"I'm sorry you feel that way but I am an adult and I am making this decision!" I yelled it at my mom before storming out of the house. It's not like I could sleep on that poor excuse for a mattress anyway.
She's been treating me like a five year old. She invaded all of my privacy and had not even given me a choice in the food I was going to be eating, what I would be sleeping on, or how my room would be decorated.
I had barely made it to the corner by my house before I was out of breath and winded. I leaned up against the building and slid down to the sidewalk. I didn't know what to do so I just started to cry.
I had such mixed feelings about Dominic and Leo. I want a future and a family but Leo is terminal. On the positive side, he gets what it's like to have cancer and he makes me smile and it feels so good to just smile. I had yet to tell Dominic that I even had cancer. I have no idea how he'll react but it's about time I tell him so I text him and ask him if he can pick me up so we can talk.
He pulls up to the curb about twenty minutes later and jumps out of the car and rushes to my side.
"April! Are you alright? You're shaking and cold!"
"I just needed to talk to you," I reply weakly.
"Okay, well at least get into the car. You're freezing."
I nod my head and take his hand and he helps pull me to my feet.
Once we're settled in the car and the heat was turned up I stopped shaking.
"I've been keeping something from you. I don't know if it was because I was afraid of how you'd react or if I was just in denial but I can't put it off any longer.
"April, what's wrong? You're starting to scare me."
I felt like I couldn't talk so I knew I just had to force it out of myself or I would never tell him the truth.
"Dominic…I have leukemia. I just found out a couple weeks ago…the night of our first date, actually."
"What are you saying, April?"
"I'm telling you that I am sick. I'm telling you that I am scheduled to start chemotherapy in the next week. I'm telling you that as a result of all of this I have a 75% chance of going into remission. I'm telling you that I may not be able to have children…ever."
"I…I don't know what to say."
"Just tell me the truth. Do you still want to be with me? Can you handle a relationship with me as I am?"
"I…I don't know that I have an answer for that."
"Okay," I say as I reach for the car handle.
As I step out of the car he grabs my hand. "April, I really care about you but this is a lot to take in all at once."
"I know. I'm sorry I threw it all at you this way but I just need to know that the people I'm spending my time with support me unconditionally. If they can't, I need to make some decisions about the direction my life will be heading."
"I support you, April. I just don't know that I can handle watching you go through all of this."
"Then I guess I will see you around."
I close the door lightly and start walking toward the park near my house. I walk through the gardens enjoying the quietness of the night, the smell of the flowers, and the moon shining brightly above me. I approach the canal take a seat on the bridge with my legs dangling off the edge. I pull out my phone and text Leo.
"Meet me at Friends of the Garden Public Garden?" I ask.
A moment later my phone buzzes. "Everything alright? I'll be there in ten minutes."
"Just need someone to talk to. See you in a few."
I hear his footprints on the bridge before I see him. I can't understand why exactly but my entire body relaxes as I feel him sit beside me.
"You were right, you know? I'm too careful, I'm too cautious, and I consider everyone else's needs before my own. I want to live my life. I want to pull the strings."
"Is that all that's bothering you?" He asked softly.
"I think it's everything. I came home starving. It's the first time in days that I felt even remotely hungry and all I wanted was a damn waffle but I open the freezer and everything is gone. My mom decided we were eating all organic from now on. Frustrated, I went up to my room to just unwind and she's removed every soft surface she could, took my mattress, and covered everything in plastic. I got in a fight with her and stormed out. I told Dominic I had cancer tonight, he doesn't think he can handle a relationship with me right now. And no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking of the panic I felt when I realized you were not faking a seizure this afternoon. I realized that I felt selfish because I've only just met you and I'm only now just getting to know you and I already know my time with you is limited."
"April," he says as he puts an arm around me and pulls me into his side. "Ever since I found out about my cancer I've been preparing myself to die. To be ready for death by being dangerous and adventurous but I have never wanted to live so much in my life than I did the moment I saw your carefree laughter as we sped around in that car."
I was crying, I knew I was but I was also cold. "You're freezing, take my jacket," he said as he placed his leather jacket on my shoulders and wrapped it around me.
"I can't go home tonight. I don't know what to do," I confessed. I just need a break from the drama.
"I hate to tell you but it's only the beginning of all the drama. But if it helps you can stay with me tonight. I live with my parents but they'll never notice."
"Are you sure? I don't want to invade your space. I know how much it sucks."
"It would be my pleasure."