Star Wars: Harrison Ford Dies
A slave had escaped the Star Destroyer and landed in Africa. He was breathing heavily, as that is the only qualification for acting these days. Breathing heavy when you speak to add intensity to the scene. A jew had escaped the crash and left the dark skinned man for dead. Finn was thirsty so he drank from a latrine "Boy this tastes like watermelon!" He mugged a couple for their change so he could by intergalactic chicken.
Rey was fucking her robotic converter dildo and accidently got sand in her cunt. Mexican Soccer Ball droid said "Beeboobeeboo boop!" Rey kicked the turd out the chute into a sarlac pit. "GOAL!" said Rey. She went to go trade with a walking ass-hole alien for food rations. "I can give you.." She murdered the alien with force choke and grabbed the lot. She stole the millennium falcon and got abducted by Han Solo's ship. Whoops! Women will be women.
Snoke was smoking a bowl and bobbing his fucked up face to Deadmou5. Suddenly a German officer appeared and asked for assistance in subduing the rebel fleet. They concurred that firing the massive urethra beam and destroying the SJW libtard planets would do the trick. "Pull the trigger my nigger!" exclaimed General Cux. The white sperm colored beam was a direct hit. "Good..good…"
Han solo was fucking slave ladies in the ass. Chewy and himself had just made a massive haul, making bank in the process. Needless to say, A celebration was in order. Han and Chewy has lined all the slave sluts up in a row and were playing musical ass holes, or switching slave holes down the line and rotating back. *Thoop, thump, fooop!* "Boy this is great! Couldn't get any better, I love being a swindler!" "Hahahawaryryayahaaa!" replied chewy. They shot their loads directly into an tube and sent it off to princess Leiah as a prank.
Kylo Ren was a faggot. He listened to Bring Me the Horizon, watched anime, had zero libido do to overwatching intergalactic porn mixed with jerking off 3 times a day, played video games, had autism and was basically the perfect example of modern man today. Due to all of these factors, he was constantly angry and emotional and wanted to be like the slick, cool, dark masked anti social autistic fidget spinning assassin you see in console games. So, naturally, he became a sith lord. Edgy! Jews jews jews jews jews jews jews jews jews jews jews jews jews