I'm Sorry

Loved ones die and they abandon us,

and they don't care whether

we're suffering because of their abandonment. And whether the way they left was voluntary or not, is irrevelent .

Making us feel alone, and scared

the darkness of my room creeps into my heart.

The constant pain in my chest burns away to ashes leaving only cinders.

The day you died

was the day a big piece of my soul died as well.

I'd lay cringeing on my bed holding my head between

my knees screaming because it was the only thing I could do.

Yelling ,begging why -He- had taken you.

The Guilt, The Pain, The Self-hate

grips my heart.

The only reason you had left the house that night. Was because we had had a fight.

And I made a big mistake when I told you to "get out". "That I didn't care what

happened to you, that you were better off dead".

That I told you...that I wished you were dead- I dindn't mean it! I never meant it!

It wasn't true!...you should have known it wasn't true.

It Was All My Fault.

That hollow, numbed organ that is my heart, Darkened Intenseified, if that was even possible, deeply in my chest.

I wish you hadn't left. I wish that you were here with me.

Laughing, smiling, joking like we used to do. I wish that I was in your arms. Like as if nothing had ever happened. I wish it was a dream.

'And if you can somehow hear me'... "Please, Please... I beg you to

forgive me". Because I know, that I won't ever be able to forgive myself for what I've

done to you.

I get up slowly, winceing slightly as the coldness of the

tiles seeped into the of my bare feet. I drag myself

to the bathroom. I put my hand on the sink to hold myself up. I reach inside the

cupboard and take out a set of

pinkish-brown pills that are called - Caedmen -. I aquiered them from my therapist.

I've been haveing to go to those doctors lately

because my family thought I was going to have an

emotional breakdown when I had heard the news of his death. The pills were supposed to calm me down when I had attacks. They are supposed to numb my emotions. Or so

they tell me. I rreaallly can't say because the pills make me out of it.

I shudder remembering how it's horrible,how the pills make me feel or should I say, not feel. When I ingest these pills...nothing, nothing but this lethargy, this numbness, Is what I feel.

I stare grimly at the bottle. And lift the bottle to my lips.

And I swallow.

I swallow every single pill.

I want to be with him.

I want to see his face, his smile, hear his voice and laughter.

My kness weaken and I begin to crumple to the ground. Only my hold on the edge of the

sink keeps me up. The feeling of such intense sleepyness, kicks in...a dull pain in my throat begins. The pain of my throat overtakes me. The pain no longer just a tingling.

I am concincous enough to recognize the meaning of that.

I am about to die.

My legs give way and I fall to the floor.

I can feel my concincousness slipping away.

Then suddenly, abruptly the pain stopped. My once ebbing strength returns. And confused, I look up.

And to my shock.

I stare at a face identical to mine...

His cat-like yellow eyes, red-hair, his ivory skin- a replica of my own features.

I mouth two words. Words to so filled with emotion, with so much meaning, such easy words to speak.

And so hard to say, all the same.

"I'm so Sorry"

He smiles- what was once oure trademark- a mishevous smile at me.

I realize then...

He never blamed me.

And the weight in my heart, in my soul, lifts.

I reach for his hand, basking in the warmth of him, my twin, Kaoru. He lifts me from the ground. And Wraps me in his arms...

"Let's go home, Hikaru"

~ The End ~