The Truth of It
Dawn, Xander, Willow and Buffy were celebrating Dawn's college semester results by having a movie and games night at home. When Angel and Spike also turned up, Dawn had persuaded them to stay, excited to have them all together in the one place for once. Now the six of them all sat around the living room, eating snacks, talking and laughing with a movie of Dawn's choice playing, in the background. A game of truth or dare had somehow started.
"Truth," Angel decided. "Just don't ask anything too morbid. You'll regret it."
"Oooh, you shouldn't have said that," Xander pointed out from where he sat cross-legged on the floor, reaching for another handful of crisps. "Now it's gonna be morbid."
"Only fair to warn you," Angel shrugged.
It was Dawn, sitting on the floor with Xander who spoke. "If you lost your soul right now, who would be the first person in this room you'd kill?"
The room fell silent. Everyone looked at Angel, sitting silently in the corner. For a moment they all thought he would back out, but he finally spoke. "That's a real tough one," he said in a quiet ominous tone. "I mean, guys, come on, you know I'd kill you all. I'd save Buffy for last, of course. But, who'd be first?" He looked around the room at each one of them, sending little shivers up their spines. "Right now? I'm gonna go with… Willow."
Willow scoffed. "I'd like to see you try, Mister!"
"Well, I'd give it a good shot," Angel shrugged.
"How about you, Spike?" Xander asked. They all turned to Spike who was sitting on the couch talking to Buffy.
He looked up. "What about me?"
"Who would you kill? In this room? If you lost your soul? Right now?" Xander repeated the question.
"What?" Spike's voice rose. "That was Angel's question!"
"And now it's yours," Xander insisted.
"That's not fair," Spike glanced from side to side feeling trapped. "You didn't ask truth or dare."
"Truth or dare?" Xander asked.
"Dare," Spike glared.
"Dare you to answer the question," Xander retorted.
"Xander everyone knows that's against the rules," Willow pointed out.
"Don't matter," Spike got to his feet, crumpling the empty beer can tightly in his hand and chucking it to the floor. "I'm not playing."
"Guys, just try to be nice tonight okay?" Buffy intervened. "If Spike says he's not playing, he's not playing. He doesn't have to answer the question."
"Well I can't exactly force him to. So there's no need to get all shirty about it," Xander nagged.
Spike turned on him. "That question doesn't apply to me anyway, you twat. When I got my soul back I made sure it was permanent," he revealed. "You think I would've gone through all those demon trials to accept some crappy deal with loopholes and clauses like Angel's sodding gypsy curse? One moment of happiness and poof. Gone. Lot of rot. I wouldn't live like that." Spike sauntered to the counter grabbing another beer and opening it. "So the whole question's purely hypothetical. Why would I even have thought about it?"
"Of course it's hypothetical," Xander pointed out. "It's just a game, Spike. And obviously you have thought about it, or you wouldn't be getting so upset. What is it that you don't want us to find out?"
"Nothing!" Spike denied. "And I'm not upset." He tried to prove it by sitting down again, on the nearest chair, next to Angel. "I just… don't wanna think about it, is all." He took a swig from his can. Spike noticed Angel still looking at him curiously. "What?" he asked.
"Sorry," Angel swallowed. "I'm just… now you've got me wondering what your answer would be."
"Me too," Willow admitted.
"Would it be Dawn?" Angel asked inquisitively. "She's pure and sweet. You go for that."
"Never!" Spike became unexpectedly angry.
"If I had to take a guess, I'd go with Willow," Buffy decided firmly.
"Aren't I the popular one," Willow seemed a little chuffed.
"Buffy!" Spike felt betrayed.
"What?" Buffy didn't understand why Spike was so agitated. "You nearly bit her a couple times, if I recall. There was that time you kidnapped Xander and Willow, and locked them in the factory? And then that time in our dorm room after you got the chip?"
"That was a long time ago," Spike gulped, mortified.
"It's probably me," Xander told them, raising his hand. "Spike's just embarrassed to admit he's always thought me kinda delicious. Even with the syphilis he wanted to bite me."
Spike gave them all a silent glare and took another gulp from his beer, then turned to the TV. "So, Dawn, how about this movie we're supposed to be watching. What's it called?" he changed the topic.
"See, here's the thing, Spike," Xander wasn't giving up. "You're always complaining that we don't like you, that we don't trust you, even after everything you've done. Maybe you have a point, but it's your own fault. You're the one who never lets us in. And this is a prime example. The whole point of truth or dare is to learn some stuff about your friends, to get to know them better, to trust them, right?"
Spike rolled his eyes. "Oh, and you trust Angel more than ever now, knowing he'd suck on Willow's tender little neck, first soul-free chance he got?"
"I didn't say I'd feed off her," Angel clarified from his corner. "I'd probably just kill her quick, you know. I'd feel too threatened by her power - I mean Angelus would - to draw it out. I'd love to torture her of course, in an ideal world, but I'd have to be sure she couldn't get away to properly enjoy it…"
"Seriously, that gets your trust?" Spike pointed a thumb in Angel's direction.
"Hey, at least the homicidal maniac is contributing. He's opening up and sharing – some pretty disturbing stuff, admittedly – but at least he's being honest. Unlike you."
"Better the devil you know, huh?" Spike said glumly into his beer.
"Exactly. And you're the devil we don't," Xander accused.
Spike sighed in frustration. "If you don't already know, I'm not telling," Spike added quietly. "It's better this way."
"Better for who?" Xander pointed out.
Spike ignored him.
They all turned to try and watch the rest of the movie, but the issue of Spike's unanswered question still hung in the air and Xander wasn't letting it go. "You want to be all mysterious, that's fine," he kept talking to Spike, over the movie. "Go with that, if you think that's working out for you. But that's not what gets you friends. Or trust. And you wonder why you're always the one left out in the cold."
"So, what are you suggesting?" Spike scoffed. "I should be more like you? Out and proud about what a useless loser and a sap I am? How's that working out for you Xander? Feelin' a lot of respect and admiration coming your way?"
"Can you two shut up?" Dawn hissed. "I'm trying to watch my movie, here."
"You want us to shut up? Let's resolve this," Xander reasoned. "Then we can all move on and finish watching the movie, safe with the comfort of knowing exactly who Spike would be looking to slaughter if he came over soulless. Let's have a vote. Hands up if you think Spike should just answer the frickin question."
"Oh, come on," Spike objected, "The others don't really give a fig about…" he stopped when one by one they all raised their hands.
"You're all daft. I'm leaving," he got to his feet.
"Hey, you can't leave, we voted," Willow pouted, offended.
"Then stop me," Spike said angrily, making for the door.
"Okay," Angel was beside him in a flash, grabbing his shoulders and pinning him to the wall. "Come on Spikey. It's not like you to ruin a party. Just one little answer to one little question. Not like you have to write an essay. It's multiple choice. You got five options. All you gotta do is pick one."
"What, are you simple?" Spike snarled and began to struggle but Buffy called out, "Please, you guys, no fighting in the house! We just got the walls fixed."
"Fine," Spike relented when Angel's grip did not. "What…" he gritted his teeth, "was the question again?"
"If you lost your soul, right now," Dawn stood and repeated the original question, "Who in this room would you kill first?"
"And your answer is…" Angel prompted, giving the other vampire a bit of a shake. The dread in Spike's wide eyes startled him. "Come on, Spike," he encouraged. "It's not so hard. Just play along. You can say it. I did. Just…whisper it to me."
Spike snarled. He leaned in and hissed something into Angel's ear, before shoving him roughly aside and bolting across the room and out the front door, his black coat flapping behind him.
"Goddam it, Spike," Xander whined. "It's not enough to spoil the game, you have to spoil the snacks as well? What a jerk!" He picked up the plate of nibbles that Spike had knocked over in his hasty exit.
"What did he say?" Buffy asked Angel.
Angel turned to them, a little stunned, and repeated Spike's exact words. "Myself, you dumb git."