A/N: Here's the first chapter, hope you enjoy it.

~~Gibbs' POV~~

--- In the bull-pen ---

He wondered how DiNozzo would be today. He knew he had been trying to act like everything was okay, like he wasn't hurt, like he didn't miss her, like he didn't care she was gone. But he could see him flinch every time someone said her name, he could see him wonder how he was going to live without her, he could see him wonder how, after everything that had happened, he still loved her, so much. He had a picture of her in his pocket, looking at it when he thought nobody was looking, rubbing his thumb over her face, as if he was caressing her cheek.

He wondered why she hadn't called or e-mailed. Not even a little sign of life. He could understand she wouldn't contact Tony, but she hadn't even contacted Abby. Even he didn't understand why nobody had heard from her.

He walked out of the elevator and looked around. His gaze fell on his senior agent, Anthony DiNozzo, wearing the same expensive suit as the day before, dark bags under his blood-shot eyes, ruffled hair and a sad expression on his face. It was clear he hadn't gone home the other night.

When he looked up and locked eyes with him he noticed his eyes were dull, not even a tiny sparkle in the beautiful green eyes that used to be bright and full of life, but, what really caught his attention was how old he suddenly looked. He was only the ghost of the once energetic sexist womanizer. He now was a pile of sadness, regret and lost hope. He didn't want to be sorry for his senior agent, that was exactly what Tony didn't want him to be, that was why he was acting like everything was okay. He didn't want to look weak, sad, or broken. He simply couldn't, he always needed to be strong and tough.

"Hi, boss." Tony said emotionless, and then looked down again, concentrating on his work. His voice sounded like he looked, like life was sucked out of him. It had been a bit like this every single day for the past 3 months. He hadn't talked to anyone, not really at least, he had just acted like he was okay, cracking jokes from time to time, even though everybody knew it was just to keep up appearances. But today, today was different, today was worse.

"Morning, DiNozzo, where's McGee?" He asked, wondering why his senior agent who was never on time was sitting behind his desk, and his junior agent who was always on time wasn't.

"He's down with Abby." Tony said, not bothering to look up.

"Well, get him up here, we've got a case." He said impatient.

--- On a ship, the crime scene ---

"Whatcha got, Duck?" He asked, looking down at the M.E.

Ducky looked up and smiled. "Ah, Jethro! Well it appears that petty officer Robertson here, has been shot, but I'll know more when we get him back. Oh, and I found this…" He said, holding up a knife. "He had it in his pocket, but I'm not sure it's his… it has a Jewish star on the handle, not really something a catholic marine would carry with him…"

He nodded. "Time of dead?"

"I'm not sure, probably about 9 weeks ago, but I'll know more..." A worried expression crossed his face when he looked away for a second. "… when I do the autopsy. How is Anthony?" He asked, nodding towards the special agent.

He sighed. "I don't know, Duck. He's trying to act like he's fine, but even a fool could see he's not."

Ducky looked at Tony. "He's drinking again, isn't he?"

Somehow, Ducky always knew what was happening, why it was happening, and what was going on in a person's head.

"You got something else, Duck?" He asked, not wanting to answer the question.

Ducky sighed. "Don't blame yourself for this, Jethro. You, more than anyone, know what he's going through. He'll come to you when he's ready."

He just mumbled something that sounded like 'thanks, Duck', and then walked away.

--- In Abby's lab ---

When he walked out of the elevator he almost walked into Abby's lab, when he heard what Abby and McGee were talking about.

"I'm telling you I don't know, Abby. It's been exactly 3 months now, you've seen how he's looked for the past 3 months, but now, it's even worse… he's drinking again for instance. I know he tried not to, but when I came in this morning he had blood-shot eyes, wearing the same suit he did yesterday, and he looked… really bad… he's staring a lot in the distance… thinking about Ziva…" He heard McGee say, frustration and worry evident in his voice. He could imagine Abby's eyes growing big at that, and his suspicion was confirmed when he heard her answer.

"God! It's her fault!" Abby yelled. " She betrayed him, he tried to protect her and all she did was yell at him… I know everybody misses her, and I do too, but I just… I'm so mad at her, Tim… she left us…" She said, calmer, tears in her eyes.

McGee raised his eyebrows. "Abby, calm down, I know she misses us too, even Tony. I don't know why she still hasn't called, but I'm sure she has a good reason… you know how close they were… you can't just ignore that…"

"Yeah, I know, Tim. But she hurt him so much, and she still is, without even being here… or well, that's actually why she's still hurting him, because she's not here…" She rambled, and her face fell when she looked up at him. "He really loved her, like love love Tim… and he still does…"

"Yeah… I know." McGee said, and sighed. "And I know he's hurting, it's obvious he misses her terribly. He stares at her desk a lot, he actually has this picture of her, he only looks at it when he thinks no one can see it, but I saw him staring at it a couple of times, he really is a mess."

He chose that moment to walk in, enough was enough. "You don't look too good yourself, McGee." He said, surprising his agent and forensic scientist.

"Hi, boss." McGee said, earning a glare.

"Sorry, boss."

He narrowed his eyes and sighed. "Don't apologize, McGee, it's a sign of weakness."

"Right, I'll be going, boss." McGee mumbled, before quickly walking towards the door. He watched him get into the elevator before smirking. He turned around and bumped right into Abby.

"How is he? How is Tony?" Abby asked, grabbing his arm.

"Didn't McGee just tell you? How good he looks and how happy he is?" He asked sarcastically.

She just looked at him, begging him to tell her.

"I don't know…" He said, not wanting to tell her. "It's not like he's talking much."

"Ah, come on, Gibbs. Don't give me that! You can read him. You know how he is, you know he's even worse now, it's been exactly 3 months! You know he misses her… you know he loves her…"

"I know, Abbs, I know… I just don't know what to do about it…"

Abby raised her eyebrows, obviously surprised that he didn't know what to do. "You don't know? How do you mean you don't know, you're Gibbs, you know everything."

He rolled his eyes. "I don't know everything, how should I know what to do with a guy who is in love with a woman? I've got 3 ex-wives!"

"Not funny, Gibbs." Abby said while she hit him on his arm with a little smile that she was trying to hide. "Just tell me, I don't know what happens in the bullpen, I'm never there, I barely see him! He never comes down…I just want to know if he's okay…"

"No, he's not okay, Abbs." He said, pulling her into a hug when he saw her expression.

"He's sitting behind his desk, acting like everything is okay, like he doesn't miss her, and when he thinks we don't notice, he stares at her desk with the saddest expression possible." Gibbs said, looking a little defeated, something that didn't happen much.

"That bad, huh?" Abby said, her voice slightly trembling.

He kissed her forehead. "Yeah... but you know I'll make sure nothing happens to him." He whispered in her ear.

She nodded and returned his hug. "Yeah, I know."

"Why don't you tell me what you've found?" He said, letting her go.

"I know who the girl in this picture is." She said, holding up a picture. "It was in one of his pockets. It is Levana Stavi, a Mossad officer, currently stationed on a ship in Somalia. Maybe she was his girlfriend or something, since he was stationed there, too, before he came back 10 weeks ago. I also ran the prints on this knife…" She said.

"Boss, I've got something here… which I think is very important, crucial for the investigation even."

They turned around to see Tony standing in the doorway, looking just like he did earlier, McGee was right, he really was a mess. He heard Abby gasp and looked at her again.

"Just a moment, DiNozzo, let Abby finish." He said, and gave a small nod that said she had to continue.

"… but I haven't got them yet." She said, finishing her sentence while not taking her eyes off Tony. "What's wrong?" She asked. When she didn't get an answer she waved with her hand. "…Tony?"

He turned around and noticed Tony was staring at the knife in Abby's hand. His eyes had grown big and he was pointing at the knife with his finger. "The knife… where did you get the knife?"

Abby raised her eyebrows. "The knife? It… it was found at the crime-scene… why?"

"Well, it's… Ziva's." He whispered.

He looked from Tony to Abby, and from Abby back to Tony. "How do you mean, it's Ziva's? How can you be sure it's Ziva's? There are more people with those kind of knives, DiNozzo."

He just shook his head. "The star…" He said, staring at the knife in Abby's hand. He sighed. "There is a star of David on the handle, one like the one around her neck. Am I right?" He asked, knowing it was there. "It's Ziva knife, boss, I'm sure."

There suddenly came a beeping sound from Abby's computer and they turned around. He heard Abby gasp and saw her turn her around, shock and disbelief written all over her face. "Tony's right, Gibbs. The prints on the knife, they're Ziva's!"

"Something is really wrong, boss… what if she's…" Tony asked, suddenly looking like he was going to throw up.

He narrowed his eyes. "She isn't, DiNozzo, she can't be." He said. I haven't given her permission to die.

"What is it you wanted to tell me?" He suddenly asked, remembering Tony had something very important to share with him.

"Oh, right… I went to Ducky, and he told me the exact time of dead… it isn't 9 weeks, boss, it's 11. Which means that he died…"

"…in Somalia." Gibbs said, finishing Tony's sentence. "Go home and pack."

"Guess we're going on a trip…" Tony said, walking to the elevator, not even the slightest hint of happiness in his voice.

He turned around to say goodbye to Abby when he saw her sad expression.

"He looks bad, Gibbs, really bad. He's not even happy you guys are going to Somalia, while he used to jump at the chance to go to another country or state…" She said, her voice hoarse and worried.

He sighed. "Don't worry Abbs, he'll be okay… in time…" He said, and kissed her on her cheek.

He started to walk towards the elevator. "How long will you guys be gone, Gibbs?"

He turned around. "Probably a week or so, maybe a little longer."

She grimaced. "Okay, see ya soon!" She ran towards him to give him a hug. "Bring them back safe, Gibbs. Yourself too." She whispered in his ear.

"I will." He said, turning around and walking into the elevator, waving until the doors closed.

Thanks for reading, please review. Next chapter will be up as soon as possible.