Chapter One: Defending The Weeaboo Name
It was a quiet morning in the city of Smash. The Pidgey's were singing happily, the children were playing, and a certain group of weeaboos were planning a meeting inside their apartment. And no, not the "evil" group led by Princess Peach that was recently formed. No, we're talking about the good weeaboo group, the Kawaii Krew. This group, despite being obscure to most of the city, had already been around for quite years. In fact, in just a few weeks, their fifth anniversary would soon take place.
The apartment was painted gold, with posters of all kinds of anime hanging on the walls, ranging from the famous Dragon Ball to lesser known ones. Pretty much every anime you could think of that wasn't Naruto and Love Live had posters. Nendoroids were sitting on the pink shields, along with other anime merchandise. Every member of the club, Mew, Bulbasaur, Severa, Toad, and King K. Rool, were inside the living room, preparing to start their meeting.
"And it appears that everyone is present. Wonderful!" Mew giggled. "Now, let's get right down to business. First up, it's officially been one year since King K. Rool has joined our club!"
"Remind me again why that daft crocodile joined our club?" Severa asked while she leaned up against the wall. K. Rool immediately shot a death glare towards Severa as soon as she said "daft".
"Who are you calling daft, miss tsundere?!" the Kremling King growled.
"Calm down, please, both of you!" Bulbasaur warned. "Remember the last time you guys got in a fight?" Toad, who was sitting on the sofa, shivered at the thought of that memory.
"D-don't mention that incident! I'm still terrified of teddy bears because of that..."
"Fine. I still want to know why the king joined us though," Severa said.
"He joined us because he wanted to talk to fellow anime enthusiasts," Mew reminded Severa.
"That, and he has some sort of weird fetish for the letter K," Bulbasaur added.
"I-i-it's not a fetish! It's just a minor obsession!" the king claimed.
"Riiiiiiight. Anyways, as much as I'd like to hold a celebration of this event... I have some dark news to tell everyone..." Mew said uncomfortably.
"Dragon Ball Super got cancelled?! Toad screeched.
"Did those fucking emos ruin another anime convention?" Severa wondered.
"Is Ike Cena back?!" K. Rool panicked.
"No, no, and... I'm not entirely sure on the last one," Mew replied. "No, the bad news is... Princess Peach seems to be planning on taking over the entire mall." There was an extreme amount of silence until everyone except for Toad, who began to panic, just shrugged.
"Reeeaaally? That's it? Even the Ike Cena comment sounds way worse than that," Severa replied with a grunt.
"You don't understand... she's leading a group of evil weeaboos, which could taint the name of decent weebs like us..."
"Woah, now I see your point!" Bulbasaur said.
"And it only gets worse... this group actually likes... loves... no, WORSHIPS the one true unholy anime... Love Live..."
Everyone froze in fear. Even Toad stopped panicking just to let this all sink in. There was one thing that the Kawaii Krew hated more than anything else, it was Love Live and its worshippers. Not even Naruto, edgy people, and Dingo Pictures combined was worse.
After about six more seconds of absolute silence, all hell broke loose within the apartment. Toad resumed his annoying screaming and running around, Bulbasaur started to hyperventilate, Severa held her hands to her ears and started making incoherent babbling just keep the rest of the noise out of her head, and King K. went on to destroy anything he could get his hands on.
There truly was nothing worse than Love Live, except for its worshippers trying to take over a mall.
"EVERYONE, PLEASE STOP PANICKING AT ONCE!" Mew screamed. Thankfully, everyone actually stopped their nonsense and listened to their leader.
"Mew's right, panicking is not going to do any good in the end. We need to come up with a plan and fight back, like true weeaboo warriors," the other Pokémon said.
"So, any ideas for a decent plan?" Severa asked. K. Rool was about to suggest something, but the mercenary cut him off. "And no, we're not going to poison their water supply, burn their crops, and deliver a plague onto their houses."
"Who said you were in charge, baka?! Mew's the one in charge here, punk! Besides, we need to cause them to suffer for their crimes!"
"Why don't we just casually spy on them until we find out their biggest weaknesses?" Bulbasaur suggested.
"That sounds so freaking boring! And do you really think we can dig that kind of info just by casually spying on them?!"
"It's still better than your damn plan, croc head," Severa muttered.
"Look, unless someone suggests a better plan, we're better off going with Bulbasaur's," Mew stated.
"Fine. But don't come whining to me when this plan fails," K. Rool groaned.
"So, how are we going to spy on them, boss?" Toad wondered.
"According to some research I've done, outside of hanging around at the mall, the most frequent place those weeb terrorists go to is the beach where everyone sets up their shops and whatnot."
"No wonder Morshu left that place: It's filled with assholes!" Severa commented.
"So, I'd imagine we'd send one half of us to the mall while the other half would go to the beach in order to spy on those jerks," Mew continued.
"B-but there's only five of us! We can't split up evenly!" Toad argued.
"There's only five members of our group, but I've hired one of the best hitmen this side of the universe has ever known. He's going to meet up with us at the mall later."
"Uhhh... and what time is 'later' exactly?" Bulbasaur asked.
"Two O' Clock, why?" Mew answered, slightly worried.
"It's... two right now," Severa said, pointing to her watch. Mew's eyes widened as far as they could as she sweated a masse.
"Oh no... OH NO! I'M LATE! I'M LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE!"
"Do we really have time for references?" Toad thought aloud.
~Meanwhile, at the local McDonald's...~
Business was surprisingly slow at the McDonald's. In fact, the only customers inside the building were Ryu, Roy, Shadow the Hedgehog, Captain Falcon, Corrin, and Franky the Pitchfork, all of whom were sitting at the same table. Corrin was telling Franky about his many "waifus", Shadow was listening to music, and the other three were just sitting there awkwardly.
"Roy? Why the hell did you invite these dorks?" Ryu asked quietly.
"What do you mean?" the redhead swordsman asked.
"These guys are complete oddballs that won't work in our club at all, except for Falcon here! I mean, Shadow's an edgy jackass, Corrin's almost as bad as the other weebs, and... I shouldn't have to explain the last one, since he's a fucking pitchfork!"
"Woah, calm down! Anyways, Shadow isn't anywhere near as edgy as people claim he is, and he actually likes the kind of anime we like. Corrin's only similarity to the weeb bunch is that he's obsessed with waifus, and Franky... well, he was willing to join, not to mention that he is extremely loyal."
"Gah... alright, fine," Ryu muttered. "All right guys, listen up." Shadow took out his ear buds and Corrin and Franky stopped their conversation so that they could listen. "Now, everyone, I assume you all know why exactly you are here, right?"
Shadow nodded his head. "To kick the ass of weeaboo bitches."
"Correct. Now, this war at the very most should only take about a month, and that's if Peach and her crappy gang actually put up a fight. However, this doesn't mean we can be a bunch of lazy asses, you got that?"
"Anything to impress my lovely harem!" Corrin cheered, which resulted in a hoard of moans from the rest of the group.
"Right... anyways, thanks to an ally of mine in the next city over, I've got some juicy info that could hinder Peach's gang," Ryu continued. "Apparently, Peach has a huge truck filled to the brim with shitty merch and money in the back, coming over to the mall really early in the morning."
"Ooh! So you're suggesting an ambush on the truck?" Captain Falcon blurted out.
"Exactly. Thankfully, according to my friend, the trucks going on a very secluded path, which means we can pull off the heist without anyone else getting involved."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Roy stated.
"Yes! We, the Anime Warriors From Streets, shall soon launch our first attack on the Weeaboo Warlords!" Franky shouted. This caused everyone else but Corrin to stare at the pitchfork. "What?"
"The Anime Warriors From Streets... just no... we don't need a team name, and certainly not one as ridiculous as that..." Ryu muttered.
~Meanwhile, at the mall's food court...~
The Kawaii Krew were sitting in front of the mini Chinese restaurant, waiting for the hitman Mew was talking about earlier, except for Toad, who was busy talking to Morshu, whose new ice cream shop was not too far away.
Severa was tired of waiting. "Where is that daft punk, Mew! I'm fucking tired of waiting!"
"Well... I forgot that he likes to be fashionably late... I'm sure he'll be here soon though..." the pink Pokémon chuckled nervously as Toad trotted back to the rest of his gang.
"Guys, you know that club that went into a chaotic frenzy last night?!" the mushroom kid said excitedly.
"You mean the one where Chrom, Shulk, and Meta Knight had their threesome at?" K. Rool asked before drinking some more of his banana soda.
"Yeah, that one! Well, Morshu actually bought the place, and he's banned the emo jerks from it!"
"Holy spaghetti, really?!" Bulbasaur exclaimed.
"That's fucking amazing!" Severa said with a squeal. "I can actually party at that place without having to deal with those edgy pricks."
"Preach sister, preach," Mew replied. Everyone kept chatting about the club until K. Rool spotted some unwanted .
"Hold it! Three bakas heading this way!" the croc king said, pointing to the north. Everyone turned their attention to where K. Rool was pointing to find... Peach, Marth, and Jigglypuff!
"Eek! Not Peach!" Toad screeched before he hid underneath the table.
"Everyone, just act natural, and pray that they don't bug us!" Mew ordered. Everyone looked away from the unholy weebs and started having a fake conversation. Peach and Marth walked by without even bothering with the Kawaii Krew, but Jigglypuff gave the group a look of suspicion as she passed by. As soon as the trio were out of sight, Toad crawled out from his hiding spot.
"Thank the gods that went better than expected!" Severa said in sweet relief.
"Toad... why are you scared of Peach? I thought you used to work for her," Bulbasaur asked.
"I-it's a long and uncomfortable story. Let's just leave it at that..."
"Hmmm... Wait, is that..." Mew muttered as she looked at a gray robed figure that was approaching them. "Yes! There's the hitman I was talking about!"
"Hm? Where?" Bulbasaur questioned until he found the robed , who was right behind him. The figure's head couldn't be seen at all.
"Umm... hi there?" Toad said nervously. The figure took out a carrot from his pocket and took a bite out of it before he spoke up.
"Eh... what's up, doc?"