Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
As the words were leaving her mouth, Sam wished she hadn't said them, wanted to bite them back - but there was no un-ringing the bell. Left with no other option, she watched Colonel Jack O'Neill with nervous blue eyes.
And there she saw something that she didn't expect - wished for, but hadn't allowed herself to hope. It was only there an instant, and then the wall went up again. Sam found it interesting that raw emotion could be so openly displayed one second, just to be replaced in the next instant with ... nothing.
But oh yeah, it had definitely been there. Sam was sure of it. In his eyes had been the unspoken answer to the question she should never have asked - and it gave her just enough courage to see this conversation through.
Jack, for his part, hoped he didn't look like he'd almost swallowed his tongue. He couldn't believe what she had said, and the fact she tacked a "Sir" on the end of it. As his brain put itself back together, he realized that he would NOT allow her to make a sacrifice like this - no matter how much he wanted her to. Because what he wanted didn't matter - if it had the frat regs wouldn't have stopped him.
So he cleared his throat and said what a good soldier ought to say. "Carter, under no circumstances can I allow you to sacrifice your career." In frustration, Sam watched Jack's wall go back up. "Dammit!"
Jack's head snapped up to see her standing there with balled fists. "Don't shut me out!"
"Carter-"
"No!" She spat the word out. "It's Sam."
"Carter," he tried again, his tone a little gentler. "You mean too much to me for you to make a sacrifice like that. You're my friend and I would never ask you to do that for me."
"Friend?" she echoed unbelievingly.
"Friend," he repeated, trying not to choke on the word. After all this time he figured he should be used to this, but he never was. "And a good officer," he managed. "And far too valuable to the SGC as a scientist."
Blue eyes filled with tears. Could she have been so wrong? She couldn't have been. She knew how he felt. She knew it. But she also knew in that moment that it didn't matter. Regardless of his feelings, his words clearly told her what his decision was.
Sam wasn't capable of avoiding bursting into tears at that moment, so instead she high-tailed it out of her own lab.
It was time to move on. Sam knew in her heart that this was probably not possible, but she had to tell herself it was to preserve her sanity. She had asked for a week off, hoping the time would be used to explore the beginning of her relationship with Jack without work getting in the way. And possibly prepare transfer or resignation papers. Now it would be used to get over her humiliation at being rejected. And eat copious amounts of Ben and Jerry's.