the same.
He felt as though someone kicked his chest when he saw Kazuha like that.
She paused, opening her mouth to close it again. There was a few seconds of silence, as though she was contemplating whatever she wanted to say before she finally spoke up. "Heiji, thank you for your cake and surprise. I love it a lot. Really, a lot. But I'm a little tired right now."
"Ok." He muttered, plucking out the candles off the cake. "Let me walk you back to your dorm."
"It's fine. I need some time alone."
Heiji frowned. "Are you sure-?"
"Yes. I want to walk back alone."
He usually had more energy to last through at least five argument with her, but he didn't have any to even cope with one right now. Furthermore, he thought he should respect her decision when it was the one she really wanted. "Alright. But you must text me when you reached your dorm."
"I will." Kazuha nodded, though she wasn't looking at him.
After packing the cake back into its box, they parted ways. But Heiji didn't leave entirely, not exactly. He only stepped a few steps away from the bench before turning around, watching Kazuha walk away until she disappeared behind a wall.
She didn't look back. Not even once.
We don't have a forever, Heiji.
Kazuha was right. Right now, they were 20 years old. And 21 years old…
Damn this. Heiji cursed in his head as he bitterly walked back to his dorm. Damn this to hell.
.o.
Though Heiji was blessed to be born healthy to this world, he couldn't help but to hate his dumb luck that was cursed upon him. Forget about the timer issue, in most of his daily life, lady luck was never on his side.
Taking this for example, one of his many dumb luck incident was to share his university dorm room with Kuroba Kaito.
There were just many things Heiji didn't understand about him, and not being able to understand something was the one, ultimate thing he hated the most. People might say it was some kind of respecting of privacy, but Heiji thought more than that. Private person didn't sound correct in Heiji's head. Secretive fitted Kaito better. Cunningly secretive.
Ah, perfect description.
Today was a slightly special day. Heiji was lying on the top of the bunk bed (his place) and scrolling through his phone while Kaito was at his desk, reading something Heiji didn't care about. What made it different from the other days was the peace and quietness between them. It was rare, and they both were damn well and happily appreciating it, until Kaito suddenly spilled the cup of water he had on his desk.
Heiji propped up from his bed and looked down, wanting to see what Kaito was up to. The latter only sighed, dumping his wet book aside and began wiping the table with some tissues. It was such a boring sight that Heiji wondered why he even wasted five seconds of his life staring, until when Kaito began unwrapping the bandage he had on his left wrist (one that Heiji never ever seen him without).
This would be interesting.
As Heiji held his breath, watching and waiting for the reveal, Kaito finally unwrapped the damp bandage. He threw it into his bin and pulled out a drawer to take out new ones.
That was when Heiji could see a clear view of his left wrist. So clear that Heiji thought he was imagining it.
Kaito's wrist was clean; There was no wounds. Nothing.
Unable to help himself, Heiji blurted. "What's with that?"
Kaito glanced up, his face bored. "What?"
"If you didn't hurt your wrist, why did you bandage it every time?"
For a moment Heiji thought Kaito was going to ignore him, but he answered, surprisingly. "To cover up the thing I don't want to see."
But there's nothing on- Heiji widened his eyes as he flicked his gaze to his own timer on his wrist before looking back at Kaito. "Your timer? You're covering your timer? What for? You need it to know when you'll meet your soulmate."
"I'd met her already." He muttered.
Heiji frowned, sitting up. He didn't recall Kaito ever mentioning any girl's name before, much less knowing that he had a girlfriend. "And where's she now?"
Like what Heiji thought again, he guessed Kaito was going to ignore him, and he was right this time. "What about that Toyama girl?" Kaito asked. "Is she your soulmate or what?"
What a brutal and effective counter-attack... "Uh, no."
"No?" Kaito raised an eyebrow, his eyes sparkling with curiosity. "That's odd. Based on my senses, I thought you two are."
"And you're wrong." Heiji muttered. "My timer… it's been zero since the first time I remember seeing it."
Ah damn it, of all the damn people in the world, he couldn't believe his weird roommate would be the second one to know his deepest, darkest secret. He expected Kaito to burst out laughing, to mock and tease him for being the loser he was destined to be, but their room was filled with nothing but silence.
Heiji dared himself to look up.
Kaito was staring at him earnestly, so much that Heiji was finding it slightly discomforting-
"What about Toyama's timer?" Kaito asked, breaking the moment.
"It's still counting down."
"I see." Kaito nodded his head and leaned back against his chair, the silence filling up between them again.
But Heiji wasn't going to lose this moment. It was nearly a speck of dust worth of chance that they would ever touch upon something as serious as their soulmate timer and not bickering about something like who snored the loudest at night. Though he considered Shinichi to be the wisest man of his age (including himself too, of course), Kaito wasn't that far down in his ranking list either. He could be infuriating and weird at times, but his brains did made up for it.
"I researched about this issue in the past." Heiji paused, just to make sure Kaito was listening. "They said there were two possibilities. One, my soulmate died. Two, I don't have a soulmate."
Kaito frowned. "What did you say your timer shows again?"
"Zero."
"Then it's not true."
Heiji blinked. "What's not true?"
"The first point." Kaito muttered. "It's not true."
"How do ya know?"
Kaito showed a wry smile before raising his left wrist (though there was nothing Heiji could see). "From my experience."
This time, Heiji couldn't help but let the silence fall between them, so long and tense that it was suffocating him-
"Don't look at me like that." Kaito grabbed a Rubik's cube from his desk, his fingers swiping the rows of the coloured cube at fast speed. "I hate it."
"Sorry."
"Don't say that. I hate it too."
Heiji bit his lower lips, trying not to cringe at his ridiculously, stupid awkward self. "Uh, do you wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"Okay, then. But one last question." Heiji paused, trying to look for any reaction coming from Kaito, but there was none. So, assuming he didn't mind, Heiji continued. "What does your wrist show?" He asked.
"An X; a red cross." Kaito said before tossing his completed Rubik's cube back on his desk.
"Oh."
"Anyway," Kaito cleared his throat, magically bringing the atmosphere back to how it was. "What's left is your second possibility, but I can't say for sure if it's true or not." He added a half-hearted shrug.
"It's fine. Thanks… for listening and sharing." Heiji murmured. In actual fact, he still had lots of questions and thoughts he wanted to ask and talk about, but for the first time in a long while, Heiji didn't want to test the length of his roommate's patience today.
That's too cruel for him, too.
Knowing the conversation was finally over, Kaito spun around in his seat as he began wrapping the bandage around his wrist, covering the pain only he could feel and see.
.o.
As the next year went, Heiji could tell Kazuha was distancing herself from him, but he couldn't exactly blame her, or call her out for her change. Everything, good or bad, eventually had to come to an end after all.
The tragic reality that Heiji feared since he was young was happening.
Understanding why Kaito hid his wrist under those bandages—the X was just a painful reminder of whatever had happened to him—Heiji wondered if Kazuha was bearing almost just as much. Having to witness the numbers decreasing every second, knowing the exact time she had left with him were numbered...
If Heiji was Kazuha, he probably couldn't stand it either. He might consider copying Kaito's method too.
Screw this soulmate thing. Heiji growled inwardly. Why can't we live the life we want? Why are we following this damn clock and allowing it to control our lives?
He got to admit he was a scumbag, a selfish bastard to think of such a thing when everyone else benefited from this god-sent gift. There were lesser heartbreaks in the world, almost zero divorce rates for all the population, and so on and so forth; the main problem was that these benefits didn't damn well apply to him.
How unfair.
Whatever. No matter if he was a scumbag or a selfish bastard, what he could confirm was that he was still Hattori Heiji, the man that couldn't bear to let the love of his life Toyama Kazuha go.
But provided Kazuha thought the same as him too.
It takes two hands to clap after all.
.o.
He should have seen it coming when Kazuha texted him to ask him out to meet. There wasn't any happy, smiley emoticons she usually used, and there weren't meeting at their usual venue whenever they were supposed to head out for some yummy lunch or dinner. The place she initiated was the same bench that they celebrated her 20th birthday last year.
The doomed bench, it seemed.
They sat there in silence for a short while, trying hard to get comfortable. Heiji wasn't sure or know how to start, and he could only wait till Kazuha did.
"Heiji…" She finally began, her lips curled down as she twiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I don't think we can be friends anymore."
The words made him fly up from his seat, his ears ringing and head dizzy. "What do you mean?!"
Slowly, Kazuha stood up from her seat too, eyes lowered and refusing to meet his. "We can't continue this." She mumbled even softer this time.
"Why? Explain to me. We can't just… break off like that!"
She bit her to stop it from quivering. "There's no point in this friendship when eventually you'll find your soulmate more important than anyone else."
Heiji scowled. He was honestly expecting better reasons than this. "That's unfair. You don't see people breaking off friendships just because of this soulmate thing, is there?"
Kazuha glanced up, and she hiccupped on the cue. "Do you really think that, between us, we're only friends all these while?"
Something pulled in his chest when he saw how Kazuha's eyes brimmed with tears, and his brain stalled, malfunctioned, and all that left his mouths were trails of "I… We…", until he gave up and didn't speak at all.
So, for the next five minutes, they just stood there, eyes meeting each other and unwilling to back down despite how their tongues were tied up like… their heart (As least he thought hers would be too).
But finally managing to brace himself and use his remaining strength, Heiji forced himself to speak. "If you're worried I'll ruin your relationship with your soulmate, I promise I'll back off once he appears. But not now, Kazuha. We still have time."
(He was really a fool, thinking he was confident enough to say that)
"Time? What time? Heiji." Kazuha asked, her teeth gritting. "Tell me, how much exactly do you have left before you meet your soulmate?"
Heiji sighed.
Now or never.
"I'm-"
"Okay, you know what?" Kazuha said and slapped her hands over her ears. "I don't want to know. It's too much for me to handle. I'll rather have my peace."
"Kazuha. We can just-"
"Must I be so explicit and admit that it's because I'm actually a selfish person?" Kazuha smiled bitterly, her hands fisted and arms clung tightly to her side. "The reason why I'm distancing myself isn't because I feared you'll ruin my relationship with my soulmate. It's rather because I don't want to ruin yours. I've been selfish for far too long, and it's got to stop."
How stupid. "You won't."
"I will! I'm a jealous freak, okay? In case you haven't noticed, Ahou!"
"...To be fair, I'm a jealous freak too." Heiji mumbled.
"Wow, I can't believe you'd admit such a thing, ever." Kazuha wanted to laugh, but what came out was a choke instead. "But you don't have to worry about ruining my relationship with my soulmate because you won't. I... don't even have one anyway."
Heiji blinked as he stared at her, his lips cracked and dry-
Kazuha continued. "My timer… since the time when we were little kids… it's always been zero. Even now. Zero. I'm sorry I lied. But I…"
A second later, she burst into tears.
As Kazuha continued to stand before him and cry, Heiji couldn't feel anything besides… happiness (what a scumbag he was). The sudden rise of adrenaline was making him float, and he had to take in a couple of deep breath before he could focus and stand properly instead of dancing and jumping around, which he really wanted to do now.
He only grabbed Kazuha's shoulders, shocking her to a mute.
"Are you- are you serious, Kazuha! Your timer has been… zero all the time?"
"I… know it's not normal. Maybe I'm from some freak planet who's going to be alone forever while you'll be off with your soulmate—"
"Kazuha, listen t-"
"—I just can't stand it, thinking and knowing that you're gonna be with her for the rest of your life. Do you know how hard is this for me? I can't do this, you know. Watching you with someone else."
It was almost impossible to stop Kazuha's rambles once she started. He'd been there—been through all those moments where her rambles could go on and on without a need to pause for a breath. He did think of a method to shut her up effectively (which he always wanted to try), but he never dared to execute it.
This seemed like a good opportunity.
Right at the moment when she parted her lips and was about to spill another word, Heiji leaned in, kissing her right on the lips. He felt the electric current running through his body and down to every strand of hair on his head, and he could feel her responding to his kiss; her lips moved, and he felt her hands shifting, cupping his elbows-
But he had something more important he needed to tell her, and having no choice, he pulled away, regrettably.
"Kazuha, listen to me."
"...O-Okay." She blurted, her eyes still looking dazed and confused. He wasn't sure if kissing her actually created an opposite effect rather than making her listen, but anyway-
"You said your timer is set at zero the entire time?"
She nodded. "The entire time, for as long as I remembered."
"Kazuha," Heiji took in a deep breath. "Mine too. My timer is zero. And it always has been for as long as I remember too."
He swore he saw her eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head, and he spread his arms out, all prepared to catch her in case she fainted right there and then. "H-Heiji… you mean…" She wheezed.
"It all make sense, Kazuha! We met when we were babies, didn't we? That's when our timer stopped! The timer did work its magic!"
Kazuha let out a soft gasp. "I still can't believe this. This is-"
"I know." Heiji slapped a hand over his eyes. "Idiotic, damn it. For more than ten years, I've been fooled. And that's why I lied about it to you too."
"Heiji... We've been fooled, actually." Kazuha laughed, and it sounded much better than a choke now. She took his wrist, fingers trailing past where his timer was. "We're such idiots. To get affected by our zeros..."
Heiji grinned. "Well, zero is where everything starts."
Kazuha looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that quote from-"
He plunged his head forward again, kissing Kazuha's soft, sweet lips until they both ran out of breath and broke apart. Kazuha's face was flushed—and it was the best shade of pink Heiji could ever ask for.
"H...Heiji-!"
"What I'm going to say next, though, isn't anyone's quote." Heiji straightened, face solemn and serious as he pulled her hands to his side. "It comes from the bottom of my heart."
"Okay." Kazuha nodded, her face colour slowly going back to normal. "I'm all ears."
Heiji nodded and took in a deep breath. "...I love you, Kazuha."
She saw that coming, definitely, because she had been biting her lips to hold back the grin from escaping, which she failed, terribly. Kazuha eventually laughed. "And I love you too, Heiji!"
So, for the rest of the night, they continued shouting at the top of their lungs, trying to out beat each other's silly, loud proclamation of love.
They were 21 years old then, and together, forever, they still had a long way to go.
.end.