Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Star Wars Rebels or The Princess Bride, nor any characters, place names, or content that appears in this story. This story is a fan fiction and does not necessarily comply with the actual Star Wars timeline. Rated T for romance, violence, and content that may disturb.
Warning: this story is a parody of The Princess Bride, and under no circumstances should it change or devalue, the actual book, movie, or other licensed product.
On an old moisture farm on the outskirts of Lothal, there lived a girl of outstanding beauty.
Her name was Sabine Wren, and she was a Mandalorian, living on Lothal. She had no family, and lived a simple life.
On the farm where she lived, there was a young farmboy. Nothing gave Sabine more pleasure than to order the boy around. His name was Ezra Bridger, but Sabine never called him that.
"Farmboy," she would say in her commanding tone. "Polish my speeder. I expect to see my face shining in it when I get back."
"As you wish."
'As you wish'. It was all he ever said to her.
"Farmboy, tend to the Moisture Vaporators while I am gone."
And whatever the boy was doing, he would simply put it down, and say,
"As you wish."
And so it went on for years. But one day, Sabine was shocked to find that when he said, 'as you wish', what he really meant was, 'I love you'. And Sabine was also shocked to find that she loved him too.
Ezra had no money for marriage, so he packed his few belongings, and left to seek his fortune offworld.
It was a very emotional time for Sabine.
"I fear," she told him tearfully on the day of his departure. "That I will never see you again."
And Ezra smiled down at her, and said back,
"This is true love. You can't stop that."
And he kissed her. She hugged him one last time, and he boarded the waiting transport. As it took off, Sabine waved, sad in seeing him go, but happy in that the next time she saw him, they could truly be together.
Ezra never made it to his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Hondo, who never left captors alive. When Sabine got the news the Ezra had been killed, she went into her room and locked the door. For three days, she neither slept nor ate. She mourned him.
"I will never love again." She whispered to herself.
Five years later:
Everyone had gathered in the town square for the announcement of Prince Valador's new bride-to-be. The news had travelled fast through Capital City, as the handsome man walked out onto the balcony to address the people.
"In three weeks time," he called to the waiting crowd. "On this town's anniversary, I shall marry a woman who was once, a commoner, such as yourselves. But now, you will not find her common, anymore. May I introduce, Princess, Sabine!"
The trumpets blew in some unknown corner of the square, as the door to the government building opened, and out walked, the Mandalorian, looking positively breathtaking in a dress of the finest material. Everyone knelt at her presence, until the only one who did not look happy, was Sabine herself.
For although tradition gave the prince the right to choose his bride, she did not love him. And despite the princes many assurances that she would grow to love him, the only time she felt any joy was in her daily speeder ride. One day, while she was in the rocky gorge several miles out from the city, she came across three of the most unusual people she had ever seen.
One was a short and stocky male Phindian, with half of his face covered in a black tattoo. The second was a tall and intimidating male Trandoshan, and the third, a strong-looking and athletic Corellian, his hands behind his back, fingering a long and thin sword. The male Phindian approached Sabine.
"My dear lady. We are but poor, lost circus performers. I am Moralo Eval. These are my counterparts, Bossk-" he indicated the Trandoshan, who puffed his chest out in an obvious attempt to look more intimidating. "-and Inigo Montoya." He indicated the Corellian, who made no signs other than to gesture his head slightly.
The Phindian continued.
"Is there, a town, nearby?"
Sabine considered for a moment.
"There is nothing around, for miles." She finally answered truthfully.
"Good," said the Phindian, as Bossk took several steps closer. "Then there will be no one to hear you scream."
And before Sabine could muster the slightest bit of resistance, the Trandoshan grabbed the back of her neck. Her waiting scream failed into nothing as he pinched her nerve. Her eyes closed and she slumped forward immediately.