Size Doesn't Matter Chapter 1, a kim possible fanfic

Size Doesn't Matter

Chapter 1

A Kim Possible Teleplay

by Shawn Q. Evans

Summary - Kim gets really small. So how will she stop Drakken's latest scheme? And what about cheerleading? An original shrink story (cliché-free) where everyone learns - size doesn't matter! First in a series of 'real KP' stories - original stories written in the style of the TV show. It's like getting new episodes of your favorite show! Cool!

Story copyright Shawn Q. Evans, 2005

Kim Possible and related characters copyright Walt Disney Co.

Prof. Quizby copyright Shawn Q. Evans

Opening - Middleton High School. Sign reads "Make No Small Plans

Big Game With Upperton Tomorrow"

Kim and Ron in the school hallway.

Ron: So, Kim, any plans for today?

Kim: The usual - school, cheerleading, bagging Drakken. How about you, Ron?

Ron: Oh, mine are much more modest. School survival, Bueno Nacho, miscellaneous this and that. It's good to have plans, isn't it? Even small ones.

Kim: Uh huh. I guess?

Ron: Oh, uh, could you hand me that book on the locker?

Kim: Sure.

Ron, standing behind Kim, pulls a length of something, not sure what, out of his pocket and stretches it horizontally from hand to hand. Menacing music plays, as it appears Ron could be about to garrote Kim. Rufus pops out of Ron's pocket and stares.

Rufus: Uh?

Ron: How high do you think that locker is? About 6 feet?

Kim stretches to the top of the locker on her tippy toes. Ron is right behind her and stretches the length (it's measuring tape) vertically. He doesn't have the entire length extended yet. Rufus, sitting on Ron's pocket, places his thumb in front of his face and squints his eye (he's doing a rough measurement of Kim).

Kim: I suppose.

Ron quickly extends the entire length of tape behind Kim to measure her height. Rufus, on the floor, extends a horizontal measuring tape behind Kim to measure her width. Very quickly, then, Ron releases the tape, causing it to roll back into the tape measure, which he hurriedly places in his pocket, followed by Rufus, milliseconds before Kim turns around and gives Ron the book.

Kim: Here you go. What the?

Ron: Thanks, KP! Always a help!

Kim: I'm sure. Hmmm?

Ron: What?

Kim: Nothing. Well, got to go! See ya!

Kim walks away from Ron.

Ron: Wait up, Kim. I'll walk with you.

Ron and Kim walk together.

Kim: You're being weird today. Well, weirder than usual!

Ron: I am not! Oops! My shoelaces are undone! Hold on a sec!

Ron bends down and reaches for his shoes. He's got a small device secreted in one hand.

Ron: Hey, is that Bonnie with Josh?

Kim: Where?

As Kim looks away, Ron drops the device on the floor in front of Kim.

Kim: They're not there!

Ron: Oh. Guess I was mistaken.

Kim: What's going on, Ron?

Ron: What? There's nothing going on, Kim!

Kim: Oh, really? You're not even wearing shoelaces today, Ron. They're velcro!

Ron: Well those...those can come undone, too. I mean, you know...

Just then the Kimmunicator beeps.

Kim: We'll talk later. What's the sitch, Wade?

Wade: Drakken and Shego have broken into an experimental cargo facility.

Kim: We're on it! Let's go, Ron!

Kim turns and runs off.

Ron: Wooo! Saved by the beep. Coming, Kim!

Ron runs off, and leaves his device behind.

Close-up on device - it's a small digital scale.

Opening Theme.

Scene 1 - An experimental cargo storage facility. Drakken is rummaging through the warehoused items while Shego, arms folded, taps her foot annoyingly.

Shego: Well, Dr. D? Did you find it yet?

Drakken: Patience, Shego! You know, for a warehouse, they are quite a mess! I blame that 'just-in-time' supply management theory! Oh! What have we here?

Shego: You got it?

Drakken: No, but look! Collapsible space savers!

Drakken holds up horizontal storage containers that, when he presses a button, collapse into a vertical pile.

Drakken: If I had patented this years ago, I'd have made a small fortune!

Shego: Oh, here we go again! Mr 'I invented everything'! What was it at that fast food place? The vittleveyor?

Drakken: I'll have you know, Shego, that as a teen employed by the quick meal industry, I did develop a conveyor belt food delivery system for the drive-thru. So there! Ah! Success at last!

Drakken finds a small circular (ball-like) device.

Kim and Ron appear, standing at the door, blocking Drakken & Shego's exit

Kim: And that'll be the last success you have!

Ron: Good quick quip, KP!

Kim: Thanks. It was an area I needed to work on!

Ron: It's the little things that make it all worthwhile, isn't it?

Drakken: Are you waiting for a formal invite to join their discussion club, Shego? Get her!

Shego attacks Kim. They fight. Kim jumps around Shego, etc.

Ron confronts Drakken.

Ron: You invented the vittleveyor? I'm impressed. Not going to stop me from putting the smackdown on you, though.

Ron's fist hits his palm.

Drakken: Bah! You'll have to catch me first, whatever your name is!

Drakken runs off into the warehouse, tossing items off shelves to delay Ron.

Ron: Hey!

Drakken disappears in the warehouse.

Meanwhile, Kim's jumping on forklifts and shelves to stay out of reach of Shego's glowing hands. Shego brings down some warehouse shelves, but Kim jumps out of the way.

Ron pursues an unseen Drakken.

Ron: There's no point in hiding, Drakken! There's no way out. No 'experimental cargo' will save you!

Drakken: First of all, buffoon, it's an experimental cargo-handling facility! Second of all...

There's a CLANK CLANK CLANK noise that gets louder and louder.

Ron: And that's another thing! You know my name! It's..

Drakken appears. He's in an exoskeleton/cargo lifter (like the one from Aliens).

Ron: ..Ulp!

Drakken: Well, Ulp, prepare to be destroyed!

Ron: Uh, Kim, a little help here!

Ron avoids the huge metal arms and legs of Drakken's exoskeleton.

Kim sees that Ron's in trouble.

Kim: Ron!

Shego lashes out at the warehouse shelf Kim is perched upon, sending it crashing down. At the same time, Kim executes a perfect leap straight over Shego's head. Shego, surprised, looks behind her at Kim.

Shego: Wha?

Then the shelf falls on Shego. Shego turns her head back and looks right at the shelf and its items as they fall on top of her.

Shego: Uh oh.

Kim runs toward Ron and Drakken.

Kim jumps on Drakken's exoskeleton, distracting him from Ron, but she can't get close enough to his head to take him out. She barely manages to avoid his huge mechanical arms with its clutching claws as she jumps all over him.

Ron: Thanks, KP! I'll find something to help!

Ron runs off into the warehouse, frantically searching for anything to use as a weapon. He picks up and discards items.

Ron: No, no, what's this? Porta-plunger? 'An entire bathroom in a plunger'. Eww! No! Ah! Here we go!

Kim continues to jump around the exoskeleton as Drakken continues to miss her, but he does hit an occasional wall, destroying it.

Drakken: Stand still, you hyperkinetic pixie! I blame the food industry, with it's ever-increasing number of sugars! And the ever-increasing number of 'cuts' on TV shows which causes short attention spans! And...

Ron: It's okay, Kim! I got him!

Kim: You're sure?

Ron: Yep! Now, what were you saying, Drakken?

Drakken: What?

Shego confronts Kim.

Shego: Remember me, Kimmie?

Kim: How could I forget? You're like a zit that keeps on growing back!

Shego: Grrrr!

Shego and Kim fight again.

Drakken confronts Ron, who stands in the middle of a platform. The end of the platform has a thin stick rising from it with a few control buttons on top the stick. Drakken is close to Ron, and towers over him.

Drakken: You expect to stop me with that?

Ron: Um-hmm.

Drakken raises his huge exoskeleton arms for the deadly blow.

Drakken: Ha! You'll never reach those controls in time! Get ready to meet your doom, sidefool!

Ron: Go, Rufus!

Rufus jumps on the button on top of the stick, and then the platform rises very fast, knocking the exoskeleton's arms off.

Ron is then level (face to face) with a defenseless Drakken.

Drakken: Huh? Wha hoppen?

Ron: Superfast Verti-Lift.

Ron winds up.

Ron: And the name is Stoppable...

Drakken: Mommy.

Ron pastes Drakken a good one, sending him flying from the exoskeleton.

Ron: ...Ron Stoppable!

Drakken's find, the small circular device, falls out of Drakken's pocket and rolls towards Kim and Shego, who are fighting. Kim prepares to make another leap over Shego's head, but Shego is prepared.

Shego: Oh no you don't!

Shego raises her hands (and spreads her legs), but instead of launching herself over Shego, Kim hooks her feet on the edge of the shelf, dives down in front of Shego, then pulls her legs down and backward flips through Shego's legs.

Kim: Who needs Steeltoe...

Shego: What the..?

Kim reaches for Shego's ankles. Shego is very surprised as she looks where Kim was supposed to be (up) and where she went (in front of Shego).

Kim: ...When you have the titanium anklegrab?

Kim pulls Shego's ankles. Shego falls forward and hits the floor, hard.

Ron runs up to Kim and inadvertently kicks the small, round device, which stops in front of Kim.

Ron: Way to go, KP! Love the wrestling move! And the snappy fighting patter is even snappier!

Kim: Thanks! I've been practicing!

Small, round device makes a CLICK noise.

Ron: Was that supposed to do that?

Kim: Oh, that so not sounds good! I better...

Device shines a bright light that totally encompasses Kim.

Sound effect: SHHHZZZZTT

Sound effect: BLOOOORT

Ron: Kim!

Shego helps Drakken to his feet.

Shego: Time to put this place in the rearview mirror!

Drakken: Huh?

Ron looks at Kim with concern.

Ron: Kim? Are you OK?

Kim's on the floor.

Kim: I feel OK.

Shego leads Drakken away.

Drakken: No! Not without...

Ron: Kim? Did you lose weight?

Drakken: (Voiceover):...my shrink ray!

Ron helps Kim stand up. She's smaller than before and barely reaches Ron's shoulder.

Kim: Oh no! I've shrunk!

Scene 2 - Drakken and Shego lost in the cargo facility. They're in front of many doors.

Shego: What's with all of these doors?

Drakken: Just pick one! It's not as if a tiger is behind one!

Shego: You're the boss! Why, I don't know!

Shego opens a door. They enter an area that looks like the forest at night, with trees, chirping crickets and a star-filled sky.

Shego: What the..? Where are we?

Drakken: Shego! Do you know what this means?

Shego: We're lost?

They go back through the door.

Drakken: Grab the doorknob, Shego. It contains all the necessary circuitry.

Shego: O-kay! I hope you know what you're doing!

Drakken: Oh..You will, Shego. You will!

Shego: I meant you! That you know what you're doing!

Scene 3 - Kim and Ron talk to Wade.

Kim: Wade, you can reverse this shrinkray thingie, right?

Wade: It's not that easy, Kim. It was never perfected. And it's not really a shrink ray. It's more of a compression ray.

Ron: Huh?

Wade: It doesn't shrink matter, it compresses it. That's why you weigh the same as before.

Ron: She does?

Kim: So I've lost size, but not weight?

Wade: Correct.

Ron: Something tells me this isn't going to be a very popular diet device.

Kim: Ron!

Wade: It wasn't meant for weight loss, Ron. They wanted to transport more cargo in a small space, but there were..complications since everything weighed so much.

Cut to workers picking up small packages and then keeling over with bad backs.

Worker 1: Aghh!

Worker 2: Oh! My back!

Kim: Tell me some good news, Wade!

Wade: Got it right here! The other problem they had was that the effect was only temporary. So you'll keep on shrinking for the next couple days until you reach maximum compression, and then 'bang' shoot back up. That's what happened to their test items, anyway. Just make sure you're not in an enclosed area when that happens.

Kim: Bang?

Wade: Figure of speech. It wasn't bang as in blow up. Well, the first few items did, but they fixed that problem. From what I can tell, anyway.

Kim: And we have the game tomorrow with Upperton! I'm doomed!

Wade: Don't worry, Kim! if your electrons get too…excitable, we can always bathe you in a cold laser.

Kim: Why does that so not sound like fun?

Ron: You weigh the same. Do you know what this means? Hmm, they probably have truck scales here...

Ron imagines Kim and a truck standing on a truck scale, then Kim gets off the scale and Ron calculates her weight.

Ron: Carry the 2, and...

Kim: Ron, what are you babbling about?

Ron: Nothing!

Kim: We need to focus on...

Sound effect: BLOOORTT

Kim shrinks even more. Now she only reaches Ron's chest.

Ron: Ew! Shrinkfart!

Kim: There's no such thing as a 'shrinkfart', Ron!

Wade: Actually, Kim, since a fart is the expulsion of gas from the body, 'shrinkfart' would be the correct term since the shrinking forces air out.

Kim: I am so majorly doomed!

Scene 4 - Middleton High School. Sign reads "Small Schools Are Better Schools

Tomorrow - Let The Big (Mad) Dog Eat"

Kim and Ron in the school hallway. Kim reaches Ron's navel, or belt.

Ron: Okay, Kim, I'll pick you up after cheerleading practice, OK? Well, actually not pick you up, because of the whole weight thing, but, you know.

Kim: Relax, Ron, I know what you mean! I think.

Bonnie enters.

Bonnie: Hey, K! See you at cheerleading practice later. That is, if you're feeling UP to it! Ha Ha Haaa! Hope you're not coming DOWN with something! Hee Heee!

Kim: Oh, I'll be there, Bonnie! And like we haven't heard those jokes before!

Ron: Yeah! Wait, we haven't heard those jokes before, have we?

Kim: And another thing - I may be only half the girl I was before, but I'm still more than enough cheerleader for you!

Ron: You tell 'er, KP! Hmm, ya know, you're actually more than half, what with weighing the same as before and all. How much is that, anyway? 105? 110?

Kim: Ron, what's with this fixation on my weight?

Ron: Fixation? Me? I'm just making converse, Kimela! Dial down the drama, huh?

Kim: Sorry, Ron! This whole thing has got me really wound up!

Ron: Don't you mean wound down? Sorry.

Kim: Sigh. See you later, Ron.

Ron: Take care.

Montage of midget Kim at school.

Kim walking in crowded hallway, almost getting run over by people who don't see her.

Male classmate: Oops! Sorry, little lady! Didn't see you there!

Kim jumps onto the water fountain to take a drink.

Brick enters.

Brick: Need a lift, Kim?

Kim: No, it's OK, Brick, I got it!

Brick grasps Kim and holds her up to the water fountain.

Brick: Ooff! You're a handful, aintcha! Like one of my weights!

Crowd of schoolkids laughs.

Kim: Ohhh! Nothing could be more embarrassing than this!

Kim in class. Sitting on 4 or 5 phone books.

Barkin: Are those enough phone books, Possible? We have more in the teacher's lounge if you need 'em?

Classmates giggle.

Kim: No, sir, I'm fine! Sighhhh. I had to ask!

Barkin: Okay! So the next chapter...

Time passes (clock moves).

Barkin:...And finally...

Kim's body begins to shake/rumble.

Kim: Oh no! Not here!

Barkin: ...And in conclusion...

Kim: Come on! End it!

Barkin: What was that, Possible?

Kim: Nothing! I just..have to go ..now!

Barkin: You know the policy on bathroom breaks! You'll just have to hold it. Now then, where was I...

Kim: No! I have to..!

Sound effect: BLOOOORRTTT

Class is stunned into silence. Kim shrinks to crotch level.

Classmate: Eewww! Shrinkfart!

Class laughs.

Kim buries her head in her hands.

Kim: Doomed! I am so doomed!