A.N. This is my first HP fic, but it's been scrambling round in my head for ages, so I just had to write it. I've always loved Snape, and can't see him as merely a black and white villian, he's far too complex. I still hold out hope that he will be redeemed in book 7! The brief paragraph in italics is supposedly an old wizard legend about the origins of the Phoenix, which is based on the Classical myth of Pollux and Castor. They were twin brothers, one of whom was mortal and the other divine, who spent alternate days on Mt. Olympus and in Hades until they were placed in the sky as the constellation Gemini.
The Dark Phoenix
In my time, I have been many things. Servant to the Order, slave to the dark. Master of potions, the Half-Blood Prince, the Dark Phoenix, teacher, lover, assasin. He who is hated, respected, feared. And once, a good man. In my time, I have been many things, and all that I am is known to none. But all of these roles I now cast aside. In the minds of the world, I am only one thing now. I am the Betrayer.
I pause for a moment as I write this, my fingers cramped with the pain of these words. Before I killed you, you used to say that I was the catalyst, the one who destroys in fire. And for a time, I suppose I was. But that title now belongs only to one, the dark-born son, lightning-branded, marked by the Dark Lord as his own.
I have served two masters in my time. I, who never thought that I would bow to any man. They were the two greatest wizards of this age, darkness and light, two halves to my whole. Antagonists, yet still akin. The one pitiless, the other full of pity, but without mercy. Now, the line dividing them begins to blur. I cannot see which way this war will turn, nor even remember which side is in the right. I once swore that I would serve no master. I have served two, and played the traitor to them both.
Did you know, Dumbledore, when first you saved me? You searched for me, brought me back through the flames, an avenging weapon in your hand, risen from the abyss.
There was an old, old story of two brothers whose love transcended life itself. When one lay dying, his wizard-born brother invoked a powerful and ancient charm with all the magic of his birthright, that his brother might arise from the ashes of death into new life – the Phoenix. The price, his own soul. For every day that the Phoenix lives his stolen life upon the earth it is his twin who dies anew, burned sacrifice to the old forgotten gods.
You rescued me, rescued us all, saved us from the dark and gave us a new name, a name that should have secured my alliegance irrevocably, and did not; the Order of the Phoenix. I suppose that it was meant to remind us of the story, of the brother who died as you would call upon us to die. Ironic, really.
Who can unlock the intricacies of a wizard's vow? Of two vows, opposing, battling for a traitor's soul? Long, long ago, when I was brought forth from darkness into light, I learned the purpose of your designs for me. I learned, and I rebelled. Severus Snape is the tool of no man. No, not even Him... And yet, for all my bitter words, for every curse, for every time the Dark Mark burned upon my branded skin, for every moment that I strove, first to save and then to destroy the boy who was the catalyst of all, for all of these, I never did anything which was not in accordance with your plan.
In the end, I could not escape you. Either of you. The Phoenix must rise, again and again. He can never share his brother's fate, no matter how he wishes to turn back the charm. The Phoenix can never die.
Did you ever realise it, Dumbledore? The single flaw in your great plan? Compassion. He was right, all along. You loved me, and from that love came only destruction. You pitied me my half-life, torn between two masters. You forged ties that you never intended, bonds unbreakable save by the searing of His brand upon my skin. In the end, I think you wept for me more than for yourself. He knew the price that I would pay when first you asked it of me. I love him, and I love you, and I hate you both with equal passion. Even now I cannot say to which side my alliegance holds. My will is not my own, has never been. I killed you, and then I wept. I had no choice in either.
I was once so certain... so sure that He was right. On the day that I killed you, you named me anew for the last time. I have cast off all other names, and now, I am this alone. I am the Dark Phoenix. The Betrayer. And the lure of the dark is strong.