Forgive Yourself is a two-chapter story. First chapter is from Callie's perspective. Second is from Arizona's perspective. All mistakes are mine. Enjoy !
It took the storm 4 hours to finally stop raging. 4 hours that seems to move so freaking slow. People thought the storm was bad, well, I bet if they knew what is going on in my head they might re-think that thought. After the huge blow up between Arizona and I in the attending lounge, I stormed out, and I never saw Arizona again. It just too painful to even be in the same room with her let alone breathe after all those hurtful words we kept on throwing back and forth. So I left and never look back. As for now, I'm on my way with Sofia resting peacefully my hip back to our apartment. Or should I say my apartment. Well, I'm not sure I ever want to live with Arizona anymore. To think that she could give up our love so easily just enough to make my stomach go weak, so I'm pretty positive that I won't survive living with her.
After 10 minutes' walk to the apartment, I found the door still locked. So Arizona is not home. Which is why I'm glad, but the thing is I'm still worried. She got nowhere else to go except for Joe's bar and hospital. And last time I checked, she left the hospital 1 hour before I did, so it leaves Joe. As much as I am mad at Arizona or hate her, part of me still want to make sure that she's okay or try not to doze off at the bar floor. I mean, she is a light drinker, 3 glass of wine is enough to make Joe pick up his phone and ask me to take my wife home. So against my better judgement, I call Joe to check if my wife was there. The reply was negative. He pretty much did not see Arizona for at least a week now and he hope to never see her again in his bar especially after that "incident". My mouth broke into spontaneous smirks when my brain instantly replays the "incident" happened a week ago. Well, Arizona did cause Joe to lose his money repairing part of the bar and probably some customers too. What can I say; mad Arizona is not pleasant to meet particularly if she's drunk.
"Mommy can we go inside now? I'm tired." said Sofia while tugging my hair with her tiny hand.
"Yes baby, we may." I gave her sheepishly smile since realizing that I had been standing in front of the door for at least 5 good minutes.
Now that Sofia is down for the night, I noticed how quiet the apartment right now. No cars honking on the street, no people yelling and laughing, no baby crying to be fed, no neighbor knocking for help. Everybody still busy fixing the damaged done by storm. And never in my life had I felt so alone. Suddenly a whining and complaining wife doesn't seem so bad even after I had a busy day. Arizona, she loves to whine and complain just to get my attention. It is one of her traits that I found charming. Now, everything is messed up. I had no idea where is my wife, whether she's alive or dead. My marriage pretty much crumbling right in front of my eyes. My daughter just lost her prefect family dream. And I, apparently I had lost my wife. My body started to shake uncontrollably as I try to hold on as much as I can so that I won't wake Sofia up with my loud sobs.
I nearly jump out of my skins when I heard my phone ring. It plays the ringtone I saved only for Arizona. Single Ladies, which felt more, like a mockery to me right now. I still remember when we dance foolishly to the song on our first date. I decided to let it go into a voice-mail. I couldn't find enough strength in me today to get into another fight.
"Hey, it's me Arizona. I..I was hoping for you not to pick up the phone. I know it is silly, but.. but I'm not sure that we both ready to talk again. Well, I checked myself into a hotel as we speaking; I don't know why I told you that, as I'm sure you wouldn't even care. I left the hospital early, and.. and I went back to the apartment to get some stuffs. You know clothes, toothbrush, and some files. I think it is the best for us. So I'm going to spent a few nights at the hotel. Then, we going to try to talk again….."
After a few seconds of silent, I let out a breath that I don't even know I was holding. As I thought the message was over, Arizona's voice filled the room again.
"Callie, you asked me why. Why I did what I did. To be honest I don't know. But I left you a letter, on your pillow. So for whatever its worth, I hope it will answer some of your questions. I'm sorry and I love you. Always. Kiss Sofia goodnight for me. K, bye."
Once again, never in my life had I felt so alone.