Disclaimer: Rachel and Ivy don't belong to me it would be wonderful if they did – I have all kinds of fun things for them to do. Unfortunately KH owns them and she doesn't approve.

A/N: It's my birthday today, I don't have the next chapter of heartbreaker finished yet but I wanted to post something and I have had this hanging around for a while. It's set after the events of Pale Demon and contains spoilers for that book.

Edited 06/01/13

"I only snapped every bone in her body and mended it to get you to come face me. It took me a day before I realised you were unconscious and not simply afraid, but I thought, why stop now? I was bored, so she got a little more. We had fun, didn't we, Ivy girl?"

- Ku'Sox, Pg 390, Pale Demon.

I jolted awake. Turn take it, not again. The scream still ringing through the church. I sighed, thumping back down on my bed. My heart was racing madly. I rolled over, the warm cotton moving over my body, contrasting with the cool silver band encircling my wrist. It didn't seem to matter that I had been wearing it for over a week, the metal remained cold and unyielding. A constant reminder of my new position in the world.

I peered at the neon green of the clock as I tried to get my heart to calm down knowing it would only upset Ivy to find out I had heard her. 8am. Barely three hours since we went to bed. Factor in the time it must have taken to fall asleep and there was no way she had slept much more than an hour. I wanted to check on her, wanted to try and convince her to talk to someone – anyone, I didn't care if it wasn't me just as long as she got help.

I had already tried to bring up the idea of her talking to Ford. He was a psychologist who worked for the FIB. Ford helped me with trying to recall my memories of Kisten's death. He wasn't bad for someone who wanted you to discuss your feelings, and I'd hoped Ivy would at least consider it. But she had shot me down quicker than a human offered a glass of tomato juice. I could hear her getting up now, her door creaking in the reflective silence of our church. I knew she was heading to the kitchen hoping to banish the memories that had woken her with orange juice and coffee. Maybe with a brimstone cookie or two on the side. I dreaded to think how much longer this could go on before Ivy resorted to 'stronger' methods to banish her nightmares.

Glen had come to the church two days ago hoping to talk to her. It hadn't gone well. All I heard of their argument was the raised voices until at the end, when Ivy literally threw him out of the church. Screaming that she never wanted to see him again and vowing that she was giving up blood. I knew her renewed decision to abstain from practicing was just making things worse. Living vampires need regular blood for their psychological wellbeing, it's the ultimate in stress relief. Given how worked up Ivy is at the moment she should be taking blood often, instead of deciding to pile on the stress of quitting. I was starting to worry she'd crack soon and end up trying to rip my throat out. Which, even if she succeeded would probably hurt her more than me.

Every night for the past week since I'd returned from the hospital, I had woken to the sounds of Ivy's screams. She'd spent three days being tortured by Ku'Sox, the day walking soul eating bastard demon had wanted to kill me. But since I had been banished to the Ever After he'd been forced to otherwise 'amuse' himself. He'd told me how he'd broken each of her bones, let her heal and then broken them again. Stubborn vamp that she was, she refused to talk about it. But I knew he must have used magic on her, torturing Ivy on a whole different level.

Besides torturing people I cared about, Ku'Sox destroyed half of downtown San Francisco. The latest estimate was just under 58,000 dead but there were doubts that we'd ever really know just how many died.

Fire had swept through many of the hotels and office buildings, others had been cursed to rubble. The iconic Golden Gate Bridge, was twisted and blackened. It was still standing but it looked as though the only way to repair it was to rebuild it from scratch. Most of the historic district was dust. Hotels, banks, restaurants it didn't matter, even the park hadn't escaped. Ku'Sox had come across a group of around thousand people sheltering there.

The silent helicopter footage of him devouring the souls of some of them as he cursed others, their bodies becoming unrecognisable lumps of meat, was truly harrowing. The camerawoman was up for a Pulitzer. No one was quite sure what the curse used to kill them had been, and the general consensus was no one wanted to know. Although, thanks to Oliver's rambling annoucment that I was a demon, there had been some worrying speculation on a couple of news channels as to whether I was capable of carrying out the same sort of attack. The last thing I wanted was a bunch of humans turning up to try and burn me out of my church.

In a twist of irony the prison at Alcatraz, filled with black witches by the Coven of Moral and Ethical Standards remained untouched. But since my little trip there earlier this year I had found myself questioning just how many of the inmates were really black witches and how many just had enemies on the coven.

It was only the rampage of destruction which had gained me, my place on this side of the lines. After three days of relentless losses, the destruction of the army's specialist magical troubleshooting unit, and with the I.S demanding it, the few surviving members of the Coven had been forced to summon me back from the Ever After. Or to be more accurate, Oliver, the fairy crap coward who had gone back on his word and sentenced me to banished, had been forced to summon me. I think that had been Pierce's idea, extracting a little revenge for me by forcing the stuck up bastard to sully himself trafficking with a 'demon'.

The Coven had been willing to hand over Trent to me if that was what it took to get me to solve their problems. Just thinking about them willing to offer someone up for slavery, made me want to bury my knee in their collective guts. Moral and ethical my ass. Instead I demanded they let me live on this side of the lines again, but not as a witch, no I never want to be beholden to those bastards again. In a moment of brilliance or madness - I'm still not sure which, I had told them I didn't want them to recognise me as a white witch but as a day walking demon instead.

In the end I had banished Ku'Sox, transferring the curse placed on me to him, forcing him to forever live in the ever after. In return, I had earned my right to live on this side of the lines. Even if I was now in the precarious position of being considered a non-entity, after all you couldn't find 'day walking demon' listed on any government form. Now I was hiding from the demons with the help of Trent's nifty little silver bracelet and hiding from my traumatised best friend.

I knew if I went out there Ivy would deny everything and flee back to her room but still, I felt like a coward. I was just lying in my room hiding from everything and everyone. I spun the bracelet around my wrist, hating myself just a little. The sound of sobbing reached my ears and my heart twisted. I wavered for a second before fighting my way out of the bed sheets. A coward I might be, but there was no way I could ignore the crying of my best friend.

My fluffy bunny slippers shuffled against the waxed hardwood of the hallway as I made my way into the kitchen. I loved this room, the windows out into the graveyard, the dual ovens, and the gleaming surface of the island and the solidness of Ivy's wooden table. And Ivy was just like that table, pitted and scared in places but solid, strong and somewhat timeless.

Except she wasn't.

There, next to the island counter was the strongest person I know, curled up and broken, like an ancient Greek goddess tossed aside and cast down to earth.

My knees hit the unforgiving floor and I dragged Ivy's sobbing body into my arms. Her ebony hair crushed against my chin as she tried to curl into herself. I clasped my arms around her tightly and tried to pour every ounce of love and safety into the embrace that I could. Damn me twice for letting her deal with this on her own, I should have done something before now, should have forced her to -

"I killed children." Those words made my heart stop for a moment and my fingers stiffened their grip, afraid she would run. "Oh God, I wish I could take it back. There was so much pain and then there was blood dripping on my lips and … I don't want be a monster, please, I want to be good. I know, I can be good. You're going to leave and I'll be alone." Her voice was cracked and jagged, the words forced out between sobs and whimpers.

I could feel my eyes brimming over as I tried not to let my heart break. Why did the world have to beat Ivy down every time she started to make her life into something she wanted? I kissed the top of her head, my hand stroking her back as I held her. I felt pathetic and useless that I couldn't give her more than this, that I didn't have some magical way to take away the pain. "It wasn't your fault Ivy, there's nothing you could have done and I promise I won't leave, ever."

Her tears were leaving cold, wet trails down my chest as they soaked into my thin camisole. She gave a hiccupping laugh as her sinuous body shuddered against me.

"But you don't kill do you Rachel, not even to live. You won't kill and you never forgive my sins." My neck tingled and I knew her eyes would be onyx black. My back stiffened as her head moved into the crook of my neck. "Trent killed in front of you, Kisten planted a bomb that killed dozens, and Jenks has killed countless fairies. Everyone else gets your forgiveness," the moist nubile velvet tip of her tongue drew a line tracing my hidden scars. "And I want it." I closed my eyes, hoping Ivy would get control of herself, because honestly, I don't think I could hurt my friend right now. I felt as though I had wounded her enough already, had I really made her feel that I judged her for the things she had done? For what she'd had to do to survive?

My breathing stuttered as she inched away, resting her head on my shoulder. "After everything that's happened you still taste like innocence and temptation." Her voice became as soft as a pixy's and I nearly missed the next words "I don't think I was ever innocent."

I squeezed my friend tightly, damn it all I wish I could hit Piscary again. "You're not a monster. There's nothing to forgive, not for anything. You didn't have control over what happened."

"And that's why I'm a monster. I didn't even pause. I emptied their veins, and it was glorious." The dark whisper of her words trailed across my skin. "I can hear them screaming, so many screams. They won't stop screaming. Why won't they stop? Make them stop. Make them stop."

I crushed her to me tighter as she sobbed mumbled pleas for the screams to stop. My blood felt like ice in my veins and tears ran down my face.

I would make her get help, whether she wanted to or not. First chance I got I was calling Ford and telling him to get his ass over here. Slowly I rocked back and forth with Ivy, somehow we'd get through this. Even if I had to open a vein to do it, I would. I couldn't give her everything she wanted but I'd make sure she had proof she was loved.