Chapter 1: Bella, paint your pictures

A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations, I'm just torturing them. Thanks to my lovely betas (FE71SH & CorrinaTFF) & my fic-wifeys (Gabbysway2 & CorrinaTFF) for looking this chap over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it!

"You're doing a great job here, Edward."

My boss' compliments made me smile; a genuine smile, not the fake one I plastered on every time my family asked me if I was alright. I had only been with the company for two months, but I was already making waves. It was a relief, because it had been so long since I'd had a steady job and a steady life. Two months ago, I had made the decision to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and put my life back together. It only took twelve months of wallowing to get there, but I had. Finally.

"Everyone is happy with your performance, and we would like to offer you a full-time position with the firm."

"Wow," I said. It was an unexpected turn of events. During the interview process I was told there wouldn't be a permanent opening for at least another twelve months. "What's changed?" I asked.

"Marcus' wife is unwell so he needs a little personal time. Alec will be stepping into his role, and you will be taking Alec's position."

"I'm sorry to hear about Marcus' wife, but that's a great opportunity," I said, genuine enthusiasm colouring my voice. For the first time in what felt like ages – at least fourteen months - I felt life coursing through my veins.

The job at Volturi Architects gave me purpose--a reason to get up every morning. Purpose was the one thing that had been missing from my life for over a year. Well, it was one of the two things missing from my life – the other was too painful to dwell on. In fact, dwelling on it was what had made me wallow in the all-consuming depths of self-pity I had drowned in for so long. Before Volturi Architects there were mornings where I'd simply forgotten to climb out of bed. Days would pass and I wouldn't notice. My skin was pale from lack of sunlight and nutrition, black bags hung heavily below my eyes. But I'd finally exorcised my personal demon. I'd finally taken that step of removing her photo from the bedside table. I'd packed it away at the top of my wardrobe under my thickest jumpers where I wasn't likely to stumble across it in a hurry – winter had just finished for the year. That was the day I started with Volturi.

They were excited by my special talents. I specialised in eco-friendly designs at low-costs. It had been something I had worked hard through university to develop. The Australian climate was perfect for the implementation of some of my designs, and Aro Volturi and his brothers were excited by the potential for capitalising on the current 'go-green' consumer attitude. I was more than willing to go along for the ride – the pay was good, even as a casual employee, and the offices were modern. When Emmett had visited me for lunch a week ago, he'd pointed out that there were plenty of good looking girls working there. It had taken him pointing it out for me to notice, because no matter how attractive they were – they were never her.

I tried to block out that train of thought – it would definitely leave me feeling dejected. I instead tried to tune back into Aro and what he was saying about my new position – apparently I was to receive a new office, a pay raise and have my selection from the clerical pool for a personal secretary.

By the end of the day I had selected Jane as my secretary. She was blonde, severe, had a no-nonsense attitude, and seemed competent. Most important of all was that, she was the polar opposite of her. She could never be called severe – she was the type of girl who would go barefoot just for the experience of feeling the grass beneath her feet. She always worried she would miss out on something better if she didn't keep moving on. Some people might have called her flighty. I knew she'd received the trait from her mother – I just wasn't sure if it was inherited or learned.

In order to celebrate my good news, and because I couldn't face another night in the kitchen cooking for one, I swung by the local Indian take-away on my way home. I took a minute to collect my thoughts as I stood just outside the door, waiting to go inside. I still found it depressing to come home to an empty house of shattered dreams.

The colours on the walls – vivid summer greens and incandescent pinks – were all chosen by her, and painstakingly painted by me, after we'd bought the house. It was that house, and the threat of losing one more tie to her, that got me out of bed and back into the workforce two short months ago. We'd never had much in the way of savings, and truthfully I probably should have been homeless for the last twelve months. My parents had saved the house by making the mortgage payments for nearly twelve months before they finally put their foot down. It came down to making the choice to either get a job or lose the house. Her house.

I called out for Moses, the little pug dog we had purchased at her insistence. I knew it was cruel, leaving him by himself while I was at work during the day – I'd even put an ad in the paper, 'free to good home' - but I just couldn't give him up when the time came.

I ate in relative silence, feeding Moses off my plate, too lazy to get him his own meal. I didn't even turn the TV on. TV, movies, music, books; they all reminded me of her and were too painful to consider. After I finished, I washed up after myself, ignoring the tiles with the patterns on them that she picked out. Then I dialed Emmett's number; he'd want to know the good news.

"Hey, Em," I said when he answered.

"You drowning your sorrows again?" Emmett knew me enough to know when thoughts of her became too much, I usually pulled out the beers and started to call my friends and family. He was always the first on the list.

"Not this time – I've got good news. I've been offered a full-time position at Volturi's."

"That's great, man."

I spent the next twenty minutes discussing the ins and outs of my new position as best as I understood it. I hung up the phone feeling...happy. For the first time in fourteen months I was genuinely and unashamedly happy. I didn't worry about ringing anyone else – Emmett would no doubt spread the word when they rang him to check up on me. Apparently they thought I needed some kind of suicide watch. I couldn't deny that I had contemplated it. Especially in those first few dark weeks after she'd left. Again. After he took her from me. James. I sneered as I thought his name. He was supposed to have been my friend. He'd been our realtor when we'd selected this house and was with Vicky at the time. But then, just three months later, they'd run off together. I should have expected it though – it wasn't the first time. James was just one person in a long line of people who had driven a wedge between her and I.

My life was apparently better without her in it; that's what everyone kept telling me. But that was like saying that a lion is better off in a zoo. Technically, it was a life; there was nutrition and entertainment, but somehow, something was missing. With her by my side life had colour, vibrancy... meaning. With her away I was alive, but I didn't know how to live. I knew I needed to put her in the past. It wasn't healthy for me to dwell on what had happened. She wasn't healthy for me, but for some reason, I needed her like I needed oxygen.

I put on the only type of music I could stand listening to – Elvis, because she couldn't stand him – and headed for bed. Moses snuffed around the blankets for a while before settling down to sleep almost on top of me. I stroked behind his ear; I didn't know who it calmed more; him or me.

I was just about to succumb to the pleasure of sleep, of unconsciousness, when the phone rang. I debated whether or not to get it, but decided that everyone might decide to renew operation 'ring Edward regularly to make sure he isn't trying to top himself' if I didn't answer. It was about the seventh or eighth ring by the time I finally reached the phone. Persistent, aren't you, I thought to myself as I picked up the call.

"Edward?" The voice on the other end of the line was thick with tears. I couldn't immediately process any more than that, because my heart stopped beating and the oxygen flew out of my lungs in a painful rush. I knew the voice – it was the voice that had haunted me for fourteen months. The last thing that voice said to me was "it's not you, it's me – I can't be in this sort of committed relationship. I'm too young." It was the voice of the one girl I would do absolutely anything for – and the one girl who I absolutely shouldn't do anything for. I tried to pick the pieces of myself off the floor to be able to conduct a conversation with her.

"Edward, are you there? Please talk to me."

I wanted to talk. I wanted to tell her that she wouldn't do this to me again – not now. I had a job. I had a life. I had purpose. Yet all that disappeared the moment she'd said my name. I was a slave of my addiction to her – she was my drug. No matter what she wanted – or how crazy her plan – I would be there for her, like I always was. "I'm here," I said, unable to manage anything more than those two little words.

"Oh, Edward – I'm sorry," she sobbed into the phone. I clutched the handset tightly as I closed my eyes, attempting to shield myself from her words. But I couldn't help the tears that pricked my eyes or the painful daggers in my chest - her pain was my pain.

"What do you need, Bella?" I asked, knowing that before long we would be back where we were before. I would be a crumpled mess, and she would flit off into the sunset with her latest crush.

"I made a mistake leaving you."

I wished those words were true – that she meant them this time. I almost allowed myself to believe that they were.

"Can you come to see me so we can work this out?"

No! My mind screamed at me, I'd been down this road so many times before that I knew where it would lead. My body reacted of its own accord. I grabbed a pen and piece of paper from the bench. "Where are you?"

"I'm in Cairns. I want you here with me, Edward. We'll start over – we'll sell the house and buy a little shack here and live by the beach. Or maybe we can just run away together. I don't care - I just need you, baby. I think I'm ready to make it work – to make us work."

My body began to throw things together in preparation for leaving in a hurry. Cairns was an eight hour drive away which meant I would have to miss work on my first full day of full-time employment. Employment which would no doubt be terminated when I didn't turn up tomorrow. This time it was my mind that rebelled and took control for a brief second – long enough to squeeze out one question. "What about James?"

"He's not here, we had a fight and... he hit me."

I was packing my bags less than a second later, holding the handset between my cheek and my shoulder. "Bella, stay right where you are. I'm coming to get you."

"Thank you." She paused for a minute and let loose a sob. I could tell she wanted to say more, and I wanted her to. I wanted her to keep telling me about the life we would have together. The perfect existence she could see in her mind. I wished I could escape to that life permanently. To the perfect pictures she'd imagined of the two of us together. To live with the knowledge that she would be there, forever. That she wouldn't leave this time. I didn't know what to say to her or even what there was left to say. She helped me out in that regard by asking the fallback question, "How is Moses going?"

"He's fine," I answered. Then I murmured, "He misses his mummy though."

"I miss him too. You'll bring him, won't you?"

I wanted to say no, I couldn't bring him. I wanted to say no, I wasn't coming. I wanted to explain that I was finally happy. I was finally getting on top of things: a job, the house, an almost life. I knew it was all a lie, because without Bella there was no life. So instead I answered simply, "Yeah, of course."

"Thanks, Edward."

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Ring me on my mobile if you need anything before I get there."

"Sure, sure."

I grimaced at the reminder of the past. She'd picked that saying up from one of the other people she had left me for - Jacob.

I quickly finished throwing together a few bags and packed them into the car. I pulled down the photo that had been in hiding for two months and drank deeply of her features. Features I would soon be able to witness again for myself; to touch and caress again. Her doe-like brown eyes stared out from that perfect heart-shaped face. I sighed. She wielded some kind of black magic when it came to me. She had me wrapped around her little finger, and I was powerless when it came to her. I placed the picture back on the night-stand before waking Moses up. "Come-on, boy, we're going for a drive."

The last thing I did before leaving the house was to ring Emmett. He needed to know I was going away for a while. I knew he would be cross – he would swear and curse and tell me that the bitch wasn't worth it. I knew everything he would tell me, and I knew it was true. But at the end of the day, it was Bella and that was all that mattered. She owned me - heart and soul.

"Em..." I started, my voice shaky and weak. I knew what was coming, and I was afraid to face it.

"Aw, hell no. Don't tell me -" he stopped and took a deep breath "- she called, didn't she?"

"He hit her, Em."

"Who? James?"

"Yes."

"So?"

"I've gotta go."

"You don't gotta do shit, man. She isn't yours, she's made that clear many times. You need to cut her loose."

"I know."

"But you're still going?"

"I have to. If anything happened to her..."

"She's not your responsibility."

"Regardless - I feel responsible."

"Man, you've got to grow some balls and tell the bitch to fuck off."

"I can't."

"What about your new job?"

"I know."

"You know? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I know I am letting them down. I know they will probably re-think their decision. But..."

"If you say 'but it's Bella', I swear I will come around there and personally knock some sense into you."

"I won't say it then."

"Man, you've got to get your priorities straight." It was his argument to make me stay, but he sounded resigned. We'd been through this dance enough times to know that there was no persuading me. Bella needed me – and for the time being, she wanted me – nothing could knock me off course now.

"I know."

"Just fucking drive safe would you?"

"Sure thing, Em. I know you don't like this – but thanks for being there." He mumbled something non-committal before hanging up the phone.

I finished loading the car by putting Moses in his car carrier and strapping him in. I spoke to him as we began our arduous journey, telling him that everything would work out for the best. I desperately wanted to believe Bella. I wanted to think that maybe this time it would be different, and maybe this time we would last. I had an eight hour drive to think about it. To plan and to decide what I could do to make it different.

And this time I would make it different.

A/N :- This story is the combination of a few different things. The first is a song - it was a big song here in Australia & I thought elsewhere in the world but it seems like it may not be as well known as I thought. But it is "Jessie" by Joshua Kadison http:// www (.) youtube (.) com / watch?v=gre4DZuA6k4.

I am going to go in off the bat & say I will not make any guarantees for this fic. I can't guarantee redemption & happy ending. Probably the only thing I can guarantee is that there will be angst. I am a HEA girl at heart & I hope my characters can find their way there, but I'm just not sure.

I have been sitting on this for a little over a week debating whether or not to post, but I decided that my readers know me - I won't be offended if you decide not to read on. I don't know how soon this will update, but it will go into my roster. I know some authors have 1 story at a time, and sometimes I wish I was more like that, but honestly I have ADD when it comes to writing. I've got to write the character in my mind at the time or I can't write anything. And I hate sitting on things unposted because I write so others can read & (hopefully) enjoy.