A/N: Welcome back to my loyal readers and a hearty welcome to new ones!
I haven't done a one-shot in a long time, so I thought I might give it a try. I am working on a longer story, but I'm crazy busy at work until about October so new material will be a bit slow. As always, love to hear from my readers. While this story could be extended, I don't have any plans to do so. Wade
"I am afraid you have been long desiring my absence, nor have I anything to plead in excuse of my stay, but real, though unavailing concern. Would to Heaven that anything could be either said or done on my part that might offer consolation to such distress! But I will not torment you with vain wishes, which may seem purposely to ask for your thanks. This unfortunate affair will, I fear, prevent my sister's having the pleasure of seeing you at Pemberley today." P&P Chapter 46
As Mr. Darcy walked across the room to take his leave, Elizabeth diverted her thoughts from the ruination of their reputations and marital prospects that were surely to follow, to thoughts of this man and their complicated history.
Elizabeth put the letters from Jane down, and tried to wipe them from her mind. Lydia was tomorrow's problem. If this was to be the last time she saw this man, she would take her one and only chance to say what she really thought. She owed him that much.
As he neared the door, she exerted herself to say, "You are half-right Mr. Darcy."
The man paused and turned her way with a confused expression on his face, wondering exactly what she meant, then walked back into the room and started nervously pacing, trying to piece together her meaning.
She added, "I apologize Mr. Darcy, I always seem to speak to you in inscrutable riddles or unfounded accusations."
Darcy paused in his pacing, and said, "So long as it is the former and not the latter, I am satisfied. I always appear to be pacing like a caged animal or sulking like a statue in your company, so we are quite evenly matched in nervous habits while in each other's company."
Elizabeth thought that he was so very clever when he put his mind to it, even when he looked as nervous as a cat on a stove.
"Mr. Darcy… I have for some very long time wanted to apologize for what I said in Hunsford, but had no way to accomplish it. Please allow me to do so before you depart. I said many things in anger and bitterness that I regret very much. Until I read your letter, I do not believe I really knew myself, and I was not very satisfied with what I learned about my own blindness. I obviously did not know you at all. Once again sir; please accept my apology, and my sincere best wishes for your health and happiness."
With that, she no longer had the courage to look at him, so she stared down at her hands and hoped he would accept her words and perhaps think a little bit better of her.
Darcy's thoughts tended in another direction, 'She apologizes to me? I behave abominably, almost as bad as Wickham, and yet she apologizes?'
He replied carefully, "Neither of us did ourselves the most credit in Kent. I will certainly grant you forgiveness, though to tell the truth, I can find no fault in any of your actions. Nothing you said was beyond the truth as you knew it, and none of your reproofs were unwarranted."
"But it was uncharitable, rude and quite as vicious as my mother's worst. I cannot think of it without abhorrence."
Darcy stopped his pacing for a moment to look at her critically, and said, "Truth sometimes is vicious, but that does not make it any less true. If you desire absolution, you have it. I have learned much from the experience. In point of fact, I must apologize to you for all the numerous crimes I committed before and during that exchange. I really did not act the gentleman from the very first moment of our acquaintance, and I would appreciate it if you would allow me to try to make my own apology."
Elizabeth finally managed to look at him, wondering, 'Where was this man last year? I believe I could have fallen in love with him with the touch of a feather.'
Darcy looked at her carefully, and said, "Shall we both accept our mutual apologies and put all of our respective bitter words behind us?"
Elizabeth smiled to the extent she was capable, and said, "I would like that very much."
Darcy stopped pacing, and sat down in a chair facing Elizabeth a few feet away. He looked at her carefully with a look she could not read, but it was certainly not disapprobation. He said, "Perhaps, since I have stopped acting the caged animal, you might refrain from your customary role of inscrutable riddler for a few moments and tell me which half of my statement was correct?"
Elizabeth blew out a deep breath and said, "Mr. Darcy, the latter half of your statement is correct. My family's reputation is irrevocably ruined. You know as well as I that there shall be no marriage for my sister with a man such as that. We both well know that it is imperative you sever all connections with my family, for Miss Darcy's sake if nothing else. I sometimes wish I could sever the connection myself."
With the last statement, she looked down at her hands and blushed in shame, but she did not retract it.
She paused pensively, and continued, "The first half was in error though", and she looked at him thoughtfully, for what she was certain would be the last time, and said, "I do not desire your absence, and have not desired such for quite some time. I cannot bear the thought of you being somewhere in the world believing I think ill of you. Please go, as you must, but do so with my blessings, and my firmest wish for your future health and happiness."
Somewhat stunned, Darcy's reflected, 'How can she turn the words I spit out to her in Hunsford as an epitaph into nearly a caress. The same words, but the feeling different as night and day '
Darcy sat in contemplative silence for some minutes, while Elizabeth sat in companionable silence waiting for the inevitable leave taking. Mr. Darcy seemed to be very deep in thought, which was somewhat surprising, since all that need be said had been, and there was no real choice for him at this moment. Elizabeth was determined to extract the most pleasure from him that she could in their short remaining time, for she was beginning to understand that loving him was something she was both perfectly well capable of, and probably already experiencing.
His next question shocked her, both with its boldness, and its utter lack of connection to the subject at hand. He asked, "Is your sister still in love with Bingley?"
Elizabeth shook her head to relieve the cobwebs, but eventually nodded, unable to speak.
Darcy asked, "May I have a few moments to think through a few things?"
"Of course! I am quite at my leisure."
She nodded, and for a few moments kept her own council, thinking, 'What is there to think about? You know what you must do sir, and I know what you must do; but I will enjoy your company and think of what might have been for a few more minutes regardless.'
After a few moments of apparently deep thought, Mr. Darcy straightened his back, having come to a decision, and started speaking.
"Miss Elizabeth, I cannot and would not separate you from your family, now or ever; but it would my greatest honor and pleasure if you would allow me to separate you from your surname."
Elizabeth sat in stunned silence, trying and failing to absorb the words, until they became clear. They were not all that complicated if she just thought about it, but his phrasing was pure genius.
'That is a marriage proposal and it is simultaneously not a proposal. If I accept the offer, it will be as binding as if he got on his knee and asked the conventional way. If I demur, it will not be my third rejection, but simply a trusted friend offering assistance. It would have no impact on our reputations, nor would I be trampling his heart yet again.'
Now it was Elizabeth's turn for thought. Her own heart's answer was clear to her before the words were even comprehended. If she had not been lost to the man before, having him offer to someone who had rejected him so bitterly, and in such a way as to make demurring easy was pure poetry. Any tiny portion of her heart that he did not already own was irrevocably lost. At that very moment, she knew beyond a doubt she loved this man completely, and had no idea how she had changed so thoroughly.
She sighed and said, "I comprehend your meaning sir, but I am afraid it would damage Miss Darcy."
Darcy replied, "Having a loving sister to guide her through her introduction to society would damage her? I think not, and I would ask you to trust that I thought through every particular. You see, I have a plan, but never again will I push unwanted attentions on you.
Elizabeth thought, 'What is he about? I absolutely know he has his sister's best interests at heart, even above his own happiness, so maybe he has a way. If I love him, then by definition, I must also trust him. The two go hand in hand.'
With that, Elizabeth made a decision she could not have imagined just a quarter hour past. She resolved that in a matter such as this, someone should be on their knees, so she slid from the chair to her knees in front of Mr. Darcy, took his hands in hers with her elbows on his thighs, and gave an affirmative answer to the implied question.
No matter the difficulties they might face, their course was now fixed, and the look of heartfelt delight on his face both showed his lack of remorse for the choice, and precisely mirrored hers. All of life's subsequent trials, no matter how difficult were now to be shared.
Naturally, they were both just the tiniest bit startled to hear her uncle's voice saying, "Did we miss something, Elizabeth?"