I own nothing but a fevered BioWare obsession. This is my Paragade Shep, Earthborn, Sole Survivor devoted to Kaidan. I tried not to get too OOC on this, not sure how well I did. Strangely, this was supposed to be longer and a smuttier. I didn't bother anyone to proofread this, so please review.

*Edited to correct tense irregularities, and to thank the wonderful reviewers.*

"I miss you, Kaidan"

A bitter chuckle escaped his lips. "Do you have any idea how weak that sounds?"

That rankled her. She stood up and started for her coat, beer in hand. "Well, I'm glad I amuse you, Commander." She stopped before she reached his apartment door. Never one for caution she could not leave their exchange at that, so she lashed back. "What do you want from me, Kaidan? How can I reach you? What do you want me to say? That I didn't mean to die?"

The beer bottle shattered on the wall as she was slammed against it. A dark blue aura pinned her in place while he stalked towards her, his eyes ablaze. "But you did die, Shepard. I needed you, wanted you, loved you, and you died." He reached her, and his hands jerked both her wrists above her head as he released the biotic field. "I could not take a single breath without pain for months, could not feel anything but pain until there was nothing left to feel. Then I saw you again, and now I don't know what to feel." He shifted to hold both of her wrists in one hand, his other hand caressed the side of her face, the line of her jaw, until it settled around her throat, trembling. His forehead almost touched hers, their eyes locked, and neither gave ground. "What do I want from you? I want you to hurt the way I did. I don't even care if it's unfair. I needed you! I need ...you." His nose feverishly grazed the side of her neck, inhaled her scent, while his hand exerted slow pressure on her throat.

She drew a small labored gasp against his palm and he jumped back, shocked at his own actions. He ran his hands through his hair and smiled shakily. "You always said I was too controlled, that I should loosen up. I guess you must be happy now." Bitterness crept back in his tone. "Now please leave before I do anything stupid, ..again."

She quickly caught her breath and turned on him. "With all due respect, Alenko, you sure can be an ass. If you want me to leave the premises, you'll have to remove me yourself." He tried to look away, but she had none of it. "You want to yell at me? Fine. You want to hurt me? Do your worst. I'm right here, Kaidan. With you, for you. I'm not wasting any more time. We did enough of that the first time." It was his turn to find himself suddenly pushed onto the sofa, the pulse of biotic energy followed by her weight as she straddled his lap, her hands gently held his face and her eyes stubbornly sought his. "And while I really enjoy your new found ..assertiveness, I can and will hold you down if that is what I have to do to make you look at me."

He still hesitated, conflicted. With an exasperated sigh, she changed tactics and squirmed against him as she leaned forward to nip his earlobe lightly, and whisper. "Or I can walk out of here and not see you again. You can forget me and give your heart to someone safer. Just, please, stay out of danger. You are my reason for fighting, after all."

With a final peck she tried to stand up, only to be stopped when a strong arm wrapped around her waist and kept her pressed down to his body. His fingers bruised her as he pulled her to him and kissed her roughly. She struggled, tried to say something about making a decision, but it was just a gesture to spurn him further into action. The decisions were already made. She relentlessly destroyed his defenses and barged into his very soul again, where she was safe, where she belonged.