I've been wanting to write this for literally years, but I procrastinated and it turned into word vomit...
Pit stared.
Link and Zelda were walking side by side with a comfortable distance between them.
Pit stared harder.
"Er... What's-a the matter, Pit?" Mario asked, almost afraid of what kind of answer would leave the angel's mouth.
"I don't get it." Pit finally declared. "It's Valentine's Day, and those two aren't even holding hands."
"I don't-a think they're-a-" Before the plumber could finish his sentence, Pit's head swiveled around, sending the same hard stare at him.
"How can they not!?" He exclaimed. "All those incarnations, and they have a special bond in every single one of them!"
Mario sighed. "It's-a not like you can-a make-a them show how-a much they care for-a each other."
Something in the angel must have snapped at that moment, for he froze in place, eyes wide open. With a slow turn and serious expression, he faced his red clad friend.
"I can." He breathed. "I totally can."
-And dashed off the scene. Mario stared at his wake, feeling dread fill up every fiber of his being. Pit on the other hand was filling up with a rare kind of glee he only felt on the most special of occasions. He discovered it when he and Pittoo had started scheming how to get Magnus and Gaol to get together. There was still no progress on that front, but he still remembered the feeling, and more importantly, the planning. He had hoped Gaol would somehow make it to the Smash games alongside Magnus, so he brought special tools to make them fall head over heels for each other. His dreams were dashed when the human warrior showed up alone as an assist trophy, but now he found a new reason to use what he had so painstakingly prepared.
Parkouring over furniture and other Smashers, Pit burst into his room and dived under his bed. After a bit of rummaging, he found a simple wooden box. He gingerly pulled the object from its hiding place and lifted the cover. Twin arrows, each with a heart shaped head, lay inside. He crafted them with care and lots of enchantments. A single prick from one of the arrows were supposed to make, as Pittoo called them, the poor dense sap fall madly in love with the first person they set eyes on. The two angels planned on shooting their friends in a last ditch effort to meddle in their love life, but the plan fell apart when Gaol was conveniently not invited to join them in Smash. Thus, the arrows were left under his bed, forgotten until now.
Pit wrapped the arrowheads carefully so he wouldn't prick himself, and hid them in the front of his chiton. The loose folds concealed the awkward shape well enough, and he made sure they wouldn't show or fall out if he moved around.
"It's show time!" He whispered dramatically to himself, and skipped off to find his targets. To his luck, he spotted the two Hylians outside of Link's door. The hall was empty, save for the three of them, and they had their backs turned towards him. It was perfect. He pulled out one of his special arrows, unwound the wrap, aimed, and-
"What are you doing Pit?"
Ike's voice came booming out of nowhere, startling him, and causing him to accidentally toss the arrow into the air. He fumbled in an attempt to recover and hide it, but it kept slipping through his fingers. He tripped, but managed to save it from hitting someone other than Link or Zelda.
He felt something else stab his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut in pain, silently screaming inside.
"Pit! Are you alright?"
Pit felt a hand touch his shoulder in worry. Through pure reflex, he opened his eyes and came face to face with Meta Knight.
"My, what was he holding?" He heard Marth ponder aloud, but it didn't seem to matter now. The angel stared at Meta Knight, feeling blood rush to his cheeks. When, and exactly how, did a puffball become so dreamy? Perhaps it had something to do with his deep, silky smooth voice. He didn't notice Marth and Ike standing above them, exchanging worried glances with each other.
"I'm alright now that you're here, Sir Meta...!"
"What."
Without warning, Pit's arms shot out and pulled Meta Knight into a tight hug, surprising everyone. By now, the two Hylians he was so focused on had turned their attention to the scene unfolding .
"What happened here?" Link questioned. Zelda remained silent, observing her surroundings, when she noticed a certain heart shaped arrow now discarded on the floor. She retrieved it and frowned.
"There's magic in this." She announced. It didn't take long for everyone to put two and two together. Meta Knight squirmed uncomfortably in Pit's arms, inadvertently dislodging the arrow's twin from Pit's clothing. The object clattered noisily on the ground, its magic clearly drained, and an understanding was reached.
"Oh-"
"My-"
"-Goddesses."
The horror settled in on Meta Knight. Transforming his cape into his wings, he used the sudden burst to knock Pit backwards, loosening his grip long enough to escape. He immediately seized Marth's and Ike's hands and flew in the opposite direction with his companions in tow. When Pit recovered, he pursued them, yelling the name of his new beloved. Zelda put a hand on Link's shoulder, stopping him from chasing after Pit.
"We need to talk to Palutena about these." She said, holding up the enchanted arrow.
It hadn't been easy to shake Pit off. Marth and Meta Knight had to ditch Ike soon after they started running as he had been, in his own words, dead weight. Ike had offered to physically stall the angel, but it was clear he would be out maneuvered. Marth's speed was key in gaining enough ground and stop in a hiding spot for rest.
"We should get moving again." Meta Knight sighed. "Our sanctuary won't last long."
It was only a matter of time before he would sniff them out. Pit had always been resourceful. Marth nodded, and scanned the area ahead. He felt a little relieved. There were no signs of Pit at all, not even his desperate cries for the little knight besides him. As soon as Marth left their hiding spot however, he was ambushed. Eight Villagers rushed him, and tied him up.
"Good job team!" Pit cheerfully called, stepping from around the corner. He tossed them each a chocolate bar, and they gleefully pocketed their ill earned treats. Marth struggled against his bonds to no avail.
"You're not yourself right now, Pit." Marth grunted in frustration. "Your love for Meta Knight isn't real."
"I love Sir Meta Knight with all of my heart!" He declared loudly with the dreamiest expression painting his face. If eight Villagers jumping and tying up Marth hadn't attracted attention, his voice certainly had. From the corner of his eye, Marth could see a few fellow Smashers in the audience, though he could only really make out Ness and Lucario, the latter of whom shuddered at the aura Pit was radiating.
"P-Pit, you need to calm down." Ness tried, cautiously approaching the angel with his hands up. Pit blinked in surprise. He seemed to realize how tense he had become and started to relax.
"So you love Meta Knight, huh?" Oh great, Falco was there too. "You better find him and stuff some valentines chocolate down his face. Then again, he's the kinky type so he'd probably prefer it up his-"
"W-Whoa there!" Pit squeaked at a pitch that made Marth grimace. While painful to listen to, he was for once grateful for Falco's provocations. It was providing a nice distraction, one well enough to let Meta Knight slip past Pit to the swordsman's side. "You got to go steady before you start making a million babies!"
How he wished Meta Knight weren't wearing his mask at that moment. Marth found that Meta Knight was capable of some interesting facial expressions, whenever he was lucky enough to steal a glance. It was almost a shame he couldn't see his face right now, but the situation was much different. Meta Knight quietly drew Galaxia and began cutting at the ropes.
"Villagers." Marth hissed under his breath, frantically looking around for the mischievous little monsters. Meta Knight paused to consider the threat and pulled out several lollipops with a free hand. Where he had retrieved the sweets, Marth was afraid to know, but decided not to question it if it meant they could make a quiet escape. However, even Meta Knight's grace could not stop an unfortunate chain of events from unfolding. While he was busy carefully sawing through Marth's bindings, a single lollipop fell from his grip. A male Villager noticed the slip and immediately dove for the candy. He knocked into Meta Knight, who reflexively threw his sword hand back to prevent injury to his captured friend. Galaxia went soaring out of his hand, spinning beautifully in the air behind Pit. The golden sword imbedded itself into the wall, severing the rope anchor to a chandelier, which went crashing to the ground. While Meta Knight and Marth were lucky no one was standing beneath it, it had smashed in their direction, thus redirecting Pit's attention onto them.
"Sir Meta!" the angel breathed, happy to finally see the object of his affections. "There you are! I was worried for a second that you were avoiding me on purpose."
"I was." Meta Knight bluntly answered. "This is not going to work out. We aren't even physically compatible. I am a magnificent Star Child, and you are humanoid and strange to me. "
The words pierced Pit's heart. He had a point; that sort of interspecies love was taboo, even for PIt's own culture. But he was not one to give up, not when he was so close to his goals. He could overcome this one hurdle if he could become whatever Meta Knight or Kirby were, or...
"I can fix that."
Without waiting to see any reactions, Pit reached up and broke through the fourth wall.
"Excuse me, coming through!"
It was as if he were being directed by a thirteen year old girl in the early 2000's.
"Uhh, hope you didn't need 'ask-darkpit responses'! I accidentally broke that folder"
It's alright Pit, everything's been uploaded for like a year.
"Let's see... Defying Gravity... Here it is!"
Pit reached into the half written document and grabbed a Humanizer Ray. Satisfied by his find, he slipped back to his dimension, without cleaning up after himself, leaving the folder he was rifling through a mess of files, sin, and shame. Meta Knight took a step back upon seeing the strange new weapon in Pit's possession.
"Threatening me or my companions won't win my heart." He said, backing away as Pit made an approach.
"Huh? I'm not..." Pit frowned and looked down at the Humanizer Ray in his hand. He could see where Meta Knight could have gotten the idea, it did look an awful lot like Daybreak, but he was sure it wouldn't hurt. The short confusion was all the time Meta Knight needed to bolt out of the vicinity.
"Me-Meta Knight!" Marth called, upset he had been abandoned like that.
"Hey-Wait up!"
The Villagers scattered when Pit bounded across the room in renewed pursuit. Ness and Lucario rush to free Marth while Falco leaned against the wall.
"Mind explaining what just happened?" Falco questioned, pretending to be disinterested.
"Long story short, Pit accidentally hit himself with an enchanted arrow, and now he's in love with Meta Knight." Marth breathed, anxious to be unbound. Once the ropes were loose enough for him to wriggle out of, he quickly bounced to his feet. "I need to save Meta Knight. Ness, Lucario, will you help me?"
Lucario nodded silently while Ness answered with a firm "Okay". Falco removed himself from his position on the wall, grinning as much as his beak would allow.
"What, and leave me behind?" he huffed in feigned indignation.
"I didn't think you were interested." Marth sighed.
"I'm not, but it beats watching lovey-dovey saps all day. Even better if I get to beat some of them in a match."
Marth sighed again. While denying Falco would save him the headache, things would go much smoother with him around. Running a hand through his hair, he relented. "Alright, then here's the plan..."
Palutena had been enjoying a nice cup of coffee when Zelda and Link burst into the kitchen, out of breath and with a strange look on their faces. Wordlessly, Zelda held up a heart-tipped arrow. Palutena cocked an eyebrow.
"You have my blessing to meddle in whoever's love life?" She jokingly guessed, and smiled kindly when Link shook his head.
"Pit... He had these." he managed to say in between breaths. "He poked himself with one of these."
That caught her attention. Palutena set down her cup on the counter and approached them with a hand outstretched. Zelda placed both arrows in her hand and watched her inspect them.
"These are custom Arrows of Eros." She deduced. She bit her lip, a gesture that worried the two Hylians. "You said Pit got pricked by one of these?"
"He did." Link coughed. "The first person he saw was Meta Knight and he started hugging and chasing him."
Palutena pursed her lips, shaking. But instead of worried words, she let out a howl of laughter.
"With Meta Knight? Really?" She noticed the horrified look and Zelda's face and the incredulous expression on Link's, and forced herself to stop. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. These are counterfeit arrows Pit made. The simplest of tests will easily shatter the effects."
"What kind of test...?"
The goddess giggled. "A kiss! A kiss will break the spell, assuming he doesn't really love him."
Link sighed. "There's no way to avoid this, is there... I better get Meta Knight to do it. This place won't last long if Pit's the one chasing him down. He's worse at collateral damage than I am."
"Zelda, you better stay here." Palutena interrupted, her voice firm. "You're good friends with Meta Knight, I can tell from all those tea parties. Pit might get jealous if it seems like he favors you over him."
Zelda bit her lip, but understood the reasoning. She briefly clenched her fists before relaxing a moment later.
"You're right." She conceded. "I will still support you in whatever way I can."
"Well you better hurry Link." Palutena hummed. "Those arrows were especially designed for mating."
With a pleasant smile, Palutena teleported away, leaving before that last piece of information sank in.
As the two groups made their plans and made their positions, Pit continued to chase Meta Knight throughout the Smash facility.
Zap!
He had scary good aim with such a weapon for someone who was primarily an archer. Meta Knight vaguely wondered if the interface of that terrifying ray was similar to the ones Pit had handled on his previous adventure. For all of his years fighting, he was finding it to be a challenge to continuously dodge blast after blast. Despite his flight advantage, Pit was beginning to compensate his aim and trajectory, and it was only a matter of time before he deciphered Meta Knight's flight pattern.
Zap!
"So where's Angel Face anyway?" He heard a voice say up ahead. "He kept bugging me to meet up with him here today, and then he doesn't show."
"How would I know? We have a connection, but not that kind of connection. You might as well ditch him and spend today with Gaol."
"Ugh, why are you two always on our case like that?"
He nearly panicked hearing Pit's voice both in front and behind him, but he quickly realized the one ahead carried his doppelganger's tone.
"You two ought to be making the world's strongest babies!" Dark Pit's voice yelled a little too loudly for the kind of conversation he was carrying.
"So that would explain the arrows." Meta Knight mumbled to himself wryly. He spotted Dark Pit arguing with an assist trophy whose name eluded him at the moment. He was a muscle mountain of a man bearing scars and tattoos all over his arms. Meta Knight weaved between them with ease, hoping those two would be enough of a distraction to stop Pit.
"What the-"
"Excuse me."
Unfortunately for Meta Knight, Dark Pit seized his wings as he passed by.
"Hold on." Dark Pit growled, holding Meta Knight up so their gazes were level. "You can't just barge through two people in the middle of something."
"Great, hold him there Pittoo!" Pit hollered.
"Don't call me that!" Dark Pit automatically snapped, immediately forgetting about Meta Knight, who struggled in his grip and wrenched free, only to stare down the barrel of that humanizing ray.
Zap!
Meta Knight fell onto knees, clenching at the ground with individually gloved fingers. Confusion washed over him as hair fell past his eyes. He was human. Meta Knight tried to stand, but his new gangly proportions were unfamiliar and so he immediately stumbled over his legs and fell straight on his face. Pit dropped the Humanizer Ray and propped him up. His eyes shone brightly with accomplishment.
"I fixed all of our problems." Pit declared triumphantly.
"I don't see how this is fixed." Meta Knight complained, but it fell on deaf ears as Pit attached himself to his waist.
"What in Hades' insides is going on?" Dark Pit demanded, his eye twitching uncomfortably.
"Pit hit himself with a heart shaped arrow." Meta Knight explained while vainly trying to push his new side attachment away. "Dark Pit, you wouldn't happen to know anything about it?"
Dark Pit froze and his expression dropped, confirming Meta Knight's suspicions.
"I don't know anything about it." he lied with enough false calmness to impress even the most seasoned of Dreamland warriors.
"Don't act like you don't know." Pit huffed. "You're the one who suggested we make them."
"And what exactly were you two meddling angels planning on doing with 'them'?" the assist trophy queried dangerously. Both angels tensed and fidgeted in place, making excuses over the other in a confused frenzy. Luckily for them, Ness and Falco ambushed them. Falco managed to pry Pit from Meta Knight and flint him at his mirror clone.
"Settle this in SMAAAAASH!" he cackled all too happily. A portal opened up beneath him, Ness, and the two Pits, and swallowed them in a flash. Once the coast was clear, Marth and Lucario rounded the corner.
"They're in the Smash lobby." Lucario confirmed. "You won't have much time, Pit and Dark Pit might team up on stock."
"Thank you Lucario." Marth said. " We'll have to make haste and get you to the dormitories, Meta Knight."
"I will be off then." Lucario announced and departed. Meta Knight leaned against Marth for support as they made their trek.
"You know he'll ransack your room first." Meta Knight brought up.
"I know that..." the prince sighed. "Falco suggested I use my room as a decoy and you can hide in Lucina's room."
"You even asked Lady Lucina for help!?"
Marth's sudden silence worried Meta Knight, but he had no time to dismantle the plan. He was already being shoved through the door.
"Hello Lucina, Pit turned Meta Knight human and we need you to hide him, I'll explain later, farewell!"
And with that, the man Lucina knew as the great Hero King, the man she admired enough to model a disguise after, turned on his heel and ran. She stared at the strange man he left sprawled on her floor, narrowing her eyes. Was this some kind of joke?
"No mercy for Lord Marth next match." the man groaned. Lucina sighed and helped him up. One look at the mask he bore on his face was enough to confirm his identity.
"What happened to you?"
"Pit hit himself with an enchanted arrow." Meta Knight explained. "Now he's insanely in love with me."
"I don't even know what to say to that." Lucina mumbled. She guided him to her closet, but stood in front of the door. "Before I let you in here, there's something I want you to promise me."
"What... sort of promise?"
"Let me wear that mask!"
Meta Knight gawked at the unexpected request. His hands automatically slapped over the sides of his mask, refastening it against his face.
"Why."
"It looks so cool to Smash in...!"
"I'll lend you a spare-"
"Your spares aren't made like the ones you're wearing right now."
Lucina stared him down, until he relented. Between the Lucina privately taking his mask and Pit clinging to him in front of a crowd, his pride would have a better chance surviving with the former.
"Fine, but I will hand it to you after I'm in the closet."
"Fair enough."
Satisfied by the deal, Lucina opened the door and allowed Meta Knight to go in. Once she was out of sight, he slipped his mask off and handed it off to her. He could hear Marth scream outside and shuddered. Despite unceremoniously handing Meta Knight to his descendant, Marth was a good friend. He didn't want his efforts to be in vain, so he slunk off further in Lucina's closet. However, he hit a wall that smelled strangely of muscles.
"Oof-Lord Chrom!?"
Even in the darkness, Meta Knight could make out Chrom's features, from his clothes to his well toned biceps.
"And who are you?" Chrom demanded. "Are you here to S-support with my daughter!?"
"N-No! I'm Meta Knight." Meta Knight hissed, trying to calm Lucina's father down.
"Meta Knight has a mask, and you sir, do not."
Meta Knight flinched and covered his face. Although he did not have an inkling what his face must look like now, he felt a small swell of narcissism, if Chrom had mistaken him for a suitor for Lucina. The feeling was short lived however, under the intense glare Chrom was giving him. The man gave Meta Knight a shove, and he rolled onto the floor with an ungraceful thump. He could hear the catastrophe Pit was causing outside suddenly stopped while Chrom stepped out from the closet behind him.
"There will be no S-supporting today!"
"F-Father!?"
"Meta Knight!"
"Meta Knight!?"
"P-Pit!"
"Lucina."
"Marth?"
"Chrom!?"
"Marth!"
"Meta Knight!"
"Meta Kniiiight!"
"Pikachu!"
The tension was finally cut when Pikachu suddenly ran across the hall. Meta Knight took advantage of the confusion and snatched his mask from Lucina's face. With the thin piece of metal firmly on his face again, he scrambled to her window and jumped out. His cape had not changed its properties, allowing him to unfurl his wings and take to the air. The cries of his name grew fainter as he grew closer to the setting sun. He was home free!
A clawshot hooked into the back of his shirt and yanked him back into the strong arms of Link.
"I can't let you go just yet." the green clad hero said with a grunt. "Palutena told me how you can end the enchantment. You have to kiss him."
Pit's eyes grew wide.
"Alright, but you all have to leave!" He huffed. "This is really intimate stuff."
"But this is my room!" Lucina protested, trying to step between Pit and Meta Knight.
"And you will not be S-supporting in it, young lady." Chrom grumbled, staring over Pit's shoulder.
"Meta Knight, are you okay with this?" Marth interrupted.
"Link, I trust you." Meta Knight sighed. "But I don't trust her."
Meta Knight suddenly twisted the Link's arm and threw him off. He used the precious seconds of stunned silence and fled, stumbling less than gracefully through the hallway.
"Meta Knight wait!"
Pit chased after him, followed by Link. Lucina and Marth attempted to pursue them, but Chrom grabbed both of their cloaks.
"It's best you two stay out of this one." he said, shaking his head. "Those two need to figure out their own feelings together."
"But Pit's been-"
"Together, alone."
From the moment he realized he was in love with Meta Knight, a haze had drenched Pit's mind. It directed him to chase after Meta Knight throughout the day, and it was beginning to slowly dissipate. He knew this obsession was caused by a spell of his own creation. Yet he remained desperate to catch him.
Meta Knight once again jumped out a window, weaving through the rafters and ledges, out of a clawshot's reach and protected from the Gale Boomerang.
"I don't think I can help you anymore." Link begrudgingly admitted, staring at Meta Knight's retreating form on the rooftops.
"It's alright." Pit said. "I'll manage from here. Thanks, and, sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Link asked, blinking in surprise.
"I tried to get you and Zelda together for Valentine's, and look how that turned out."
"Pit... Zelda and I aren't like that."
"But your destinies-"
"Having our destinies intertwined doesn't mean we're going to always love each other like that. You share your destiny with Palutena and Dark Pit."
Pit remained silent, his words dying before they even left his mouth. "I really messed up." He finally concluded. However, Link only laughed and ruffled his hair.
"You can still fix it. Palutena said kissing Meta Knight might break your spell."
The thought of the feeling suddenly ending hurt him. He didn't want to stop loving Meta Knight, the Meta Knight who proud and strong, and the Meta Knight was secretly kind and gentle. But there was a feeling deep down that told him everything would be okay. He had to trust that feeling, and steel himself for the upcoming struggle.
A fishing rod dangled in front of his face caught Pit's attention.
"This might be useful." Link offered with a smile. Pit exchanged it for a grin and snatched the fishing rod.
"I'll put it to good use." He boldly declared and jumped out the window. Navigating the rooftops was a cakewalk in comparison to the winding path out of the Underworld. He spotted Meta Knight attempting to land on a tower. Thankfully for Pit, he was still unused to his new form and was unable to find proper footing. He was forced to make his landing on a more flat surface. He didn't seem to spot Pit and let his guard down. Pit took advantage of this, carefully sneaking up before casting the fishing rod when he was in range.
"Wh-Pit!" Meta Knight squawked in surprise when he felt a tug on his cape. He tried to take flight, but was suddenly jolted to a stop. Pit managed to anchor himself down, struggling to reel Meta Knight in. The kind of rod Link handed to him didn't exactly have a sophisticated reeling mechanism, leaving him to pull with all of his might. With the right moment, he tugged with the right amount of force, flinging his catch back towards him. They ended up tumbling on the roof in a tangle of limbs. While Meta Knight was still retrieving his bearings, Pit sat on top of him, effectively pinning him down.
"Sir Meta, please." he pleaded with genuine concern in his voice.
"Tch..." Meta Knight scoffed, defeated. "Do as you want."
"I... I can't. I want you to want this!"
"You didn't have a problem with that earlier."
The accusation stung Pit deeply.
"I... I...!"
"What do you want, Pit?"
There was a softness in Meta Knight's voice and concern in his eyes that made Pit's heart ache. It made him feel special and guilty. The Arrow of Eros thrown his self out the window, and Meta Knight did not deserve that.
"I... I want the truth!" He finally concluded. "Even if it means I don't actually want to have like a million babies with you after all." He was sure he did, but the presence of doubt would grow into a dark beast in the long run.
"A million babies..." Meta Knight muttered to himself in disbelief. He averted his gaze for a moment and managed to move Pit off his lap while he was distracted. He stood up to stretch, hesitantly offering his hand to Pit. "Nothing is learned if the trials weren't covered in thorns."
Pit, albeit confused by his actions, nodded and took his hand. Standing face to face with the object of his enchanted affections, alone on the roof and illuminated by the scattering warm light of the setting sun... He could not ask for a more intimate moment.
"I'm ready."
The trek back inside the Smash facility was far less harrowing and stressful. Walking side by side, Pit and Meta Knight maintained a comfortable distance away from each other, occasionally bumping as Meta Knight had not yet reverted to his original body. Everyone could see and breathe in relief that the spell was broken, and yet there was still a hint of closeness that wasn't there before the day's events.
"Pit, I am curious." Meta Knight said, breaking their silence. "How do humanoids make babies?"
Pit scrunched his face in thought. "Honestly, I don't know either." He admitted. "I think I was hatched in a hot spring, but apparently that's not how humans babies are born."
"Huh..."
"What about you and Kirby?"
"It used to be almost ritualistic, but now that technology has advanced, we can just pass our genetic information through flash drives to each other. It's far more convenient, but the Waddle Dees do tend to go overboard with it."
"Huuh..."
I wrote the bulk of it last year, didn't finish by Valentine's day, thought I could post it White day, didn't finish it then, forgot about it until Christmas, then procrastinated and finally realized the next Valentine's day was here.