Recent AN: AN: This is just to tell people that I once again proof read my story and found some grammar mistakes. I corrected them just because I wanted to and axed out some asides, but the story remains unchanged. It goes to show you: Always proof read. Now stay tune as I ignore that advice and make the same mistakes. Sigh…
AN: "He's back again and about time to and this time he's in the mood!" Uh, yeah, something like that. If you guys thought I'm finished with Fire Emblem, here's proof that I'm not. And if you want to know where I got that horrible phrase above, it's the DK rap Diddy Kong chorus that appeared in Donkey Kong 64 and Super Smash Brothers Melee.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem from now till the end of time!
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Ch. 1 The Good or the Bad or the Ugly News
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Mech the famous tactician was outside of his tent studying his map and racking his brain for some strategies. Everyone was surprised to see him working outside since he was usually inside his tent where they could hear him murmuring and muttering darkly like a depressed, suicidal soul or laughing crazily like an insane madman.
"You must be in a good mood today, Mech," Lyn or Lyndis as she was sometimes referred to, a young woman from the Lorca tribe and heir to Caelin, remarked.
"I should be!" Mech told her, "We just won a battle without having to restart battle strategies because someone caused a big mistake."
"Then shouldn't you be in your tent laughing like someone who has gone mad?" Lyn inquired.
"I...do that?" Mech was surprised.
"Sure you do!" came a cheerful voice from a bush.
"Matthew, if you want to be in this conversation, please step forward," Mech ordered.
"No can do. I must present the image of secrecy," Matthew's voice explained.
Mech picked up a Fire tome that he was learning from Erk, and since he was still learning, he threw the tome into Matthew's general direction. Matthew dodged, not because Mech's hit rating was still in single digits, but because it was easy to see the book coming. However, it served Mech's purpose of bringing the blonde haired thief out of the bushes.
"Oh the sun! The sun burns my skin!" Matthew cried. He dramatized melting into the ground and lied there for a bit.
"Alright, play time's over," Mech informed Matthew. He nudged him with his toe, "Get up before I tell Guy that you melted and the contract between you and him is off."
"What? How did you know about that?" Matthew demanded, "No one knows about that except Guy and I."
"Didn't I tell you? I was a thief before I became a tactician! I know every trick in the book and invented some more," Mech boasted. Matthew and Lyn gave him a cynical look.
"Alright, alright, I heard Guy screaming and cursing, with some unique phrases since he was from Sacae, about some contract and about you," Mech answered truthfully.
"Mech!" Hector, the lord of Ostia, strode gallantly toward the tactician. Mech noticed that Lyn was flushing red and she was studying her hands like a shy girl. He knew that something was going on between Hector and Lyn.
"What now, Hector?" Mech demanded.
"Someone wants to join our group and you're not going to like what he does," Hector informed him.
"Ah, a loony swordsman like Karel?" Mech guessed.
Hector shook his head, "Even better."
"Even better? Uh, an anti-social assassin like Jaffar?"
"Better."
"A Hero bent on revenge like Raven?"
"No."
"Oh, I know: a tactician who knows flawless strategies!" Mech joked. Mech laughed at his own joke.
"Yup," Hector confirmed.
Mech continued to laugh before what Hector said registered into his brain. Then he started choking. He fell to the ground and twitched a bit then lied very still. The three people stared at Mech's limp from.
"Oh my Elimine! I think you killed him, Hector!" Lyn shrieked.
"C-calm down, my lady," Matthew advised, "All we need to do is find a healer and that will be that."
With a unanimous agreement, the three went off to find a healer. As Mech's life was ticking away, two Falcoknights were heading toward the tactician's tent.
"I do not think he would agree with this strategy, Florina," Fiora, the teal haired older sister, informed the purple-haired younger sister, "Most likely he would say that we mercenaries are only useful in fighting. Not thinking about strategies."
Florina wasn't listening but was watching a strange lump lying outside the tactician's tent. When she saw that it was a body, she screamed.
"Florina, what is it?" Fiora snapped as she quickly readied her Silver Spear.
Florina could not speak but only pointed at the body. Fiora immediately recognized the tactician lying there. Fiora bolted over and checked his vitals.
"He's still alive, but barely. What should we do? We can't fight without our tactician to guide us," Fiora said.
"Um, I think that at times like this, Mech told us to do...CPR," Florina squeaked.
Both sisters remembered the lesson. Since Mech did not want anyone to be traumatized by the doing the activity of the lesson, Mech brought the big box and two smaller boxes called a "VCR" and "video tape." On tape showed two people kissing by a sea of water.
Mech's eyes twitched as the tape finished running.
"Are there any questions?" he managed to grit out.
"So CPR is like the 'French kiss'?" Serra asked. She gave a seductive look in Erk's direction. "Oh, Erky, let's do CPR!" she announced. Before Erk could run, Serra jumped him and pressed her lips against his.
"Is this something that should be shown in this army?" Eliwood asked with a disapproving look at Mech.
"No, it's NOT KISSING!" Mech yelled mainly to Erk and Serra.
"CPR is used mostly to help people breath when they're not breathing," Mech continued in his college professor tone of voice.
Of course, no one heard him since they were running away from the members of the opposite sex (except for Sain, Serra, and Erk (who had no choice)).
Fiora shivered at the memory of the lesson.
"…Who should do it?" Fiora asked.
The question was obviously rhetorical since Florina was already running in the opposite direction. Fiora looked down at Mech, a sense of dread squeezing her throat.
"My sacrifice is small compared to the benefits of the army," she whispered. She opened Mech's mouth then placed her mouth on top of his. When Mech felt their lips meet, he felt his life instantly returning.
"Ummf!" he managed to get out in shock. Hearing and feeling that he was conscious, Fiora quickly pulled away and was bright red.
"I-I have to g-g-go now!" she stammered. Like a bolt of lightning, she zipped to another direction.
"Just like Florina. Wonder what that was all about?" Mech muttered as he wiped his mouth.
"MEEEEEECH!" someone roared. Someone in RED ARMOR. Someone in red armor with a wicked KILLER LANCE in his hand. Someone in red armor with a Killer Lance with an EVIL EXPRESSION on his face.
"Uh, hiya Kent! Nice weather today, huh?" Mech asked. Once again the sky darkened and a cold wind blew across the field, 'Not again!'
"What were you moves were you pulling on Fiora?" Kent demanded darkly.
"Nothing! She just saw that I had trouble breathing! She was supposed to do the heimerick...uh, the himric, no wait the haystack maneuver? Fine, whatever, the technique was used on a choking person. She mixed that up with CPR," Mech rambled.
Hearing the letters C, P, and R together made Kent's eyes twitch like crazy.
"You were doing the French Kiss with her?" Kent roared. Without waiting for a reply, Kent entered his critical mode
"No wait, IT"S JUST A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING!" Mech screamed as he ran from the crazed Paladin.
On the other side of the area, two figures watched as the one figure in brown robes was being chased by a figure in red armor on a horse.
"Amazing that he could outrace a horse," Eliwood, the red-haired lord of Pharae commented before returning his attention to the figure next to him, "I apologize but it seems our current tactician is not able to meet with you at the moment, Sir...?"
The person gave Eliwood a confident smile as he lazily pushed back his long hair in a non-worried manner. "My name is Lancelot, Mighty Prince Eliwood. I understand how...busy your tactician is at the moment."
Lancelot was almost like Lucius. Almost. His blonde hair was somewhat shorter than Lucius' and he definitely looked more masculine. And he was not frail. The Silver Lance that he had in his hand and a Shine tome that he carried at his side made sure of that. Most of the girls had already fallen for him as he approached them and acquainted himself to them.
"Well, it seems that there is nothing to do here for the moment. May I have your permission to set up camp with your army, Mighty Prince?" Lancelot suggested.
With Eliwood's permission, Lancelot went off to see how "his" troops were doing.
AN: Whew, I'm done. This may be my longest chapter of the whole story, so enjoy it while it lasts (or don't). Please read and review, and don't start trashing me just because Path of Radiance is out (young ones these days, humph!)