Blue Fish

By Inaecis

I hate you! I hate you! Freak! Stay away!

The sad thing was, she didn't even need to say it out loud. I heard it all through her eyes.

"Wait! Kelly! Please stop! I won't hurt you!" I stopped and looked down at my hands. "I won't hurt you."

But it was true, what she thought, and so there was no reason for me to run after her. I was a freak. I gripped my notebook tightly in my hand, needing to feel the physical pain as much as I felt the emotional. It wasn't fair.

I wasn't looking up, but then again I didn't need to. The open courtyard of my school was familiar ground, and I had memorized its every facet. Out of my vision, I knew where every pine tree sat languidly, where every plot of soft grass was, and where every accusing eye glared at me. It was as if everyone stood in the same spot each day after school. As if they were waiting for me to come out, simply so they could stare.

Something slammed into me and I dropped the notebook. I turned as it slid across the grass.

"Watch it, Adam," a sneering voice called out. It was Tomas, but I had known before turning around.

"Stop calling me that, you moron. And watch where you're going," I growled back. Any other day I would have walked away. Any other day I might have ignored what he did. But today I was really in the mood to kick someone's ass.

"What was that you said, Adam? I'd watch what I say if I were you." Tomas straightened, his red hair spiked into knife-like protrusions from his head. It was really ugly looking. His nose was huge, and it crawled across his face like a bug, but all the girls loved it. They thought he was beautiful. Yeah, beautiful like a wart.

Adam was what Tomas called me. But I guess everyone did behind my back. It wasn't a name, more like a title. It stood for Abnormally Defective Anomalies and Mutations. That was the PC meaning anyway, and when they talked about it on the news it was always ADAM this and ADAM that. But everyone knew that they meant the freaks. ADAMs were people with…things wrong with them. They had powers—or gifts as my mother called them. But what I had was no gift. In fact, it was ruining my life. The day my mother found out I was an ADAM, the police came and fingerprinted me and injected a microchip into my neck, "to keep me safe."

Different explanation, same ending. I knew the real reason. It was done just in case I hurt someone and they had to track me down. I know this because they had to "neutralize" one of my best friends. Nick. He's dead now. ADAMs aren't killed anymore. They're neutralized. Neutralize still means the same thing. I guess it's another way to dehumanize us—keep us from "polluting the population."

When the police came they had tattooed my neck with a blue stenciled fish. I had chosen the shape myself when I was discovered, pretty much the only decision I was able to make about my life. But no matter what shape the ADAMs are allowed to choose, a blue tattoo means the same thing. You're different.

So when Tomas called me Adam, he wasn't being nice. Adam was becoming more of a debasing name every day. For me anyway. I had never really hung out with any other ADAMs, after Nick, so I wouldn't know how they felt.

And I hated it.

"My name isn't Adam and you know it," I said to Tomas. A group was beginning to form around us. It was no surprise. I was the only ADAM in the school. Whenever I made a move someone's eyes were on me. "Keep calling me Adam and you're gonna pay." It was my first threat.

Tomas chuckled under his breath. "You freak. I thought you weirdos had learned your lesson. The normal people are only tolerating you because they don't want to get their hands dirty. You are disgusting, you know that? Go ahead, give them a reason. I can't wait until the police come here and take you away to be dissected like all the others."

I felt the anger choke in my throat, and I stretched my hand towards my discarded notebook without taking my eyes from Tomas. I pulled on the anger, using it to make the book fly into my hand. The confidence in Tomas' eyes faltered, and he stepped back.

I really didn't have a plan after that, but something stopped me before I could move.

My eyes caught on something, just above Tomas' shoulder and I focused on it. It was Kelly. An invisible hand lifted a strand of brown hair away from her hazel eyes, but she shook her head away.

I pulled back, swallowing. She knew what I was doing, and she hated it.

Don't touch me.

This time, she wasn't the one to run away. But the anger in her eyes was enough to chase away my own rage. Her eyes echoed Tomas' words.

You're disgusting.

I turned around, not wanting to admit to myself that I was running. The crowd of students that had gathered made way for me as I escaped. They gave me a wide birth. They didn't want to touch me. As if I were contagious.

All eyes were focused on the blue fish on my neck.

"Yeah, that's it," Tomas said from behind me, recovering. I didn't look back, only forward into the beautiful, sunny day. But somehow it felt as if the sun wasn't shining where I was. With each word his voice grew stronger, louder. "Run away. You freak! You wimp!"

I think now that I would have agreed with him even if Kelly's eyes hadn't been on me.

As I walked in the door, I felt my mother's disapproving eyes watching me from her picture beside the doorway. I knew that if she were still alive she would have been ashamed. Every time I used my powers she got angry with me, and I was always met with an hour-long lecture. Of course I never told her when I used my powers, but it didn't matter. She always knew, and sometimes I toyed with the idea that she had powers just like me, a power specifically designed to punish me when I even thought of stepping out of line. But I guess that's all mothers.

She never approved of my powers, but she didn't punish me for that. It was using them irresponsibly that really made her angry.

"In order to get people to know you like I do," her voice echoed from my memories. "You have to show them by your actions. You have to earn their trust. People won't be quick to trust someone with a gift like yours."

It reminded me of a pit-bull this old woman had in the apartment across from ours. It was a nice dog, and I don't think it would ever bite anyone. But it didn't matter. When she walked it to the park people would cross to the other side of the street to avoid the dog. The dog was so nice that the thought of biting someone would never enter its mind, but it was still a pit-bull. I kind of understand now, it didn't matter if the thought never occurred to him; the potential was still there.

One day, while the old woman had her dog off its leash, running around the park, she was attacked. The police had said it was an attempted robbery, but something had gone wrong and the would-be thief ended up shooting the old woman. The pit-bull came and lunged at the bastard's neck, to go in for the kill, but he brought his arm up to protect himself. The dog only managed to break his arm before the police arrived and pulled them apart. With a good lawyer, he had gotten five years for manslaughter, and he had blamed the pit-bull for a stray bullet hitting the old lady. Everyone knew he was a crook, but no one protested when the dog was put to sleep.

My mother tried to fight for the dog, saying that she would take care of it, now that the old lady was gone. She went to the police station every day, begging them to let the poor creature live.

After all, it was only trying to protect the old lady.

But they killed it.

"A pit-bull is still a pit-bull," the police said. "He already has the taste for blood. He's not safe to be out in the community."

It felt like I cried for a year. I found myself wondering what would qualify as my "taste for blood."

So I usually didn't use my powers outside of my apartment. I guess I didn't want to give anyone a reason to put me to sleep.

But in the privacy of my own home I allowed myself the simple pleasure of using a pair of invisible hands. I flicked on the lights without lifting a finger, humming as I sat in the kitchen, watching the pasta sauce stir itself atop the stove.

In my sanctuary I gave myself time to calm down and remember that tomorrow would be the day that I could show Kelly what I was really like. She saw me just like everyone else, a threat. But I knew that if I kept trying, she would see that I wasn't dangerous. I hadn't hurt anybody after all. I had absolute control over my powers.

Well, almost.

But it didn't matter. Tomorrow was another day, and it was another chance to prove that I wasn't as horrible as everyone thought I was.

"Hey Adam!"

I sighed, pushing my anger away. I just had to accept the fact that some people would never respect me.

"Hey Adam! I'm talking to you!" I turned around and faced Tomas, wondering if he even knew what my real name was.

"Yeah Tomas. What do you—?" The words caught in my throat. There she was, right at his side. Kelly. I wasn't ready to see her. It was too soon. I wasn't even ready to explain myself, to apologize for yesterday. She had known that I used my powers to move her hair, and she hated it. She hated me.

"Oh, I see you've already met my friend Kelly here," Tomas sneered. His friends walked up behind me, blocking my escape. "You see, I noticed something yesterday, and I was just talking it over with Kelly. She didn't really believe me, so I decided to ask you about it." His tone was happy and smooth, as it usually was, but today even more so. He had the upper hand, and he was relishing every moment of it.

I looked at him cautiously, afraid to speak. I took care not to look at Kelly. I could barely see her hair out of the corner of my eye. My eyes were seeing Tomas, but every part of me was focused on Kelly. "What do you mean?" I asked.

He was looking even more smug than he did when I first saw him. "Well I got the feeling you ran away because you saw Kelly."

I flinched as if I had just touched fire, but I said nothing.

"So I asked Kelly if she knew why you had run away," he continued. His voice did not falter. "And she didn't know. I suggested it was because you have a bit of a crush on her. Is that true Adam?" The name was a jeer.

Inside I was screaming, and I looked down at my feet. If I looked at him I knew that he would explode. I hated him.

But Tomas wasn't going to stop there. "Do you like her Adam? Does the little freak have a girlfriend?"

My hands tightened into fists at my sides, and I bit my lip to keep from using my powers. I wanted to punch him so badly with all the strength I had.

"You too afraid to answer freak? You like her or what? You—"

"Yeah," I said slowly, cutting him off. "Yeah I like her. I like her a lot."

Tomas must have been expecting me to deny it, because he was quiet for a moment.

And then he began to laugh.

It was quiet at first, his usual sarcastic chuckle. But then it grew louder, and his friends joined in. "It's just like Beauty and the Beast," someone said amidst the laughter. "Who would ever love Adam?"

I heard the sound reverberate through my entire being, and for a moment I almost shut down. The anger that had been constricting my chest had grown and I felt for once like I didn't even want to control it. I wanted to release it. I wanted to make the entire building collapse.

"Wait," I heard someone say, almost inaudibly. "Stop."

Was it my mother, speaking from some long forgotten memory? That was all the sound I needed. It might have been a reminder. Today's battle was lost but there was still hope. As long as I didn't expose myself, I could still gain her trust. There was always time for that.

But she knew now, the thing she should have never known. Before she might have thought I wanted to be her friend, but now…

Now there was no mistaking it.

I turned and walked away from her and the laughter. I was walking away, instead of showing my strength. I would never show her I could be trusted unless I kept my powers in check.

Out the doors and across the front lawn. I kept walking and walking, never stopping until I reached the park. I finally slowed underneath the tree. The tree where the old woman was killed, years ago.

My anger had begun to fade, and it left only regret. I decided that I would sit underneath that tree forever. I was fooling myself to believe that Kelly would trust me. It wasn't who I was that mattered to anyone.

"Yeah, that's it," I mused aloud. "I'll just stay here forever. And no one will ever bother me again."

The sky grew dark and the moonlight reflected off the pond before me. I lay back and watched the blue light filter through the leaves of the tree. I could stay here in this peace. I closed my eyes and felt the calm of night roll over me.

Not soon after I sensed a presence, and I opened my eyes.

"Kelly?" I said in disbelief. The girl was standing over me, her face close to mine, silhouetted by the light.

She smiled, and I smiled back, because she had a special smile, just for me.

"Why are you here?" I asked as she stepped gingerly around me and sat down at my side. I sat up. "How did you find me?"

"I've seen you come here a lot," she said gently, looking out across the pond. Did she blush? "You would be surprised."

"Oh," I said, looking into my lap. I could imagine her having a great time in the park, and then having to leave because an ADAM was in the vicinity. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I didn't answer. And then, after a pause I spoke. "Listen. I really didn't want Tomas to do that, but in a way I'm kind of glad he did. I've always wanted to say—"

"Shh…" She said, and leaned back into the grass. I followed her example, and we both looked up into the branches of the trees.

I couldn't stand the silence. "There are flowers up there," I said quietly. "They're beautiful. Especially when they fall. The wind picks them up and they fly around…"

"I wish I could see that," she said. She turned her head and looked at me. "Are you allowed to…?"

She didn't finish but I understood what she was trying to ask. I smiled and focused on the branches and liberated the blossoms from the tree. The petals, which in daylight were pink, had taken on an azure color as the moonlight filtered through, and they danced above us in an invisible wind.

She gasped in awe, and I watched as the petals followed my command, swimming in circles, diving in and out of the glow of the moon.

"They're beautiful," she said as she watched the blossoms floating in the air. "Do you know what they look like?"

I kept my attention on the weightless shapes above us. "Hmm?"

She smiled and moved closer to me. "They look just like little blue fish."