INT. HARDWARE STORE. DAY.
Nick and Jess arrive at the hardware store.
Jess: I don't even know what we are doing here Nick… why don't you call a handyman?
Nick: Oh, so easy for you to say! You break the shower and we all have to pay for it!
Jess: It was an emergency!
CROSS CUT. FLASHBACK.
Jess is taking a shower, singing to herself. She turns around in one swift move. REVEAL a rubber spider on the shower's faucet. Jess screams horrified and hits the spider with a wooden loofa, missing it and plucking the faucet off the wall.
INT HARDWARE DAY. CONT'D
Jess: It was a spider!
Nick: No, it wasn't! It was Terrence, Winston's playtime shower buddy!
Jess: What's up with that by the way?
Nick: He had a terrible time when he was away… Lonely…Never mind. (Cont'd) I mean, you HIT it with a wooden stick!
Jess: Loofa
Nick: That's not even a word
Jess: It was Schmidt's… He's gonna kill me. He loves to exfoliate
Both Nick and Jess shake in disgust at the though of it.
Nick: Well, let's get this over with. Let's split: can you bring the nails and screws please?
Jess blushes.
Nick: I mean… you know, for the faucet
Jess (Awkward): Ai ai captain! Will be baaack
Jess walks away quickly and stumbles upon a cart full of nails. She looks back at Nick, laughing falsely. Nick scratches his head, weirded out by the situation.
INT. HARDWARE STORE. A LITTLE LATER.
Jess is waiting by the check out counter, looking around to see if she finds Nick. Suddenly Nick appears with a full cart of handymen clothes.
Nick: Oh this is going to be so much fun!
Jess: What the hell is all that?
Nick: Overalls, and gloves, and HELMETS. Imma be a maaaaan
Jess: Oh god…
They both start putting stuff in the counter.
Nick: So… you are coming tonight?
Jess (Mocking): I thought it was "guy's night"
Nick: Well yes, but you CAN enter the bar anyway.
Jess: And who's bright idea was it again?
Nick: Me, of course. The entrepreneur of the hour!
Jess: I thought you hated the bar
Nick: Well, yes but…
INT BAR. FLASHBACK
Nick is mixing some drinks on the bar. He pulls out some glasses. One has a big stain on it. He pours a drink on it anyway and hands the glass to an OLD MEN. ANABELLE is sitting right next to OLD MEN and sees this.
ANABELLE (Whispering): What are you doing? Did you hand that guy a drink with a dirty glass?
NICK: Don't worry about it; he's totally gone.
They both look at OLD MEN. He is staring at the bar, his eyes lost.
OLD MEN: Mommy? Are you there?
ANABELLE (to Nick): That's not okay anyway!
NICK: Oh, and who are you to tell me that?
ANABELLE: Oh, I don't know… just maybe the new manager of the bar!
Annabelle pulls out a nametag of the bar.
NICK freezes and smiles.
INT. HARDWARE. CON'TD
Nick: So now I'm trying to impress her, and "Guy's night" was a big hit! I mean, the clientele is mostly boring old drunks anyway
Jess and Nick grab the bags from the counter and head to the parking lot.
JESS: Are you sure that's it? (Then) I mean, I met her yesterday… she's pretty.
NICK: What's it to you?
JESS (Angry): Nothing!
NICK: I mean, I AM free to impress whoever I want, right?
JESS: Correct
NICK: I mean, it's not like anyone else is interested
JESS throws the bags violently on the car and steps into it.
JESS: Of course Nicholas! Now get in
NICK smiles, and gets in the car.
INT BATHROOM. DAY.
NICK is trying to fix the shower, but somehow ends up pulling some pipes out of the wall. He staggers and falls in the bathtub. He sighs at the look of the messed up wall.
SCHMIDT (V.O.): MY LOOFA!
JESS runs into the bathroom and locks the door. She looks at NICK with panic.
SCHMIDT (V.O.): (Behind the door) Jessica, Nicholas. I want an explanation RIGHT NOW.
The door trembles.
SCHMIDT: Let me in! Jesus… you know it's "loofa Thursday"! Why would you do this to my pores? Why?
NICK: Schmidt, go away! We left you a new one on your bedroom.
SCHMIDT (walking away): Oh you had better bought me the sensitive skin one!
JESS looks at NICK, relieved.
JESS: So, how's this going?
They both stare at the destroyed wall.
JESS: Need a little help?
NICK (getting up): I got this, don't worry.
Nick pushes the new faucet into the hanging pipe.
JESS: Nick, I don't think you should…-
NICK: SSSHHHH, this is perfect. Do me a favor: open the sink faucet to see if we still have water there.
JESS approaches the sink and turns the handle. There's an awful sound of pipes that becomes louder and louder, the pressing of the water building up.
NICK: Jess, step away from the…!
Nick can't finish his sentence, because the handle of the sink turns loose and flies over hitting Jess in the head.
NICK/JESS: Oh my god!
INT. LOFT. A LITTLE LATER
NICK and JESS are entering the apartment. She's wearing a bandage over her head and he's helping her walk a little.
JESS: See what happens when you get all "I'm fix-all Nick"?!
NICK (apologetic): I know, I know… Look, I already called Schmidt. The plumber is coming in a while. Have I mentioned I'm sorry?
JESS: About a thousand times if you count the ride to and from the hospital…
NICK: I'm SO sorry
JESS: I just hope these painkillers help me with the headache… I'm sorry that I'm gonna miss "Guys' night"
NICK: Don't worry about it.
WINSTON pops out of his bedroom.
WINSTON: Oh giiiiirrrrl that looks nasty!
JESS: Why are you talking like that?
NICK: Yeah man, did you come out from the Fresh Prince?
WINSTON: I just… I don't like wounds… or bandages…
WINSTON gags. NICK hurries JESS to her room while looking at WINSTON creeped out. They reach JESS 's bedroom. NICK is about to go in.
JESS (Stopping him): Hey… well, thank you for driving me to the hospital. I think I got this from now on… I'm going to rest a bit.
NICK (Disappointed): Oh, yes, I mean – I was just going to help…
JESS: I know… Thank you but… I'd rather you didn't come into my room. It's…
NICK: Weird, right?
JESS: Yeah…
NICK: Ok then, rest up.
NICK tries to hug JESS in a soft, detached way. They hug weirdly. She lets go and closes the door with a faint smile.
INT. BEDROOM/LIVING OF THE LOFT. NIGHT.
JESS wakes up in her room. The pain makes her head ache, so she goes out into the living room.
JESS (Touching her head and with her eyes squinting): Guyyysss…
Nobody answers.
JESS: Did everyone leave me?
REVEAL Cece behind her.
CECE: I'm here!
JESS jumps scared and hugs one of the pillars of the loft.
JESS: OH MY GOD CECE! You nearly gave me a heart attack!
CECE: I'm sorry! I was checking everything was fine in the bathroom. The plumber already fixed the mess your boyfriend made… Aren't you made for each other or what?
JESS: He's not my… Ceceeee, ugh, this hurts so much! Where did the guys go?
CECE: It's guys' night at the bar so, you know. You know, free alcohol? They ran for the hills and left me here to take care of you.
JESS: Aw, they are so sweet!
CECE looks at her with her eyebrows raised. JESS grabs her head again, in pain.
CECE: Oh Jess sit down, here, sit on the couch. Did you drink those painkillers?
JESS: Yes, I took one but it made no effect apparently.
CECE: Then take some more!
JESS: No, Cece! These are supposed to be VERY strong… ouch…
CECE: Listen to me Jess. Being a working model, I can definitely tell you that those little pills are like candy. You know how many times I drank 5 of those just to get through a photo shoot with small stilettos and a high barn fence? (Cont'd) Just… trust me. Here, have some more.
CECE gives JESS a couple of pills and a glass of water. JESS then lies down in the couch and CECE puts a blanket over her. CECE's cell phone beeps, she looks at the message.
JESS (All covered up): Who is that?
CECE: Uhm, its Shivrang. He wanted to know where I am. He had made some dinner reservations but, never mind, I'll just ask him for a rain check
JESS: No way Cece, he's the future father of your eggs, and your soon to be husband! Go, really!
CECE: I'm not gonna leave you like this
JESS: Seriously, it's late. They guys will be home any minute now. Plus, all I want to do is sleep so you will be just wasting your time. Go to your Indian prince.
CECE: Uh… You sure?... Okay. But PLEASE call me if you need anything ok?
JESS:Yes, yes, go! I'll be fine. (Singing) Fiiiiiiiiineeeee
CECE leaves and JESS falls asleep.
INT. LIVING ROOM LOFT. LATER THAT NIGHT
The living room is dimly lit. WINSTON, DAISY, NICK, SCHMIDT and a HOT GIRL enter the loft. Everyone but NICK is really drunk. DAISY pushes WINSTON into his bedroom and SCHMIDT and HOT GIRL run into his. NICK sighs and puts down his jacket on the couch. An "ouch" is heard in the dark.
NICK (Lighting up the lamp): Jess?
JESS (A little asleep still): Yesssssss, who is this?
NICK: It's Nick. What are you doing sleeping here?
JESS: Cece… Shivrang… pain… head… pillar.
NICK: Uh-oh… ok. Ok, hang on tight, I'm going to take you to your room.
NICK scoops JESS off the couch. She puts her arms around her neck and buries her head in his chest, while mumbling something. NICK blushes a little and carries her to her bed. When he tries to let her in the bed she doesn't let go of his neck.
NICK: Oooookay Jessie… here's your beeed, let go…
JESS doesn't let go, and NICK ends up bent over her trying to free himself from her embrace. JESS is looking down, muttering weird things but then shuts up.
JESS (Looking up):You called me "Jessie"?
NICK: Well…
JESS pushes NICK onto the bed and he falls on top of her.
NICK: Ouch, Jess! What are you doing? Are you drunk or what?
NICK looks at JESS, who seems like she's going to cry.
NICK: Oh, Jess, no… I'm sorry. Oh, god, don't cry!
JESS: You HATE me!
NICK: I do not, how can you think that?
JESS (Sobbing) : Yes, you all hate me. You left me in pain, and went with that Anagel
NICK: Annabelle
JESS: Whatever!... and then Cece left, and she gave me pills..-
NICK: Pills? As in, more than one?
JESS (Sobbing and covering her face with her arms): FIVEEEE!
NICK: Oh Jesus… Ok. Listen, listen.
NICK pulls JESS's arms away from her face. For a minute they stare into each other's eyes.
JESS: Don't leave me…
NICK: I won't, I promise.
JESS suddenly smiles, a little kooky. She hugs NICK tightly.
JESS: YAYYY, sleepover!
NICK: ….Uhm, yay…
JESS: Okay, let's do this.
JESS lets go of NICK and unbuttons her pajama. She takes it off and is left with only her bra and her pajama bottoms. She then proceeds to take NICK's shirt off.
NICK(Baffled):What… what are you doing?!
JESS (Fighting Nick to unbutton his shirt):We are going to have sex Nicholas. Sex is much more fun without your clothes on!
NICK: What, no! When did you decide this?
JESS: You told me you were staying. Sleepover, with my face-smoocher. Suck my face again, Miller…
JESS leans in to kiss NICK as she tries to take off her bra.
NICK (Pushing Jess away): NOOOOOO!
JESS stops and looks at him. NICK breathes heavily, taking for the first time a full glimpse of her half naked body.
NICK: Look Jess, don't take this the wrong way… I… I can say this now… I would love to sleep with you but…
JESS (Imitating NICK, mockingly): "Not like this"?
NICK(Hurt):Well, yes…
JESS, embarrassed, puts her shirt back on.
JESS: But I want you now. Naked. In my bed.
JESS leans in, they are just a few cm away. NICK swallows.
NICK: Well, I'll tell you what: I can stay over tonight, and we can sleep. BUT just sleep. Tomorrow maybe, we can talk this over. Does that sound ok?
JESS: Sex tomorrow?
NICK (Smiling): Yes, maybe sex tomorrow. Also, I need to talk to you about something that I...-
JESS (A little sleepy): Okay. Sleepy time.
JESS hugs NICK again, tight. We can see him smiling sweetly, like a dream has come true. They both get under the covers and sleep embraced.
INT. BEDROOM. NEXT MORNING.
JESS wakes up, groggy. When she finally opens her eyes, she doesn't understand why she is in her room. The last thing she recalls is the living room. She sits up and feels a tug on her hand; she looks to the side. REVEAL NICK sleeping right next to her, his hand grasping hers.
JESS (Screaming):WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!
NICK(Awakened):AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
JESS:Nicholas Miller, what are you doing here?!
NICK:Oh my god you scared me to death… What do you mean what am I doing here? You begged me to stay!
JESS:I most certainly did (She lets go of his hand) NOT!
They both stare into each other's eyes, shocked. She looks down: her pajama is still a bit unbuttoned and we get a peek-a-boo of her red bra. Nick looks involuntarily. JESS sees that, she covers up immediately.
JESS: Stop staring Nick! Oh god… what happened last night? Did we have sex?
NICK: Wait… you don't remember anything?
JESS: Oh god we had sex… oh god… the apocalypse has begun. I am an amnesiac slut.
NICK (Mostly to himself):You don't… so you didn't mean…
JESS: What? What did we do? Oh please tell me we didn't role-play. I hate role-play.
NICK: (Sad) No, Jess. Wait. Nothing happened.
JESS: Then what are you doing here? In my bed? I mean, UGH. I told you I didn't want you in my room.
JESS realizes her words were harsh. She looks down.
NICK: Look, you just passed out on the couch. We came home with the guys, we were drunk. I took you to your bed and probably passed out. I'm sorry. But nothing happened.
JESS: Well, thank god! We didn't want to break your "nail code".
JESS, once again realizes she's out of line.
JESS: Look, I'm so..-
NICK: No, save it. It's okay. You're in pain. You were hooked up on pills. I was drunk. Never mind.
He gets up and leaves the room, with a hurt look on his face. JESS stares at him, then at the room, then at her clothes. She feels confused.