Authors Note : Eh, not sure how I feel about this one. I kind of rushed it. So, I've done a fic quite similar to this one, but this is more of just a detailed scene when my other one was an overview of Lisbon's childhood-present. Don't know if it's any good, and it's pretty short. Oh well .
For the Jello-Forever April Challenge, Prompt : Wishes.
[My first every challenge entry, ahh, though I was a bit discouraged considering how amazing everyone else's stories where]
Summary : A scene from Lisbon's childhood, and (kind of) why she became a cop. Yes yes, suck as summaries, I am aware. :)
Warning : Angsty, depressing , dark-ish. I am simply incapable of writing anything happy aren't I?
I think this would be classified as AU considering it takes place in a different time than the show.
Disclaimer - Once you read this you will realize why I do not and never will own The Mentalist. That right is reserved for geniuses such as Bruno :D (also don't own the song in the beginning)
All mistakes my own.
Well, I think that covers it all no? Okay then. . .
*****Lisbon's POV.
In the dark with the music on
Wishing I was somewhere else
Taking all your anger out on me, somebody help
I would rather rot alone
Than spend a minute with you
I'm gone, I'm gone
And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault.
-Open Wound, Skillet.
She pulled the blanket over her shaking body as she looked at the door, watching the knob turn slowly, building suspense as she closed her eyes and attempted to pretend she was asleep. She slightly opened one of her eyes and saw her father's silhouette stumble into the room and flick the lights on. He walked towards his daughter and grabbed her wrist, yanking her up.
"Wake up!" He shouted, beginning to shake her.
She pretended to come out of a deep sleep and put on an expression of confusion, "What?" she mumbled.
"I told you to clean your room. Does this look clean to you!?" He said while grabbing clothes from the floor and throwing them at her. "Well, does it? Answer me!"
"N-no." she said, refusing to make eye contact.
"Well then, you're not going to bed any time soon Teresa. You've got lots of work to do. I want this room spotless- or else. I'm not here to be your maid!" He said, slurring the words as she breathed in the slight sent of alcohol he was giving of.
"Yeah." She said wearily, beginning to pick up the things from her floor.
"Good." he mumbled shakily, walking back out of the room.
She stood up and ran to the door, closing it quietly, she wanted to be alone. She sat back down on her floor and began to pick up all the things he'd thrown on the ground. She closed her eyes and exhaled, as relief washed over her at the fact that all he'd done was yell. But she knew it wasn't over, it was never that easy. She organized her room as fast as she could and tried to make everything look perfect before he came in again, surely with a higher alcohol level than he had left with.
She was thankful that all she heard was the TV blaring, instead of more yelling, or worse, from the room next to hers. She was so exhausted from the long day she'd had and simply wanted to go back under the protection of her blanket and drift of into a different world, or simply pure darkness, either would be better than where she was. Once she'd finished cleaning her room she flipped the lights back off, hoping her father would not return.
This had been going on for two years now, since she was 13. After her mom had been killed, her father begun his descent into darkness by trying to forget everything through drinking. She'd never even seen her dad drink before that time other than on rare occasions such as a glass of wine at new years parties. It had surprised her, but she'd gotten used to it. Gotten used to waiting up for him to come home from another night of drinking, gotten used to her grades slipping because she'd fall asleep in class due to the fact that she had to stay up 'till three in the morning trying to get her father to bed. Gotten used to not having anyone look after her, gotten used to being alone. But soon after, it became worse than him simply destroying himself, he had to take his anger out on someone else.
She crawled back into her bed and once again closed her eyes, wishing that her door would remain shut, just this once. But she knew wishing wouldn't help, because minutes later it flew open again. Her father once again turned the lights on, scanning the room.
"This iss cleaan?" he said incoherently.
"I-" She breathed, "I did everything you said."
"It's not go-" he was having trouble getting the words out as he stumbled across the room, "It's not good enough! Why can't you do anything right!?" he said loudly. "Your such a waste, you- can't do anything right! Everything is your- " He couldn't finish his sentence, a regular side effects of chemicals flowing through his brain.
She sucked in a breath and looked him in the eyes, "I'm going to bed, I'll do it tomorrow." She said, attempting to sound strong.
"No you're not!" He shouted and took her arm, "Why do you make everything so hard? Just clean your damn room, or maybe I should just throw everything away?" he mumbled, keeping a strong grip on her.
She struggled to get out of his firm grasp but failed, "Fine, trash it is." He said, beginning to take everything from her desk.
"No!" She screamed as she attempted to get back her things from him, almost half her room had already ended up in the dumpster by now, all her memories, trash.
"Okay, here you go." He said, throwing the things to the floor, "If it's not all gone in 10 minutes, i'll get rid of it myself." He said, pushing her to the ground. She stumbled and once she fell to the floor, her arm hit one of the sharp objects that he had thrown to the ground, followed by her letting out a shriek.
"Shut up, shut up!" He shouted.
The unwanted tears began to stream down her face as she grabbed her injured arm, she wished he would just leave, just get away forever. If she had somewhere to go, she would just pack her things and get as far away as she could, it's all she wanted, to be anywhere but there. She felt another pang as her body shook and she let out a series of uncontrollable sobs.
"I said to shut up!" He yelled once more, leaning down and forcing his hand over her mouth, "Do you want the neighbors to here you? They'll call that cops!" He said.
Yes was all she could think, Call the cops, please. But she wouldn't say it aloud, because she knew what would happen if the cops really did come, she'd be put in foster care or something of the sort. And though that would be her ticket out of the horrific mess she was living in, she could never do it, she could never leave her brothers to be helpless, leave them unprotected from her father. She simply wouldn't be able to live with herself. So she closed her eyes and let the burning tears fall down her face as she summed up all her strength and got up. Her father, if she could even call him that anymore, let go off his grasp and glared at her.
"Im sorry." She said, though she knew she wasn't the one who should be apologizing. She just hoped he would leave so she could curl up into a ball and continue crying without there being consequences, she wanted to be alone, that was all she wanted.
"Yeah, you better be." He mumbled. "Now fix this mess and go to bed, I don't want to see you again." He said and made a wobbly exit from her room. She let the last tears fall and thanked God it hadn't been too bad this time, though she wasn't even sure if there was a God anymore. Her mother had always said that there was someone watching over her, in all the hard times she'd say that it would be okay because she had a guardian angel. So she wondered why her supposed angel had decided to disappear the time she would have needed him or her or whatever the heck it was the most. She wondered how someone who was watching over her would let this happen. If there really was someone out there, they must have had one sadistic, twisted sense of humor, because she didn't see how anyone who had control over what went on in the world would let any of this happen, so she simply stopped believing. She stopped wishing that it would all get better, wishing that she could get out of there, wishing that he'd stopped hurting her brothers and would simply take all his anger out on her instead, because she knew it meant absolutely nothing. Hoping, wishing, praying, she felt it was all a waste of time. She had to be strong and stop counting on something that may not even exist, to save her.
As she curled up in her bed and cried on what was just another of the endless nights of ongoing pain she had to endure she had no idea of what she would become. She had no idea that all the awful things that where happening to her and the ones she loved would make her stronger and turn her into a person who would be a guardian angel to others. Every night she would stare at the bottom of her door, waiting for the shadow of her father to appear before he would storm into her room, and every time she just wished that this once, he wouldn't come, he'd leave her and her brothers alone, just once. But it never happened, all that wishing and hoping, it did nothing at all. And through all this, she would have never guessed that one day, though her wishes never came true, she would be the one to save others from situations like these. She would be one of the people who answered the wishes and pleads of strangers who needed help.
___
Now, not a day went by that she didn't remember her past, because she still carried the emotional scars that where etched into the back of her mind forever. It took her a while to get out of the destructive darkness she'd been sucked into, but she'd made it. And she still wore the cross that her parents had given her as a little girl, because she didn't want to forget where she came from and how she made it here. And now she was helping others who where going through the same thing that she had, and she couldn't be happier, because she was proving everything her father said to be wrong. He had always called her a 'waste' when he'd been angry, said she was there for nothing. She knew now he was wrong, she knew that her job made her worth something, she was saving lives. Her wishes never came true, but now, she was answering other peoples wishes and prayers, she was the one who would save them, she was one of the guardian angels, whether or not Lisbon knew it . And it wasn't wishing that turned her into the person she was today.
End.
___
PLEASE review if you have the time, I was not very confident about this one-shot.
Reviews would absolutely make my day.
Thank you for reading
-andixx