A/N: Okay so this is AU and a little on the silly side, undoubtedly on the smut scale. Have this mad little one shot!
Enjoy!
Okay. Dave finally had some alone time. The Cat had found some shiny things and Rimmer was down on one of the lower floors with the skutters for a random inspection so Dave had just opted lay in his bunk and think.
This was the point when he tried to think about Kochanski, sure she may be dead but most of the women Dave had thought about were usually unattainable; God knows how many times he had fantasised about Marilyn Monroe as a teenager. That blonde had given him a boner that never went away without a good wank.
Krissie Kochanski was also one of those women that gave him a rod on. He had learnt about a month into the Red Dwarf mission not to be a tongue addled fool around her; he was a legend back home when it came to flirting and sleeping around, however Krissie Kochanski had made him nervous. But now, as rested back in his bunk, he wasn't nervous.
When he closed his eyes, he could see her prowling towards him, she was still in her uniform but it was sexier than usual; two buttons undone, sinfully tight trousers that outlined the curve of her butt. Did she always have that tie on?
No matter, she was crawling up his body, sitting astride his knees while she unbuttoned his trousers.
"Krissie." Lister grunted.
"Just relax Listy." She whispered and Dave froze for a moment, something was wrong. Never mind. Kochanski was at the forefront of his mind. He'd locked the doors and slipped a hand down his shorts. Half hard already, Dave engages in a favourite past time, wanking.
A moan slipped from his mouth as his head conjured images of Krissie stripping off the uniform to reveal red lace beneath the clothes. His favourite.
"Oh Dave." She moaned as she posed for him in the lace. She was revealing a supple body that he was now aching to touch. Shower sex was what he had always wanted to try with so that's where he pictured her. Soaping up those beautiful breasts before turning away from him, pushing her butt for him to spank him, a request he eagerly complied with. His hand practically bounced from her warm flesh before his fingers travelled up her hips to toy with her nipples. The moan from her mouth has him pressing himself against her.
"Again Listy, again." The was not Krissie's voice and Dave froze in horror. Krissie turned back to face him and Lister was terrified at the sight before him; Rimmer's beaming face was plastered where Krissie's was a moment ago.
Letting out a shout both mentally and physically, Dave practically fell from his bunk in fear, erection rapidly deflating as he ran from the room as if the Krismer hybrid was a physical presence in his room.
D.L
Rimmer would later find Dave passed out in the officer's bar. He'd clearly been hitting the whiskey and the bottle was almost dry. Inspecting the tumbler briefly, Arnold sneered. He'd have a hell of a hangover and with a smile on his face the other technician left.
'Let the smeghead suffer.' He strode away.