OK, So this is a story I've had in my back pocket for a while now. It's very angsty Raine. Rated M for swearing and sexual references-just, you've been warned.

Blaine POV

I sat up silently, trying not to wake Kurt. I needed to sort my life out, and I needed to do it now. No more jumping forth between Kurt and Rachel. I had to stop being a coward and face the music. I had to choose between the two people I loved. At least...i think I loved.

"Can't you stay?" Rachel asked as I got up from her bed and grabbed my shirt from where it had been flung across the room.

"You know I can't." I told her.

"Right. A girl can dream." Rachel gave a sad smiled. I sat down on her bed across from her.

"What do you dream about?"

"The future. When we don't have to lie anymore and we can be together."

"Oh." I stood up and kissed Rachel on the forehead. "Coffee on Saturday?"

"That's 6 days from now."

"Kurt's dragging me back to Ohio. As much as it hurts me to leave you and New York, I have to."

"Technically, I live in Brooklyn: Cheaper rent."

"Right, so I'll see you on Saturday? I would see you sooner but Kurt is practically dragging me to a family thing-"

"Fine." Rachel said quickly, cutting me off. I pulled my car keys off the table next to her bedroom door and pulled it open.

"I love you." I left her statement unanswered and went back to my life as a sorry excuse of a boyfriend.

Why couldn't life's decisions be easier. Why is it that fate always seemed to chuck you a lifeline but before you could reach it, she yanked it away. It was the same between me and Rachel, every time I figured what I wanted my mind went in the opposite direction. Why couldn't fate let us grab the lifeline? Because if it were that simple everyone would live in crystal mansions.

"I'm not a whore." Rachel said out of the blue.

"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow. Rachel looked down and spoke to her coffee cup.

"You can't keep me in the background for sex, Blaine. It's not how it works."

"I know Rachel, your not a whore, you know that."

"Yeah, but I'm not sure YOU know that. I gotta go, I have an audition for an off-Broadway play of West Side Story." Rachel got up and waved goodbye.

How did I fall into Rachel Berry's trap? No, this was my fault. I let myself get into this mess. It was a mes only I could cleanup if only it was easier.

Rachel giggled and downed her second wine cooler.

"We should be writing the song, the teams counting on us." She said and stretched out across my bed so her hair hanged over the edge.

"Wait, I gotta tell you something."

"Uh-oh. I don't like that tone Mr Anderson." Rachel sat up.

"I think I love you." Rachel crinkled her eyes in confusion before letting out a peal of laughter.

"That's a good one!" She choked out.

"I'm serious!" I said defensively.

"Oh." Rachel's face sobered up. "No, you don't."

"Yeah, I think I do. I love your smile and your voice and your hair and-"

"No, shut up! You're going to ruin everything."

"What am I going to ruin?"

"Our friendship. I'm sorry, it's too much. I gotta go." She climbed off the bed and walked over to her bag, I got up and followed her. She turned around and jumped at my proximity.

"You feel it too, I know you do."

"But Kurt-"

"Kurt will never find out. Not for now, we'll tell him."

"That's the wine talking. You don't-" I reached down and cut her off with a kiss. She continued for a second before putting her palms on my shoulders and pushing me away.

"Are you nuts?"

"Just go with it. No one will ever know." Rachel bit her lip and looked over my shoulder before nodding slowly.

"Just this once. Never again."

Why did life's decisions have to be so difficult. Why did life's hardest decision be mirrored with another one of life's hardest decision. The safe choice or the right choice the right love or the wrong love. The answer was there, being held above me at a taunting distance. Always just out of reach. I slowly climbed out of bed and grabbed my jeans from the chair across the room and slowly walked out so Kurt wouldn't wake up. I walked downstairs and texted Rachel

Blaine: Be over soon.

As I waited for Rachel to text back, I pulled on my shoes and grabbed my jacket off the hook. Curse Kurt and his damned interior designing.

Rachel: Sure thing.

(time warp)

I pulled up to Rachel's house and took a deep breath. It was time. Time to define who I was. What I meant to the world even if it meant losing someone. I walked up the familiar driveway, smelled the daisies she planted with Kurt admired the large pot she made at a pottery class she never went to again, stared at the small one-story cottage; somewhere I could raise a family. I knocked on Rachel's front door and she opened with a bright smile on her face, clad in a bath-robe.

"Hey there stranger, I haven't seen you in a while." She said happily. "I missed you."

"Rachel, I have to tell you something important."

"Me too."

"You go first."

"I'm not wearing anything under this." Oh god.

"Rachel, it's about us."

"Oh god, no."

"Can I come in?" Rachel merely nodded, knowing what was going to happen. I walked into her house, a house I knew too well. Better than Kurt, who helped design the interior.

"Rachel, we need to stop." I watched Rachel's expression changed as I confirmed her thoughts. Like her world crumbling in on itself. Like everything had stopped and her heart fell into her stomach, burning in it's acid. Tears springed up into her eyes.

"D-don't you love me anymore?" Yes.

"No." I shook my head sadly. "I have to be with Kurt, it's how it was all supposed to happen. Rachel blinked and the tears were gone, her eyes burned with fury, loathing, self-hatred and embarrassment. It was a look I knew, mix it all together and you had Rachel's 'your dead to me face'.

"Get out, know." She said shakily.

"Rachel, I'm so-"

"No you're not! You dragged me along! Like a fucking coward!"

"Rachel don't-"

"No; you don't! Fuck you Blaine! Look at me! You're in a fucking relationship! And here I am, having an affair with you. Kurt's my bestfriend."

"Rachel, would you please listen to me!"

"I don't want to listen to you. I fucking hate you Blaine! I hate myself! So take your worthless cowardly ass out of my fucking house, I never want to see you again. Fuck. You."

"R-"

"GO!" I gave Rachel a long look before she turned away and stormed up the hallway and slammed into her bedroom. I walked out, did I do the right thing? I was Rachel right, was I too scared of doing to wrong thing I settled for something I didn't want. I couldn't go back to Rachel. But I did what I needed to do. I needed Rachel to hate me so I couldn't crawl my sorry ass back to her and, fuck, I already wanted too. That's just the way life works. It fuck's with you and doesn't even throw a rope to help you get out.