This is my first Japril story! Everything that has been happening with them inspired me. Bear with me though because I haven't written any stories in a very long time. This story starts in 9x24 right after Callie tells April to walk it off, a different way things could have happened that night.
Constructive criticism is always accepted! Please no flaming!
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or anything pertaining to Grey's Anatomy.
Open Your Eyes
Chapter 1
April ran away from the ER and to the closest on call room she could find. Her emotions were still reeling from seeing that bus explode. She tried to take deep breaths to calm herself down but every time she blinked she kept flashing back to the explosion.
And all she could think about was that fact that Jackson could have died. She had thought for a moment that he had. In that moment every aspect of their relationship had flashed through her mind; Meeting at Mercy West, starting their friendship, bonding even more over Reed and Charles' deaths, him punching Alex for her, giving him her virginity, and the friends with benefits confusion afterwards. He was such an important part of her life and she had taken it for granted.
She hadn't realized how deeply her feelings for him went, all she had been able to focus on was her broken promise and how she never truly believed that he could feel the same for her. She didn't know how she could fix this, and she needed to because not having Jackson in her life was no longer acceptable to her.
She was in love with him, she couldn't deny it anymore. Her body shook on the bed with her sobs. In her heart she knew she had always been in love with him but had pushed it to the furthest corner of her mind and heart because she had known that the feelings would never be returned.
At least that had been what she believed. She wasn't the kind of girl that could have someone like Jackson. The night of the boards she had been on a high and thought maybe just for that night she could be that kind of girl, but then reality came crashing back in and all the insecurities had hit her in one fell swoop. Guilt over her broken promise had overwhelmed her, especially when she knew that she would never, could never, regret being with Jackson that way.
Even if it was just that one night she would have been able to live with the guilt.
She never imagined that it would happen again, and that she would be swept away every time. She had told him that she felt guilty for breaking her promise over and over, and while that was part of it, in actuality she felt a combination of anger and guilt for herself because she was allowing herself to fall deeper for him while thinking that he wouldn't reciprocate her feelings.
When he had told her he had feelings for her she couldn't believe it, she convinced herself that he was only trying to make her feel better about what had happened between them. She should have known better, Jackson wasn't that kind of guy he would never tell a girl he had feelings for her if he didn't mean it. She was ashamed to say it now but she was scared.
She had hurt him and herself by pushing him away. Her guilt and insecurity had driven a wedge between them and both of their failure to communicate had been the nail in the coffin.
But that was about to change, she couldn't stay silent anymore. He could have died tonight and she wasn't going to waste one more second without telling him how she felt. She sat up wiped her face with her scrub top and got up. She walked straight to the door with the sole intent of finding Jackson.
When she swung the door open she came face to face with Matthew.
"Matthew!" April breathed out. She instantly felt horrible that she hadn't given him a second thought while dealing with her feelings and decision about Jackson. He had been nothing but amazing to her and he didn't deserve that.
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you! Are you okay?" Matthew asked concerned.
His words made her feel even worse. She replied with her head down. "I'm okay. I'm sorry."
April knew that Matthew deserved better, he truly loved her and she would never be able to give him her whole heart.
"We need to talk." Both said at the same time.
She looked up surprised to see an almost resigned look on his face. "Go ahead." She said.
They walked to the bed and sat side by side both looking ahead at the wall.
"Jackson," he paused, "he's the one, isn't he? The guy you slept with." He said it as a statement more than an actual question as he looked at her. All she could do was nod.
"Are you in love with him?" She froze. She had been ready to confront Jackson and tell him how she felt but she hadn't been prepared to tell others. This was going to hurt him, and the very last thing she wanted to do was hurt him.
She couldn't lie to him though, he had been nothing but honest with her and he deserved the same courtesy. "I am." His head fell forward.
"I'm so sorry Matthew. I thought I was over him, that I had put that part of my life behind me. I never would have intentionally led you on. I do love you when I accepted your proposal this afternoon I really did believe that we could have a happy life together. You and I make so much more sense. We're more compatible, we share the same beliefs. But then… " She trailed off thinking of the explosion once more.
"But then you almost lost him." He finished.
"But then I almost lost him. I'm so sorry, I do love you but I realized that I'm in love with Jackson." April replied as a few tears slipped down her cheek.
She slid his ring off her finger and held it in front of him. He moved his hand to accept it and silently slipped it into his pocket.
"I know this is really cliché, but it's the truth. The right girl is out there for you, someone who will be able to love you with her whole heart, and who won't need a life or death situation to realize what you mean to her and who will deserve to have one of the most wonderful men I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life. " She leaned over to kiss his cheek before she got up and walked to the door.
"Same goes for you April. If he doesn't realize what he has with you, then he doesn't deserve you. Despite everything, I really do hope you are happy, that's all I ever wanted for you." She gave him a small smile and then slipped out the door.