Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.

Author's note: Proper notes at the end of the chapter. I envisage this taking place some time between Random Shoes and Out of Time.

As always, I'm grateful for Darcy58 for his work as my beta. All mistakes that remain are mine and mine alone. Thanks also to Gmariam for her comments on various versions of this story.

*discreetly goes and hides in a nuclear bunker*

Only What Is Necessary

Doctor Owen Harper thought he might be going mad. He rubbed his tired eyes, hoping that it might ease some of the fatigue blanketing his mind. They had worked too hard all week and exhaustion was beginning to catch up with him. He had turned down Ianto's earlier offer of coffee, which showed just how desperate he was for sleep. There was a faint tremor in his hands, for it was caffeine alone that was keeping him going. He knew his limits; he knew that it would not be wise to pour any more stimulants down his throat. Just as soon as he had finished this final task he could head home and sleep for 20 hours straight.

With a great deal of effort, he forced his eyes to focus on the heap of pills in front of him. Heaving a sigh, he started counting them for the fifth time. And for the fifth time that evening he was coming up two pills short.

"What the hell is going on?" he muttered to himself.

He called up a password protected document on the terminal in the medical bay. It was a spare copy of their inventory of medications, one on which he had started making his own annotations. Over the past few weeks he had noted discrepancies between the amounts of a particular drug recorded in the inventory database and the amount he was counting by hand. They were always small amounts, one or two pills at a time. The discrepancies were so small that they could easily be shrugged off as accidental miscalculation, or someone dropping a pill and forgetting to mark it off. They could have been, if not for the fact that it was always the same type of drug, which led Owen to a chilling conclusion:

Someone in the team was stealing Retcon.

Owen swore softly, hand raking through his already mussed hair.

"Everything okay?" Ianto's question floated down to Owen's domain, causing him to jump in surprise.

"What? Fine!" Owen replied in haste, turning so that his body blocked Ianto's view of the computer terminal.

"Perhaps you should go home," Ianto suggested. "We could all do with some sleep."

"I will do, in a minute," he agreed. "I'll just finish off here."

"Very well." Ianto nodded. "Let me know if you change your mind about the coffee, or need anything else from me."

"Shouldn't you go home too?" Owen asked, frowning. "You must be as tired as the rest of us."

"I have some paperwork that needs Jack' attention sooner rather than later," Ianto replied with a mildly embarrassed cough. "But once that's done, I too will be heading home."

It was a clear sign of just how much the missing Retcon worried Owen that he did not bother to taunt Ianto about the 'paperwork'. If Jack and Ianto wanted to have a shag before crashing, he really could not have cared less, unless he witnessed it. If he did, he would be the one to steal Retcon to wipe the images from his memories forever.

"And the others?" Owen queried. "Are Gwen and Tosh still around?"

"They left about an hour ago."

"Huh." He must have been deeply engrossed in counting the pills to not hear the cog door's alarm. He knew neither Tosh nor Gwen particularly enjoyed taking the invisible lift out of the Hub.

"Go home, Owen," Ianto ordered gently.

"Yeah, that's probably best," he agreed. "I'll just tidy up and then I'm off."

Owen swivelled back to the computer screen and saved the changes he had made to the database. With his back turned, he missed the flash of uncertainty in Ianto's face before he too turned away.

He carefully tidied away the heap of Retcon, placing the pills in a stack of plastic bottles, each one just large enough for 20 pills. For a moment he toyed with the idea of locking them away somewhere, but he dismissed it as foolish. Doing so would instantly alert the thief to his suspicions. With a final glance around the med bay, he climbed the stairs up to the main level of the Hub. What he really needed was to talk to Jack, but he could see Ianto ascending the stairs to the office, which meant that there was no way he was going to go anywhere near the two men for the rest of the night.

His growing fears followed him all the way home and into his bed. His sheer exhaustion from the week's events was the only reason he got any sleep at all.

Owen woke up early the following morning, far too early for his taste. He rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but then the unease of the previous night wormed its way into his thoughts. With a groan he pulled aside the covers and got up, knowing that sleep would only continue to elude him.

He was pleased to see that Ianto's car was not in the garage, as he was hoping he might catch Jack before the others arrived. Knowing they would both want some coffee, he made a detour to the nearest coffee shop.

When he entered the Hub, he found that he was indeed the first to arrive; the lighting was still dimmed and only the computers needed for monitoring the Rift were on. There was, however, light shining out of Jack's office, which indicated that he at least was awake. As he walked closer, Owen could hear Jack call out:

"Ianto, could you please make the coffee extra strong this morning? I didn't exactly get much rest last night; not that I'm complaining of course but…oh." Jack's words were cut off as he poked his head out of his office and realised that it was not Ianto who had arrived so early. "Owen."

"Morning, Jack," he greeted and lifted one of the takeaway coffee cups he was holding. "Will this do?"

"That'll be just fine," Jack said slowly. He was clearly confused. "What are you doing here so early in the morning? I 'm surprised you even know this time of the day exists."

"Believe me, I'm not happy about it either," Owen grumbled as he ascended the stairs. He handed Jack the spare coffee he had bought. "Here."

"Thanks." Jack nodded, still puzzled. He turned away from the door, but Owen's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Can we talk?"

"Of course," Jack replied, beckoning him in. His eyebrows rose when Owen turned to close the door, even though they were alone in the Hub.

They walked towards Jack's desk together, but before they could sit down Owen pointed silently towards the corner of the room where a CCTV camera was installed. Jack stared at him with an inscrutable expression for a long while, but eventually he tapped a few buttons on his wrist strap and the red light blinking on the camera went out. At the sight of this, Owen visibly relaxed and sank down in the nearest chair.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Jack asked, his patience wearing thin.

"Ever since we discovered what Suzie had been doing with Max Edwards and the other two poor bastards from the Pilgrim support group, I've been keeping an eye on our drug supplies a little more carefully. I thought I imagined it at first, but I'm as sure as I can be that someone within Torchwood Three is stealing Retcon."

"What?" Jack partly rose up from his chair. "How much Retcon?"

"Very small quantities, but pretty regularly," Owen replied. "But there's no way of knowing how much of it went missing before I started doing stock counts twice a week. And every time I do that, I find there are a few pills missing."

"Who has access?" Jack asked and then answered the question himself. "Everyone."

"It's part of the field kits, which means that in addition to you and me, Tosh and Gwen are around it on a regular basis," Owen confirmed.

"And Ianto stocks up the field kits," Jack completed Owen's thought.

"Yeah."

"Do the other knows?"

"Not yet." Owen shook his head. "I figured you were the only one I could trust with this. I can't see you indulging in regular doses of Retcon and there's no need for you to build a hoard when you live in a space with a large supply of the drug."

"But who of the others would want to steal the pills?" Jack asked, deeply concerned.

"I have no idea, but I certainly want to find out. It's a nasty drug to go missing and Suzie clearly demonstrated just what it can achieve in the wrong hands."

"I absolutely agree," Jack said.

"But I don't know the best way to go about it. Surely everyone will notice if we set up extra surveillance cameras around the lockers where the drugs are kept."

"Not necessarily," Jack murmured and leapt up. He strode to one of the antiquated filing cabinets and pulled open the bottom drawer. From amidst a curious collection of seemingly random items, he pulled a small velvet box.

"Look, I like you, Jack, but not that way," Owen protested, earning a suggestive wink from Jack.

"Relax Owen, I'm not going to propose to you," Jack chuckled. "Although I'm always open for sex outside marriage, if you ever get the urge." He took the time to check Owen out.

"Trust me, I will never, ever get that urge," Owen assured him, looking slightly green. He then sternly steered them back to the matter at hand. "So what's in the box?"

"I met this UNIT guy in a bar once. He had really nice hands. He could do some pretty inventive things with them too." Jack smiled at the memory and the smile turned into a grin at Owen's exasperated glare. "Anyway, he worked in their R&D department and he happened to mention that they were developing these extra small surveillance cameras. I managed to persuade him to part with a couple in exchange for, well, let's just say that I wish I could pay for things that way more often."

He handed the box to Owen and continued: "I've never had a chance to try them, but they might be just what we need."

"Extra small cameras, eh?" Owen muttered as he opened the box. Inside were two white cameras nestled securely in protective foam. Owen carefully extracted one and found that it was about half the size of the tip of his smallest finger.

"The best thing about them is they connect to separate and completely secure feeds, so no one but us will know that we've added extra surveillance to the med bay."

"This is brilliant," Owen agreed. "We should get them installed before the others get here."

"Yes, let's get it done straight away." Jack tapped a few more buttons on his wrist strap. "I've disabled the cameras in the autopsy bay, so no one can see what we're doing. This is more effective than deleting the footage afterwards, as I know for a fact that Tosh at least knows how to recover deleted video feeds."

Jack pulled up a small laptop and quickly calibrated the cameras to transmit their recordings to that specific computer using a secure connection.

"Seems your bar encounters can be fairly useful," Owen commented while he watched Jack work.

"You have no idea," Jack grinned without looking up from the computer.

"Let's keep it that way, shall we?" Owen quickly countered.

"Your loss." Jack shrugged.

"I bloody doubt it," Owen muttered.

"There, all done." Jack picked up the laptop and the cameras.

They walked to the med bay together and spent a while finding the best place for the cameras using the video feeds transmitting to the laptop as their guide. Against the white tiled walls the cameras blended in perfectly. Even though he knew where they were, Owen had to squint to spot them.

They took the laptop back to Jack's office, where it was firmly locked in a drawer. Only when that was done did Jack turn the CCTV in the autopsy bay back on. Their coffees had gone cold during their conversation, but Owen found that the adrenaline coursing through him had woken him up more than any amount of caffeine could. He and Jack shared a look of understanding before Jack spoke:

"Now we wait."

"I'm beginning to think this is hopeless," Owen muttered.

It was a week later and his latest stock count had again found three pills of Retcon missing. The days since his discovery had been uneventful, which had led Owen to attack a stack of unfinished autopsy reports in an effort to stop himself from constantly throwing suspicious glances at the others. Now he and Jack were in Jack's office, going through the footage recorded by the hidden cameras. So far they had trawled through nearly three days of video without coming any closer to discovering the identity of the thief.

"Patience, Owen," Jack said, his eyes watching the screen, which currently showed Ianto stocking up the field kits. Owen was not entirely convinced that Jack was so much trying to spot any sign of Ianto stealing Retcon as admiring how good he looked in a pin stripe suit.

"Maybe we're going about this all wrong," he continued being pessimistic. "What if the drug is going missing from the field kits instead of the med bay and it just goes unreported. How could we ever keep an eye on everyone out in the…" His words were interrupted by Jack:

"There!"

"What?" Owen asked.

"It's subtle, but it's there," Jack said as he rewound the video back by a minute. "Blink and you'll miss it."

Owen watched Ianto restock the field kits again. As he did so, he accidentally knocked over the Retcon bottle, causing the pills to scatter on the metal tray. Ianto tidied them away, but in a movement that was both subtle and swift he pocketed three of the pills. Jack was right, if he had blinked at the wrong moment, he would have missed it.

"I know Ianto has a history of shop lifting, but I had rather hoped that those times were well and truly in his past." Jack's voice was grim.

"But why would Ianto steal Retcon?" Owen asked, incredulous.

"Let's go and find out!" Jack strode across the room and spoke over his shoulder. "Send Tosh and Gwen home."

Tosh and Gwen looked up when Jack stormed out of his office and then glanced at each other in confusion. Owen hurried out after Jack and called out:

"You two should go home for the day!"

"Why, what's going on, Owen?" Gwen asked. It had not gone unnoticed how Owen and Jack had spent most of the afternoon in Jack's office behind locked doors.

"For once in your life, do as you're told, sweetheart," Owen drawled as he strode past. Jack was headed to the archives and Owen had to break into a run to catch up with him.

"Ianto," Jack shouted as he entered the main archives. The room was empty, but the stacks of files around indicated that Ianto had indeed been working there recently.

"Sir?" A voice queried from behind them, as Ianto emerged from one of the side rooms with a large box. If he was surprised to find both Jack and Owen in his domain, his expression gave no indication of it. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes, you can start by telling me why the hell you've been stealing Retcon," Jack all but growled.

"Ah, that." If Jack had expected Ianto to look shocked that his theft had been discovered, he was disappointed. Ianto merely placed the box on his desk and turned to face the others.

"I was rather hoping you wouldn't find out," he stated, his face carefully neutral. Then a shrewd light appeared in his eyes. "Then again, I doubt it was you who did discover that Retcon was going missing. You're not good with details like that. It's far more likely that the good doctor himself made the discovery."

Owen inclined his head. "I found out during drugs stock count."

"How very careless of me," Ianto chided himself blandly. "And then you figured out it was me taking them. It seems my sleight of hand skills aren't what they used to be, although I thought I was keeping my body between the cameras and the Retcon." He paused for a moment. "Ah, you added surveillance cameras. I didn't notice. How very careless of me, and how very cunning of you two."

"So you're not even denying it?" Jack was irritated by Ianto's condescending compliment.

"Why bother?" Ianto queried with a raised eyebrow. "Clearly you already know I stole the pills."

Owen could not help the chill that was running down his spine at the dispassionate way Ianto was speaking. There was not a flicker of emotion on his face.

"But why?" Owen had to ask. "Why would you be building a stash of Retcon?"

"Who says I was building a stash?" Ianto tilted his head, finally a little puzzled.

"What else would you need it for?" Jack interrupted.

"To do my job, of course," Ianto answered, his expression blank once more.

"What do you mean, to do your job?" Owen frowned.

"I'm the office manager," Ianto explained. "I take care of all your needs; all of his needs."

Ianto inclined his head slightly in Jack's direction, who in turn paled as the implications of the words sunk in.

"You don't mean…" Jack was unable to finish the sentence.

"That I let you shag me because you want to, and because it's convenient," Ianto finished it for him. "Sure, why not. But I draw the line at having to remember it afterwards."

"So every time we…" Again Jack could not bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Every time you fuck me I Retcon myself afterwards? Yes," Ianto confirmed. "I take just enough to forget what you do to me and nothing more. I can't remember a single kiss, caress or night we've shared. Not one. And I'm more than happy to keep it that way."

Jack recoiled away from Ianto; the dispassionate words had a greater impact than if he had been punched in the gut.

"Jesus," Owen muttered, feeling slightly sick. Whatever reason he might have anticipated for Ianto's theft, this was certainly not it.

"But why?" Jack asked. "Why would you think you need to do something like that?"

"You yourself told me that my loyalty was to Torchwood, to you, now. I have nothing else left, so I figured I might as well give all of myself to the job, even if I can't bear to remember some of it."

"But you always enjoy what we do," Jack said in a small voice.

"Do I?" Ianto asked with mild interest. "That's good to know."

"But hang on," Owen said, turning to Jack, "how is it that you didn't realise that he has been Retconning himself? Surely you could tell from his…umm…performance?"

Jack considered the question for a long while, shame evident on his face. Ianto tilted his head to one side and raised an eyebrow in silent endorsement of Owen's question. He looked like he found a small measure of satisfaction in Jack's obvious discomfort.

"I…" Jack started and then hesitated. He swallowed and tried again. "I don't know how I never noticed. Some times he was coy and unusually hesitant, but I thought that was just an act to turn me – us – on. But gods, I'm sorry, I never saw what it truly meant."

"I left myself general notes, so I wouldn't give the game away from the word go," Ianto explained, his tone notably chilly. "But nevertheless, what kind of monster does it make you when you didn't even notice that you were regularly shagging someone who couldn't remember any of the previous occasions?"

"No more," Jack said, voice determined. He squared his jaw and looked at Ianto. "You and I will never go there again."

"Your loss." Ianto shrugged. "Obviously. Since I can't remember a thing about it. But from now on, you're always going to wonder. When you take someone to your bed, you'll wonder whether they want to be there or whether they'll find some way of scrubbing clean not just their body but their mind afterwards. That's my final gift to you. It's the least I could do, really."

Jack stepped back, thrown by the venom in Ianto's words. Ianto was right of course, he would always wonder exactly that.

"Weren't you at all concerned about the risks involved in repeatedly taking Retcon?" Owen had to ask. "I mean, you saw what kind of state Max Edwards ended up in."

"I was careful." Ianto shrugged. "I took very small, very specific doses, never mixed the drug with alcohol and I performed regular checks to ensure that there has been no deterioration in my mental acuity. Besides, when I took the Retcon, I was alone in my flat and therefore there was no danger of anyone applying the neuro-linguistic programming on me." Ianto fixed Jack with a piercing stare and asked:

"Tell me, Jack, has the quality of my work deteriorated since Suzie died again?"

"No," Jack had to admit.

"Have I taken any time off due to sickness or appeared ill at work?"

"No."

"Have I had any violent mood swings or otherwise displayed unusual behaviour recently?"

"No."

"Have I gone on a murderous rampage?"

"No."

"Have I ever left you unsatisfied in bed?"

"No." Jack had to look away as he whispered the word.

"Well then," Ianto said pointedly, "I can't see a problem here. Besides, it's not as though I didn't have a choice. Every time I made the choice to erase my memories. Apparently there was nothing worth remembering."

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "I'm sorry that I didn't see that you didn't really want to be with me. It's clear that you haven't recovered from Lisa's death as well as I had assumed and I'm sorry that I haven't found a way to help you."

"Apologies are just words."

"What can I do to make this right?" Jack asked, anguish evident in his eyes. "How can I fix this?"

"There's nothing to fix." Ianto shrugged. "Some things, once broken, can never be mended again."

"No, I refuse to believe it," Jack said, shaking his head. "There must be something we – I – can do."

"You can refuse to believe it all you want, but it doesn't mean I'm not right," Ianto pointed out. "Think about what happened with Lisa."

"You haven't been part-converted by the Cybermen, like she was," Jack argued.

"No, but I died that day with her, my body just hasn't caught up yet," Ianto replied simply. "You killed me when you killed her. There's nothing left to save."

"Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it," Jack promised.

"No, no you won't." Ianto let out a hollow laugh. "There is only one thing I want, one thing that I desire; I want to die." Jack gasped at his words, but Ianto ignored him and continued speaking: "I want to die, Jack. I. Want. To. Die. But I'm too much of a coward to take my own life and you are too much of a monster to grant me my one wish."

"I can't kill you," Jack said so quietly that Owen struggled to hear him. "I won't."

"It appears that we've reached an impasse, Sir," Ianto replied dispassionately. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have archives to organise."

With a cold look at both men Ianto nodded and turned to the files on his desk. He pointedly kept his back to Owen and Jack, and continued working as if nothing had transpired between them. Owen and Jack shared a look, both feeling utterly helpless and at a loss at how they could help Ianto. After a few moments, a new kind of sorrow appeared to settle on Jack's face. He motioned to Owen and they quietly left the archives.

"What are we going to do about him?" Owen asked once he was certain they were out of earshot.

"I'm not sure there's much we can do," Jack said slowly.

"What do you mean? There must be some way to help him," Owen argued.

"You heard him." Jack rubbed his face, looking tired and worn out. "He doesn't want our help, he just wants to die."

"Well, that's clearly not going to happen."

"No." Jack shook his head. "He won't kill himself and we won't kill him. Like Ianto said, we're at an impasse."

"Surely there's something else we could do for him?" Owen pressed on.

"What would you suggest?" Jack asked. "We could Retcon him, erase all his memories of Torchwood, both One and Three, and set him up with a new life somewhere far away from London and Cardiff. But Ianto has been through so many traumas over the past year that I'm not sure the standard amnesia protocol will be effective. Besides, we haven't monitored Max Edwards's progress long enough to know whether there are any contraindications with regular low doses of Retcon followed by one massive dose. I don't want to kill Ianto while attempting to help him."

"Something else then," Owen said, clearly getting frustrated. "Could we put him in a cryogenic stasis chamber?"

"We could," Jack replied frowning. "I just don't see how that would help. Sure he wouldn't be hurting because he would basically be in a coma, but sooner or later we would have to wake him up again. It would buy us time, but not much else."

"Hmm, that's true," Owen agreed.

"I think we are simply going to have to let things settle on their own accord," Jack said wearily. "I will not be having sex with him again, so he has no reason to steal any more Retcon. We treat him normally, or as normally as we always have done, and hope that in time his grief over Lisa's death will start to heal naturally. Perhaps then he will open up to us and let us help him. Until them, all we can do is give him space and keep an eye on him."

"I suspect you're probably right," Owen conceded. "I just wish there was more we could do."

"Me too," Jack assured him. "But as hard as it is to accept it, this is Ianto's battle and we have to let him fight it alone."

They reached the main level of the Hub and Owen merely nodded in response to Jack's words. He gave Jack a sad smile and turned towards the exit. It had been a long day and he desperately needed a drink. Then again, he was not sure it was wise to leave Jack and Ianto alone in the Hub just yet. It was still early and he had paperwork to complete in any case. His mind made up, he headed towards the autopsy bay instead.

"Owen." A hand on his arm stopped him. Jack's face was lined with anguish as he directed: "Not a word of this to Tosh and Gwen."

Owen considered Jack's words for a moment and then nodded. "Agreed."

Jack's hand moved higher and he gave Owen's shoulder a quick squeeze. In silent agreement they headed in opposite directions, Jack to his office and Owen down to his domain.

It was an hour later when a single word floating down the stairs broke Owen's concentration.

"Coffee?"

Ianto was standing at the top of the stairs, holding a steaming mug in his hand. There was just a hint of an uneasy smile on his face.

"Cheers, just what I needed," Owen replied and strode up the stairs to retrieve the mug. The hot liquid eased the tension in his muscles and he could practically feel the caffeine working its magic. Ianto was watching him drink the coffee and Owen desperately wanted to say something to ease the awkwardness between them. But just as Jack had said, they needed to give Ianto time to come to terms with his grief.

He was almost through his coffee when the first wave of fatigue hit him. He frowned a little, trying to remember how much sleep he had had the night before. Behind him, there a resounding crash came from Jack's office. Owen whirled around, grabbing the handrail for balance.

"What did you do?" he asked, eyes wide with panic and disbelief. His knees buckled and the coffee mug shattered against the tiled floor. Ianto caught him before he rolled down the stairs and with unexpected gentleness eased him to lie on the autopsy bay floor.

The last thing he heard before the darkness claimed him was Ianto's gentle words:

"Only what is necessary."

Author's notes:

I feel an explanation is in order. In this year's NYCC, Gareth said that it would be interesting to play a darker, more vengeful Ianto post CoE. This sparked an interesting discussion between myself, Gmariam and Darcy58 on the subject. As a result, both Gmariam and I ended up writing stories about a darker Ianto, although both were set in season 1 rather than after CoE. This was a very uncomfortable story to write for me and more than once I considered not finishing it. In the end, it became an exercise to see if I could write something so out of my comfort zone. Gmariam's story 'nothing but darkness' is up and you should definitely go read it if you haven't already done so. Just don't expect happy endings.

I know it's a weird way to start a new year, but I didn't want to post this until I had finished Love Worth Remember. I wrote this months ago, so I felt now was a good time to post it before some of my more recent stuff. I promise much nicer Janto stuff to come!

This is most definitely a one shot and will never, ever get a sequel.