TOW Three Drunk Girls

(An important thing to remember about this fic is that it takes place in season one when all of the girls are single. Also I used songs in this that I thought worked best, if they aren't ones that you enjoy.....so sorry, it's just meant to be a joke anyway.)

Monica, Rachel and Phoebe were sprawled around Moncia and Rachel's apartment in their pajamas, sipping a concoction of Monica's that was one part strawberries, one part ice cream, and about 5 parts alcohol. It wasn't so bad though, it helped Monica and Phoebe tolerate Rachel's moaning about the man who had recently dumped her.
"I mean I don't get it! Am I really that horrible a date?" Rachel asked.
"Oh, no, no, no! Honey you're not a horrible date!" Monica and Phoebe answered.
"Ohhh! You guys are so sweet!" Rachel whimpered. overly emotional from all of the booz in her system, "Aww, and here I am going on and on and on about myself, Mon you had that uhhhh......" she considered for a moment snapping her fingers to find the words, " that blind date last night! How'd that go?"
"UGH!!!!" Monica said into her glass, "Don't even ask!"
"Ohhh.....that bad huh?" Rachel said sympathetically.
"Yeah well at least you guys can get dates! I haven't had one in, ya know like .............forever!" Phoebe said.
"Aww Pheebs!" they said and joined together in a group hug.
"Is it us?" Rachel asked, "I mean is there something wrong with us?"
"NO!" Monica declared loudly, "There is nothing wrong with us! It's guys! There is something wrong with guys!!!!"
Rachel looked at Monica for a couple seconds as if contemplating the new idea before finally yelling even more loudly "YEAH!!!! There's nothing wrong with us! There's something wrong with guys!!!!"
"Yeah!" Monica and Phoebe yelled in agreement.
"Yeah! Guys are.......guys are losers!" Rachel said.
"Guys are creeps!" Monica added.
"Guys are........." Rachel began, but could not seem to find the right word.
"NOTHING BUT TROUBLE!!!!!" Phoebe yelled so loudly it would have woken up the people across the street, then to the shock of both Monica and Rachel began to sing,

"Boys are 'whys', they're 'ifs' and they're 'maybes', they think they're so big.....but they're just big babies!"

Rachel, who had been laughing the entire time, suddenly leapt up and sang along with Phoebe.

"Boys! The trouble with boys! The trouble with....boys! They're nothing but trouble!"

"Oh my god!!!!!" Monica cut them off, "Are you guys actually singing? You must be really drunk!"
"Yeah, " Phoebe said, and paused for a second then grabbed her empty cup, "and now it's time to get more drunk!" She wiggled her butt along to an imaginary rhythm as she went into the kitchen and put more fruit and alcohol into the blender. Rachel giggled and snorted while watching her, and then grabbed her own cup and rushed over to the kitchen, while Monica sat back and rolled her eyes. Rachel giggled and danced around the kitchen and back to the living room, sipping her now full cups as she went. Phoebe followed her, depositing the blender in Monica's lap. Monica put her straw in the blender and started sipping strait from there, while Phoebe and Rachel continued to dance around.

"I've known a few guys
who thought they were pretty smart
but you've got being right
down to an art!"

Phoebe sang and climbed onto the coffee table. Monica made no indication of even noticing this, which told Phoebe that she was just and drunk as herself.

"You think you're a genius
you drive me up the wall
oh you're a regular, original know it all!"

Monica was still rolling her eyes, but was also grinning widely and tapping her feet to the same imaginary beat.

"Oh, oh you think you're special
oh, oh you think you're something else.........
okay so you're a rocket scientist!"

That don't impress me much!
So ya got the brains, but have ya got the touch?
Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
but that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night.
That don't impress me much!"

Her and Rachel sang together, jumping around like madwomen and getting in sips of their drinks whenever they could. Next it was Rachel's turn to climb up on the coffee table.

"I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
and a comb up his sleeve, just incase.
And all that extra hold gel, and your hair outta locket
Cuz heaven forbid it should fall outta place!

Oh, oh you think you're special
oh, oh you think you're something else........."

Rachel sang then gave a dramatic look and sigh,

"Okay so you're Brad Pitt!

That don't impress me much!
So ya got the looks, but have ya got the touch?
Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
but that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night.
That don't impress me much!"

Phoebe clapped and rejoined Rachel on the coffee table where they giggled and tumbled about in a manner that sort of resembled dancing. Meanwhile Monica sat in her chair trying to breath through side her side splitting laughter.
"Come on!!!!" Phoebe said and motioned for Monica to join them on the table.
Monica shook her head, " Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!"
"Aww come on Mon don't be such a stick! We're all acting like idiots." Rachel said.
"NO!!!!" Monica yelled again. Phoebe and Rachel kept egging her on like little girls in a school yard, until finally Monica let out a frustrated screech and jumped onto the table shoving Phoebe and Rachel onto the floor, out of her way.

"You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine!"

Monica sang loudly with an intense, almost angry look on her face.

"You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in.
I can't believe you kiss your car goodnight,
Now come on baby tell me.......
you must be joking, right?"

Monica continued singing, raising her eyebrows into a questioning look. Rachel and Phoebe smiled at her, getting up from the places they'd fallen on the floor and pulled Monica down off the table with them where they sang together.

"Oh, oh you think you're something special
oh, oh you think you're something else.........
okay so you got a car!

That don't impress me much!
So ya got the moves, but have ya got the touch?
Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
but that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night.
That don't impress me much!

Ooh you think you're cool, but have ya got the touch?
Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alriiight,
but that won't keep me warm on the loooong, coold, lonely, nights!"

Rachel then sat back on the coffee table, pulled her legs up to her chest and whimpered pitifully. Then rolled over onto her stomach and sang in her best "come hither" voice

"Just lay down beside me, let us consummate.
I know you're plastic, I will help you deflate."

Monica snorted at this and said, "Yeah, I don't doubt that you would!"
Rachel shot Monica a death glare and then half lunged/half fell at her with Monica ending up backing onto the couch and Rachel falling on the floor for the second time that night. The three girls laughed then sighed. Monica looked down and sang, "Been so long."
"So long, so long" Rachel and Phoebe echoed her.
"Been so long," Monica sang again.
"So long, so alone." They echoed again. Then stared off into space sadly, contemplating their disastrous love lives.
"Oh come on guys!" Phoebe said, "Let's not be said again. Come on! Boys the trouble with boys-" she sang again.
"NOOOOO!!!!" Monica and Rachel yelled, and threw a wad of paper at her.
"Pheebs I really think we've had enough of those kinds of songs!" Rachel said.
"Yeah," Monica agreed, and they both rolled over and miserably buried their heads in the cushions of the couch.
Phoebe sighed giving up on trying to cheer her friends up, so she simply sang softly to herself. "Smelly cat, smelly cat"
"What are they feeding you?" Monica and Rachel whispered sofltly, then continued along with Phoebe getting louder with every word, "Smelly cat, smelly cat. It's not your fault!!!!!"
The three jumped up and sang together, again standing on the coffee table, which had gotten an indeed brutal treatment that night.

"Smelly cat! Smelly cat!
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat! Smelly cat!
It's not you fauuuu-uuult!!!!!!!"

***********

Joey slowly eased the door to the girls apartment closed, his eyes as big saucers. He had heard a lot of giggling going on next door and his curiosity wouldn't let him get away with not checking to see if something steamy was going on. However seeing the girls standing on the coffee table, singing horribly off key, in the middle of a wreaked living room was NOT what he had hoped for. He frowned dejectedly and turned back to his apartment, then smiled to himself again........it would be fun seeing Monica when she sobered up in the morning and saw how much strawberry drink had been spilled all over the carpet.


******Songs Used******

"Trouble With Boys" by Loreta

"That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain

"Meet Me In The Red Room" by Amiel

"Putting Out Fire" by David Bowie

And of course "Smelly Cat" but I don't think that counts.