Erin gasped out a soft, "Oh my God," as she watched that man calmly shoot one of her agents. Vaguely, she heard Penelope murmur something as well, but all she seemed able to focus on was how cold she felt in that moment. Despite all her years in the FBI, she had never seen someone killed before her very eyes.
Penelope turned to look at her, quick tears in her eyes. "I can't do this, Ma'am."
"Yes, you can. I have faith in you, Penelope." Reaching out, she closed her hand around the woman's shoulder. No one knew that they had become friends recently, bonding over the shared sorrows in their lives.
The phone rang and she picked it up, never letting go of Penelope's shoulder. "Yes?"
"This is the Director. Erin, you need to get our people in there, now. That's an order."
Sighing, she let go of Penelope and hung up the phone, stepping outside to tell Agent Hotchner and David about her orders. She couldn't meet David's eye, knowing she would give them away if she did, and so she accepted the verbal insubordination he offered without word. She smiled slightly at Penelope as they passed each other and then collapsed on a chair, burying her face in her hands.
She was so close to breaking down, to walking out of that van and heading to the nearest bar and getting shitfaced drunk. And then Penelope was coming up to her, sitting next to her and wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her close. "You do not need to go out and get drunk right now."
"How did you know?"
"You had that look of being trapped in your eyes." She nodded and turned towards the woman, wrapping her arms around her waist and holding her tightly as she struggled to gain control of her emotions. It was a losing battle, though, and she cried, letting out some of the horror she held close. "I have you, Erin."
She nodded a little before taking a deep breath and sitting up, looking into Penelope's eyes. "This is a really bad craving."
"We're in a really bad situation. But I promise you that somehow, we will make it out of this. And there will be a silver lining. Somehow."
"But what if I make the wrong call? What if my actions result in more deaths?"
Penelope gently chucked her chin, smiling at her. It was a sad smile, one that wobbled and shook as it lingered on. "I want you to listen to me, carefully. Whatever happens in there today is not your fault. You did not choose to go in there and rob it. You did not choose to start shooting hostages. You are just the one who has been tasked with making the difficult choices, to make sure that this ends and soon. You can't take responsibility for their actions. You can only shoulder that for your own."
The words of wisdom pouring from the woman's mouth was like a balm to her, and she nodded, trying to calm her breathing. "I think my head understands that, Penelope. My heart, though…"
"It's harder to get your heart to listen to you. I know that full well." Penelope opened her arms, and Erin fell into them, letting herself sob for a few moments. She tried to focus on the feel of Penelope's hand rubbing her back, trying to soothe her, and eventually, she calmed herself enough so that she could sit up and wipe her face free of the tears.
"At least I didn't wear mascara today. I didn't have time to put on makeup, I barely had time to change."
"Was that you we saw, then, this morning?"
Erin tensed up, her mind racing at a thousand miles a minute. She had no idea that someone had seen her at the hotel that morning, and she brought her hand up to her mouth, trying to think of something to say. "I did spend the night at a hotel. What makes you think you saw me?" She was trying to buy time, to come up with a cover story, but nothing was coming directly to mind.
"Well, I was going to the con being held in the attached convention center, and Reid and I ran into Kevin. Can you believe that he brought Gina to our con?" Erin shook her head. "I know! We've been broken up for all of a week it seems like, and he's already moved on. Anyway, I dragged Reid off, because there was no way that I could spend another moment in his presence, and we ran into Rossi."
Erin felt the blood drain from her face. She had walked out of the hotel too soon, not given him enough time to get on the road. It had been a risk, but she had been willing to take it, since there had been so little possibility of them seeing anyone they knew there. "And then you turned and saw me," she whispered.
"Uh huh. Did you spend the night with Rossi?" The way she asked the question didn't set off any alarm bells in Erin's head, and she focused on her eyes. "I mean, I'm not going to tell anyone if you've found a bit of happiness in his arms. From the little I've gotten to know about you, you deserve some of the sweetness of life."
She took a deep breath, thankful that Penelope was very tenderly drawing her out of her shock, out of the moment, to focus on something in her life that was good at the moment. "Yes, I did spend the night with David." A bright smile swept across Penelope's face. "What?"
"I don't need to know all the details, but, I've found that if I talk about something else, something to lighten the heaviness of an experience, it makes it better. So, will you tell me what it's like? We've all wondered, Jayje, Emily, and myself. Is he as good as his reputation makes him out to be?"
Erin blushed a little as she thought about what she felt comfortable telling Penelope about the physical aspect of her relationship with David. "It's different, now." She watched Penelope's eyes widen, and realized then what she had revealed. "Yes, we had an affair in the nineties. I won't lie, it was torrid and rough and the very stuff of fantasies. But, we also cheated on our spouses. Neither of our marriages ever really recovered."
"Oh." Penelope reached out and clasped her hand tightly. "I am so sorry that you weren't free to love back then."
"Yes, well, it's different now, we're in a different place in our lives. We've been seeing each other since I got out of rehab. He was the one who picked me up, took me home. He spent that first night with me, holding me, as I cried and craved and desperately wanted to fall into a black hole."
"That is so sweet," Penelope breathed out. "Was he the one who convinced you to check out my group?" Erin nodded. "I'm glad he did. I'm glad that we've been able to become friends, but go on with your story."
She nodded and threaded their fingers together, needing something to center her. "So, as we dated, we talked about taking things to the next level, but I wanted to wait. You're not really supposed to jump into a relationship until you're a year sober, you see, and I wanted to test those waters, make certain that I wouldn't fall off the wagon. I'm surprised that we made it, but, David has proven himself a loyal, earnest, sweet, man. And after three months of dating, I decided that I wanted to take that next step. Of course, my timing is horrible, as usual."
She laughed a little, taking a look around the mobile command center. "Maybe the universe knew you needed a little bit of happiness and joy before you were thrown into this situation. Now, what was your night like?"
Erin sighed and let her head come to rest on Penelope's shoulder. "It was perfect. I hope that doesn't sound schmaltzy, but it was. We had time to explore how our bodies have changed in almost twenty years, we took time to discover what we like the most in bed. It was tender, gentle, everything I needed. I love him."
Those words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she heard Penelope gasp softly. "So soon?" she asked, and Erin nodded.
"Yes. He fills this crack in my soul with hope and promise," she answered as she heard the door open. Springing away from Penelope, she sat up straight, wiping her cheeks free of tears and then straightening her clothes. "We're back here," she called out.
Heavy, familiar, footsteps padded towards them, and she felt her shoulders sag in relief as David joined them. "What has you holed up back here with Strauss, Kitten?"
She could tell that he was trying not to look at her, to give them away, and she gave him a tiny smile, bending her head towards Penelope slightly. "Your girlfriend and I were having some girl talk time to get our minds off the horror. Sometimes you just can't focus on that crap any longer without being overwhelmed. But, I should get back to it. I'll just shut this door on my way out." She got up and caressed Erin's shoulder softly before leaving them alone together.
"So, she knows?"
"We were a little less than discreet when we left the hotel this morning. You took too long talking to Spencer and Penelope. It sort of gave us away." He took a seat next to her and held out his arm. Instinctively, she curled up against him, resting her head on his upper chest, listening to his heartbeat. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and she sighed.
"What is it, Erin?"
"I'm craving. Penelope talked me down from the ledge, that's why we were back here. I was so close to tossing five months progress out the window." A few tears escaped her eyes once more and she spread out her hand on his chest, digging her fingers into his shoulder a bit.
"But you didn't. When this is all over, come home with me?"
There was something so tender about his words, and she nodded, knowing that he wanted to protect, to keep her safe. "I would love nothing more than that, David."
"I've told you, call me Dave."
She shook her head. "No, you're my David, the one who chose to take on the Goliath of my drinking problem, and with three little words, you managed to kill that specter."
"And what are those three little words."
"You're still you." She could tell by the way she stiffened that he had not been expecting those words to come from her mouth. "I know, you were probably thinking that it would be I love you, but while those words are pretty enough, that's not what I needed to hear. Somehow, you knew that, and breathed new hope into me with those words. It's part of why I love you so dearly. Even if I am taking a huge risk in sleeping with you."
He leaned down and kissed the top of her head and she sighed once more, rubbing her cheek against his firm chest. "If we had the assurance of not getting caught, I would make love to you right here, to show you how much you mean to me."
"That would be most unwise. We'll have to save that for tonight." He nodded and pulled her closer to him. She couldn't help climbing into his lap and hugging him tightly for just one moment. "I should get back out there. If Aaron or any of the others were to walk in on us, I don't know what would happen. It's scary enough knowing that one wrong word from Penelope could cause our house of cards to come crashing down around us."
"We'll be fine, bella, I promise you that." He gave her a soft kiss and she smiled against his lips, loving the taste of him. "One more kiss before we rejoin Penelope?" She nodded and he threaded his fingers in her hair, holding her close as he gave her a passionate kiss, one of his hands squeezing her ass. "You need to wear pants more often."
"Why? So you can stare at my ass all day?" she asked as she stood up, holding her hand out to him.
"Yes." She giggled at his very honest answer and closed her hand around his, leading him out into the room with the computers. Penelope looked up at them, a tiny grin on her face. "Anything new on the screens, Kitten?"
"Not really, no. They're still twitchier than squirrels on caffeine, but we'll figure this out and stop them. I won't let this ruin the rest of our weekend." She looked at Erin and winked, causing her to blush a little. "I just wish I could figure out who we are dealing with."
"They'll make a mistake, Penelope, and when they do, we'll bring them down." The vehemence in her voice startled even her and she tried to smile, tried to calm the beating of her heart.
"That we will, bella, that we will." She didn't think he realized that he had used her nickname in front of Penelope, and that brought a true smile to her face. Maybe this was the wrong call to make in a situation like this, but suddenly she didn't care who knew about their relationship as long as she was this happy. And she hoped that she would be this happy for a very long time.