I hate that I let you back in and I'm terrified that you won't ever leave
You plague my thoughts everyday and every night with the guilt that I allowed you back into my life even for a short amount of time
What was your purpose?
To cause me pain? To cause havoc?
No...that was me
I left the door open
I made it okay for you to walk through the door as if I was expecting you to not mess up a happy home
But no that was also me
I LET you mess up a happy home because I was blinded by the feelings of missing you of missing my friend because that was what you was first and foremost
Now everytime I think about you I wish I never met you
I wish I never let you in
I wish I never left that door open
BUT I DID
and now you won't leave
What will it take for you to leave?
You want me to hurt more because that isn't possible
Everyday I feel as if I fucked my future up with the girl I wanted to spend my life with because I couldnt say no
Two letters
One word
And my lips couldn't bare to speak them
I wish I would have said no
Come up with an excuse
Lied
Followed the feeling of despair and warning my body tried so hard to scream at me
I was naive
Dumb
Blinded
Blinded by the fact that maybe you changed maybe you matured just as much as I did
But you didn't
So here I am with the guilt and self hatred and the restless thoughts because all I want for you to do is LEAVE but you WONT
I'm slipping so fast down this slope and I can't find footing to stop
I hate you
I don't
But I can't stand what you've done and how you are as a person but I'm just as easy to blame
Because maybe if I was stronger I wouldn't be here maybe if I could have just said that ONE WORD I WOULDNT BE HERE
But I am