Twice as Much Tomorrow

By: Manigault

Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to CBS. BTW I support the WGA all the way!

Spoilers: Hmmm, if there is anyone online that doesn't know that Sara's left then okay these are possible spoilers. It pains me but the dogs name is canon now and it's Hank, but for all intents and purposes I can't go there so it's Bruno in this story. Writing things like Hank would miss Sara makes me shudder, so, no.

Note: This isn't a song fic but I was listening to some old music, seventies, particulary More Than I Can Say by Leo Sayer and it made me think of our duo. This isn't a song fic, but the title was inspired by that song.

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Las Vegas, November 2007

The lights on the strip blurred as Sara used the back of her hand to swipe at the tears as they spilled over her lids to race along her cheeks. She didn't want to leave Grissom, not now when they were newly married and not ever as they had come such a long way in the past two years. But, and she felt this in the deepest recesses of her being, she needed to be alone to face her fears.

It had been building inside of her for years, this intense pressure that had, if she was honest with herself, begun in her earliest childhood memory. Screaming. Hard slaps across the face for no identifiable reason.

In the weeks following her rescue from the desert she'd stared at her casted left arm in wonder. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't place why it felt so comfortable, this weight of the cast that prevented normal activities like straightening her curly hair or wrapping both arms around Grissom's sturdy body. Then one day it hit her and hit hard, like one of those slaps across her cheeks that she'd received as a child on more than one occasion. Home. It felt familiar and reminded her of the home she'd known as a little girl and those frequent trips to emergency rooms.

Her childhood had consisted of an alcoholic verbally and physically abusive dad, a fearful battered wife and an older brother who tried his best to avoid everyone. Staring at her cast she drifted back to a cold rainy night when she'd actually experienced some happiness that didn't involve losing herself within the pages of a book. Stephen, her older brother by seven years, loved to read mechanic magazines. Wanting to impress him, a nine year old Sara had dutifully read it from front to back hoping to earn his approval and only needing the right time to exhibit her knowledge of all things cars.

Stephen tossed a crumbled beer can onto the ground and muttered a few profanities at his hunk of metal car that was acting up once again. Tentatively holding onto her courage Sara stepped across the yard and approached him with a nervous smile. Although Stephen wasn't like their dad in physically abusing her, there was a tendency for him to verbally throw insults at her if she got in his way, especially after she'd accidently given away his stash of pot.

"Hey, Stephen." Sara wrapped her arms around her middle and tried not to sound so unsure of herself. It was important that he knew that she wanted to help him; that she could help him.

"Go away, Sara."

"I'd like to help you fix your car." Sara stated with burst of courage that she wasn't feeling. "I know all about engines and carborators. I know what makes a car run and how different models require special attention."

She had drawn his attention for the first time since she could remember as he gave her a look of astonishment and then he laughed. It wasn't a harsh laugh, but a gentle one that was full of pleasant surprise.

"If you think you can help, then hand me that wrench."

He waited, certain that she wouldn't know what to pick up and again surprised when she quickly retrieved the correct tool.

"I'm not stupid." Sara said with a touch of irritation. Stephen stared at ther for a full minute before giving her a beautiful smile. It was the only one she'd ever received from him and the last time she'd see him smile for anyone.

They spent the evening working together, Sara thrilled by his attention and Stephen making a silent promise that he'd teach her everything he knew about cars. Neither one cared when it began to drizzle and the night grew chilly. It grew colder still when John Sidle screeched into the driveway, his truck weaving as it made it's way up to the house where he stumbled from the interior, his rage high as he spied his offspring bent over that pieced of junk Stephen had hauled home a few weeks before.

"What is she doing out here?" John pointed a shaking finger towards the cowering child who pressed back against the car and tried desperately to look anywhere but at the furious man stalking in her direction.

"She's helping me." Tension filled the night as Stephen quietly stepped around the car and purposefully put himself between Sara and their drunken dad. "She's helping me work on my car."

"I told you that I don't want that piece of shit out here Stephen."

Sara couldn't help but wonder if he meant her or the car, but wisely kept her sarcasm to herself. Stephen didn't.

"What's a piece of shit?"

"You talking back to me?" John rushed suddenly towards the teenager, his large body ramming into him and driving him back against the car with a loud thud that crushed Sara between the car and himself.

A cry escaped Sara's lips and she bit back the sobs immediately. Crying only infuriated John Sidle. The commotion had drawn the attention of Laura Sidle who ran from the porch with the intention of going to Sara who was clutching her left arm in pain.

"I'm sorry, Sara." Stephen picked himself up from the ground where he'd been thrown after smashing against his sister and the car, his regret sincere as he reached out towards her only to be shoved once again as John came after him again.

"Leave him alone." Laura screamed at the stalking man only to have the anger turned onto herself. Sinking to the ground, Sara watched in horror as another fight ensued and she vowed that she'd be more careful next time. She'd be more careful.

Las Vegas, October 2007

Reality had come crashing inside her mind late one night as she tossed and turned in bed and found herself reaching out for the security of Grissom's arms. Gasping for breath she sat up and took a few minutes to get her bearings as she shifted through the muddled memory of her nightmare to the here and now and the fact that Grissom was working and she was alone. Well, not completely alone, she thought with a wry smile. Whistling for Bruno, she let the air escape her lips as the Boxer leapt onto the bed and nuzzled her chin with his cold wet nose. Hugging him to her for a brief minute she realized with a frown that since spending all of her nights with Gil Grissom she had forgotten that she was an insominac.

"Gil is my security blanket." She told Bruno with astonishment. Leaning her forehead on the dogs solid forehead she bit back on the sob that gripped her as panic threatened to bring her happiness crashing to a terrifying halt. Reaching over Bruno's head she scrambled for her cell phone and stared at the device that would link her to the man who could keep the darkness at bay. She dialed his number and then hit stop. She couldn't go seeking him out every time she felt panic rising in her throat. Since moving to shift it had become common practice for her to appear at one of his crime scenes just to see him. The team expected her to show up and never ribbed her or gave her a hard time.

"I have become one of those women who need to be with their man all the time, Bruno."

"What's wrong with that?" A deep voice startled her out of her reverie and she shook her head at the absurd notion that Bruno had responded to her statement and with a voice shockingly familiar.

Turning on the bed to face the object of her thoughts, Sara's lips trembled slightly as she confessed.

"I depend on you too much, Gil."

The words were said with such sadness and self loathing he didn't know how to respond at first. A lump formed in his throat constricting it with the certainty that something was seriously going on inside of Sara's heart and mind that he couldn't fathom, a something that she was unable to define. The feel of dread had been building for several days as he'd caught a sadness floating around her when she thought he wasn't looking. He'd catch her eye and she would smile that beautiful smile that could melt away his fears and he'd convince himself that it was his over active imagination.

"This last case really shook you," he said when the silence filled the room. Never mind the fact that she had been abducted and left for dead in the desert with a fractured arm and no food or water. He didn't want to dwell on the fact that he'd almost lost her, because he didn't. She was alive and breathing. She was here in his home, his bed. They were husband and wife. He walked slowly to the bed until he was standing beside her and could take her chin in the palm of his hand and gaze into her eyes as she looked up at him with expectations that he couldn't decipher.

"It was more than this case, Gil, we both know that. It wasn't simply the fact that Hannah screwed with my mind again. She's only the tip of the problem and I'm not sure how to get to the heart of the issue." Pulling away from him slightly, Sara stared down at the ring on her finger and slowly twisted it from side to side as she refused to meet his questioning look.

"You regret marrying me?" asked Grissom, his eyes focused on the movements of her hands.

"Regret? No!" Sara turned to him and reached for his hands to pull him down to her lips in a move so quick it made him catch his breath as he lost his footing and tumbled gently onto the bed taking her with him until he was lying half on top of her and half on his side. The move caused Bruno to scramble from the bed with an indignate expression as he studied his two people making out on the bed. With a huff he turned and left the room in search of his food dish.

Sara had trailed kisses along Grissoms neck and spent the next few hours convincing him that she was thrilled to be Gilbert Grissom's wife, lover and best friend. That was not so hard to do as she knew it was the truth. What she didn't know was how to make him understand there was a difference in loving him completely and loving herself. This was the reason she'd come to the conclusion that she needed to leave Vegas for a time and dissolve the fears that had been trailing her for too many years.

Las Vegas, November 2007

The cab pulled to a stop outside of the airport terminal and the driver turned expectant eyes on his passenger who payed him without speaking as she then pushed open the door and slid out to stand on the curb. Wiping away the warm tears that continued to spill over her cheeks, Sara was certain that she must look a mess. She didn't care though as she took the bag the driver had retrieved from the trunk of the car and turned back to the airport entrance. With a deep intake of breath she squared her shoulders and moved forward with a set determination to resolve her issues.

Grissom pulled the door to his office shut and closed the blinds, the letter Sara had left him clutched in his hands as he read her words for the umpteenth time and memorized every comma and period that she had placed on the paper. Some words were blurred but he knew which ones were smudges that were from tears that had dropped on the ink as Sara had written her attempted explanation and those that ran together because of the tears that had built up behind his own lids.

Space. That was something that he could give her and it was the one thing that he certainly knew all about. Lonlieness was something entirely different. Grissom spread the letter out on the desk in front of him and reached into his pocket to pull out his cell phone, spurred by the sudden desire to hear her voice. His phone didn't have time to run through the number before he was hitting the end button and tossing it onto his desk.

His thoughts turned to Bruno and he realized with a sudden purpose that there was a reason for him to leave the lab. Feed their dog. Walk their dog. Bruno didn't require deep conversations and he wouldn't have to endure pitying looks from him or answer questions as to why and where Sara had gone and when would she return. Bruno would miss Sara, but there wouldn't be questions. It was with this in mind that he grabbed his coat off the back of his chair and made for a quick exit.

TBC