"Plaisir D'Amour"
by Midnightmarshmallow
Peter Pettigrew's Lament
"July 12.
I know what people think of me. They think I'm a coward of a man with the inability to love, that I have no loyalty, no morals. And they are right. But they weren't always right. There was a time, long ago, when I wasn't just a figure cowering in the shadows, betraying anyone and doing anything to win the favor of whoever held power. I betrayed because I was betrayed. I was betrayed by my friends, by my family… by my love.… And like the fool I am, I still love her! That's the most pathetic part of my story. After all the years, and after all the changes in my life, the one thing that stays the same is that one woman is constantly on my mind, taunting me, laughing at me for being the worthless rat that I truly am. I knew she didn't love me from the beginning, but she at least tolerated me, pretended to like me. If she could see me now, see what I've become… I would disgust her. But I will never see her again, except in the images imprinted permanently in my mind. She's gone, probably somewhere enjoying life without me, maybe forgetting my existence entirely. Still, I wonder, if I had treated her as she should have been treated, if I had loved her more, if I had done something else to make her happy, would she have stayed? That is the question that haunts me every day and night of my life. I know I'll never know the answer, because letting her go was like blowing out the one candle in this world, and when I did it, I condemned myself to a darkness that is so strong, I can never find my escape."
Peter Pettigrew dropped the book in his hands and hissed in pain, clutching his arm. He raised the sleeve of his robes and saw the black, charred-looking mark on his arm as the pain seared through his skin. It was like a cattle brand, letting the world know who they were and ensuring that they would always belong to the Dark Lord. They were all nothing more to him than cattle, to be used for his profit and then done away with whenever they weren't useful anymore. That was one of Peter's deepest fears, and he did everything in his power to make sure that never happened. He knew he had to go to the Dark Lord, whether he liked it or not.
"I never deserved her," was his last bitter thought before he hid the book away in a box under the bed and stood to leave the room. "It's time to go serve my master."
A/N: If you're interested in where this is going, review, because that's the way to get me to post more. I hope to get the first real chapter of the story posted before the end of the week. I've hit a patch of writer's block, though, so that may not happen. I got a bad review for my novel today so I'm feeling a bit upset about it, but if you like this and you give me a really nice review, I might feel motivated to write more! I have an interesting story planned!