Another little headcanon I developed. I wish something like this had been put in series one. It was a golden opportunity and I imagine I would've died of laughter. Anyway, please tell me your thoughts.
"Constable Collins" The Inspector called out sharply for Hugh from the front desk of the Police station.
Hugh bustled in obligingly, reams of paperwork in his hands and a slightly frazzled look in his eyes. The Inspector was half leaning, half sitting on the bench where he had been rummaging for something.
"Care to explain?" The Inspector asked pointedly holding up the book…that book. The Inspector studied Hugh, his eyebrows raised in a look somewhere between curiosity, amusement and disappointment. "I wouldn't have thought it like you Collins to take an interest in …Erotica of the Far East" He said glancing down at the book in his hands and trying to ignore the rather crude picture on the cover.
And indeed he wouldn't have Hugh had it in him. Constable Collins was one of the most innocent people he had met. It had taken him over a month to work up the courage to ask Miss Williams out on a date. Just a few weeks earlier when Jack had enquired about whether Hugh had kissed Miss Williams he had looked about ready to die of embarrassment or shock, or both. Let alone any matters beyond kissing... However if the look on Hugh's face was any indication, his understanding of…private affairs was far more than the Inspector had realised. Jack stared at Hugh scrutinising his face. Hugh had, by this stage turned the most alarming shade of red, and somewhat resembled a fish, his mouth agape and his eyes wide with shock.
His mouth opened and shut a few times, but he seemed to have lost the capacity to speak. Instead only small indistinguishable noises had fallen out of his mouth. Meanwhile the redness on his face had now spread to his ears. Jack raised his eyebrows even further towards his hairline. "I'm waiting Collins" he finally said.
"Miss Fisher gave it to me" he finally managed to choke out.
If possible Jacks eyebrows ascended even further towards the heavens.
"And why, on Gods earth, would Miss Fisher give you a book of Erotica."
"Umm…well…ah…" Hugh stammered. "You see it was just that Miss Fisher wanted me to check if the book…was um…well if it was illicit pornography or if it constituted having enough…ah…artistic merit for her to keep and uh…read." He finished meekly.
"I see" Jack said, finally flicking his eyes away from Collins down to the text. "Though I am still curious how you, of all people would be able to gauge the…appropriateness of the text?" he stated simply returning his gaze to him
"I'm sorry Sir, I ah, meant to give it to you, it's just you were busy with the murder case."
The corner of Jack's mouth twitched in spite of himself. He shouldn't find the prospect of an officer looking at erotica on the job amusing. But he had always had a soft spot for Constable Collins, and quite frankly his distress was very highly entertaining. He expected that Collins was the innocent in all this mess and wondered readily what game Miss Fisher was trying to play with the poor boy.
Probably the same game he had tried to play with Collins when he had asked him to search the ladies at the Green Mill.
Perhaps Miss Fisher had caught onto his statement that "he needs the practice." Not to mention the little fact that he would probably be laughing years from now and Constable Collins' face when he asked him to do so. Had he not been investigating a murder at the time the look Hugh shot him when he was done searching would have caused him to almost collapse with laughter.
"Well Collins, no doubt you found it enlightening." He finally managed to say, barely suppressing a grin.
Hugh face, which was only just beginning to return to normal colour, flushed red again.
"I will return to book to Miss Fisher on your behalf. I have to sort some things out with her. I am somewhat resentful of her playing games with Melbourne's constabulary." He stated hesitantly. He didn't want his attentions to be misinterpreted. Especially not by Collins, especially not regarding Miss Fisher.
"Do you not want to look over it first?" Hugh regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. "To check that they're appropriate I mean!" He added hastily.
Jack gave him a sceptical look from under his eyebrows before moving off the desk and into his office to grab his coat. "I really don't think that will be necessary Collins, do you?" He donned his hat "After all, it has been read by a police officer. I take it there wasn't anything in there you couldn't handle Collins."
"I uh didn't read it Sir"
Jack didn't say anything but gave him a piercing gaze. It was the same one he used on criminals who lied when he already had evidence to prove otherwise. Jack tilted his head. "Has anyone ever told you that you shouldn't play poker Collins."
Collins looked slightly hurt. "Actually Miss Fisher said so about a week ago…" he mummbled
Jack rolled his eyes. Of course she had. "If you need me I'll be at Miss Fisher's, but my shift finishes in twenty minutes anyway." He started to head out the door but Hugh cut him off.
"I only read one chapter. Just the one on kissing!" he called out desperately.
Jack, unable to restrain himself turned back around quickly. "No doubt Miss Williams will be delighted" He turned before he was able to see Hugh's reaction, he had thus far managed to keep a straight face, but he doubted he would be able to if he saw Hugh's expression. Turning on his heel he walked quickly out the door, book under his arm and coat flying out behind him as the door banged shut.