Sirius Black slowly made his way up the front walk of Number 12 Grimauld Place. It had been a harrowing day and he was mentally bracing himself for it to get much, much worse. He had royally fucked up again, and this time he knew she wouldn't forgive so easily. He lingered at the door, knowing that the moment he pushed it open, all Hell would break loose.
Might as well get it over with, he sighed and turned the knob. The moment the hinges turned, he was met with the opening guitar solo of Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria. He only knew the song because she was so fondly attached to Muggle music and constantly had thrown it onto him. He grimaced, knowing the song was all but welcoming him home. He could hear her upstairs, stomping around and throwing things, though what exactly she was throwing he didn't know. As the first verse bellowed from upstairs, he cringed. You could've been all I wanted, but you weren't honest, now get in the ground. You choked off the surest of favors, but if you really loved me you would've endured my world. She was definitely not going to forgive him so easily this time around.
He could hear doors slamming shut from the third floor, from her bedroom. He momentarily wondered what she was doing before making his way into the kitchen. He wasn't quite ready to face her just yet. He found the bottle of firewhiskey hidden in the third cabinet from the stove and jerked the cork out. Pressing the glass to his lips he took a greedy swig, relishing the raw ache as it burned down his throat. Well if you're just as I presumed, a whore in sheep's clothing - fucking up all I do. And if so here we stop, then never again will you see this in your life.
He hadn't meant it this time. He never meant to stray. But he was getting so tired of hiding what they were. Sure, he was twice her age, and Harry's godfather, but he could never completely understand her reasons for covering up their relationship. Maybe because it was based primarily on sex? From that angle he could almost understand.
He had met Evelyn Crow when she was only fourteen. She was even more a pain in his ass than Granger back then. She had transferred to Hogwarts from America because she wanted the full experience. She wanted to learn from the best, and she apparently held Dumbledore in the highest regards. She had fallen in with the Golden Trio easily enough. She was smart (though not as smart as Granger, because that is clearly an impossible feat to accomplish), had a great sense of humor, brave and compassionate. She had helped the Trio get Harry through the Tournament and had sealed their friendship by staying around when Voldemort had risen again. She was not afraid to fight, and fight she did.
She had saved his life. When Harry had so foolishly stormed the Department of Mysteries in his fifth year, she had been among those present. She had fought alongside the Order members who had gone to their rescue, along with the rest of Harry's friends. Sirius had been stunned when he had turned to see Bellatrix ready to strike. Just as her lips formed "Avada" he heard another voice to his left scream "AVADA KEDAVRA" and had watched in awe as Bellatrix fell to the floor. Evelyn had saved his life, and paid a heavy price for it. That summer, the teens had stayed together at Number 12 Grimauld Place with him, and he would often find her alone in the lounge in the middle of the night. He never spoke to her, never said a word about what had happened. The only time it was mentioned, she had merely whispered "I killed her." In response he had only to say "Thank you." And that was the end of it.
After her sixth year at Hogwarts, she changed. Before, when he had first met her, she was nothing more than a smart ass, tiny little thing with a big mouth and too many opinions that she did not mind sharing with anyone—whether they wanted to hear them or not. When the gang had returned for summer break that year, he saw the change automatically, and it had knocked the air right out of him. Her dark brown, almost black hair had grown longer, and there was something wild yet tamed about it. She had filled out considerably, and he was amazed by the way she carried herself. She still had a loud mouth, but he began to find himself watching it, even when no words were being spoken. He noticed that she was watching him too, and it unsettled him, yet drove him absolutely wild. He wouldn't dare touch her, but he found himself wanting to.
After the Second Great War was over, she, Harry, Ron and Hermione had all returned to Hogwarts and finished out their seventh year. That night, Molly Weasley had thrown a graduation party of sorts, and things began to unravel from there. He had found her in his study, alone and clinging to a bottle of Ogdens Finest. She had watched him silently as he entered, her dark eyes moving with him. He had approached her slowly, as one would an untamed beast. She had scoffed at him, propelling herself forward from where she had stood by the wall and wrapping her arms around his neck. She had kissed him roughly and he soon found himself forcefully pounding her into the closed door and roaming his hands up her dress. That was the first time they had fucked.
He laughed out loud at the memory, at the way he had phrased it. Because honestly, it was the farthest thing from making love. He hadn't loved her, still did not truly love her. He cared very deeply for her, very much indeed, but they had no real future. All their relationship consisted of were loud, thrashing moments of abandon and bliss, carried on through the last two years. She had moved in with him, under the pretense of wanting to stay in London where she belonged. All of her friends had accepted it, thinking nothing of it because really, who would have imagined what was going on behind that closed door. They had had moments close to love. Moments where their eyes met across from the table at dinner and she would smile, and he would wink, and they would feel comfortable and content. Moments that ended with a caress of fingers gently over skin, silently holding each other in the middle of the night, sprawled out on the floor in front of the roaring fire. He relished those moments, but they were in the past now.
Sirius Black had seriously fucked up. He had cheated. He had gone out of his way to sleep with another woman again, though he had not come home that night. He had waited until dusk the following day. But if you could just write me out, to neverless wonder... happy will I become. Be true that this is no option, so with sin I condemn you.
Demon play, demon out!
He took one last gulp of firewhiskey before trudging into the lounge and waiting for her to march downstairs and give him a piece of her mind. He was utterly surprised to find her already there and waiting, a packed bag at her feet.
"Evelyn?" he whispered, not exactly comprehending what was going on.
"Sirius…" she trailed off. He was unnerved by her eyes. There was no sign of crying, no sign of the anger he could hear moments before. Only acceptance. He could see it in her eyes, the end of whatever it was that they had shared. She was truly finished, and it was in that moment that he realized he was not ready to let her go. One last kiss for you.
He reached out for her, but she stepped past his arm. She leaned in and gave him a swift peck on the cheek before turning away. She picked up her bag and moments later he heard the front door close with a soft click. He fell back onto the couch and put his head into his hands.
"I'm such a bloody fool," he murmured to an empty house.