I've been submerged in Tokyo Ghoul feels.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned below.
"Let's go home, Kaneki," he breathes out, chuckling lightly has he clutches his waist as if Kaneki didn't already notice the blood leaking between his fingers.
With his sweet, numbingly bright smile, Hide's body crumples to the ground. A dull thud, so seemingly familiar as it resounded in his ears. The silence, noiseless but loud as it pounded against his head, whispering cold truths. Before he knows what he's doing, Kaneki scrambles over to Hide's side, ignoring the pool of blood that was staining his clothes.
"Let's go home," he croaks again, barely managing to smile, the corners of his lips trembling as they did so. Hide's hand slackens and flops onto the ground, his body motionless.
Kaneki blinks, still gripping onto the sound of his final breath, his final words. Everything seems so surreal, like it was all just a dream and that Hide would just get and yell surprise! or something. He just wants to wake up again to his mother's beaming face and soothing voice washing over him.
"Hide?"
The white noise in his mind wails blindly, almost making his feel like a child again- helpless and alone.
Tears trail down his face, dripping onto Hide's pallid, white cheeks. The fire encompassing them roars with intensity, threatening to swallow them whole. Kaneki closes his eyelids, seeking comfort in the darkness and comforting heat as Anteiku burned down to ashes.
Twirling, serenading through the halting screams of carnage, the ashes crumble into bits and shower over them, almost like grey confetti.
Droplets of tears still shimmering at the corners of his eyes, he plants a soft kiss on Hide's forehead, sunflower hair tickling his nose as he did so. goodbye, my friend.
Every step feels like the world is collapsing under him. Kaneki feels himself walking closer and closer to an abyss, his feet refusing to stop. His heard feels so hollow, as if someone had ripped out all of its contents out of his chest.
He's never felt so alone.
Nostalgia hits him hard in the face, and he feels like he's reliving this familiar sadness again- every horrible little piece of it. Hide's body seems to become heavier with every step as the inky sky sheds its frozen fragments of despair upon them.
Hide died because of him; Hide died because he decided to let his earthly desires get the best of him. Hide died because Kaneki let himself fall into a trap and become a ghoul. He died because Kaneki let himself get involved in this big mess and now it's war and his best friend is dead.
Hide wasn't supposed to take a place in his problems. He wasn't supposed to come looking for him or try to help him or get himself killed. Why didn't Hide blame him? If it weren't for Kaneki, he would've graduated and went on with his career and maybe get married later on to a beautiful woman and raise and happy family.
Kaneki lets himself glance at Hide's face, eyes empty. Hide's complexion is pale, his eyelashes dabbed with snowflakes. his hair rustles in the bitingly cold wind, dusted with wisps of snow. He looks so peaceful, as if he were only in a deep slumber.
It occurs to him that Hide is in a state of eternal sleep, and that he's never going to hear Hide's voice again, or feel Hide pat his shoulder while he throws his head back in laughter, or joke around with Hide in their favorite hamburger restaurant.
He's probably never going to see Hide smile ever again.
oh god oh god oh god no no no no no no no no no no no no no
He's never going to see Hide again?
no no no he's not dead he's not dead he wouldn't leave me i trusted him to not abandon me no no no no no mom why did you have to leave i thought you loved me no no no no no
Falling to his knees, Kaneki's grip on his body tightens. His chest heaces, struggling to catch his breath. His features are twisted in pain, his body screaming with agony.
"Why did you leave me?" He whispers brokenly, sinking into a sea of vermillion blossoms.
"Your loss," a faint voice responded in his head, "Just like your pitiful mother, their deaths were in vain. That mother of yours died foolishly for her greedy sister, whom had never loved her back the same way. He died because you weren't careful and messed up. You could've saved them both, but you weren't strong enough-"
"Stop, s-stop," he mumbled, his body shivering and shaking, "I-I, I know I could've-"
"Then why couldn't you? Because you were too weak."
too weak too weak too weak too weak too weak
The sickening sound of ripped flesh tore through the silence. Kaneki's soft sobs cease and morph into neck-chilling cries of agony as he wildly grabbs at the sides of his head, leaving bloody red stumps where his ears were.
"A-Ah, I can't h-hear you anymore~" He gasps, his face twisting into a triumphant grin. Kaneki twists his lips, throwing his head back with maniacal, soundless laughter.
His grief stains the snow a brilliant red as he staggers into the snowstorm, using his nose to navigate through the flurry of snow.
Kaneki feels sharp eyes bearing onto his back, as if trying to run a hole through his body. He tilts his head back slightly in an impossible angle, cracking his fingers as he smiles widely.
"Now, who could it be~?" He lets out a high-pitched laugh, cut short as he dodges a strike from Arima.
kill him kill him kill him kill him kill kill kill
A burst of pain erupts from his eyes, letting his wonder why his face felt so light all of a sudden. Kaneki touches the hole on his face, playfully sticking his hand through it before letting out another scream as his body convulses and crumples onto the soft snow, limbs sprawled out.
Fear and insanity eats away at his consciousness as he struggles to stand up again, only to find that his body's broken beyond the point of being capable of supporting his weight. Blood bubbles in his throat as Kaneki tries to speak, howling silently as the man gives him one last glance over his shoulder before disappearing in thin air.
...
is it over?
...
He can almost feel his life slipping from his fingers. Kaneki almost feels free- alive for the first time in a long time. He can hear Hide's voice calling out to him. He can hear his mother's warm voice washing over him.
His last memory was the sight of an elderly man giving his a sunny smile- so bright and out-of-place and most of all all, unnerving.
He wants to smile back, but he can feel fatigue dragging him down.
The hanged man takes his final breath and falls into a deep, deep slumber.