1A/N: Wanted to write something like this for awhile and got some nice inspiration from a challenge by one Alena-chan. I'm not sure how I feel about this one-shot yet. I can't tell if its good or bad or just psychologically inventive. I don't know but how often do I. Anyways, I may inevitably take this story down to work on it again but for now, let's just go with it.
Frozen Fire
By Finalitylife
"Again!" In an instant, I follow the command, a swirling shield of rocks fly up around me, absorbing the energy blasts coming from all directions in the dark night. One manages to slip through a hole in my defense and burns into my right shoulder. I visibly wince at the pain and a few rocks fall to the ground around me, allowing more blasts to approach me, and I have to fall unceremoniously to the ground to avoid them. As I hit the ground, I raise up the land in front of me to form a protective shield while I regain my self, his voice echoing in the night.
"There is no room for mistakes Terra. Your power may be formidable, but you yourself are soft, vulnerable, your control lacking. You must improve." His words are cold and emotionless, no sympathy for my injury. Again I create the swirling mass of stone around me, stepping out from my temporary cover. This time I am successful in placing rock in between the attacks and my small, fragile body and smile triumphantly as I am able to maintain my protection for several minutes even though I am unable to clearly see where they are coming from in the darkness.
"Now destroy the targets Terra." I stand for a few seconds, studying the direction the shots are coming in from and then after letting out a small breathe, shoot a projectile in the direction every target should be in. I hear two explosions and I know I have failed.
"I thought you had complete control of your powers Terra. From what I can see, you have nothing." I grit my teeth, letting out a small growl. Damn you Robin. Damn you. My spike of anger causes the rocky ground beneath me to start shaking, enough for me to slightly lose my balance. I stumble, managing to catch myself before falling over but the mistake only allows another energy blast to hit me, this time in the middle of the back. I repress a yell of pain. I have experienced far worse physical pain at my master's hands, though Robin does not know that. None of the Titans know my true intentions, though after all this time with them, the mission has become far less desired. Who am I kidding. It was never desired but it is now the life I must live. I owe it to Slade and...and even if I told the Titans the truth now, they would never accept me, and I would be completely alone again...so very alone.
"Control Terra! Damn it. Show some control. I will not have a repeat of what happened so prove to me you are not worthless.." I feel a small chill run through my body at his words, reminding me of my mistakes, but this time, when I feel the spike of anger, I repress it, holding the rage away from my powers and nothing that I did not intend occurs. I have maintained control. I attack again and this time, I hear three more explosions and the attack upon me stops. I let go of my powers, all the rocks around me falling to the ground. The night becomes silent, except for the gentle crashing of the waves on the shoreline of our island...I mean their island.
I feel slight discomfort in my body from where I was hit and do my best to ignore it. I don't want to look weak in front of him. I don't even notice him approach behind me and I know my master would be appalled at my lack of awareness.
"You have to learn to control your emotions Terra. Your powers are far too volatile when unleashed without restraint." I do not move or acknowledge his words because I know how right he is about my powers. I had spent almost my entire life wandering, hiding, trying not to hurt anyone with my out of control powers. I want to laugh out loud at the irony of it all. I never wanted to hurt anyone in my entire life, never wanted to bring harm to an innocent person, yet here I was gathering information on 5 heroes so that it would be easier for Slade to kill them all. To gain the control I needed so that I wouldn't hurt anyone again, I had to go to a man who only wanted to hurt others.
Slade said I would have perfect control of my powers and I think he would have been right, had one thing not happened. Had I not actually started caring deeply for the Titans, had I not actually started desiring their companionship, their friendship, my emotions would have stayed focus, not become a chaotic mess and with it, my powers would have remained flawless. Instead, strong emotions now stir within me, I find it harder and harder to do what I promised the one who gave me control. That is what brought me and Robin out here tonight along with many other nights as well in the training room. I had lost confidence in my mission and in myself, and with it, confidence in my powers and the ability to wield them. I had lost control and again am so very dangerous.
It had been a few weeks ago when it happened. Jonny Rancid had been at it again, typical destruction without any motive or reason. However, he somehow with a few of his machine monsters, had gotten the upper hand on us for the briefest of moments though only one of us had ended up in danger...Robin. I remember acting on sheer emotion, simply flowing with the fear of him being killed, the desire to protect him, and the anger at anyone who would attack one of my friends. I unleashed an enormous amount of my power, uncontrolled and chaotic. It worked. Robin was saved and most of the machine monstrosities were defeated. However, it the blast, I had made a terrible mistake. Several pedestrians were seriously injured though none of them fatal. It had been a wake up call to me though. My powers were not in control anymore because I was no longer in control of myself. My master had warned me of this, had beaten the concept into my skull on more than one occasion yet here it was happening so completely.
Robin had been furious at me even though I had saved his life. I was positive Raven had a satisfied smirk on her face, happy that I had lost control, only proving her right about me being dangerous. Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy had been supportive and forgiving but they always were, especially Beast Boy. I smile somewhat at the thought of Beast Boy. I like him, its hard not to. He possesses a childish innocent, a happy-go-lucky attitude that makes me smile. I never was able to have those things...those attitudes... as a solitary, lonely existence always moving had prevented me from ever truly being a child. I think that is why I became so attached to Beast Boy. He was so kind, so trusting, so simple. His apparent betrayal the first time I had been at the Titan's tower had been shattering and had in a way, lead me to Slade. However, it was not long after I returned that Robin had made it completely clear to me that he had simply figured out my secret for himself and that realization had really turned a lot of things upside down for me.
Beast Boy was fun and kind but what I think I liked about him most was that he was predictable, everything could be taken at face value. There were no surprises with him, nothing to fear. It was those facts that made me realize I was only leading poor Beast Boy on about my feelings for my own selfish reasons. Beast Boy was safe, and safe was comforting, especially after everything I had endured.
I follow Robin back inside, leaving the darkness of the night behind us, but only entering into the blackness of a dead tower. Everyone else is asleep, though I doubt that witch Raven ever sleeps. I clench my teeth as I think of the dark empath. I know she still does not trust me, which I know is for good reason, but still I can't stand those looks she gives me or the dismissive way she acts around me. She treats me like a nothing and I truly hate that feeling.
Robin leads the way through the darkened hallway and I follow wordlessly. Robin is...Robin should be a mystery to me though I know him far better than I would have ever liked. No matter how much he wants to deny it, he is so much like Slade that it makes me shudder sometimes because of the way I find myself acting with him. He is dark, frighteningly intelligent and cunning, and so deceptively dangerous. After all he is only a normal human like Slade, though both of them I know make me feel inferior simply by the fact that they could give me control when I could not give it to myself.
After the incident when I hurt those people, Robin had taken it upon himself to make sure I relearned the control that I had when I first showed up at the tower. He would make sure that I never accidently hurt anyone again. That was how we started our training together. Robin's training was so very much likes Slade's that it truly made me wonder if Robin had been Slade's son in some twisted past life. It was tough, brutal, unforgiving, and dangerous, the same type of training he put himself through. He would taunt me as I trained, mock my mistakes, forcing my emotions to the surface, testing my control. I somehow know this technique of training comes from the way he was trained long ago in his past. However, I can not argue with the results. My control has almost completely come back.
During the course of my training with Robin, I realized one important fact. It is that fact that shows me the truest difference between Slade and Robin despite their many similarities...Robin actually cares.
When I do poorly, he makes sure I know that but when I succeed he always has a compliment for me, nice words I never once heard from Slade all the time I had been with him, words I had never known from parents or friends growing up. I now find myself craving these words, finding I need to hear them from his lips, need to know that he thinks I am good. I know it makes me pathetic to feel this way, like a dog begging to her master, but I can't help it. It just makes me feel so damn good.
Eventually Robin leads me to the infirmary, the usual stop after our training sessions so that he can look over me. He turns on the bare minimal of light he can to complete his task and without any words, I sit in the same bed I always do and he begins to look me over. This time I only have the two small burn marks on my body, very light injuries. I feel his deceivingly gentle caresses, as I know what those hands are truly capable of, as he looks at my shoulder and I can't help but shudder at the warm contact. His touch always feels so differently than anything I've ever felt before, far different than the playful contact Beast Boy provides or the bone shattering embraces Starfire is so fond of giving everyone.
"I'm proud of you Terra. You did really well today. None of the other Titans have ever worked as hard as you have been doing, never shown this type of commitment. You've truly earned my respect." Feelings swell up deep inside me at his words, my heart flutters. I can't believe he put me above the other Titans in something, above Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, and most especially above Starfire. I hate to say it but I truly feel happy at this moment. His hands move to my back as he pulls up the back of my shirt and I offer no objections. Again I feel his hands tracing the mark, applying a soft ointment to help heal, to help prevent infection. A few seconds later he has provided a bandage and his touch leaves me though I somehow know not for long. He stands back up to his full height which is in fact not much but there is always something about Robin...as if he truly is larger than life...the same way Slade is darker than nightmares. I force my master's image into the back of my mind where I have been trying to keep it as of late. I have not contacted him in three weeks, since...since the first time Robin and I...my thoughts are cut off as Robin starts to leave and I jump up from my spot a little to eagerly to follow.
Like always after our night training, he walks me to my room which is on the way to his. It seems like we just suddenly are at the door to my room, me standing facing the door, him standing behind me. I can feel his intense gaze upon me and again I feel my body shudder, this time in anticipation. He suddenly says my name, quietly with the slightest bit of desperation in it. I turn around to face him and it all begins again.
I am pushed up against the wall, his mouth hungrily searching out my lips, his hands desperately roaming over my body and I am more than happy to satisfy his desires. I feel the slightest pain from my injured back but the pain only serves to fuel the heat burning within me...between us. Our kisses are deep, full of unbridles passion and want, outlets of all the pressure that builds in each of us from our own lives...our own problems.. I moan into his mouth as one of his hands caresses my backside and I do my best to pull closer to him if that is even possible. His other hand snakes its way under my shirt, warming me up further, and again I fail to suppress a moan. I never thought anything could feel so good.
It was shortly after one of my more intense training sessions, one in which I sparred Robin directly, that he first kissed me. I am not entirely why he did it but he did, and I couldn't help but love the feelings that it inspired in me. After that, it became a frequent occurrence though not every time. Either in the infirmary, or on the beach, or like now, in front of my door in one of the more vacated areas of the tower, he would initiate our activity and I never once resisted. Often he would whisper words to me, telling me I was incredible, telling me I was special, telling me that I was beautiful. I hear these same words from Beast Boy so very often yet when Robin says them to me, I can't help but melt completely for him. He seems to hold power over me but unlike with Slade, him I graciously accept.
However this time, everything ends abruptly as he pushes himself away from me, leaving me slightly shocked, slight upset. I wonder if I did something wrong as he stands blankly in front of me.
"Terra...I believe you have learned to control yourself, have again mastered your powers. Tonight was your last training session with me." I stare at him wide-eyed, disbelief clearly on my face. I am not stupid, am not naive. I understand what he is trying to tell me, his sudden cold nature tells me all I need to know. He tells me everything we have done is a mistake, tells me that he had simply allowed himself to lose control, and that nothing between us will be spoken of or done again. The sting of the rejection is unbelievable painful and I feel my body quivering as everything begins to overwhelm me...I am just a mistake, I am just a regret, I am of no consequence.. Paying no attention to my state of being he begins to walk away. As I watch him go I can't help but allow a few tears escape my sad blue eyes and it is at this weakest of moments that he turns back around to look upon me. His dark gaze settles on my face and he speaks four words to me.
"A hero doesn't cry," and he disappears, swallowed up by the darkness of the hallway. His words give me more understanding into his actions, give me more insight into the one who is the leader of the tower, the one who wielded a strange spell over me.. I seek control of my powers while he seeks control of what makes him human, what can hinder his ability to be the greatest of heros. We both seek control to make us stronger and we both lost that control because of our emotions. This understanding does not make any of this any easier and I can't help but start to hate Robin for doing this to me, for using me, for disposing of me when he no longer wished to feel me, for making me feel undeserving. His words flash through my head again as I force any other tears away steeling my heart, enforcing my control. Heroes don't cry. In the darkness of the hallway, as my hair falls over half my face, I coldly say only a few words.
"Soldier's don't either."