AN: This story will contain themes that some may be uncomfortable with, including noncon, torture, mindfuckery and parent-child incest. Consider this a trigger warning since I´m unsure how else to word it. Also, english is not my first language, so please excuse any mistakes.
Disclaimer: I do not own Ouat.
As soon as she stood in front of the open door, a cold but not unfamiliar shiver rushed through her veins. One hand grasped the big doorframe, her eyes crossed anxiously over the room, searching for any evidence of the Queen of Hearts.
She looked toward the large window, it was still open and the brunette could see the silver shiny rays of the moon. The moon always frightened her somehow, in the strangest but exhilarating way. She did not know why, but it drew her attention; like something dark and unknown pulling at her, and she just couldn´t walk away.
Maybe it's her innocent youth, which forced her never ending thirst of inquisitivity, or her silliness or girly clumsiness, that made her step into another puddle of difficulties, as her mother used to say.
Oh her mother. She frowned slightly. She had just disappointed her mother again. But how this time? The young woman just didn't understand how. What did she do this time? She acted like she was supposed to and she married King Leopold, she did her best to be a good wife, a good stepmother for Snow White and a good Queen. A good daughter, too. Pleasing each of them as best as she could.
Stepping into the room, she exhaled, and her mind went further.
Avoiding the wetness in her eyes, she blinked. But why should Snow White have happiness, when she did not have it? Why couldn't they be even? Then maybe, maybe it was easier to bear with that; to look into her stepdaughter´s happy face.
She bedded the King every time he wanted to and in that way her mother … showed her. King Leopold wasn't complaining, but wasn't praising either, so at least, she thought, she had been giving a decent performance.
Then why wasn't she with a child yet? Her task was to birth a son for the King, an heir for his Kingdom. Perhaps it wasn't the right time yet. Eugenia, the old maid, told her that the right time will come when Mother Nature says so. Then, she told her, it will happen. Until then, she needed to just be a happy young woman.
The brunette smiled at the thought of Eugenia.
She liked the old lady very much. Eugenia was a wise woman, and lovely. She talked her through rough times, when Mother was not around, and told her unspoken things about motherhood. Some things sounded less frightening when Eugenia was the one who spoke of them.
A small smile spread across her face when her mind wandered back to their last talk, as Eugenia prepared the soup for the castle. It was when she asked Eugenia about True Love.
That was the first time when she talked about her little secret. A secret that she now shared only with Eugenia.
Flashback
"Was Willem your True Love?"
"Oh yes, honey, he was." Eugenia said with a smile, while she was peeling more potatoes. They had something in common, Regina noticed.
"But why couldn't you be with him?", the younger woman asked further. "True Love always wins".
"It should, unfortunately not always. But-" she smiled toward the younger woman, "Once you find your True Love, you will keep it in your heart. Forever. Even when you lose it". The maid symbolically touched her heart, and Regina smiled.
For a few moments, the kitchen was filled with silence.
"I know." Regina said softly and Eugenia turned her head to face the young woman in question. "Know…"?
Regina nodded slowly and dropped her head to hide teary eyes. A supportive hand squeezed her arm lightly.
She sniffed then sobbed, as tears forced their way down her cheeks. Then she let go.
"The King isn't my True Love. I didn't want to marry him, because I don't love him. I can't ever share my heart and...everything with him... willingly."
A surprised gasp fell from the lips of the old maid. The young woman was crying now as her sadness washed over her, and all Eugenia could do was embrace the broken form in front of her in a motherly hug.
At that Regina cried harder and grasped at Eugenia firmly, her whole body shaking with the force of her cries.
"Daniel…" she whimpered.
"Oh sweetie…".
No one else knew, she was certain. But oh, how wrong she was.
Cora knew every awful detail. She had had to restrain herself from dragging her daughter out of the room right that second when she heard their sweet little talk, away from that worthless old woman, who should have been killed a long time ago. Cora might have to rethink her priorities once in a while.
No, Cora knew better, she had to handle it differently. Acting with only rage would not have been clever this time. So she let her foolish daughter have her sweet talk with that peasant of a woman.
But when it reached the point where their talk was only filled with words about happiness and their endings, Cora had enough. She told Snow White that it was dinner time and, as believed, the girl ran happily in search for her stepmother.
"I would like to have a talk with you, my dear daughter, in my chambers after dinner."
The young woman looked at her mother, her smile faltered at her mother's firm tone. Her breathing hitched as brown eyes met darker ones, and a very uneasy but familiar feeling settled in her stomach.
Swallowing hard, she looked at her dinner. Now her thoughts wandered to the possibilities; why did Cora want to talk to her? And why in her chambers? For punishment again? She didn't do anything wrong or miss anything; she wasn't late, she didn't miss teatime, nor the meeting with the duchess. She even made up her mind about the spectacular dress she needed for the upcoming ball. And she didn't even miss the history lesson "The Queens of the Centuries". She also chose every word wisely, as her mother taught her. Now, she thought about her words before they leave her mouth.
No, she was certain.
Was she? She tried to think harder.
Suddenly there was a small uncertainty that hit her full force, causing her to breathe heavily as her eyes widened. The talk.
Flashback
...the maid hold her close to her body and brushed softly over her head.
"Tell me about Daniel".
Pulling away from her friend, Regina sniffed and looked her directly in the eyes, questioning.
"He must have been very handsome".
Smiling brightly, eyes shining, the young woman laughed, "Oh he was! He was kind, and lovely and supportive".
The old maid smirked at the eagerness in Regina´s voice.
"Our days together were filled with joy and happiness. Every time we could spend together, we were just happy to be together. We rode through the woods, raced through the fields, brushed and fed the horses together. I even helped him fix the leather of the saddles and bridles".
Smiling proudly as she looked at the maid's face. "Sometimes we had riding lessons at the lake instead."
Eugenia´s eyes raised over the rim of her glasses. "Riding lessons"?
Regina lowered her head as she felt heat rise in her cheeks "We bathed in the lake and we even spent a few nights in the hay". Giggling sheepishly, "It was as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. My back was itching even two days later".
Closing her eyes with a smile as memories went through her. "He was careful and so understanding. Every touch…", exhaling deeply, "it made me feel closer to him. Like finding your every missing piece. It was True Love, I could see it, I could feel it with every touch from him".
Basking in her memories, Regina didn't hear the slight gasp, nor did she see the shock in Eugenia's face.
"Reg- honey", the woman reached for Regina's hands, "when you, when you married the King, were you...? You weren´t…?"
She couldn't know, could she? She and Eugenia had been alone, she knew they were. Nobody was around and nobody would have ever imagined that the Queen would be with Eugenia down in the kitchens, peeling potatoes. She took a deep breath when panic rose deep within her.
The possibility that her mother really knew was small, too small, she hoped.
She couldn't let the panic come to the surface, then her mother would definitely know.
Taking a big gulp of her wine, she hesitated then spoke "Yes, Mother."
She was relieved that nobody focused their attentions on her, and therefore could not see that her knees were shaking and the hair standing high on her neck, and the itchy goosebumps all over her body.