Rick isn't the only one who misses Kate. 8x07 post-ep.
Kate pauses momentarily at the doorway to hop into her black heels as the text message she received buzzes around her brain. She goes to look at the cryptic message again and her hand is shaking because this could be the break she's been waiting for and the end could be in sight and-
Oh God, she feels almost dizzy with it all. Her legs seem to quiver underneath her as she holds onto the frame of the doorway for support. The shoes aren't helping this situation. (Using her thigh muscles for support for an extended period of time in their bed also didn't help, but she doesn't regret that one bit.)
Okay, she's going to get a glass of water to calm her nerves. She scurries over to the kitchen sink, wincing at the loud clacking of her heels in the silence of the evening. Grabbing one of Rick's mugs that's resting on the counter, she turns on the faucet hurriedly and the water comes out forcefully, splashing her white jumper and bare arms with droplets but she doesn't care. In fact, the cool liquid seems to help her racing heartbeat.
She downs the water as fast as she can, then turns on the tap again – more slowly this time – in order to wash out the mug. Force of habit, she guesses. Habit. She wants some of that back in her life.
With one last deep exhale, she brings her shoulders down from their hunched position and gets ready to leave. To follow the new lead.
"Kate?"
The woman whirls around quickly at the mention of her name, seeing a timid form coming down the stairs, the sparkling stones on her grey sweater seeming to light up the dark loft.
"You're back." Alexis whispers, and Kate can't tell whether the girl's words are meant to be positive or not.
The redhead's eyes then sweep down Kate's figure, then narrow slightly.
"And you're leaving." She concludes. Yeah, that definitely didn't sound positive.
"Alexis," Kate begins, walking around the kitchen counters to be closer to the other woman, "I'm sorry."
The girl only shrugs in response, as if she expected those words. Kate lowers her head in shame. She wishes she didn't have to be this way. That apologising wasn't her knee jerk response.
"Oh, while you're here…"
Beckett looks up from the floor to see Alexis walking to the kitchen and opening an overhead cupboard. She bites her lower lip in impatience, she really has to get going soon. But as she sees the younger girl's shy smile when she returns once more, she can't bring herself to leave. Again.
"This is for you."
Kate moves her gaze down to Alexis' hands to see her clasping a butter container. Her eyebrows scrunch up in question but Alexis only gives a tiny nod. Taking the small box with care, Kate opens the lid to find cookies piled up and squished together.
"I was going to present them in a nicer box, but," Alexis tucks a short hair behind her ear, "Anyway, happy early birthday?"
Kate's eyes widen in surprise, then look back at the container, unsure of how to respond. Alexis is quick to break the sudden silence.
"They're lemon cookies." She states, her lips upturning slightly, "I remember you used to always put lemon juice on your pancakes and Dad thought you were gross for it."
Beckett lets out a small chuckle at the memory of their few lazy family breakfasts together: her, Rick, Alexis and sometimes Martha sitting together at the counter, each doing their job of cutting up fruit, passing the ingredients and setting up the table.
"And they're healthy. Well, as healthy as cookies can be." The redhead lets out a little self-deprecating laugh, "You used to sometimes go for a run early in the morning or late in the evening, so I thought you wouldn't want anything that was too overloaded with sugar."
Finally, Kate finds words. "They look amazing."
Alexis still seems nervous though, hurrying through her speech in a way that Kate has barely ever witnessed before, "I didn't know what to get you, I feel like you have everything."
Kate steps closer to Alexis with a sure smile lighting up her face, "This is more than enough."
Because it's not just food. It's acceptance. Love.
The younger girl shuffles from foot to foot, glancing out of the dark window for a moment as her mouth open and closes multiple times. Kate waits it out.
"Dad isn't the only one who misses you, you know."
And Kate's heart is thumping wildly in her chest again.
"While he…" Alexis hesitates, "was gone, you really helped me. Gram did too obviously, but you were always there for me to talk to. And I know I can sometimes be overprotective of him and kinda bitchy," Kate shakes her head fervently, but she continues, "but he's taken such good care of me, and I want to take good care of him."
I do too, Kate wants to shout, feeling her eyes prickling.
"And I know you do too." Kate lets out a sigh of relief at the words being spoken, even if not by her. "I wasn't always sure of that before, but I am now." A small pause. "So I've been supportive of this break, because I know you wouldn't be doing it if you didn't need to."
Kate quickly places her present down on the counter and wraps Alexis up in a hug, hoping that this displays her gratitude in ways words can't. Alexis' arms tighten around her waist as a shaky breath leaves her. In this moment, Kate remembers what she's given up. This unconditional love, this gentle care. This family.
Which is why she has to leave. The sooner she solves this, the sooner she can return.
The two break apart slowly, both with small smiles and wet eyes.
"Alexis, I need to go. I'm so sorry."
The girl lets out an almost inaudible gasp in reply and grabs the container filled with cookies quickly, attempting to thrust them into Kate's hands.
"Of course. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you."
Kate silences her ramblings by placing her delicate hands on both of Alexis' shoulders.
"You could never bother me." She says as strongly as she can, staring into her crystal blue eyes that seem even brighter in the moonlight. "And I'm still here for you. I might not be here, but I'm… here."
Kate bites her lip as soon as the sentence is out, hoping it made sense, and she's happy to feel Alexis' shoulders shaking as she lets out a laugh. It's weak and watery, but it's there. And she can't help but let one out too.
The two look at each other for a few seconds, then Kate leans forward and presses a kiss to Alexis' cheek before parting, taking her gift from the redhead's hands with care. She nods with a tight-lipped smile then makes her way to the loft door even though every part of her body protests.
"Hey, Kate?"
She turns her head.
"I lo-" Alexis pauses, running a nervous hand through her hair, "Be careful."
A grin blossoms on Kate's features at the words, both voiced and unvoiced.
"You too." She replies steadily, hoping she understands the subtext and what sentiment she's responding too. Alexis' eyebrows raise slightly in recognition. She is her father's daughter after all.
Kate gives a final nod, then spins back around, placing a hand on the doorknob and turning it with all her willpower.
And with Rick's fingerprints lingering on her skin and Alexis' gift in her hands, she leaves her home once more.
Just a brief writer's note: I feel like a lot of people are going to criticise me for my writing of Alexis (I always get that after writing her character, no matter what) so I'd like to talk about my reasoning. I think that over the period that Castle was missing, Kate and Alexis must've bonded quite a lot, and with Kate living at the loft, I'm sure that they've grown closer. Also, Alexis is a lot more grown up now, and I feel like she's not the little girl that's overprotective of her Dad anymore. She understands Kate and Rick's relationship and now that she has seen how good it is, she supports it, which is why she told Castle to trust Beckett in 8x01. Or at least that's what I'm thinking. Let me know your thoughts if they're different I love to hear from you!
Also, I'd like to apologise for lack of fic posting, I have four uni assignments due over the next week. That's right, four. (Then none until the middle of December? Thanks timetabling.) Anyway, I've been focused on writing those 9000 words more than writing fic. I'm hoping to publish something on #castlethemeday but that's also the day of my group presentation, so I might be hiding underneath my blanket for 24 hours after that, who knows.
Anyway, sorry for all that rambling! Thanks for reading the fic, I really hope you liked it :)
Lou xo