By: MikaUchiha
Hello there! I'm sure you all think that I died or something! I haven't updated or written anythings for months! I'm really sorry! I have a lot of ideas for fics, I just have to find the time to fit them all in! I promise that until school is out for me, I will try to update at least once every two weeks and during the summer, one a week if I can! Please forgive me!
Summary: It's the Christmas season, and as usual at this time of year everything is utter chaos at the annual Christmas party. SasuNaru Dedicated to L. Lawliet91802! Sakura Bashing.
Dedicated to Law-uke (and puppy!) for inspiring me to make this fic! I hope you two have a very merry Christmas! Here some more lube! (gives!) lol! Hopefully I'll have this up in time for Christmas here since you are like 16 hours ahead of me and I already missed your Christmas.
Just to warn those out there, this story is going to be full at my crappy attempt at humor. Once again, note that I said crappy. There is also going to be yaoi and a bunch of very sexual...things. If you flame me, I'll just laugh my ass off at your stupidity.
Twas the night before Christmas...but that's how all the normal Christmas stories begin, and this is anything but your normal Christmas story. So that's not how this certain story shall begin, because that's too...normal. We need something a bit more extreme. Like...
On the eve of Christmas, in the heart of a ninja village filled with the likes of a certain loudmouthed dobe in a bright orange sweater that burned your eyes with so much as a glance, there was a Christmas party. But not just any normal party. No, this was a party where things happened that normal people didn't believe was possible. A party with endless possibilities and-
"Damn it, Naruto! Where is all the booze!?"
-and plenty of random outbursts.
"It's in the that special place, with the those butt things and condoms."
"Oh. Thanks"
The party was hopping in the house of some certain Hyūgas, whom after much persuading by Naruto on Neji's part, and not so much on Hinata's part, they decided to host this year's annual Christmas party. Poor Hyūgas.
Anyway, tme music filled the air and the people started dancing on the ceiling (they were ninjas, after all!) as they all got drunk.
"Heyyyy, babe!"
Sasuke's eye twitched as Naruto attempted to flirt with him.
"Heyyyyyyy! We're...standing...above mistletoe. Pucker up!"
"Dobe. You're drunk."
"Nooooo I'm noooooot! You're just a sexi beast! RAWR!"
Naruto clawed at the air like a ferocious kitty cat.
Sasuke rolled his eyes at Naruto's antics.
"C'mon, hot stuff! Pucker up!"
Naruto leaned forward as Sasuke teleported elsewhere, resulting in Naruto meeting air and falling off the ceiling.
"AH! Oh...I'm a ninja. I can-"
SMACK!
And yes, gravity is a bitch.
"Ow. That hurt a little."
From the corner of the room, fangirls/boys watched in the shadows.
"Mwahahahahahahaha- (cough. hack. cough.)"
"Water?"
"Sure! Hey, are you wearing a dress."
"Meeeeeeehbay!"
"It looks good on you. Where is puppy?"
"Working on a plan! OH! Look! It's Garra!"
(waves)
(Garra waves back)
"I must not be a very good stalker if he waved back..."
"Don't worry, Law-ly! We'll work on it. Now lets go get those two to screw. Hey...is that a new hickey on your neck?"
"Uh...no...let's go!"
The day soon turned to night...OK...maybe not night, but...like...twilight, and everyone gathered in the largest room in the stood on the top of the staircase and threw a glass at the floor to get everyone's attention.
"Ladies and grown men who act like boys."
"HEY!"
Neji looked down at Naruto.
"Goes to prove what I mean. Anyway, it's time for the games to begin. We'll start out with an eggnog drinking contest."
"YES!"
Naruto and Kiba pumped their fists into the air. Neji glared at them in that meanie, hateful ways that meanie butts do.
"Everyone gather around the large table with eggnog on it...obviously."
Naruto and Kiba raced to the table, neither making it too far on account of them both being wasted.
"There goes that expensive statue. How troublesome."
Glass flew everywhere, and a giant shard of it pierced the pink-haired banshee bitch in the chest.
"AHHHHHHH!"
Everyone looked on with minimum amusement as the bitch bled to death.
"Serves her right!" Naruto mumbled as he tried to stand back up.
Sasuke appeared out of nowhere in all his smexy glory and helped him up, a dazzling smile on his face making him look like the sexier version of Edward Cullen, although not quite because he wasn't a vampire and he didn't sparkle and he was all...alive and stuff.
"Are you OK?" Sasuke said huskily.
Naruto was utterly dazzled. Even more so than a Twilight fangirl in an Edward Cullen Museum. He leaned closer to Sasuke, those totally unrealistic and and fairytale like stars in his eyes that you only see in cartoons and photoshopped pictures.
"Yeah..."
The fangirl/boys in the shadows smirked.
"It's a good thing we slipped aphrodisiacs in their drinks."
"Yeah. Now we know this Christmas will end with a BANG!"
And so the two boys teleported into Neji Hyuga's bedroom to screw. Why Neji's room? To piss the ice princess off!
With the fangirl/boys at the end of the night...
"I think there's something in my pants."
Law-uke looked at Mika.
"That's stupidest pick-up line ever, and I'm gay."
Mika squirmed around a little.
"No! I'm seri- OH MY GOD! IT'S SAND!!!!"
Mika started screaming and running around only to be lifted up by the sand and slug around. Everyone in entire house (except our little SasuNaru who were screwing ending the night with a BANG!) ran out screaming in utter terror.
"WHERE IS MY FUCKING TEDDY BEAR!?"
"OMG! Bad Garra! Bad!"
Law-uke started shaking his finger at the sand master.
"I am very disappointed in you! Put her down right now!"
Just at that time, puppy walked into the room.
"What the hell!? I leave you alone and this is what happens! And isn't that the chick that gave you lube and nail-polish!?"
"BITCH! Help me! Garra went rabid again! I need his teddybear before he rips her limb from limb."
Law-uke pointed to Mika who was currently being slung around the room by her leg.
"I THINK MY LEG IS BROKEN!"
Puppy sweatdropped.
"I'll be right back..."
He then left the building and sped away.
"WHAT THE HELL! How is that helping!"
"I think I'm gonna puke!"
Law-uke stared at the giant sand thing.
"I'm going to go get water to- AH!"
Law-ly was picked up as well.
It was then that a car burst through the wall of the mansion.
"DAMN! I hope Neji has insurance!"
"Yeah...this place is destroyed!"
"BACK! BACK! I HAVE A WATER HOSE!"
Then all of a sudden, a sleigh flew over the mostly destroyed mansion.
"HO! HO! HO!"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?" Mika screamed.
Then, magically, a magical magic teddy bear landed in front of Garra and he threw Law-uke and Mika and they magically landed in puppy's car unharmed.
"That damn trespassing son-of-a-bitch Santa, called me a HOE!" Mika growled angrily.
"He was saying hello." Law-uke replied.
"I still hate him!" Mika yelled.
"He isn't even real! How did any of this happen!?"
Mika rolled her eyes.
"Stupid puppy this is a SasuNaru Christmas story. It's not suppose to make since. That's why it ended with a BANG!"
Sweatdrop.
"Uh...lets just go home!"
"HEY! Can't I egg Santa's house first!?"
"Maybe!" Puppy said.
"AW! You're no fun!"
Then Law-uke bit his arm.
"DANG IT!"
"No! It's supposed to end with a BANG!"
HA! I finished it. Most of that was crack, but at least I wrote something. It's probably not going to win any award in the near future, but at least I didn't give up. So...review?