Title: Beyond the Cool
Author: Risa
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone/anything from Alias, I'm just borrowing them for a little while.
Spoilers: Up to ATY
Summary: Who is Jack Bristow beyond the cool outer exterior?
Author's Note: This is my first Alias fic, so I might have made some mistakes here and there. This takes place just before Jack meets Sark at the end of ATY. It's just a short little piece, but one that has been bugging me for a while. Any comments are really, greatly, appreciated. :-)
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The traffic light turned red as Jack Bristow applied the brakes of the car along the busy street. The neon lights from the surrounding buildings shone on his face as he stared forward. The words that Sydney had said the previous day kept appearing in his mind.
Do you have any close friends? I mean, people that you love?
You could hardly blame her for thinking that. For years he had projected the image of the cold, emotionless, efficient, always-the-strategist Jack Bristow, how else was she supposed to think?
He hadn't always been like that. There was once a time when Jack wasn't the closed off man he now was. He had been a passionate man, a happy man, with a family that he adored. One thing had never changed – he would do anything to protect his family, no matter the cost. Then he found out about Laura's betrayal, coming under suspicion himself and everything changed.
The six months spent in solitary confinement gave him ample time to think about all the lies that Laura had built, the way she had manipulated him, blinded him. He felt disgusted at his own stupidity. He felt cheated, betrayed and angry. When he was released, Jack went about his life blindly, aimlessly, he felt as if there was no longer any purpose to his existence. He didn't care anymore – he drank, became reckless. Months and months of therapy that the CIA insisted he attend did nothing to help. He kept Sydney away from him because he had enough sense left to recognize that his self-destructiveness would hurt her and that she was better off without him.
Then, one morning, waking up from the couch where he had fallen asleep the previous night in another drunken stupor, with his head spinning from a bad hangover, Jack realized that this was not the way he wanted to live. He realized that letting Laura get to him this way would hurt no one but himself. Hell, Laura probably didn't care if he lived or died. He refused to give her any satisfaction. Jack Bristow would bounce back, become better than he was before.
He became cold and emotionless because he knew that his emotions were just a liability, a vulnerability for people to exploit. He became a strategist, a manipulator because he was determined that he would no longer be the victim of manipulation. Still, he kept Sydney away mainly to protect her. A part of him was fully aware of the man he was becoming and he wanted to keep her far away from that. He wanted her to have a normal life, to grow up, having friends and family and not close herself off emotionally. He was hardly the role-model of normality. He didn't want her to learn from his example.
Subsequently, after he joined SD-6 when he was actually serving as double agent, he kept Sydney away to keep her safe. One morning, he couldn't remember when, Jack woke up to find that the role that he had played for so long was now the only person that he knew how to be.
The light turned green and Jack continued driving. Even though he remained undemonstrative and reserved, he would still do anything for his daughter. That was the main reason why Tippin was still alive – because she was Sydney's friend and she cared for him. And because of that, he would make sure Tippin got out safely.
He sighed. When he found out that Sloane had recruited Sydney into SD-6, he had gone to Sloane's office in a cold, deadly anger that was tightly restrained. He had to keep himself from doing anything violent. He had tried to keep Sydney away from this life, a life filled with lies, betrayal, suspicion and distrust and Sloane had gone round his back and drew him into it.
Jack pressed on the accelerator and speeded up the car in remembered anger. It infuriated him when Sloane tried to behave as if he was Sydney's real father. But every time he had to hold his anger back. He couldn't risk losing Sloane's trust by antagonizing him. And he had a feeling that this was the main reason why Sloane did it – the man probably derived some sadistic pleasure in doing something that he knew angered Jack but Jack couldn't do anything about it.
At least, despite everything, Sydney still had people who cared for her. She had her friends; she still had a life beyond that of a spy. She had people who were concerned about her, worried about her. Tippin was one, Vaughn was another. Jack admitted that initially, he had been hostile towards Vaughn. Jack had always been cautious about the men in Sydney's life. He worried and feared that someone would try and make use of Sydney in the same way he had been. Later, as he saw all that Vaughn had done for Sydney, his opinion had begun to change into a grudging respect and acceptance. Jack now knew that Sydney was in safe hands with Vaughn. He knew that Vaughn wanted to protect Sydney as much as he did and he was thankful for that.
He turned into the street where he was supposed to meet Sark for the exchange. Now was no longer the time to indulge in self-introspection. Jack got out of the car and silently hoped that Sydney would return home alive and safe. That was all that he ever asked for.
*~ The End ~*