"The Drugs Don't Work" lyrics and music by The Verve (Urban Hymns)
fic by: Icicle Raindream
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of Ronin Warriors, therefore no money is being made off this story. I just use the names and such for fun.
Notes: One day the idea for this fic just hit me out of the blue. I had been listening to this song for a while and really liked it, and then an idea sprung into my mind. What if the only person who never got sick finally did? Read to find out!
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Rowen Hashiba slumped over in his desk, hand propping up his head. Unnoticeable to him, both Ryo and Cye turned their heads sharply to observe him from across the classroom. They were worried about Rowen's uncaring posture. Usually he was so attentive in class, but lately, Rowen had been slacking off and slowing down. He didn't seem to care about too much right now, except one thing.
Rowen looked down at his piece of paper and pushed his pen point into the sheet, watching as the ink seeped all through the fibers and shredded the paper, creating a black hole. Inside his mind he smiled, appreciating the shape, knowing it described the inside of his chest perfectly at the moment. He hadn't been paying any attention to the teacher's ramblings because his thoughts crowded his head.
All this talk of getting old, it's getting me down my Lord
Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown
This time I'm coming down
Rowen dragged the pen across the sheet, scribbling out the notes he had been half-heartedly taking. It didn't seem to matter to him anymore. The word school no longer registered in his head as something to be regarded with the utmost urgence and perseverance. He didn't think he had a future, not right now.
He slouched even lower in his seat, the skin on his face being pulled up by his hand. It was very uncomfortable, he noted, as his mouth fell open to breathe a soft sigh.
And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work, they just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
At Mia's house, Sage shuffled dizzily into bed, folding the covers back and then snuggling underneath them. He closed his eyes and willed the room to stop spinning. It didn't work, and he sucked in a few huge breaths, trying to calm his pounding heart. He involuntarily clutched the blankets, bringing his hands up to rest beneath his chin. He lay for a few moments, then the sound of beeping alerted him and he swung his legs to the floor. He reached for the small bottle next to his bed and swallowed his pills, then climbed back into the warmth he'd created and tried to sleep.
Now the drugs don't work, they just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
The final bell rang and school let out. The day was dreary; dark clouds covered the sky like a thick blanket, and a few raindrops splattered to the earth. Ryo and Cye stood on the sidewalk and watched as their friend stuffed his hands into his pockets, hung his head, and walked somberly off school grounds, in the opposite direction of home. He was a solitary figure, alone, and not wanting any company. They couldn't help but be naturally concerned for him.
Cye tugged Ryo's arm and he turned abruptly. They walked quietly next to each other as Kento caught up, and the three made their way home together, after a glance back at Rowen. Ryo dragged his feet against the pavement.
But I know I'm on a losing streak
As I pass down my old street
But if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again
As he drifted in and out of an uneasy slumber, Sage couldn't help but wonder what was taking Rowen so long. He heard the rummaging and muffled voices of his other friends through blurry ears, but he had not heard his door crack open and soft footsteps creep across the carpet, as they usually did. He missed the company, but still tried to sleep soundly.
Rowen scraped his feet against the ground as he walked. The cold wind blew hard through his unkempt hair and the strands fell into his eyes. He gave them no thought as he passed an empty alley and glanced down it. Darkly lit, gravel scattered throughout the way, brick wall. Uncertain if the future would bring repairs or hopes of repair. He felt exactly how the alley looked.
He stopped and stood, feet planted firmly onto the ground, taking in the sight of the desolate dead end. The rain picked up a little more and fell onto his head, ran down his cheeks. He had no urge to cry, but it seemed as if the sky mourned for him, sending rain tears down to wash him of his emptiness. He pondered for a moment, thinking it might work. His mind turned briefly to an image of what he had done last night, what he had spent his night doing.
--Cye turned away from the action that was taking place before him. He looked at Ryo as he bustled past him into the bathroom, clutching a large rubber band and looking a little panicked. The rubber band was passed off to Rowen, who quickly wrenched Sage's hair back from his face and tied it up, then supported Sage as he leaned down over the toilet once again. Arms around his stomach, Rowen could feel the strain on Sage's body, the inside yanking upwards to get out whatever it wanted to rid the stomach of. It was almost a constant jerking, heaving for a few minutes, then Sage settled down and leaned back against Rowen, whose jaw was clenched unbelievably tight. This was a regular happening now, at least three times a week, and Rowen couldn't stand the sight of his best friend in pain, yet refused to leave him any more than he had to.
"What do you mean, you can't do anything for him?" he shouted into the phone. "Aren't you a doctor? Can't you find something else that will work better?" Rowen twisted the phone cord with his fingers, wishing it were the doctor's face so he could claw it and get his point across. "Yes, I understand," he spat disgustedly. "I just don't like seeing my friends throwing up blood." He listened for a few more minutes, a scowl on his face, then said, "Thank you, doctor," sarcastically and slammed the receiver onto the cradle.—
Now the drugs don't work, they just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Rowen managed to detach his feet from the ground and turned on his heel, destination: home. He knew he needed to get home as soon as possible, and as his strides became larger with speed, he could have kicked himself for not going straight home. He guessed it was a good thing that his legs were tied up at the moment and focused his mind on getting home and only home. His thoughts flip-flopped around in his head as he went on his way.
If heaven calls, I'm coming too
Just like you said, you leave my life
I'm better off dead
"Rowen," Sage's voice echoed in his head, "did you ever wonder what it's like?"
"What what's like?" Rowen asked from his position in a chair beside Sage's bed.
"Heaven." Sage's voice was soft.
Rowen's expression was set in stone. "Don't talk about things like that, Sage," he scolded harshly. "You don't have a damn thing to worry about, so stop thinking like that, okay?" He turned his face away from Sage's, so youthful and fresh looking in the dim light, despite the tremors that shook his body often and the constant ache that spread through his bones. Rowen's teeth caught his bottom lip and squeezed.
He felt Sage's hand tug gently on the end of his shirt, and he looked back at him. "Rowen, you're my best friend," Sage began. "No matter what happens to my body, I'll always be with you."
Rowen couldn't take it anymore and he stood up quickly, shoving his chair back. "Damn it, Sage!" he shouted. "Don't say things like that!" The chair toppled over and Rowen nearly jumped out of his skin. He charged out the bedroom door, leaving Sage alone in bed, and closed it loudly behind him. He leaned against the outside wall, breathing heavily, and fought the tears back. He wasn't going to cry when he knew Sage would get well again.
All this talk of getting old, it's getting me down, my Lord
Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown
This time I'm coming down
Rowen stealthily opened the front door and stepped inside, kicking off his shoes. His books had been placed on the nearby coffee table, and he vaguely remembered setting them down on his desk during school. In his attempt to escape the confines of the building, he must have left them there and someone brought them home for him. He didn't know why. He hadn't been paying attention to school for too long now, and he was sure the books would remain untouched on the table all night.
He climbed the stairs and went to the door, then softly pushed it open and peered into the darkness, trying to make out the figure on the bed he knew was there. He walked in and closed the door behind him, waiting for his eyes to adjust.
He heard scuffling, and the noise of a glass being set down. The rattle of pills in a bottle told him that Sage had just taken his medicine.
Now the drugs don't work, they just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Rowen took his normal position in the chair set next to Sage's bed and looked over his friend, expressionless. Sage was lying under a pile of blankets heaped on him, trembling a bit. The medicine had lasting effects that took their toll on his body, but Sage seemed to be trying to ignore it, his eyes closed. He smiled slightly as he heard Rowen settling in.
"I thought you might not come to visit me today," he whispered, not having too much strength to speak with his full-fledged voice.
"That's silly," Rowen replied, dragging a hand through his damp hair.
Silence ensued for a minute, then Sage rustled under his covers, and an arm poked out and pointed to something on the floor.
Rowen looked down by his feet to the large yellow cleaning bucket that had been sitting there for as long as he could remember after Sage became ill. He glanced inside and then looked back at Sage, who had opened his eyes to study his best friend.
"There's nothing in it," Rowen said lowly, allowing some amazement to crawl into his tone.
Sage nodded slightly. "I haven't been sick once today," he affirmed.
"Did you take your medicine?" Rowen asked, knowing it was a stupid question.
Sage nodded again. "Twice."
Rowen pushed Sage's hand back underneath the blankets for cover and managed a small smile. He thought maybe the drugs were finally doing Sage some good instead of ripping his body inside out every night.
If heaven calls, I'm coming too
Just like you said, you leave my life
I'm better off dead
The two friends stayed in their positions in comfortable silence for a long while, and Rowen feared nodding off into sleep since he hadn't been getting much. He pried his eyes open and ran his eyes over Sage's form on the bed. He was sleeping, the outline of his slender arms curled on his chest and his long legs stretched out bring a certain frame of peace to his mind.
His stomach grumbled then, and he knew it was time for him to take his leave and go eat with the others. He could brush their worried stares off his shoulders like he always did and come back to keep vigil on Sage tonight.
Rowen got up off the chair and kneeled by Sage's bed. He did something he'd never ever done before—he leaned across Sage's body and rested his head lightly on Sage's chest. The warmth soaked through the blankets like liquid and blasted him in the face, and he was content for the moment, reveling in the masterpiece that was Sage's form.
Then his throat tightened as he realized that Sage's chest was no longer rising and falling in a steady rhythm, instead, he was completely still, wrapped up in the bedsheets like a fallen angel. There was nothing Rowen could hear—no raspy breaths, no erratic heartbeat, and the shaking had stopped. Completely quit. That's what Sage's body had done.
But if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing your ear again
Rowen lifted his head up and looked at the cherubic face that was his best friend's. He looked so rested, so calm, so finally released from his torture that the sight of him tore at Rowen's heartstrings. Nothing had saved Sage from death and now he had to live with it. The last thing Sage had ever said to him was, "I haven't been sick once today."
Now the drugs don't work, they just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Rowen replaced his head back onto Sage's chest and hugged it to him, bringing his hands up on either side of his body and squeezing tightly against his own. The tears came in a hot rush, a surprise when earlier he felt no urge. He got up and struggled to land his feet on the carpet, then slunk to the doorway, cheeks dripping. He fumbled for the door and somehow it opened and let him out. Closed behind him, and he walked away, down the hall to the stairs.
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again…
He walked towards the kitchen, where he could hear his friends' voices talking and silverware and dishes being set on the table. He pushed open the door with numb hands and stepped inside the brightly lit room, his mind repeating, "Sage will never again eat dinner with us…"
All his friends' faces turned simultaneously to him as he stepped in and stared at them through his hair. They froze immediately in place, the tears on Rowen's face glistening and confirming their worst fears. Nobody could say anything or do anything to bandage the hurt scarring them all, but it didn't matter. They were frozen in time, ice statues. Not wanting to believe.
Rowen's thoughts once again tumbled through his head.
Never coming down now, never coming down
No more no more no more no more no more
Never coming down now, never coming down
No more no more no more no more no more
"Did you ever wonder what it's like?" Sage's voice asked in Rowen's ears.
"What what's like?" his mind answered him, replaying the conversation they'd had.
The voice was even softer now. "Heaven."
Rowen stepped forward and his head dropped into his shoulders, eyes set on the linoleum floor. He spoke loudly, not caring if everyone heard, and said his good-bye. This is what he should have done in the first place.
"I guess now you'll find out, Sage."