[b]A/N: I don't own any of the characters form Harry potter Blah Blah Blah, Ya'll know the drill. Title credit goes to Breaking Benjamin's song; Into The Nothing. Comments and Criticism welcome (and much appreciated). Enjoy!
"Look at me."
Seconds Latter everything in his world faded to black.
What seemed like seconds, but could have been minutes maybe even weeks latter Severus Snape found him self standing in what looked like an extravagant version of a muggle bank that he vaguely remembered going to with his mother as a child.
He was in Limbo.
The floor was made of different types of marble cut into an intricate patter. Great white columns with different magical creatures carved into each of them, several displaying notable wizards such as the founders of Hogwarts, supported the high stone celling bewitched to look like the cosmos , reminding him of the Great Hall of his former school. Along one wall was a set of great wooden doors that would make even Hagrid seem small and along the opposite wall was a row of windows each with a receptionist behind it, the factor that reminded him of the banks.
Above each window beautifully scripted signs floated directing people where to go; Old Age, Disease, Accidental, Suicide, Murder, Massacre, Battle of Hogwarts and related, Other, Inquires made here. There were only a few people on each line save for the one entitled Battle of Hogwarts and related. Taking a place on said line he noticed many many faced he recognized.
A few people in front of him was a death eater he recognized but did not know the name of or care to know. Ahead of him was a fifth year Ravenclaw, the boy looked much younger then he had in the halls of Hogwarts, Glancing behind him he saw one of the Weasley twins. Although he was never particularly fond of the Ravenclaw and the twins were on the list of his most disliked students, second only to their younger brother and his two friend, he found himself incredibly... sad? For their deaths. Despite their mischievous behavior, the twins were incredibly intelligent in the subject of potions, inventing their own as early as their sixth year, for trouble making purposes of course. Farther behind the twin was Remus Lupin and his wife Tonks. He watched as the werwolf held his wife as she cried, their son was not yet a year old. The second son of a Marauder who was orphaned in the fight against Lord Voldemort.
The deceased professor slowly moved up in line thoughts of the world he left behind running though his head. He could not help but see the irony that off all the people at Hogwarts, Harry Potter was the one who watched as his life slipped away. Harry would be the only one left who knew Severus Snape's truth, The truth that he was not an evil man, he was by no means a good man but he spent his life risking himself to protect Harry and in turn the wizarding world. But Harry would have to die, the prophecy foretold it, and with the boy the knowledge of Snape's good deeds to would surely die. Every so often the Man would glance back looking to see if the boy who lived had finally met his end.
Eventually he reached the front of the line, the woman behind the window was a young witch, her long straight hair was a white blond color that greatly reminded him of Lucius Malfoy, she was rather plane looking, dull blue eyes and an average nose. The only thing truly notable about her appearance was the purply red streak across her neck, the mark left from a noose. In his head he could hear the thirteen year old Lilly Evans say to him [i] Suicides end up in civil services in the afterlife [/i]. Her name plate read; Caroline
"Name." Caroline asked.
"Severus Snape."
He watched as she opened a large leather bound book entitled [i]Battle of Hogwarts[/i]. She flipped till she found the proper page.
"Sign next to your name."
He was passed a quill and the book rotated to face him, the names on the page were listed alphabetically by last name with a number next to them. The numbers were not in order however, they were to inform you as to what number person you were to die, the first person to die in the battle being number one, the second being number two and so on and so forth. As he began to write his signature he noticed new names appear on the page moving other names and signatures farther up or down, people who just died he thought to himself as he continued. When he finished the witch pulled out a book with a large S on the spine.
This book opened it's self to a page with his name at the top. On this page was all the information of his life. His birth date, the name of his parents, his blood status, his job, his address, his patronus, even his love of Lilly Evans was recorded, it listed him as a Death Eater and member of The Order of the Phoenix and this is where the blond seemed to get stuck.
"Odd, you are the only one who I've seen be listed as both. Your loyalties lie with the Order however."
" I am the only one who is both, a spy working for the order." He told her cooly.
"Left arm please." She demanded.
Complying he held out his arm to her and pulled up his sleeve to show her the evil mark branded upon him. As soon as it was revealed it glowed an acid green and disappeared leaving behind no trace that it ever existed. The look of confusion and shock on the woman's face told him this was not normal.
"Oh my, well that answers the question on were you shall be going. The only Death Eater who was not under the Imperius Curse to escape going to hell. Go threw the doors over there, you shall be greeted on the other side."
Doing as instructed he passed threw the doors on the other side of the great room and found himself on the shore of a lake, once again being reminded of the school he was headmaster of only hours ago. The first years traveled to the school by boat and it seems he would to travel to where ever it was he was going the same way. The ferrymen looked eerily similar to Dementors, smaller though. Climbing into the boat that seemed to be calling to him, Severus took in the scene around him. It was incredibly dark, like a night where there are no stars, only the moon's glow dancing silver on the lake. The water shown a glassy black , the sand on the shore a white grey, a cold breeze like icy breath on the back of his neck and the door he came from was no where to be found. He could not see the other side of this lake for it stretched out past the horizon. The only sound to be heard was the gentle lapping of the small waves.
The boat glided across the water silently, it was only then in this silence he realized he was not breathing. There was no rise and fall to his chest, no air passing threw his nose and mouth. His heart beat to had stopped leaving him to feel strangely empty. The thought that his blood stopped cold in his veins gave him a chill.
Slowly they reached the horizon, nothing looked different but he felt a feeling in the pit of his stomach as if he were falling, but as quickly as it began it was gone. Soon though the scene did change. Around him one by one boats carrying those who had taken the side of Voldemort began to burst into flames and dip forward slipping under the water disappearing as they did so. The Damned, engulfed in a lake of fire as they descend to Hell. A flash of terror passed through him as he waited for his own vessel to do the same but no such thing happened, he continued on silently to the now visible shore.
He arrived silently and stepped out onto the sandy shore that resembled the one he had come form, the only difference was a line of trees past the sand. Looking around for a familiar face, his black eyes landed upon one he expected to never see again.
"Lilly." it came out in a barley audible whisper.
She wore the same clothes she had been in the night she died, still as young and beautiful too.
"Oh,Sev." Lilly reached a grace-full hand out to his leading him towards the forest. As they walked he noticed the lantern she held in her other hand. They walked on silently for an indeterminable amount of time. One could not as it seemed sense time in the land of the dead. Just when he began to wonder if he would spend eternity walking threw this forest with her, she spoke. "We are almost there, just past those trees, you see." He nodded but did not see anything but misty darkness. Soon enough, however they passed through the mist into a place that could not be described. It was neither dark nor light, empty or full, as if they were somewhere but nowhere at the same time.
"Where are we?" He asked. "The Afterlife." She replied releasing his hand and turning to face him, her lantern now gone. They were alone.
"I am so sorry Lilly. For everything, I never wanted you to be harmed. I still carry the weight of all I've done to you. It is my fault that you are here, I begged for your life..." Snape said trailing off, tears prickling at the back of his eyes. She placed a gentle hand on his left arm. "Shhhh... I forgive you, you have repaid your sins tenfold. Severus, life was unkind to you, but let us not dwell on that now, for there are people here to see you." She let go of his arm and gestured around them, they were no longer alone as she had said there were three others who had joined them.
His mother, the first to approach him. She was smaller then he remembered her being, she died when he was twenty-three but he did not attend her funeral. When he became a Death Eater she refused to speak to him ever again. She claimed that he was embracing all the things she had hated, all the pureblood evil that she ran away from, the very thing that drove her to marry a muggle and get disowned from a powerful family. The last words he heard her speak were her telling the then seventeen year old Severus Snape "Get out of my house, as long as I live you are not welcome here. I will not have a son who embraces such evil in my home!" Twenty years later and the words stung more then they had when she said them. Why? Because in time he would realize that she had been right in that argument, he had become something so horrible that not even his mother could love him.
She stopped a few feet from him looking him over, he could feel her eyes intensely looking him over, taking in the sight of her son for the first time in so many years. He at once felt what it was like to be subjected to the cold gaze that he cast upon so many of his students. He silently wished she would look away, anywhere but at him. He lifted his left sleeve showing his unmarked arm. The woman's eyes warmed at this,
"Look at you Severus, my little prince. You're not so little any more, but to little to be here. My child, you're not yet forty, so many more years you should have lived." she moved so she was less then a foot from him and had to tilt her head up to see his face. "I did... what I must... mother." His voice was soft not cold or full of regret, but instead acceptance. He had accepted that by assisting those who were great, The darkest lord in history, Hogwarts greatest headmaster; Albus Dumbledore, and eventually Harry Potter, the boy who would save the magical world, he himself became great, he was vitally important. It was not the great importance he had longed for his whole life but he could accept that.
"I am so proud of you for that." The black haired woman wrapped her arms around him. He returned the gesture apprehensively. He could not remember the last time his mother had hugged him, he was sure that in his lifetime she did but it was before he went to Hogwarts as a student, if not before he met Lilly. Before releasing him, he heard her faintly whisper; "Welcome home son."
The next person to see him was, no surprise to him, Albus Dumbledore. He was not surprised that he had come but to seeing him was a greater shock than Snape had expected it to be. The last time they had seen each other was the night he killed him.
Their conversation was not a long one, the old man knew more about Severus Snape than anyone else, he had been the closest thing to a friend the young man had had since he was sixteen. Still it was a comfort to see the familiar face of the man who had guided him, taken him in when he had no where to go, and protected him when he deserved to spend life in Azkaban.
The last person to see him was the biggest surprise and the last person he had wanted to see. He was sure that they had only come to make his peaceful afterlife a living Hell. The last person to come welcome Severus Snape to the Afterlife was James Potter. James came to him with a warm smile that was met with a cold glare the dead professor had long ago reserved for him. Severus crossed his arms "Have you come to torment me here two, didn't do enough to [i] greasy ol' Snivellus [/i] when we were in school?" Snape sneered. The smile on the other man's face fell and he looked away embarrassed.
"No, not at all." James looked around before speaking again.
" I...I came to, to say thank you. Thank you for all you've done for Harry, I know it couldn't have been easy for you. To put your self constantly in harms way for [i]my[/i] son means more than you could ever know. I know if our roles had been reversed, I'm ashamed to say I would not have done the same for you."
" I did not do it for [i]you[/i] Potter. Believe it or not you are not the center of the universe." Snape spat. He could not believe the arrogance of the man to think he'd risk his life for him. James looked around again uncomfortably. Severus Snape saw that James still was, like Lilly the same age he was when he died, sixteen years ago. Only four years older then Harry at this point.
" Right... I know... It was for Lilly, but it still means a lot to me. And I, I uh I... I'm really sorry for everything I did, you know... you were right about me. I was an arrogant, selfish, spoiled brat, I see that now. I really don't know why we picked on you." James said.
"I do recall you once said it was because I existed." Snape replied cooly.
" Oh, yeah... that really was a terrible excuse. I guess I may have been jealous of you."
Had he been able to breathe Severus Snape would have choked but instead he scowled and raised and eyebrow as if to say that is the most absurd thing he has ever heard. "And what in my life could you ever have possibly been jealous of? I was a poor boy who was neglected at home, tormented at school and only has ever had one friend." Hearing this made James feel and look more guilty then he ever had
"You had the most beautiful girl in the school, if not all of the United Kingdom for your best friend. Her face used to light up when ever she saw you, I wanted her to do that when she looked at me. From the moment I first met you and her on the train I was in love with her. But she had you, why would she need me. You were the smartest person in our year, you invented incredible spells, the fact you created spells is incredible. I would never have been able to do that especially as a teenager. Like I said, you were right, I was a spoiled brat. I got what ever I wanted and did what ever I could to get my way. I wanted Lilly and well..." He trailed off embarrassed at how horrible he really was in his life.
" You got her Potter. Are you proud of yourself?" He sneered in reply to James who shook is head "No.. I love her more then anything, except for Harry. I'm not proud of the way I got her though." The two dead men stared at each other for a moment before the recently deceased man spoke.
"You are lucky then that you son, despite inheriting your face and habit of getting in trouble inherited Lilly's morales." It was true. He refused to admit it, but he knew it all along. Harry was more like Lilly. It was easy to hate him for being James's son, but he knew he could not hate Harry if he thought of him as Lilly's. Harry was everything he regretted, everything in his past he wanted to forget staring right back at him with her eyes.
"I guess I am. Look, I don't expect you to forgive me. I'm not looking for friendship I don't want anything from you. All I wanted was to tell you how sorry I was and to thank you. Severus." James said and then after a split second of deliberation stuck his hand out. Snape eyed him warily and took hold of the out stretched hand with his own. Shaking it firmly he replied "You're welcome. James."
They were joined by the only thing the two men had ever agreed on, Lilly Evans. She lightly planted a kiss that's feeling would linger on and on, upon Snape's cheek before bidding him farewell. "We must go, I'm afraid, Harry has the stone." Lilly told him as she and her husband began to flicker and then disappear.
For the first time since he was sixteen, Severus Snape was happy.