note: Spoilers for B's name. :3
When Near sleeps, he speaks in broken syllables. His fingers curl around the edge of his pillow; he sleeps on his stomach to avoid that bad, scary men at night.
Occasionally, he dreams. He dreams of having a mother and siblings (his mother would cradle him, sing, "Hush little baby, don't say a word," and Near really believed it would be all right), of having a nice house and money with a stack of toys as high as eyes can see, and a mansion made of cards with endless rooms where he would sit and play, play alone, sprawled out on the floor with a dart and some jacks.
And sometimes, he dreams of a perfect world.
It isn't a world filled with candies or rainbows, but one without the dirt, without the ruin of other's mistakes, without the gray. These people, these delinquents would repent, he dreams, they would pay by living in solitude; they would pay by living with their guilt, sleeping alone at night with nothing but lies to whisper. There would be nothing to comfort them then.
But he dreams of a better life, a happy life, and Mello is there. L is there too, and Near can see him, slouched over with a cherry-flavored sucker in his mouth. He won't smile at Near, won't look in his direction, but Near smiles at him anyway, and Matt sits to the side with a video game and knitted eyebrows. Near smiles at him, too- he's so predictable, so predictable, and Near wonders how long it'll be before he puts the game down.
Maybe B is there, in that better life, standing in the shadows with a smug grin. He would chuckle, whisper something in Near's ear, but Near would not understand the words and he would fall away from his dreams, from his life, until all he remembered was a name. Near cannot see B in the darkness, but he cries blood and Beyond Birthday is there.
(This is everything you feel and hear and think and breathe.)
Near dreams, head turned to the side and ankles crossed. His lips mouth words, forming them in broken syllables, but even he does not know what they mean. Sometimes he would write them down, wake from his dreams with a tablet in his hands so he would not forget those words; and other times he thinks they're already forgotten.
And sometimes, sometimes, he dreams of a perfect world.