Notes: Yes, I had to use this title.
Wade was tossing and turning in his bed, getting all wrapped up in the sheets like a slender, sweaty, sad burrito.
He couldn't stop thinking and he had tried everything in his repertoire. Even his last resort – watching Netflix's Cosmos – hadn't worked out.
Now, being insomniac wasn't exactly a new thing for Deadpool: yeah, being tortured for two years straight will do that to ya. So will losing the love of your life. And so will having ADHD in general.
But this- this was a whole new type of insomnia.
And the cause of it? A surprisingly short, caring and smooth-looking cyborg from the future.
Why did the fucker waste his last shot at seeing his family again to go back in time and save his third-degree-burnt sorry ass? A complete mystery, just like Venus' retrograde rotation and shit, he did pay attention to Cosmos.
He forced his eyes shut. But his sadistic brain kept focusing on Cable's "so what's it gonna be, handsome?" line, playing in his mind on repeat like it's the new rickroll.
Handsome.
Ha! Had he even looked at him? He had the mask off, for fuck's sake!
Oh. Or maybe it was just a cruel, disguised insult, like a box of cookies containing only your grandma's sewing kit.
Wade stood up and put his suit on. He needed answers and he sure as hell would get them.
He crossed the perfectly green and cut lawn of the Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, where Cable had been offered a room now that he was stuck in glorious year 2018, and started climbing a vine against the eastern facade.
The total absence of any alarm system was, well, alarming. He should definitely talk to Colossus about it.
He tiptoed past a lot of windows until he finally caught a glimpse of Cable's metal arm, resting over Cable's very naked torso.
Deadpool remembered to breathe and opened the window before jumping inside.
The cyborg seemed fast asleep. Wade walked towards him and froze. The moonlight was shining on the metal that devoured most of his left side and damn, what in the ass was that. It looked like it was actually part of him, not unlike... cancer.
He yelped as a powerful hand suddenly closed around his throat and pushed him against the opposite wall, or should he say into because he totally felt splinters of wood pierce his back.
"... Deadpool? What the fuck d'you want? It's..."
Cable blinked and looked at the digital clock on his bedside table- ha! It rhymes.
"... 3:46 am."
Wade tapped at the bionic arm so that it would stop crushing his windpipe and replied in a croaked voice:
"Well, I couldn't sleep so-"
"You thought you had to inflict that on others?" Cable said, hands resting on his hips in a disapproving but sexy way.
"Hey, pump the judgmental brakes, Thanos!"
"Who the hell is Thanos?"
"Wow, are you sure you are unrelated to Bucky?"
Cable furrowed his brow, completely lost and increasingly aggravated. He looked tired, which was understandable since he had just been woken up by a masked guy at an ungodly hour, but also... sad and lonely.
Deadpool sighed.
"Okay, big guy, guess I owe you at least that. I couldn't sleep because I can't wrap my head around the fact that you sacrificed a future with your family to save me. Me! Also, like, did you call me handsome for real the other day or was it just an hallucination? I have a hard time discerning fiction from reality sometimes, it's one of the many mental disorders the writers gave me to entertain the public."
He winced under his mask when he heard the second question stumble out of his mouth, unprompted.
Cable stared at him, his left eye glowing gold in the darkness of the room.
"I don't know. And yes I did," he answered in the most sincere manner.
Wade lost his shit.
"You dON'T KNOW?! DID EL METAL CANCER INFECT YOUR FUCKING LEFT HEMISPH-"
Cable's flesh hand clasped his mouth.
"Jesus, for once in your life, shut up! You're gonna wake up the whole building."
He raised his metal arm and the lights came on. Telekinesis? Interesting.
But also dangerous. Wade could now see him in full disclosure and holy moly, did his body scream daddy kink.
Cable freed his mouth and took a step back.
"Take your mask off. I wanna see you."
Wade's mind did its best imitation of the Windows XP error sound, and all its currently opened tabs froze.
"What?" he breathed out, several seconds too late.
"You don't have to hide anything from me. Besides, I've already seen you without it."
For some reason, Careless Whisper began to play and Wade's fight or flight response kicked in. For the first time in forever, the second one prevailed.
"Shit, I think I left the stove on! Smell ya later!"
Cable blocked his sprint towards the window effortlessly.
"You fast, sturdy son of a bitch!" Wade cursed, trying to break free from the older man's iron – haha – grip.
He head-butted Cable hard enough for him to let go and resumed his sprint, but a strong shin tackled him before he could reach it.
His face became violently intimate with the luxurious parquet.
Cable rolled him on his back and straddled him, long strands of salt-and-pepper hair falling before his eyes.
Not now, boner! Wade thought, picturing Mama June's pants after a long ride through Walmart to cool down.
"Take off your mask. Please," Cable said.
"I feel like I should be the one pleading considering my position, don't you think?"
"Wade."
Hearing him pronounce his name sent a shiver down his spine.
"Dammit! Alright, say hello to Freddy Krueger."
He took off his mask and threw it away. Cable lightly ran his flesh fingers along his face, stopping at the corner of his lips.
"You are handsome," he said, his warm brown eyes locked on Wade's.
"Please," the mercenary laughed nervously, "only Vanessa thought that and she was already in love with me before I got these looks, so..."
"I never lie," Cable said. He gently unzipped his suit and bared his shoulders. Wade forgot to resist, but he did look away.
The older man stared at his scarred chest and neck, taking it all in like he was the eighth wonder of the world and not a human-avocado hybrid.
Cable stroked the ridges on Wade's abs and the mercenary gasped; his skin usually felt numb since it was 99% scar tissue but Cable touched it with just the right amount of pressure so that he could feel, and he felt it so. fucking. well.
It was both pleasurable and uncomfortable, too much and not enough.
The intensity of the cyborg's stare, of his touch, and his weight on his hips made Wade squirm.
Which in turn made his crotch press against Cable's firm ass and well, even the Great Wall of China couldn't hold back his boner now.
"Would you mind speeding things up a little bit?" Wade asked in a high-pitched voice.
"What a shame, I thought I had finally managed to render you speechless," Cable replied cockily with a raised eyebrow.
Hot-hot-hot.
"You wish! I'm gonna need more than just- ah!"
Cable had twisted both of his nipples at the same time, and ok, like, could he actually read his mind? Because it was right up his alley and he needed something up his alley ASAP.
"Fuck!" he muttered as his pecs tingled.
"Isn't it what we're doing?"
Unbelievable.
"Oh, don't you fucking dare smartass me, I'm the smartass in this franchise!"
Cable laughed, and Wade felt the deep rumble of it in his belly, as well as a familiar heat blossoming in his chest.
You're soooo screwed sang a voice in his head.
The cyborg stopped stroking Wade's sides, both hands resting on his ribcage. "What do you want? We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."
"Are you kidding? You're planning on leaving me with blue balls? I want you to fold me like a pretzel and fuck me into oblivion, you dumb fuck."
He didn't need to repeat himself: Cable immediately kissed him, hard, teeth scraping over teeth and tongues tasting each other.
Wade made himself a mental note to ask him later exactly what kind of chapstick he used because those lips were softer than- shit, he was so gone he couldn't even come up with a witty comparison. Historical day, fellas, mark the date.
He slid his hands down Cable's back and under his boxer briefs to palm at his plump ass.
"Fuck, I wanna knead that like Gordon Ramsay's judging my performance."
"Then do it."
Wade groaned in appreciation and kissed Cable's jaw, pulling him down until he was almost lying over him and forced to hold himself upright with his forearms.
When touching and kissing weren't enough anymore, Cable lifted Wade in his arms as if he weighed nothing and laid him on the bed. He fumbled with his red spandex trousers for a minute before he found a way to pull them off.
He just stood there, staring at Wade's crotch, his face unreadable. Total dick move, no pun intended.
"Told ya, Halloween is celebrated everywhere," Wade joked nervously.
His anxiety made Cable snap out of his trance and mutter an apology; he pushed his legs apart and licked Wade's inner thigh, reverently, which totally didn't make the mercenary blush like a virgin.
"Jesus, I'm all for the sweet, slow love-making fun but I haven't been laid in too long and I need a cock in me right now, big guy!"
"Patience really isn't one of your virtues."
"The joke's on you, I have none."
Cable chuckled before getting up and walking to the kitchen. "Keep telling yourself that, princess."
"I was too busy staring at your glorious butt in motion, what did you call me?" Wade grinned as he climbed back on the bed.
"You heard me."
Cable opened a bottle of olive oil and poured a generous quantity on his metal fingers. Kinky, me likey, thought Wade.
The cyborg pushed his index inside him and Wade hissed at the cold contact. It felt alien but so much better than the strap-on.
"Tell me if it hurts," Cable said in a husky voice.
"Jesus, just go for it like my ass is a couch and you lost your keys between the cushions," Wade ordered.
Cable rolled his eyes at the picture before he obeyed. He pushed his finger deeper inside until he reached the knuckles and curled it a few times while Wade was jerking off, head thrown back.
"Fuck yes- shit, add another one, come on, I'm not made of glass."
Cable did as he was told and batted Wade's hand away so he could stroke his cock himself. The mercenary cursed and grasped the sheets. The metal fingers inside him felt almost searing hot now that they were rubbing against his prostate, stretching him wide open.
"Fuck, I won't last long so insert your USB flash drive in my port, Cable!"
"Good God, do you ever shut up?" the cyborg complained.
Wade pulled Cable's rock-hard dick out of his underwear and gave it a vicious pull, making him moan.
"Make me, old man!"
Cable finally snapped. Was it from annoyance and/or lust, Wade will never know, but he went full sex machine mode.
The cyborg grabbed the underside of Wade's knees and pushed his legs up until they were touching his stomach. He positioned himself then, in one long thrust, slammed right into him.
In any other circumstances, Wade would have been ashamed of the sound that came out of his mouth but he was too busy screaming in ecstasy.
"Fuck, Wade, if Colossus breaks down the door it's your fault," Cable said through gritted teeth.
"Oooh, now that's a threesome I'd kill for," sighed Wade, already picturing it in his mind.
"What?"
"What?" Wade repeated innocently.
Cable shook his head, the ghost of a smile on his lips. Lips that the mercenary kissed again.
It all felt so good Wade almost felt guilty. And delirious, because he was being fucked senseless by two hundred pounds of taut muscles and whirring metal. But yeah. Should he have sex so little time after his fiancée's death? No. Did he want to put an end to it? Also no. Vanessa could be fucking Elvis and Prince for all he knows so why should he hold back? She would understand. She would forgive him.
Cable sat back on his heels so he could hit Wade's sweet spot with every thrust and the mercenary's eyes rolled up to the back of his head. His mind went completely blank and he dug his nails into Cable's thighs, gasping for air.
The cyborg mouthed at his right ankle, whispering words Wade couldn't make out.
Until he could.
"Handsome," he heard both through the blood rushing in his ears and inside his head.
Wade came as a long litany of graphic curses poured out of his mouth, painting his own belly with white stripes.
Cable continued to fuck him through his orgasm until Wade was nothing but a babbling mess of oversensitive flesh, then he pulled out and came over his already stained stomach with a grunt.
The older man let himself fall next to the mercenary, making the apparently toughest bed in the world creak one last time.
"Wow," said Wade a few moments later.
"Mmh-mmh," replied Cable.
They were panting and staring at the ceiling, lying on their back like two fucked-out starfish. Apart from their heavy breaths, the mansion was as quiet as a graveyard.
Wade was the first to regain energy – thanks healing factor – so he snuggled against Cable's flesh side, slipping one leg between his. To his surprise, Cable wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him closer.
"I knew you were a cuddler!" Wade exclaimed, delighted.
"Talk about this and I'll kill you," Cable threatened.
"Yeaaah, didn't quite succeed the few times you tried."
Cable glowered at him so Wade booped his nose.
"Fuck you, Wade."
"Oh but you already did, big guy. I'm gonna clean up and take a piss, then what do you say we switch roles? I wanna spank that fat ass of yours so hard, you have no idea."
That actually brought a faint blush under Cable's tanned skin and he groaned low in his throat.
"I say hurry the fuck up."
Notes:
If you have been able to read this fic in Ryan Reynold's voice then my work here is done.
Hope this short fic made you grin at least once :)
English is not my first language (I speak French) so please tell me if you found anything weird or wrong